ugly organism + beautiful world @airtonic - Tumblr Blog

My birthday yesterday

And what if i also got hair tinsel I feel like it'd be cute, like gold

The house were gonna go for is unfurnished but our choices are be extorted for rent and be next door neighbours with this girl that I dont really wanna fuck w anymore or buy second hand furniture on fb marketplace so i think its an easy choice

My plans rn is have my birthday, leave my man, secure a new house, move house, get a job, start my masters, got a gig in london to do in september, stop hanging with that one friend group thats getting crazy, start pole dancing, make new friends..... write a fuck ton of emails

I actually had completely the wrong idea, I thought that the easiest and least cruel thing to do would be to withdraw myself so that when the time comes for us to seperate it feels less intense, and I felt like being affectionate and acting almost like a couple still would feel almost misleading, like taking something away and then continuing to waft it under his nose. But actually my withdrawn coldness was making things harder than they had to be and the reason he was actually sad was because I was acting so cold. He said he did not feel any anger towards me and saw it like, he understands why I want to leave and the best way to end things would just be to have a nice last few weeks together rather than sour the relationship with a bitter end like this. The thing is I was genuinely acting based on what I thought would be best for him and hurt him the least, but it completely backfired and I was hurting him way more because I was acting like I suddenly hated him which I dont! I would have been liking to act affectionately and friendly just as much as he wanted me to be, but I thought it would be cruel to act that way, so he assumed I didnt want this and vis versa. Glad we talked, I think it would be nice to really enjoy our last weeks together as well

#Spotify

I feel really bad for T*** though because it seems to be sinking in for him and he seems really sad. I don't feel guilty but I do feel.. like the bad guy because I ended what was for him an amazing relationship (and it was for me too) and I know he considers me the love of his life so to end things quite suddenly as I did feels very cruel, of course it would be crueler to stay and not tell him what i truly wanted, and at least we are having this month to slowly end things rather than just kicking him out or me suddenly leaving. But he has to deal with my terms, and he's not angry with me because he wants me to do what is best for me. So he's just very sad and probably quite hurt. He also does not like the idea of me being with other people . Which I am not going to do until we are have reached our agreed 'end date' (the end of this month) and its really none of his business what i do when we are no longer together. But he asked me straight up if I was gonna sleep with (one particular person) and i had to say I dont know because I might do, I dont want to lie to him! But I dont want to tell him and hurt him so really he should not have asked. I think that conversation is what has made it really sink in for him that I am not his anymore. The thing i do feel bad for is this next month i will be away and so feel seperate but he will be here with all my things for a couple of weeks. So it is harder for him to feel over it. And i feel bad about that. But also it really is not up to him what I do after the end of this month. But I know its a bit cruel

Trying to have fun. And I feel like I'm really making moves things that I've been planning on doing are suddenly happening quite quickly and I've been connecting with friends and my current place has been rented out to new tenants and I've got my new place more or less sorted (i mean we dont have a house but I've found a friend and some other people that need a place and need it before I do so it will get sorted out one way or another before I have to move, so I'm helping and not too stressed about it).

I want to flirt with everyone