[akutakillz]

• He / It

• 22yr old boygirl

• coping / vent

⚠️this blog includes gore / obslove / traumacore / eating disorder posts (NOT pro ana. just vent & coping) / etc. interact at your own discretion ⚠️

I have (d)bpd (and more, god has it out for me) and this is my safe space to vent

I am also disabled & struggle with chronic pain, nausea, etc etc.

all my posts are ok to reblog unless i state otherwise

I’m taken & my partner is genderfluid so I switch what pronouns I use for them regularly.

sometimes I’ll refer to myself as mlm or wlw, since our genders are both fluid

dni if pro pedo/incest (ships count too)

Do not follow if <18

respectfully I do not hesitate to block for my own comfort and state of mind.

[akutakillz]

anyone wanna care about me and check in on me when I’m upset without me having to prompt them? No? Okay.

[akutakillz]

Do I just not fucking matter to anyone

[akutakillz]

Genuinely sinking into a pit of shame ✌️

[akutakillz]

I don’t want to live like this and I know he doesn’t either. I know we can fix it. I just need to wait for him to be ready to.

[akutakillz]

I dont know why he doesnt hate me. i hate me

[akutakillz]

I know it’s pathetic. but id wait forever for him if he asked me to.

[akutakillz]

he’s all I want

[akutakillz]

I don’t want him to leave

[akutakillz]

why doesn’t he leave me?? if I make him so miserable?? I don’t understand. I don’t understand anything

[akutakillz]

I’m just scared.

[akutakillz]

and he’s going to be angry at me for this. or disappointed. and I’m so fucking ashamed and I just make everything worse. I just want my head to shut up. I’m so fucking scared

[akutakillz]

I know he’s leaving. I know it’ll happen. it’s literally just a matter of time and if he isn’t sick of me by now he will be. and the worst part is I love him. more than I’ve ever loved in my life. and I know I’ll never move on.

[akutakillz]

maybe I was just made to be something that people leave

[akutakillz]

the only thing I can do is not make myself a problem anymore.

[akutakillz]

I need to shut up. I’m sorry.

[akutakillz]

I don’t think anyone would miss me. they’d stress for a minute but the relief would be so much greater. and i wouldn’t be so scared anymore