Am I The Asshole?

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[aita-irl]

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[aita-irl]

Heya! Thanks for posting! I hope you are having a good day and are feeling well :)

Thanks for the positive message, I've been hanging in there with all thats been going on in the world!

-Mod Opie

[aita-irl]

WIBTA for selling a birthday gift and buying a better replacement?

I (22F) received a pair of gaming headphones for my birthday a month and a half ago (at time of writing) and have only just taken them out of the box because my old pair broke. And given the title(?) of this ask, you can probably tell that I'm not a fan of them at all.

They're stupidly tight no matter how much I adjust them, I can't get them to sit comfortably on my ears, and the sound comes through them weird in a way I can't explain, and quieter than my old headphones to the point that even with the headphones volume turned all the way up the audio is still quiet. They're also "noise cancelling", which is pointless because I live alone with fairly quiet neighbours and need to hear my environment sometimes (e.g. if someone knocks on my door, or if there's a timer on my phone if I have something in the oven).

On top of that the microphone on the headphones is of no use to me, I already have a functional microphone of my own that I've had for a few years now and still works completely fine. I don't even do online gaming, I only use the microphone for recording audios and the one I have was one I got with that specifically in mind. My old headphones, while cheaper, were also much better for my purposes as they're more comfortable, easily adjustable, and don't block out outside sounds or sound weird. Again, as you can tell from the title, my solution to this would just be to sell the headphones locally if I can, and use the funds to buy a replacement set of headphones the same as my old ones.

That said, I can't help but wonder if this would be an asshole move. The headphones were a birthday gift after all, and despite the fact that I had asked the person who bought them for me not to get me anything she was obviously trying to be nice and get me something that I would like and use. So that's why I'm here, and that's what I'm asking. So Tumblr, WIBTA?

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

Hi! 15M with the 14NB best friend and the trip situation with an update. I don't know if you post them, but there's a bit of risk in adding it to my own blog since said best friend is also a Tumblr user.

Anyways, after having a day to think about it where we were both busy and couldn't talk, we ended up calling this evening and everything was totally normal between us. Admittedly, I was TA for ghosting them the other day, but I also knew I didn't want to reply and sound super passive-aggressive or straight-up mean to them if I had replied and not cooled off yet, so I'm sort of(?) glad I took the time to process individually. They didn't seem too affected by the lack of response when we talked, since both of us are already notorious for not always replying even in normal circumstance, and I appreciate the feedback from everyone who contributed to the poll or the comments for (rightfully) calling me out on my crap in a respectful way. It helped me a lot to see other perspectives on the issue :)

Glad to hear things turned out ok :)

-Mod Opie

[aita-irl]

WIBTA if I reported a famous maga rapper to ICE?

The guy is Canadian. He has collaborated with famous right wing talking heads. I know he is not an American citizen. He lives in America. He is white. There’s this urge inside me that wants me to do this but I don’t want to subject anyone to ICE.

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

Is it mean to give your friend deja vu by sending a post on your alt, deleting the evidence then sending the same one on your main then gaslighting your friend into thinking your alternative account is a separate person you have no idea about while consistently saying "no one will believe you" on your alt?

Yes, I did fess up, yes I am not comfortable with people finding my actual accounts or mentioning the actual ones.

Yes, I did apologize and be forgiven.

It was a prank because I accidentally sent a post to a friend on a alt account they didn't know about so I had to delete it quickly and change it to my main account... But they saw the message before I could delete it so I tried to make it look intentional like a prank.a

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

AITA FOR CALLING MY GRANDMA?

So this will be a long one. We have a lot to go over and I would post this to Reddit but my dad uses it and I don't want to risk him seeing it.

I (Non binary 16) am in online school. I have always struggled in school so online is our next option which is working great for me. Problem is we've had some issues with classes not submitting work and classes not all being under the same account.

Recently my bio dad got an email from my teacher about me failing two classes (social studies and Spanish) social studies never let work submit properly (site error) and I didn't know about the Spanish course for two months (never saw the email)

I was more than fine to talk to him about it since we were talking over text. I've always had issues talking to him about grades. My dad has this thing where he doesn't yell but the way he talks is very similar to yelling. He's really tall and intimidating which paired with the not-yelling makes him very scary in grade conversations. This isn't the case with text since I'm at least able to verbalize what I need since I can still type when non verbal.

So I was fine having the conversation. Then my dad called me. I knew I wouldn't be able to have the conversation in a call because I KNEW I would go non verbal. So I decline it and text him saying that we aren't doing a call. I'll admit that I was too aggressive in the following conversation about the call which likely contributed to my dads attitude. My dad got upset, said it was unacceptable and was calling my bio mom. At this point I'm about to have a panic attack because I've already called my mom and they didn't pick up. I was very scared of my dad in that moment (don't know why, it was an emotional response that I can't link yet) so I ended up calling my grandma while crying.

I told her what was going on, and she said she'd talk to my dad then come over. After the call I got in touch with my mom and explained what was going on.

Flash forward to four hours later, my mom calls me again asking about why my grandma was at the house.

I explain but I can tell my mom is pissed.

Then there's this morning. My mom is still pissed which hasn't happened before. Usually when they're mad they're fine in the morning. Not today apparently. So my mom and I talk before they head to work and I still don't understand what the hell I did wrong. I acknowledge I should've just called my mom again but obviously in the moment I wasn't thinking because I was terrified. I feel like I should be given some benefit of the doubt with that so I don't think I was being an asshole but my mom is still pissed and I don't understand what I did wrong here so AITA??

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

AITA for forcing my best friend to end our relationship and then stalking their blog afterwards?

I (15-16, transmasc) and my ex best friend S (15-16, agender) had known each other for around three years at this point

we met on discord for a fandom that was and still sometimes is a dumpster fire. It was maybe the first time I had friends that I actually wanted to keep (I was very sheltered and homeschooled.)

then eventually, for reasons I don’t want to get into, I left the server and discord all together.

a while later, I found that friend again here on tumblr. I reached out to them, apparently another friend of ours had tumblr too. And we started talking again.

2023 we enter a new fandom together, then 2024 we make rp blogs for that fandom. We make so many friends, and it feels so good at first.

unfortunately, things took a turn.

Two people very close to me pass away within a month of each other

the end of the year was incredibly muddled but S was there with me through it all.

and I’ll admit, even before that, I had thought of what it would be like to date them

eventually, early this year, I worked up the courage to ask.

and then things were great.

and then they weren’t.

and we mutually broke it off but said we could still be friends.

and I wanted to I really wanted to.

but eventually I had to make a choice.

and so I came to the conclusion I’d ask if they wanted to restart the friendship. I was going to elaborate on what I meant, but ended up getting too busy.

s ended up freaking out and I felt guilty, an upset that what I had wanted out of the conversation didn’t end up happening.

S and I eventually stop talking for a while. So I say to them I want to try again.

and then apparently on their end their life was going downhill.

and I really wish I could be there for them.

they ask for time to think about things and I don’t know how to process it so I ask some other friends for help. One of them, F (19, NB(?)), had ended up also trying to talk to S on my behalf. I said it could talk to them sure but please don’t mention me. And I don’t know if they did talk about me too much?

but I do find out from F that one of the reasons Snhadnt talked to me was because they were scared of saying the wrong thjng

and so now I’m upset at F for telling me private information S told F in a trusting environment

eventually I sort it out with F and F says they’ll try not to get involved further

Another friend I was talking about to situation to, A, offered a lot to get involved but I ask her not to

eventually, S makes a decision, and ends the friendship. They wouldn’t be able to put i the time and effort for a restart (at this point, I’ve kind of given up on my restart hopes and just wanted my friend back).

too much is happening in their life for me to be in it.

they say maybe one day far off in the future.

I tell them I hope so but. I lie. I didn’t know it was a lie then but I do think it is now. I lie and say I can’t wait for them for the rest of my life.

and then I couldn’t even let go in the first place, and start to stalk their blog, continuously checking it whenever I have time.

this is how I find out that they also miss me.

andi want to say something I do but it’s only been a month it’s not been long enough and they don’t. I don’t think they’d want me to reach out.

and I know stalking them isn’t productive I know

I just don’t know what else to do. If I can’t have them now at least I can have them at a distance?

I jsut wish things were like they were last year.

and on top of all this?

I start flirting with another person, E. And I feel like I’m just using her to fill the hole left by S. But she also likes me and is attracted to me and very few people ever have been and I like the attention and it’s self destructive but I don’t know what else to do.

and then just my luck two other friends and I start joking like we’re in a polycule and I foolishly allow myself one day to hope maybe it’s not fully a joke before subtly asking. And to them it is, 100%, a joke. But for some reason I’m still yearning for them. But I know I can’t be in a relationship because I’m still not over S.

I know I’m most likely the asshole.

but I also ask if anyone knows what to do please tell me.

I’m very desperate right now.

AITA?

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

AITA for breaking up with my online gf on discord of 6-7 months because i got a boyfriend irl?

for context abt a year ago, i (17 F) got bored during summer break and downloaded discord with hope of finding some online friends. after a while i came across this group where they matchmake you with a stranger to form a romantic relationship.

i joined the gc because why not since im single at that time and the admin of said gc paired me with this girl (16 F) who's only few months younger than me. I don't really mind because we practically have the same interests and hobbies.

after a while of knowing each other, i can tell that she's at the very least kind of attached to me because of the constant romantic vids that she sent to me on tt and how she always insisted on voice and video calls.

but the thing is i never once felt attracted to her but i let her because i gotta admit, i liked the attention she gave me even though its kind of annoying. i never took her seriously because how can you be serious abt an ONLINE dating of all things? and i thought she was the same as me, trying out new things so i let her be bcs its fun chatting w her

but then i finally got a boyfriend at my school, so i tried to end things with her peacefully, because i csnt handle two relationship at once but she ended up blocking me on all platforms. which caught me of guard

i feel kinda bad for leading her on for months and i know what answer im gonna get but i need to get this out my chest so AITA?

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

Aita for making my dad a cookie run image for his birthday

For context my dad's birthday is coming up and I decided to make something for him in picsart. Now I am neurodivergent and Cookie run is one of my special interests so I decided to make something cookie run themed even though he's never played the games. I did use Dark Cacao cookie because he reminds me of my dad but still I feel like I'd be selfish because it's my special interest

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

AITA for wanting my GF to spend 15 seconds of her time to send a voice message to me?

Me (24F) and my GF(22F) have been dating for a little over 1 year now. We've met long-distance. She moved in with me for a period of time before she needed to move back to her home country against her will. Since, we've been long-distance with visits then and there.

As context, I do not have many IRL or online friends. I've always had a hard time making friendships viable, if at all. My GF, on the other hand, has an easier time making friends, either IRL or online. Due to these circumstances, her friend group happens to be my friend group as well. We hang out a lot and barely have time away from each other. Even if I'm not directly involved with an activity, I'd be lurking in the background.

My GF has felt guilty asking for one-on-one time with friends in the past, but I've always encouraged her to do so. She deserves time with her friends, and it's not her fault that I have such a small circle. I've never taken it personally, and I usually used the time to my advantage.

Recently, it has come to my attention that my GF felt that my constant presence was suffocating. She said she felt obligated to agree to my presence when I asked to join a VC or when I joined the GC VC while she was awaiting other people. She expressed that from now on, she would need one or a few days a week without me constantly on her heels, directly or not. I felt a little saddened, but I agreed. She would be able to have a full day or more without communicating with me or talking to me. And, have her time to herself with her friends 1-1. I agreed with her terms, ready to compromise.

I then asked if it was okay for her to send me a voice message before going no contact. I expressed that it was a need I had to feel okay. Simply 15 seconds of ''I'd be ___, have a good day, love you''. She got angry and accused me of trying to control the little time she had left for herself. I reassured her that it wasn't my intention, that after those 15 seconds, she wouldn't hear a peep from me. She insisted I was trying to force myself into her day, and the compromise became an argument.

I ended up leaving the call, telling her that I wasn't thinking straight anymore and that I needed time to breathe. I felt discouraged, saddened, and worthless. I don't think I'm wrong for asking so little in return for days or little to no contact. A part of me is mad that she treats my needs like a chore and refuses to do the bare minimum for me.

AITA?

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Voting ended onApr 25

[aita-irl]

AITA for being upset that my boyfriend bought a female friend the delux version Sonic cross worlds for her birthday?

Me ( 30 F ) and my boyfriend ( 29 ) have been dating for almost a year now but  havent told anyone since we wanna keep to ourselves for now.

We're met and offten hangout in a mutal friends streams/discord server and there's this girl he offten streams with and is pretty close with. I have had history of getting jealous of their closeness but have fully accepted that was a me problem and been trying to work on it but just the other day while a bunch of us were  chatting in a friend's stream chat he bought  her sonic cross worlds deluxe edtion ( which is over $100 btw) for her birthday.I don't have a gaming computer like them but the game is appenrtly cross platform and just can't help but feel hurt

so AITA?

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Voting ended onSep 26, 2025

[aita-irl]

AITA for refusing to respond to people I don't really know/aren't good friends online because of things that have happened to me in the past?

I (19NB) went through some pretty shitty things a few years ago when I was 15-16 where an online friend (17-18) of mine used me as their mental punching bag. I had only barely met this person, and they would message me day after day after day about their suicidal thoughts, how they would harm themself, and how they hated themself and thought they were an awful person. And me being the person I was at the time, tried to help them.

Sometimes they would say things that made me really uncomfortable, so I would try to set up boundaries and tell them, hey that was weird, and I didn't like that. Then this person would proceed to say oh I'm so sorry I am a horrible person, and then describe how they were hurting themself, and apologize while also telling me they wanted to kill themself.

And I went through this for a year, this person kept messaging me when I was in school, and one time where I went on a break for about 5 days because my grandma had died, the moment I went back online they were ranting to me about how they're so sorry they made me feel awful and how they were harming themself again. And this was after I told them, before I went on this break, that my grandma had just died.

There's a lot more, but they faked a suicide attempt, and they also stalked me to a point I had to deactivate my old account and leave the internet as a whole after I blocked them and left. (which also happened for a year? I think? My memories are very foggy from that.)

and now I just, I tried talking to mutuals and new people online after I got to a point I felt I could be online again. But I just can't do it. I get so scared, and uncomfortable if anyone I don't have a connection to from before the events I just described tries to talk to me. Especially if they say harmless things that are similar to the person from before said. I can't handle it.

I haven't explained this to any of my mutuals, because I don't feel comfortable dumping all of that onto them. But I have said that I am not in the right place to DM anyone at the moment and am working on it but it will still take some time for me to get to the right headspace, but I still have mutuals who message me so I've gotten to the point I'm just ghosting them. And I feel rude.

I don't want to be rude, and they all seem nice and excited to talk to me, but I just can't do it right now. The people I talk to seem very disappointed when I refuse to get discord, or respond to them but I just. I can't force myself to try to make new friends, and I feel bad, but right now I feel like I need to focus on myself. I thought I was over what that person did to me, but I'm not, and it's affecting my ability to make new friends.

Am I the asshole for keeping my distance like this, or should I try to break out of my shell? I don't know the answer might be obvious to people, I just feel very guilty about doing this.

AITA?

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Voting ended onSep 30, 2025

[aita-irl]

AITA for talking shit about my friend?

For context this all happened a few years ago but i still feel kinda bad about it. We’re both 17 now and he still doesn’t know.

So basically me (at the time 11NB) and he (11FTM - the only reason i’m telling you he’s trans is coz we go to an all girls school and it’s important later) had a really rocky and weird relationship. For the first two years of secondary school, he was kinda possessive (didn’t let me talk to many others) and would often start ‘playfights’ even though i hated that kind of thing. As an example, he often wanted to spar (judo) with me even though i was terrible at it, and would often keep going when i said no, or if it went too far and i was injured wouldn’t really apologise. He also often tried to get me to fight him to ‘get stronger’ or ‘fitter’ as he thought i was out of shape, so he would make me punch him over and over again, saying it didn’t hurt when it clearly did, which i still don’t really understand the reasoning for. He was also very weird and controlling about food, mine in particular, but it definitely stems from his own issues surrounding it (his parents are very pressuring academically and health-wise). For grades he would shove it in my face if he did better than me and would lie about what was in tests so i would get a worse mark than him.

So when we got to year nine (we were both 13 at this point) he called me and our other two friends (who honestly really hated him) a ‘springboard friendship group’ and in short spent the whole summer saying he couldn’t wait to ditch me for this new, cooler group of people he’s met. I was simultaneously relieved and miserable, glad to be rid of him but i didn’t have many other friends and i thought our friendship was genuine if bizarre. But in any case this clearly didn’t work out for him, and he kinda came back with his tail between his legs a couple months later asking to rejoin my form group (i guess it would be called homeroom in america?) because they’d rejected him. This hugely pissed me off as i’d honestly found a really great friend and didn’t want him pushing back in and making me miserable again- i feel really crap about that now but it is how i felt at the time. I ended up talking crap about him to a lot of people in the class, who i was on good terms with at the time. It was all true but i should have kept it to myself because it turned out they all kinda internalised it and really didn’t get on with him from day one. There was no bullying at this point, but he definitely wasn’t well liked.

Then, a month later, during a drama festival, the lights fucked up and he (playing the main character) ended yelling at the girl doing the lights, who tbh is absolutely lovely. This made everyone really hate him, and because me and my new friend were his ‘friends’, hate us too. We got a lot of shit for the rest of that year, him the most, especially because he’d just come out as trans, but we were all queer and nerdy and he hadn’t done much to endear himself to the class, so that caused a lot of trouble. It caused huge mental health issues for all three of us.

anyway, we’re all still friends now (which is crazy honestly) but he still doesn’t know i indirectly caused that wave of bullying. He’s still a bit like that though he’s improved quite a lot. However, he’s obviously going through something and still talks about the bullying as the thing that ruined his mental health and kinda destroyed a lot of his confidence and stuff. I feel so bad but i really don’t think i should tell him that it was my fault. My friend thinks he brought it on himself, but now we have kinda a big friend circle and honestly a lot of them still talk shit about him with each other (and i’m not exempt, i’d feel bad for that too except that much is definitely his fault, he’s actively trying to beat my friend with an eating disorder in some strange one sided fitness competition that she doesn’t want to be a part of.)

Clearly he’s not a saint, but also i feel really bad for having caused the bullying that might stick with him for the rest of his life (admittedly he has also caused me things that will stick with me for the rest of mine) so, am i the asshole and if so, should i let him know what happened? Also sorry this is so long i needed a lot of context.

AITA?

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Voting ended onSep 30, 2025

[aita-irl]

AITA For “Gatekeeping” A Service Dog?

I recently got a service dog for psychiatric tasks. My friend, who also happens to have a disability, immediately decided they should get a service dog. The issue here is that they’ve never previously mentioned any interest in a SD. They have mobility issues and don’t even like using their cane as it “draws attention” to them.

In addition to this, I feel like they’re not very well suited to be a dog owner, let alone a service dog handler. From what I know, they’ve had three dogs, two that have passed. One drowned in their bathtub while they were bathing him and the other was let out during an argument with their brother and was hit by a car. The remaining dog that they currently own is not neutered, vaccinated, and untrained, as well as not being on any sort of flea/tick control (despite having fleas) nor a heartworm preventative.

However, when it was brought up that I didn’t think a service dog was in their current plans, they acted like I was gatekeeping my own dog, despite the fact that I politely explained why a dog may not be their current best choice. They have also declined to live with me and moved into a cheaper living option as my apartment was “too expensive”. While it is a valid reason not to live with me, I worry that it may indicate that financially they are not suited to care for a living animal at the moment.

They seemed to be under the impression that because they have a physical disability AND mental disabilities, that they are more suited to have a service dog than I am (as in, if I can get one, they should be able to get one). The issue is that due to the above mentioned issues, I don’t think they could afford a private agency dog, as where we are, insurance will NOT cover it and they don’t have great insurance in the first place due to familial issues. As well as this, they seem convinced that they can train their own service dog out of a shelter dog, which, while possible, is a very large gamble and they have NO experience with dog training. I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but I don’t think that a service dog is a good fit for them right now, and I don’t think it would be fair to the animal.

AITA?

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Voting ended onSep 30, 2025

[aita-irl]

Am I the asshole for not muzzling my dog after my "friend" tried a tiktok trend with my dog that severely backfired?

As background info, I (20F) have a german shepherd who is very social and well trained but also a protection dog so she will act if there is a threat.

A friend (19F) recently saw a tiktok trend where people would dress up and charge at a dog a grab them and see their reaction. When my friend was over at my place for a little get together she and some other people there decided to try that trend with my dog and put on masks and oversized coats and ran at my dog screaming and grabbing her. My dog bit, hard.

We had to get her to the emergency room for stitches during the drive there she told me she didn't expect my dog to act like that since she has always been so sweet and docile. I told her that my dog is trained to deal with threats and can and will bite if she deems it necessary and her prank was very stupid. I told her I was sorry my dog bit her but that it was a pretty predictable outcome.

Now she and her friends are telling me my dog is dangerous and needs to be muzzled or they will report the incident. I understand my dog did bite someone but they also very much caused this so I'm kind of torn.

Am I the asshole for not muzzling my dog who only did as she was trained to do?

AITA?

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Voting ended onSep 30, 2025

[aita-irl]

Am I the asshole for changing my friends ocs pronounced to they/them in my fanfic where I wanted to use their oc as a side character?

My friend has this oc who is really cool imho, originally her oc goes by she/her. But I prefer more diverse pronounce especially since her oc is a warhammer tech priest and my headcanon is that they are all nonbinary. She did agree with me using her character in my story since we rped a lot with our characters but to be fair I never asked to change their pronounce.

I let my friend read my fanfic and she told me she loved it but that her character actually exclusively used she/her pronounce. I told her that in my canon the adeptus mechanicum (tech priests) use nonbinary pronounce so it would not fit otherwise.

She told me it was pretty rude to just change a thing like that without asking her since it her oc.

On the one hand I get it, but on the other it's my story and I think i should be able to write how I want. I think she is overreacting and unfair. Am I the asshole?

AITA

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Voting ended onSep 24, 2025