Could I request headcanons for Gale, Wyll, Halsin, and Astarion finding out their f!s/o has suicidal thoughts please?
hi thank you for requesting again โค๏ธ also sorry for the late post, i have a lot of family events and weddings lolz. also while writing this i couldnโt help but do ascended astarion as well ๐ญ
แฅซแญก suicidal thoughts | astarion, gale, halsin, wyll
๏ฝกห explicit content :: thoughts of suicide ofc, attempted suicide, mentions of abuse
he first found out the night you had sex with him at the tiefling party. astarion was different back then. he thought you a fool first for letting him take you under the stars, and now an even bigger one for confiding such dark thoughts to him. the two of you barely knew each other, so he did not care about how you were feeling
and then as the journey went on and he found himself risking his life for you on more than one occasion, he tried to deny his feelings. but you were so magnetic, and all of a sudden the nights felt lonely without you by his side
after proclaiming how much he cares for you and wants this relationship to go further, he invited you to spend the night with him in his tent. now the nights didnโt feel lonely anymore as you slept beside him
finally after reaching baldurโs gate and killing cazador, astarion invited you to visit his grave. the evening was peaceful as he said goodbye to an elf and hello to a new beginning as a vampire. he wanted the night to go on a little further but watched as a sour expression formed on your face as you declined the invitation to have sex with him. you would rather go to bed
the next few nights you were distant. astarion did not understand why until he finally got fed up and asked if you were mad at him. he could see the tears rolling down your cheeks as you confessed to him that you wanted to break up. it wasnโt him, you added, it was you
yet the breakup did not make things easier for you, it instead made it worse. he sees you go off to bed without a dinner and wounded arms. you do not speak to anybody. you are the leader of this group and yet you are silent during the job so astarion often is the one guiding the party around the city and making the decisions
the night after killing orin, he decided to stay awake and watch the camp. he was an elf for he did not need any sleep, but he saw you sneak away from your tent with a bottle in your hand. astarion decided to follow you to the river. he made sure to stay silent and at a safe distance, and once you got to a familiar spot, you sat down on the sand and started crying
you drank the whole bottle as fast as you could and then smashed it into the ground. you stood up and headed for the river with open arms, anticipating the cold waters. astarion stopped you before you could take another step
โwhat are you doing?!โ he yelled, grabbing you. โyou do not know how to swim, you idiot!โ
you confessed to him that you were doing it on purpose. that you had no will left to live. fuck this tadpole and save faerรปn. fuck everything in this world. you were hoping that he would hate you when you broke up with him so your death wouldnโt be that upsetting. the gods have not once given you a blessing in life, and now they have doomed you to the hells
astarion tells you that the two of you have been through everything together. have you not once loved him? have you not thought of him as a blessing? because you are everything to him, and losing you meant losing himself all over again. he wants to help you get through this even though it might be the toughest thing to do. at least he is with you
you expect him to make a joke but he doesnโt. you cry in his arms and hug him tightly, appreciating his kind words
after completing the ritual, astarion completely changed. it threw you off more than you wanted it to and hoped that it was just a temporary effect of gaining so much power
but after saving baldurโs gate and all of faerรปn from the grand design, and after moving in with astarion into his new palace, he never changed. it instead grew worse
months of his abuse and controlling behavior went by. you were not allowed to be who you are anymore. everything you knew had been stripped away from you, and now the man who you once thought saved you from wanting to end it all made those thoughts reappear again
you sat at your vanity crying as a servant did your hair for the ball happening that night. astarion entered the bedroom and told the servant to leave. he forced you to stand up and look at him, and you recoiled when he touched your chin
โis something the matter, my darling?โ
you told him without being able to look him in the eyes. you told him you wanted to die. you hated him and would rather kill yourself than have him touch you. you cry and cry as you spill your broken heart out onto the floor, but astarion only laughs and tells you that you will do no such thing. you are a vampire now, living eternally with him. he will not allow you to end your own life
after all, you are his dear consort
gale always found it interesting how the light in your eyes always shifted. you were always thinking about something, whether good things or not. he never pried too much into it because he respected your privacy as much as you respected his. but he has poured his heart out many times to you, yet you always seemed closed off. he felt he knew so much about you, yet nothing at all
you have always thrown yourself into the toughest of battles without any thought. shadowheart always spent the most time healing you because of your rash decisions. it was like you were not scared of the danger, yet somehow you lived through it each time
gale asked you about it and you told him a simple answer: you hated evil. you would sacrifice your life to save faerรปn. it was your home. he thought you brave, but again saw that shift of light in your eyes disappear. he asked what was wrong immediately, and you hesitantly admitted to him that life had not been so kind to you until you met him. and although this journey to baldurโs gate has been rough and helps take your mind off things, the past still haunts you. gale asks what haunts you, and you only kiss him goodnight
after arriving at baldurโs gate, gale takes you to a nice clearing in the woods to have a little alone time. you watched his small magic shows and the stars, but as time passed on and your laughter died down, there gale saw a sad girl
โwhatever troubles you, we can get through it together. i promise youโฆโ
and then you broke down in tears. you confessed to gale that a curse has been bestowed upon you ever since you were a young child. the date of your death grows near, and in one year you will take your final breath and lay to rest forever. you have known this your whole life and each year has not made it easier. you do not care if you die. you would meet death soon anyway. and every day you imagine what a sweet death tastes like if you were not met with the sharp side of the blade
gale pulled you into a hug and held you close. he did not know what to say. it was a horrible curseโa terrible one. he promises you that he will help you escape this fate. look at how far you have gotten in this journey in such a short amount of time. preventing your death is a small hurdle you both can jump over. he is determined to help you
halsin has been the first druid for as long as you can remember. he was your idol, your guide, and your closest friend. admittedly, you wanted it to be more. you have loved halsin for years. all you wished for was to be by his side until the sun rose in the west and set in the east. but you were too afraid to admit your feelings for him. you thought yourself unfitting
after learning about the news of him getting captured by the goblins, you reassured yourself that he has not been killed. halsin was smart and the grove flourishes because of him. you would know when something bad had happened. you would be able to feel it in the earth. no flowers have died yet, and so you prayed to the oak father to keep your archdruid alive
though kagha never liked you. she thought of you as too naive and young. you did not know the ways of the oak father, in her mind. you were just a burden and halsin only allowed you to stay because he was too merciful. and now that she was acting as a first druid, it was taking everything within you to convince her to let you stay. but she cast you out without a second thought, banned from all groves of silvanus
you left the grove with a heart so heavy you had to drag yourself. you decided to go west to baldurโs gate, hoping to find a place there. but then you stumbled upon the shadowlands, the very place halsin had told you many stories about. you had only a torch with you and prayers, yet that did not last very long. you ran through the dark hoping to find a safe place to hide, and you found an abandoned home with a door and windows still intact
you hid there for the next few days. the shadows grew thicker in some areas, and you had to hide yourself many times from passing cult members of the absolute. your stomach growled and your mouth grew dry. each day was agonizing, and on the third, with one last drop of water, you prayed to the oak father that somebody would kill you. to take you out of your misery. you have been banished from all groves and lost halsin. why bother going on?
you awoke to somebody jolting you awake. your eyes were too heavy to keep open, yet a familiar voice kept yelling your name. you managed to mutter a weak โleave meโ before falling back asleep. you wake up again to find yourself getting carried to a light in a pair of strong arms. one last time, you woke up in a comfortable bed with light surrounding you. a cup of water was laid out beside you, and you reached over to drink it. the woman beside you took your glass and left to fill it up some more
you sat up in bed, wondering who saved you and why. you were ready to embrace the oak father. they have wasted their time and resources on you. you have no will to live on anymore
then halsin entered the room with the woman. you cried when you saw him, and he quickly hugged you. he kissed the top of your head and called you his sweet girl, and it eased the sorrow in your heart
he told you he had found you while looking for supplies with his companions and was shocked to find you here in the shadowlands. you told him that after he had left you were in such disarray, and kagha had then exiled you leaving you to fend for yourself. then you found yourself in the shadowlands ready to die. you could not live without him or the grove. he was all you wanted and needed
he kissed you again, this time on the lips to soothe you. you gripped onto him tightly, still crying
โoak father preserve you, child. still, the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. you are mine and natureโs until that changes. i understand why you would think such hurtful thoughts, but i am here now, and we will make things right again. you will never have to face such fear again. you will never be on deathโs door again. for now i have come back to you, and will protect you until the sun rises in the westโฆโ
you kiss halsin one more time
you have known wyll ever since you were children. although he was noble-born and you were just helping your father around the grand manor he lived in, you both became great friends
your father and wyllโs father joked to each other that you both would end up married in the near future. it was obvious how much you loved each other. and once you both reached the age of 17, you started dating
but that is when wyll was exiled from baldurโs gate for reasons unknown to you. around the same time wyll left, your father had been murdered and a funeral procession was on the way. ulder took you in as his own and grieved with you. you loved your father dearly even though he was secretly a part of the cult of the dragon. evil, yes, but he was the only family you had
after years passed and you heard no news from wyll, gortash was going to be named the archduke of baldurโs gate. you attended the ceremony with ulder who acted weirdly, but you tried to think nothing of it. you spotted wyll entering the room with devil horns and stopping the ceremony, along with a few other companions. you almost cried if it werenโt for the shock running through your body
after the ceremony, you ran to wyll and embraced him. you loved him dearly so and headed back to his camp to learn of everything that had happened. there, he told you everything. from the day his father left for elturel to this moment. yet your mind was fuzzy at the beginning of his story
wyll had unknowingly killed your father during the battle. and it tore you apart
immediately you excused yourself from the camp and headed back home. for days you threw up and ripped your hair. the love of your life had killed your father and sold his soul to the devil. he felt like a different man and yet he was still the same. you loved your father though, so, so much. and wyll killed him
you never talked to wyll again. you stopped eating and kept yourself in your bedroom. and after baldurโs gate had been saved from the mind flayers and wyll returned home, you refused to see him. you would rather die than speak to him
yet he managed to get you at a perfect time. he locked you in your bedroom with him in front of the door, forcing you to finally face him. you cried and you screamed, telling him how much you wanted to kill yourself to meet your father again. the father he took from you. you would rather die than speak to the devil
wyll retaliated though. he understood how much grief you were going through but he made the right choice
โyou must understand me, my love! i loved your father like he was my own. but if you were to have heard the roaring thunder and seen a head of tiamat, you too would have wanted to stop it. i did what was right and you know that. i beg of you to understand my situation. your father was an evil man, and yes he loved you so much, but he was willing to bring back dragons than see his own daughter alive and well in faerรปn.โ
wyll professed his love to you and told you that he will help you get through this grief and suffering. you had endured it for long enough. you broke down in tears and cried on your bed. his words were both comforting and not. the thought of your father not loving you enough made you want to meet him in whatever realm he was in and beat the shit out of him. but as wyll rubbed your back soothingly, you decided that living for the only family you had left was what was right
criticism is appreciated <3
