[akilliz]

Anyone who can find me must really love me

[akilliz]

I do not trust people who wear only one face. They are uninteresting and unintelligent.

[akilliz]

I’ll hold the shame if you’ll do the rest. I hold the anger. U do the rest. I’ll talk about grief so u can be as quiet as u want. I’ll look crazy so you look composed. Whatever you need. Whatever you need.

“Come rest in my heart and pay no rent.”

[akilliz]

In hindsight, the pathologization of womens’ mental state has helped us under the same mechanics that naming emotions leads us to acceptance & understanding. On the other side of illness is health. If u can say “I feel sad,” it will take u further than the vague, “I feel bad.” The trigger point of almost all psychology is child development, as we were once all children.

The patriarchy has also suffocated men by impossible standards by throwing a smoke bomb over their identity. A fugue state is real purgatory. If you cannot see urself, u cannot feel whole despite other behavioural efforts. Govern urself like a benevolent dictator.

Take dichotomy and shatter it over and over again. Gender is socialized.

[akilliz]

I thought my dad loved photography. He just really really loved me 😭

[akilliz]

What do u need? Do u still need it? Can u get it from someone else? Can u give it to urself? It doesn’t matter why. But if u were curious, it is because u are born with humane rights.

[akilliz]

As someone who is unafraid of death, I choose to cultivate a lust for life, in spite, so that my people will cope well with many memories when I am gone.

[akilliz]

I taught myself to not fear communication early on with this mindset—“why would I be afraid of letters & words I’m not a little bitch”

[akilliz]

My dad dreamt of having a family & a home after leaving his hometown for the city & then his country for the ocean, seeking refuge—all before turning 18. He achieved both with a soft heart & a stern look; a tender mind & thick skin.

My mom dreamt of running water & learning how to cook & sew. She was taught to be a mother & wife but is learning how to be a woman, just a woman.

I’ve always dreamt of going home. I looked away from my grandma on her deathbed & couldn’t stop staring into her casket. So I assumed the role of the new matriarch; distance is nothing to me.

I think adaptability is such a high form of intelligence. I think the greatest love sees you even when you don’t want to be seen.

[akilliz]

Everything enraged me for months and it was unbearable. I realized it couldn’t possibly be the world & all its people but something I was carrying inside me.

[akilliz]

A lot of addiction is more about the comedown than the high. To make sense of your inner world by manipulating ur reality. To feel that ur suffering is justified.

[akilliz]

If u cannot bear to love everything, you might find resolve in loving yourself everywhere. It looks the same.

[akilliz]

I always know how to make something out of nothing. It’s space & time that I have trouble with.

[akilliz]

I integrated you into myself because memories are fallible. I will be your proof of life.

[akilliz]

My people are with me and the rest of the world is at my feet. It will be inevitable that I step on an insect.

[akilliz]

I remember all the adults who said they wished their daughters would turn out just like me & I keep them in my heart.

[akilliz]

Why don’t u let me sleep? I wanna dream ab u