Summary: There had been a connection between you and Rick that seemed obvious to everyone. You notice he never lets himself act on it and start to wonder if it's the age gap that is keeping him from letting go with you. One night on a supply run that all changes.
There had been something going on between you and Rick for a while now. Touches to tender to be friendly. The tension behind the eye contact you two shared was something even the group couldn't miss. You had been told countless times that he was obsessed with you, yet you couldn't bring yourself to make the first move. You cared about Rick and that's only grown into something more real over the years.
He decided to take you on a run alone with him like he often had. You two had been on the road from Alexandria for hours now. You knew that if you were tired being a passenger he had to be exhausted being a driver.
“We should find somewhere to spend the night?”
He looked over briefly and contemplatively before turning his eyes back on the road and nodding hesitantly in agreement. “Yeah, we should…”. While you both scouted through the dusty car windows for an abode to spend the night your mind wandered. Maybe it was the age gap that kept Rick holding back with you. He was significantly older with you being only in your twenties. Was there a chance that he thought of you as too young or immature? The car slowing and pulling onto a gravel driveway towards a cute and slightly modern cabin lodged between the trees along the road broke you from your thoughts. The roof was dark and slanted in comparison to the horizontal warm wood logs along the walls of the cabin, there are large windows wrapping around the front partially hidden by the large posted wrap-around porch. Dust has collected on a lot of it but you can tell at one time this had to be a loved vacation home.
You both simultaneously push open the car doors and step out and take a second to look over the cabin and property. Rick rests his elbow on top of the car and looks over to you. The air and tension is thick. It always is between the two of you.
“Give me a second to secure it.” He says, eyes raking over your face and chest before refocusing on the structure before him. He draws his gun from the holster on his hip and proceeds to walk around the perimeter of the cabin looking in every available window. Then slowly and quietly makes his way onto the creaky front porch. He bangs on the door frame a few times and then after hearing nothing he cautiously enters the cabin. The thought of him, gun drawn, checking each room, arms taut and bulging. Face full of focus and determination was enough to make your thighs squeeze together as you waited by the car for him.
“It's clear” Rick shouts from the front porch, breaking you from your thoughts.
You start grabbing the gear from the trunk when you feel his presence behind you. You could always feel him before you see him. Right now it felt like his eyes were burning into your backside. You turn and lift everything out when he instinctively breaks from whatever trance he seemingly was in to grab the bags from your hands. His hands brush yours for a second and the eye contact doesn't break as the bags transfer from your hands to his. The tension is palpable as you both silently enter the cabin. You take it upon yourself to rifle through some drawers and end up finding some candles and start giving some light to the place as Rick thoroughly scavenges through everything. Besides the typical world ending clutter it was pretty clean and the candles were making it quite cozy.
You pass a shelf full of books and grab one and dramatically plop down onto the couch in the open concept living room letting out a heavy breath and look at Rick, who is already looking at you. A common occurrence that you've started to grow used to.
“I'll take the couch” You say, noting the obvious lack of a second bedroom.
“No.” He says flatly, eyes scanning over your frame as he broods on over to stand at the foot of the couch where you had swung your feet up to rest. You're shocked at his tone but mostly over him treating you like you were a child. You lift your upper body to look at him and start to say
“I said I’ll-”
“And I said no…” He interjects and continues “You're not sleeping on a different level, alone” He looks at you flatly, giving you his best “Im serious” look. You narrow your eyes in response, and lay back down and roll over to sleep in defiance. You know it's childish but it's apparent that's what he thinks of you anyway so you don't care at this point.
You nestle in and close your eyes waiting to hear his footsteps go up the stairs to the loft bedroom, but instead they sound like he's rounding the couch until he's standing directly above you. That's when you feel him lean down and plant his hands on either side of you. You keep your eyes closed as he leans in even further until his lips hover at your ear. You can feel his breath fanning over the side of your face when he says.
“I said you’re not sleeping alone down here, and i fucking meant it.”
And with that he moves one arm to cradle your legs and the other your torso and he lifts you up effortlessly and starts walking you princess style up the stairs to the bedroom. Your eyes are now very much open and as wide as saucers as you stare at the side of his face with that determined look plastered all over it, and if you didn't know better a bit of smugness. Heat instantly pools in your stomach as you reach the top of the stairs.
He lays you on the bed and reluctantly lets go to return to standing upright. He looks absolutely lost in you and you’re loving every second. You can't help but notice that the only thing to be heard is you both practically panting. He shifts on his feet and you relish in being able to make “the Rick Grimes” a tad uncomfortable. He looks absolutely soft and slightly forlorn right now you can see the mental battle he's having with himself right now. You decide to test the waters
“Are you sleeping in the bed too?” Unable to take your eyes off his and seemingly him not being able to do the same he hesitates looking for the right answer in your eyes when suddenly he finds it.
He speechlessly nods his head, slowly but surely, “yes”.
You shyly smile and softly pat the space beside you on the king sized bed, only breaking his gaze for a moment.
His eyes quickly rake up and down your body and he softly smirks, and starts undoing his holster and belt now seemingly unable to look you in the eyes. However you are unable to look away, from the way his hands expertly undo his belt and his forearms flex while doing so is enough for you to push your thighs together. You watch him walk around to the empty side of the bed and hesitantly prop himself on the bed. With a deep sigh he tips his head back against the headboard and looks up at the ceiling.
The room feels like the air is being sucked out of it. Rick keeps his head tipped back and eyes fixated on the ceiling. He's breathing deeply and you cannot bring yourself to look away. The candlelight flickers across his sharp features making him look even more rugged and untouchable than usual. Yet here he is, sitting mere inches away from you in the same bed.
This is torture.
Laying with the man you want, but can’t have.
“Can you tell me what it is?” you say barely above a whisper. Risking every brick of friendship you've built over the years. Not being able to take the longing and feeling utterly desperate.
His eyes flutter closed and he takes a deep breath.
“What?” he replies gravelly and softly, eyes still closed and face towards the ceiling. He rubs a hand over his mouth and stubble almost like he’s holding the words in his mouth.
“You know… what it is about me that isn't …appealing…it's probably not appealing to anyone else either and I'm tired of being alone. i don't want other guys to-”
His hand rips away from his mouth like a bandage. His head and attention snap over to you and is now laser focused. He reaches his hands over and rips you from your side of the bed bringing you to him. You're face to face now and you can feel your breaths mixing with each exhale. Your body is on fire as his hands rest on the curve of your hips. He's looking at you so hard you're worried he might see right through you. His blue eyes are pleading the question before his lips can ask
“What other guys?”
You're too stunned to speak.
“You don't need other guys…” he continues, tone low, gruff, and twangy as lips ghost just under your ear and he gives what feels like a promise. His hands travel slowly over your clothed sides and lower back.
In all the time you’ve known Rick the two of you had never been this close. It was intoxicating.
You’re both staring deeply in eachothers eyes. Not sure of where to take this next, or how deep this should go. You decide to ask what’s nagging at you,
“What does that mean?…” his hand grips tighter on your lower back and you can feel his chest deeply rising and falling against yours. You continue still in shock of the moment and the feeling of him “What does this mean?”
“it means…” he starts, you can tell he’s choosing his words carefully. “that i can’t stay away from you any longer and i don’t want to anymore…”
Your heart is racing and a part of you wonders if he can feel it.
“I was worried you were to young… that you wouldn’t want anything to do with me anyway, or that i'd be taking something away from you by being with you but…selfishly, I don't care anymore...i want whatever you are willing to give me. i want you.”
You stare at him eyes wide in disbelief. You can think of only one thing. What you’ve dreamt of doing for years.
You tip your chin up and slowly bring your lips into his. Giving him every chance to back out.
But he doesn’t.
He cradles the back of your head and furiously seals the gap between you.
It's passionate and it's like you need each other to breathe. Words that have never been able to come out flow beautifully from his lips to yours.
Your hands are fisting his shirt while his fingers thread through your hair. Your legs are now intertwined with his and this is the first time anything has felt right in years. It’s overwhelmingly perfect.
And when you pull away from his lips for some desperately needed air, the look in his blue eyes, and the way his lips curl into soft smile gives you the impression that he is in fact thinking the same thing.
Summary: You and Daryl had been best friends for years. You have had years of unspoken feelings and “almosts”. After leaving the prison and finding a cabin on the way to a supply run, you finally find out if Daryl feels the same way.
You had taken notice of Daryl as soon as you joined the group all those years ago. You saw what seemingly no one had. You had always wondered if he'd ever taken notice of you in the same way. There's been countless times when you go to sneak a glance his way and his eyes are already on you. Endless moments of hands and shoulders brushing ever so slightly against each other, stolen glances at each other's lips, dozens of starry night skies while laying in the damp Atlanta grass. Countless times where you thought an “almost” would become a “finally”.
You snap yourself out of your thoughts because, here the two of you are gearing up at the prison, getting ready for a supply run that would probably take a day and a half to even get to the destination. He looks amazing as his strong arms reach up to close the trunk of the car.
“Ya ready?” he looks over to you curiously as he can probably tell your head is somewhere else.
“Yeah lets get on the road” you say nonchalantly as you round the car and go to open your door. Before your hand can reach the handle Daryl's broad frame quickly comes into view and he reaches out to open the door to the beat up Honda without making eye contact. He's done this before, another overly kind gesture that could possibly mean more and makes your head spin wondering if he actually could feel in some part the same way you do. You smile at the thought and him and get in the car speechlessly, not wanting to create something out of nothing and potentially ruin the friendship you've cherished for years.
He walks over to the driver side door, opens it and gets in. He puts the keys in the ignition and the engine comes to life. The gates slide open for you guys to head out to the main road. The trees pass by along with the occasional walker as you get consumed by your thoughts. The stories you've shared with each other, the secrets. There seemed to be only one thing you couldn't tell this man and it's that you are irrevocably in love with him.
People automatically assume you're together, with all the time you spend together, the way he seems to soften and get comfortable around you, and as Carol likes to call it “the lovesick looks”. According to her, your affections are reciprocated, but you could never dream of making a move until you have full confirmation from him. Your friendship was something you were not willing to put on the line, what you two have means everything in a world like this.
This is torturous. You break the silence.
“You know we're going to have to stop, you can’t drive all night…it's not safe” you say masking your concern for his well being with a priority for safety.
He turns his head to look at you and it almost seems like he's taking you in for a second, his eyes roll up and down your frame and he replies simply, and matter of factly as he turns his attention back to the road
“I'll be fine…” he continues hesitantly “...Yknow id never let anything happen to ya” he looks over once again, he's dead serious and your heart is racing. Is this the moment?
Before you can decide what to say he continues “But if it makes you feel better we can i guess…”. You both start looking for places to stay as you are driving by. You spot an A frame cabin in the distance and lightly shove his shoulder and point in that direction to get his attention. He backs up and pulls off the road. You both step out of the car and instinctively start covering it with branches and bushes.
“Should be good enough, cmon” he says while gesturing forward for you to follow his lead. Something that had been carved out through a lot of bickering over the years. While you follow him up through the trees to the cabin you can't help but notice his broad shoulders, how they've muscled over the years, how they swing while holding his crossbow in one hand. How serious he is about keeping the people he cares about safe. You felt lucky to be included in that circle, and selfish that you wanted more.
You walk up the wooden steps and he turns around to stop you from continuing up with him to the door. He bangs on the frame of the door a few times to gather any attention of walkers while you survey the area for any strays. When he can't hear anything moving inside He goes inside and quickly clears the quaint cabin. He comes back out, naturally bounding down the stairs and says,
“I can't hear nothin movin in there, we’ll stay here. Leave at sunrise.” He says while picking your bag up off the ground and carrying it inside for you without saying another word. You're frozen for a second, your previous thoughts coming to haunt you once again. You quickly snap yourself back to reality and rush up the stairs to catch up and see your abode for the night you.
You take in your surroundings. It's cute. It's a loft style place with a tiny living and dining room as soon as you walk in. With a kitchen a bit further back, the stairs against the wall lead up to a full sized bed that you can see from the door when you first walk in, guarded by a railing.
Besides the dust and panicked “the world is ending” clutter it is very much livable. Something that you'd remember where it is just in case you needed a safe house in the future. You follow Daryl's lead and start looking through cabinets to find something useful before you settle in. There's some leftover canned food in the cupboards and while rummaging through what's good and what's not you feel a slight nudge on your back. You turn and Daryls holding out a book, presumably what you just felt on your shoulder.
“Looks like something you'd like…” He was the most observant person you'd ever met. You told him about this author months ago. He remembered. Why did he remember?
“Thank you…” you say, not being able to help but softly smile at him “...That's really sweet of you…”
His eyes dart between you and the floor seemingly not being able to maintain eye contact with you. Does he feel it now? The heart fluttering, the warmth in your stomach, the rise in heat, the tremble in your throat, legs like jello. You think he might when he goes to say something but simply closes his mouth, turns his eyes towards the floor and almost painfully walks towards the door. He pauses with one hand on the frame and the other with his crossbow. He turns to look over his shoulder and says
“I'll be back, gonna find us somethin to eat…” he says, but there's something in his voice that you're trying to place as the door closes behind him.
Longing.
What if he does feel the same? It's almost as terrifying as if he doesn't. You can't take the not knowing anymore. The “almosts”. An hour or two passes, it's dark now and you're lost in your book as Daryl opens the door, some small game strung over his leather clad shoulder.
He closes the door behind him and stops in front of it, taking in the scene before him. You had started a fire in the small furnace and were curled up with your new gift on the couch. You see him looking over everything and you, like he almost doesn't know what to do next.
“hey…“ you say softly breaking him from the thoughts you could see you could tell were racing behind his eyes.
“Hey” he responds after a second, looking so deeply into your eyes you think you might break right then and there.
All that can be heard is the fire cracking until he sets the small game down and walks towards the old couch that you're sitting on. It creaks as he plops down beside you and the couch dips so you're even closer than you think intended. He kicks his boot clad feet up onto the small table in front of the couch and actually lounges back. He breathes deep and is seemingly relaxed, something that you consider rare for him. You take him in, he looks amazing, strong arms folded behind his head which is laid back, his broad body trails down to his crossed feet on the table. He's immaculate.
“Tell me bout it…” you almost miss what he says as you're too busy checking him out when he continues amidst your silence. “Your book… tell me about it”
You immediately beam a smile at him, ecstatic that he would actually care to hear about something you like so much. You begin delving in with as much detail as you could spare. He is looking at you so sincerely and contently, the moment is filled with such warmth you could explode. One hand is now stroking his chin as he listens intently to every word, soaking up every syllable you say. His eyes are all over you.
“...And that's all I've got so far, i can't wait to finish it” you say taking a deep breath from the monologue you just went on and look from your book to him with a smile. He's looking at you with that look again.
Longing.
Your knee brushes against his outstretched leg and you swear you feel actual sparks. Your eyes flicker down and then back up to see he has not relented his gaze in the slightest
“What is it?” you say.
He shrugs you off with a grunt. You put your book on the table and face your entire body towards him. Knees brushing against him once again. Trying to show that he has your full attention and it isn't going anywhere. You match his eyes and say
“c'mon … we always tell eachother everything” his mouth is slightly agape and you can see his chest rising and falling deeply almost as if he's nervous despite his still relaxed position on this small couch.
He shifts slightly but his gaze doesn't falter.
“You look nice today…” he says lowly and then continues “you always look nice… i jus dont say it enough…” your breath is taken away in that very moment. You can't tell if this is real right now.
“You do too..” you say barely above a whisper, absolutely breathless. This is when he turns his attention to the furnace, you swear you saw a slight blush tinge up his neck to his cheeks. He takes an audibly deep breath and stands. He looks over to you once again and says
“We should get some shut eye, got a long day tomorrow…” You're stunned. If that wasn't the moment then maybe there would never be one. “... I'll take the couch, you take the bed”
You're snapped back into reality once again
“Why don't we share it? I mean we're both adults, besides how often do you get to sleep in a bed that isn't behind bars” you say with a chuckle trying to mask the pang in your chest at another “almost”.
He's stunned in his place at the proposition and you're thinking that maybe you crossed the line when he lets out a simple
“...Sure”
He looks at you hesitantly but follows you up the stairs and you each take a seat on either side of the bed. Now it seems both of you don't know what to do and you're starting to think that maybe this was a bad idea. You take the lead and slowly lay on your back so close to the edge the wind could probably blow you off. He follows your lead and does the same and you're both laying there staring at the ceiling on your backs as the light from the fire flickers on the angled ceiling above you.
Even with you both doing your best to give each other space his broad shoulder is brushing against yours and you feel his pinky graze yours. You suck in for air unable to catch your breath from this innocent touch.
When suddenly you feel his warm, rough hand enclose over your own.
Both of your heads slowly turn to face one another. You're both searching each other's eyes for something.
Permission.
His eyes land on your lips. You realize this is the moment. His eyes meet yours again and you scoot closer to him. Your faces are now inches apart. His chest is rising and falling deeply once again, he's nervous but he lifts his head and moves himself closer so now your lips are only inches apart. You lean your forehead against his and bring a hand up to rest on his cheek. You run your thumb along his lips and swear you feel him shudder beneath your touch. His eyes are darting across your face searching for any hesitation.
“Ya sure?” he says quietly and gravelly. Almost desperately.
“Yes..” You say immediately, breathlessly, and full of certainty. “...Are you?” you continue
“Have been for a while now…” He says while leaning in to lock your lips.
The kiss is soft and hesitant. His slightly chapped lips mold with yours perfectly. You're both testing the waters of something long unspoken. His hand moves to the back of your head , pulling you as close as possible, threading his fingers through your hair as he does. For a second your mind flashes with all the “almosts” and when you pull back for the air you desperately needed you see your “finally” in his eyes. You're both absolutely breathless and buzzing from each other's touch.
He leans his forehead against yours and shuts his eyes for a second almost as if to process what's unfolding before him and says
“I thought this was something i couldn't have… that i didn't deserve.” he opens his eyes and the vulnerability that's there is a rare sight, something you know he doesn't share easily. He looks at you so longingly and dare you say lovingly that you can feel your heart stutter.
You shake your head vehemently in absolute disbelief over his words and raw honesty. You slide your hand that was on his cheek to his strong chest and feel his heart beating beneath your palm. It's steady but fast.
“Ya better than all this, better than me … i know that” He says as his lips twitch into a faint, almost sheepish smirk. He momentarily averts his head and eyes to the ceiling. You move your hand back to his cheek and softly turn his face to look at you again.
“You don't get to decide that…” You say while stroking his cheek and pushing his hair out of his eyes. “You've been everything to me for so long. I don't care what kind of world we're in. I want you. Just you.” You whisper the last part against his lips. He breathes deeply in for air desperately trying to fill his lungs back up with air from the girl who stole it from him. He’s utterly taken with what you just said, what he desperately needed to hear from you for years. He's never felt or had love like this. It's almost overwhelming for him. His eyes have a gloss to them and they say everything that you've been needing from him for years.
He softly and slowly grabs your waist to turn you from your back, to your side to face him and he does the same so you're fully pressed into his wide, strong chest. Your legs tangle together and of all the times you both had dreamed of this moment, this is somehow better.
