It was a thursday, he was at the hospital, it was not a big deal, he had been at the hospital a lot, Until of course, he wasn’t.
330 - 455 and C-33 those became the most significant numbers in my life, 3:33 was the time he got in the hospital, 4;55 was the time he was declared death and C-33 is were his ashes now lay.
I thought I had Time, I thought there was time, Time was something reachable, something I could grab, Time was visible and even so It was something I could control.
His death taught me there is no such thing, death taught me time is his, time is something we made up to pretend we have some sort of control in life, over life, it is not.
My last words to him were “I’ll see you next month, we’ll talk and grab some ice cream”
I lived to that day, he didn´t.
So here I am today thinking of him, realizing that he was the best version he could ever be, but im not because i though I had time.
Tomorrow I’ll be better, Tomorrow I’ll call, I´ll talk to him later, I’ll see him next month. Those are lovely lies. There is no tomorrow there is only now.
So for now, for the sake of today and to accept the present. Im writing this, just in case if you read this, remember, be who you really are, love who you want to love, tell those who you love that you love them. Embrace life, help others in need. Be thankfull, even if you think life is shit, be thankfull, you’ll understand why one day (I hope it is on the good way instead of a bad way)
Always keep in mind that there is no time, just now.
Don’t made the same assumption I did by pretending im in control of time, no one is. No one can, No one will ever be in control of time, it is non existent.
Save yourselfs from the pain of “what if”
Meanwhile. I will tell you, that you are reading this:
I LOVE YOU , YOU ARE WORTH IT, BE YOU. I ACTUALLY DO CARE FOR YOU and I WISH YOU HAPPINESS IN EVERYTHING YOU DO.
