Chapter Forty-Two - A new beginning
I sat on the couch at Jenn’s house while Caleb was getting snacks ready. It was the night of the Academy Awards and it would be the first time I would be seeing Seth since our break up.
“Are you sure you want to watch,” Caleb asked while bring food out from the kitchen.
“I’m sure, despite everything, I still want to support him.” I texted Seth “Good Luck Tonight!”, but heard nothing back from him, which I wasn’t expecting to since I knew that he was going to be extremely busy today.
We watched the Red Carpet coverage on E! and Jenn and I casted our votes on all the dresses and then Emilia Clark appeared in a cute white with black polka dot number and I almost fell apart. The rumor mill was churning that Seth and Emilia were dating and had been while the two of us were engaged. The fact that a TV actress was at the Oscars only further fueled the rumors.
Jenn grabbed my hand, “Let’s just watch something else.”
“No,” I insisted, I’m going to watch.
Seth finally appeared on the TV alongside his sister and dad. Racheal and Ron looked spectacular and Seth looked so handsome in his tux, the tux that we had picked out together, the tux that I made alteration appointments for. That tux held so many memories and then I started to feel the lump in my throat again.
I stayed strong though and sat through the opening monologue; after that I zoned out until the end of the show. After it was all said and done, I got up to leave and Jenn just pulled me in for a hug, “Will you please call me when you get back to your room.”
“I will, but I’m okay, I really am.”
I drove back to the Beverly Hills Hotel and decided to take a hot bath after I ordered myself some wine. I sat in the tub soaking away my care when I heard my cell phone chime; not just any chime, but Seth’s chime. I froze, and had to concentrate to catch my breath. I dried off and went to the nightstand. All he said was “Thank you.”
I took a deep breath and wouldn’t allow the tears to fall, I had been doing so good and today was a test for myself. I had been telling myself that Seth and I were over and that I needed to focus on me. I had finally found a job and a new place and I was on my way to a better me.
I called Jenn, “Hey, Seth texted me back.”
“And nothing, he just said ‘thank you’, so I guess he couldn’t have cared less if I messaged him at all.”
“I’m fine,” I sighed, “I really don’t know what I was expecting, but that surely wasn’t it.”
“You’ll feel better soon enough and just remember that I love you.”
I let out a puff of air, “Thanks,”
We hung up and I went back in the bathroom and drained the tub. As the water was empting, I went to the sink to brush my teeth; I looked at myself in the mirror and thought to myself, “You’re going to be ok.”
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The next morning, I texted Seth once again, “I just wanted to let you know that my new job starts March 4th and I found a place, so I’ll be checking out of the room this Friday.” And just like yesterday afternoon I wasn’t expecting to hear back from him.
I changed out my PJs into my yoga pants and a t-shirt and headed out for my morning jog. As I ran I started to think that if I had just listened to Seth and gone for a jog that last morning that we were together, where would might be now.
I shook my head and turned up the music, no point in thinking like that. Wishing was just hoping for things to be different than they were.
I ran down Crescent Dr. and before I knew it I was on Wilshire Blvd. I realized that I had been running for over an hour and ended up right in front of Fuzzy Door Production’s office building. I bent over and grabbed my knees as I panted to catch my breath. I decided that I had enough running for the day and went across the street to a get a coffee and called a cab.
On the drive back to the hotel, I thought about what would motivate me to not only run that much but to go in that direction, towards Seth, towards something that I knew was over.
After a long hot shower, I decided that Friday was too far away, but my new apartment wasn’t going to be ready until then and I had nowhere to stay. Well, that wasn’t true, Jenn had offered her guest room to me, but being surrounded by the happiest couple on earth wasn’t exactly appealing to a girl whose engagement just ended.
Although, ending up in front of Fuzzy Door, was maybe an omen that I needed to move on. Stop being reliant on Seth and just cut all ties. His generosity was overwhelming, but I had saved some money while working for him and I knew Jenn wouldn’t charge me “rent” since I would be moving out in a few days.
I called Jenn. “Caleb and I would love to have you stay.”
I packed up my few belongings and headed for the front desk. “Hi, I need to check out my room.”
The front desk clerk quickly looked up from her magazine, staring back at me was a picture of Seth and myself from the Ted premiere (prior to falling) with a big rip down the middle and a headline below, “Lindsay the Liar!” I could only imagine what it was about.
The woman cleared her throat, “Yes, um, of course. You were in Bungalow 8, correct.”
“Yes.” I stared at her, trying to act like I didn’t see what she was reading.
I threw my luggage into the trunk of my car and drove to Jenn’s, who very kindly gave me her garage door code. I made my way upstairs to the guest room. I laid my suitcases on the floor and decided against unpacking; what would be the point when I would be leaving in just a few days.
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Spending time with Jenn was wonderful, we had two girl’s night out and by the time Friday rolled around, she and I had so many new and wonderful memories.
“I can’t believe you’re doing this,” Jenn said as she drove me to the airport.
“I needed a fresh start and this opportunity seems like the best choice.”
“But New York, in March, it’s going to be kind of cold.”
“I know, but I couldn’t pass up the chance. This is an amazing opportunity, and I get to work in TV still.” I was excited, I had interviewed with Abso Lutely Productions; the company responsible for Tom goes to the Mayor, Tim & Eric, Awesome Show, Great Job, and The Eric Andre Show. I would be working alongside Eric Wareheim as the company expanded their presences in New York. It was exciting; having the opportunity to build something from the ground up, but also with the backing of a company with a proven track records. And my new place wasn’t too shabby.
A beautiful, newly renovated two bed, one and half bath apartment overlooking Central Park; and the best part…the company was paying my first year of rent!
It was a huge move, for the second time in my life, but I was really looking forward to the change of scenery. Of course my mother wasn’t thrilled that I would not be returning to St. Louis, but she really had come around, to a lot of things, since my dad had died.
After a long flight, I finally arrived at JFK. I got my few pieces of luggage and made my way to the pickup terminal. I was greeted by Eric, who embraced me in a bear hug, “Hey kid, how was the flight?”
I looked up at that man, “Two words, screaming toddler.”
“Yikes, that sounds like a nightmare.”
“I understand, pressure changes and what not, but the mother. Oh lord, the mother, she just sat there and acted like it was the funniest thing in the world. She kept laughing and saying in this ridiculous tone of voice, ‘Johnny, now, you need to be quiet. Come on Johnny, you need to be sweet, let’s play with your toys.’ The only offer of condolences that she gave to anyone was when she looked at me and said, ‘If only his nanny would have traveled with us, he does so much better when Nanny Sarah is with us, she can actually take care of him.’ I told her that maybe Nanny Sarah needs to adopt little Johnny, since she clearly can’t take care of him.”
“Spoken like a person who doesn’t have a child.” I liked Eric, and I knew he loved his daughter Hannah, but I hated how condescending it was when people with children sounded when they said that. Like somehow having a child makes you immune to the chills down the spine you get when a child screams, especially when someone is confined to a flying tin can for seven hours.
After traveling through the typical New York City traffic, we finally arrived at my new apartment. I was so excited as we entered the elevator and made our way up to the fifth floor. Eric would be living in the same building, all be it, on the tenth floor penthouse with a beautiful terrace, but I wasn’t complaining my new digs were spectacular.
“Well, this is where I leave you,” Eric said as the doors opened and handed me my keys.
“Alright, well, I’ll see you on Monday morning.” Eric hit the button for his floor and the doors closed. I wheeled my two suitcases behind me. I opened the door and I stepped into my new life.
The fully furnished apartment was so wonderfully decorated, and for the first time, I felt like a real adult. I was doing something for myself for the first time, and also living on my own. I earned everything; I wasn’t sleeping on someone’s couch, I wasn’t living in someone else’s house, this was all my own.
I put my clothes in the closet and looked around my new place. Aside from pictures, I hadn’t seen the apartment and I needed to familiarize myself with new surroundings.
I decided to take a hot shower and wash the airport off of me when my cellphone rang. To my surprise it was Seth.
I answered apprehensively, “Hello.”
“Hi, sorry about not getting back to you sooner, I’ve just been…”
“Busy, I know. I figured as much. So how are you.”
He hesitated, “I’m fine, I’m going to be taking a vacation, and thought that maybe we could have lunch or something before I leave. How does Monday work for you?”
I realized in that moment that Seth didn’t have the entire picture. “Monday would be fine, but I’m in L.A.”
“Oh, that’s fine, when do you get back. We can do something then. I just…”
“I won’t be back to L.A. for a while. I moved to New York for my new job.”
There was a moment of quiet, “Oh…that’s great. March is a little cold, but it will be warm soon enough.”
“Yeah…so…” I was at a loss for words. It was as if Seth and I had never spoken to each other before.
“So what are doing in New York…for work.”
“I’m an assistant for Eric Wareheim. He and Tim wanted to have more a presence here and…um…here I am.”
“That’s great, I’m really proud of you.” It was silent yet again, and then Seth spoke, “Well, I guess I’ll let you go and if I’m there or you’re here, then maybe we can meet up.”
I wanted to ask Seth a million questions, keep him on the phone and talk for hours, but all I said was, “Sure, it’s a date.”
I hung up the phone and stared at the screen, maybe hoping he would call me back, but he didn’t. I felt the sting of tears in my eyes; I wanted to cry, but I wouldn’t allow myself. Instead, I took a deep breath and headed for that shower that I wanted to take.
After my shower and a long nap, I got up and decided to get some dinner. Since I didn’t know anyone I planned to just order in when I heard a knock at the door. I wondered who it could be since I didn’t know anyone. I peered out the peephole; and beaded face was staring at me.
“Did you need something?”
Eric tilted his head slightly, “Do you want to get dinner. I’m upstairs all alone, you’re down here all alone and…”
“I would love to, just give me a minute.”
Eric walked in while I finished getting ready and we headed to one of Eric’s favorite Italian restaurants. Of course there were so many memories of Seth that littered the city. I tried to push the thoughts aside as Eric talked to me.
When we arrived at the restaurant, I had this fleeting moment of pain and I told myself that I would not go down this road again. I would not allow my boss to take me out to dinner and have that turn into a train wreck of a relationship. I started to think, “Luckily, he’s married,” but then I remembered, “But Seth was in a relationship when you met him and that didn’t stop you.” I sat there and realized how stupid the thoughts were. Eric was really sweet, and I thought he was a comedy genius, but I wasn’t attracted to him, and how conceded was I to think that he was even interested in me.
We were seated and our food arrived sometime later. “Is everything alright?”
Eric pointed at my plate with his fork, “Is your food okay? You haven’t really touch it.”
“Yeah, I just think I’m tired from this past week. Honestly the past few months’ have been hell for me, but I’ll be okay.”
“Are you sure. I know that we don’t know each other that well, yet you can talk to me. I’m sure you know that I know, at least a little bit about the last few months of your life.”
“I’m aware, but in no way is that going to affect what I’ll be doing here or for you.”
Eric laughed, “You got the job, you don’t need to keep your interview face on.”
“Sorry, I just don’t want any of my past to interfere with my future, or to give you the impression that it’s going too.”
“Hey, you’ve been through a lot, so don’t feel like you can’t have feelings about it.”
“Thank you for understanding, it’s just a lot and all at once.”
Eric nodded in agreement, “You seem to be doing great, despite…”
“Despite the fact that my entire life is falling apart and it’s all on display for the world to see.”
We both chuckled and it was the first time I sort of laughed at the ridiculousness of my circumstances.
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