Crystal's Journal

Little part of rainclouds girl, reader.

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[albluerainclouds]

27

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Tell me dear my mind, why do I pick this way?

Tell me dear my heart, why didn't you argue over this change?

Dear myself why are you still doing all things just for a title that you don't know where it will lead you?

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I got the scholarship

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yesterday

yesterday

i saw his photo

i saw his post

him

with her

smile

yesterday

yesterday

i was in my room

wishing everything went differently

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I wanna tell you but I'm terrified

..

I think I'm gonna be okay

...

You don't know but you save my life

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since yesterday my best friend send me a message. she ask me did I had already get a job. I said I didn't search for one. yes, I didn't search for one because I don't know what I want. I think I will look for something right now and just let it be. let it flow. I will follow where it leads me.

look I know I'm lost and maybe they will look down on me but I don't care. I don't care if someone will judge me. I just don't want people to pity me. just it.

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menjadi lebih hidup lagi dari sebuah percikan kecil yang entah bagaimana juga membuat aku sedih. ternyata selama ini aku terlalu acuh. aku tidak peduli pada bagiamana orang memandang aku. tapi, ketika seseorang mengatakannya secara langsung pada aku bahwa aku seharusnya paham lebih sedikit. bahawa aku harusnya lebih peka. bahwa aku seharunya memahami dia lebih baik. bahwa ternyata aku memiliki kekurangan. waktu itu rasanya sungguh tertohok. seperti dia melemparkan belati pada aku. aku menjadi bersalah. aku merasa buruk. aku. aku tidak tahu lagi harus bagaimana menghadapi dia. sudahlah. aku memilih berhenti. semua ini hanya menguras diri aku. berhenti. berhenti. berhenti. menghilang. tenggelam dalam diri aku lagi. selamat tinggal. sebuah api kecil yang padam.

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Well, I think I need a real connection with a real person not just an online connection. But, how the hades are so cool and kind. Isn't it because I don't know the reality of them? Then when I know them I tend to run away from our connection because I was afraid they would never like me in real life. Huh, I think I got a trust issue. So, after all this time I was the problem. I know it. But really, I do want a deeply intimate understanding with some soul.

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I've just done reading Golden Son. Then in the moment of sorrow I remember Geralt of Rivia. I remember Henry Cavill will not play Geralt of Rivia in season 4. It's just make me living more in sadness. Why?

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