ALI MICHAEL

[alimichael]

re: your manic episode - was that your first ever or are able to identify (smaller even) incidents in the past that in hindsight were indicative of bipolar? did it last for the entire duration of the VM account? also wondering if you are on mood stabilisers now?💜

I’ve spoken about this a bit before but to be honest I feel like the fact that you can be diagnosed with bipolar disorder after meeting with a doctor for ten minutes who has essentially no context regarding your past or present circumstances is … insane. I did experience a “hypomanic” state during VM although I was completely coherent the entire time - I basically just lost control of the wheel after experiencing a creative awakening that felt psychedelic in nature and became self-oriented after a lifetime of not feeling like I had any ability to trust myself. I disregarded personal boundaries and was engaging with social media in a way that was unconventional - which was something I expressed awareness around regularly - which to me is just … expression? I was specifically interested in challenging the status quo and presenting myself in an unpalatable way when it came to social media output (this has always been an interest of mine) and if someone wants to call that a manic episode, they have the freedom to but I don’t think it’s that simple. I will continue to challenge “acceptability” in my work because I am informed by the experience of living most of my life in a submissive state that thwarted my spirit so severely that I didn’t even know I was an artist… “to be cringe is to be free” right?

I don’t like talking about medication because it just invites people to be extraordinarily judgemental and self-righteous but no I’m not. I was put on a cocktail of many different medications at a mental rehab facility I went to last year and it wreaked absolute havoc on my body that I’m still experiencing today. I took medication from May until December and now am not on anything. I think medication can be life-saving though and if a need presents itself I’m open to reconsidering.

Also, I had a kundalini awakening in 2019. There are definitely people who would say that was a manic episode. It’s subjective. And I don’t mean to be dismissive of the reality of mental illness - it’s a very real thing and I did lose my mind last year but I just don’t think it’s a one size fits all subject

[alimichael]

Have you considered that you’re connection to God, energy, the mystical etc is simply a way to cope with the uncertain? If so how do u accept that what u believe in might not be true at all

I questioned absolutely everything last year / beginning of this year. Everything I thought I knew was done and dusted to the ground. What I came away with is that I know nothing other than that magic is real. Whatever that means reveals itself in time!

[alimichael]

Would you ever venture into film? As a director or screenwriter? You seem to have a vision

I do have a vision and yeah I could imagine stepping into that realm for sure in my own way! Right now I’ve got so much stuff to do though

[alimichael]

Do you ever cry?

I do. I actually just cried yesterday when filming myself listening to Sigur Ros

[alimichael]

where is ur gothic heart of the ocean necklace from?😻

The Titanic

[alimichael]

how much % of questions do you end up answering? Is it hard to keep up with?

There are definitely a lot in my inbox and there are a few from a while back that I wanted to really spend some articulated time with

[alimichael]

I really dont mean to sound disrespectful or insensitive but Do you ever confront the idea that you might not be talented and all you’ve been doing is incredibly average and derivative?

Again sorry this isnt a direct critic I want to know if the thought crosses your mind because you seem very sure of yourself!!!!

Ummmm. I don’t think about it

[alimichael]

Hi! It's gonna sound a bit strange, but I've been searching for some new music recently (I love discovering independent stuff and artists). And I found an independent music label whose artists kinda reminded me of your music and stuff you do. I wanted to send you the link via dm's on Instagram, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to. That's why I want to ask you if it's okay for me to share it.

P.s Thank you for an inspiration! You're incredible 🫂🌌

Yes send! :) and thank you for your message 💜

[alimichael]

Did/Do you feel neglected by your parents when they didn’t care for you when u needed them?

Yes

[alimichael]

Why do tou think you gravitate towards sexuality and nudity and the human body?

Demisexual

[alimichael]

im on a break rn due to similar experiences you’ve talked about. in any case, would you be open to making content with others (me lol) :) im too shy to reveal myself u_u is it okay to dm on ur new sex work alt with a question like this? >.<

Dm me :)

[alimichael]

What do you use to edit your videos?

CapCut or I’ve made some in TikTok and Instagram

[alimichael]

How have you been making money since you stopped modeling?

I worked in a chocolate factory and at a stable and now I’m preparing for a myriad of artistic projects including a presence on Hidden

[alimichael]

Why did you put the manic episode in quotation in your last answer? Do you feel like that was a misdiagnosis or too simplistic of a term to describe what you were going through? Not trying to be insensitive!

Doesn’t feel insensitive and I also appreciate your clarification :)

Yeah I think…. I haven’t reread that piece in a long time and I imagine I still stand behind it because the truth is, I exploded and I was manic in the sense that I was swallowed by this new discovery of self determination, creative prowess and artistic expression and my care and consideration for others was left by the wayside in its wake. I was an entitled and selfish narcissist (amongst other things that aren’t so abhorrent) and I acted in ways that now I absolutely wouldn’t and I’m deeply saddened by the way I went about things. I lost a lot of beautiful people from my life. I do think though that I felt an internal pressure to write the Substack piece and essentially wear the Scarlett letter of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder in public because I wanted to appease people who were upset with me. I was so socially ostracized that I think I felt like I had to call myself crazy if I had any hope of redemption - and I also was so disoriented and scared of my circumstances and complete and utter lack of support in an insane situation. I also no longer trusted myself so felt like I should just agree with some of the people I hurt who said it was all mental illness, though I think that was an easier way to metabolize my actions rather than acknowledge that there was real and true and magical expression intertwined in the out of bounds destruction. I was in a huge shame spiral at that moment. And again, I don’t necessarily think the article is inaccurate, but I always internally felt like what happened was far more complex than just a “manic episode” although I do think that by definition that is what I experienced according to the DSM. But I think to extract all context from the experience and relinquish my human complexity to chalk it all up to mental illness would be a spiritual disservice to myself. I don’t feel shame about it - I learned so much and have been entirely and absolutely changed by the transformation I’ve gone through over the last two years and I also am grateful to have the opportunity to share my experience with others who have found themselves in similar situations. But yeah I think people now are potentially concerned about my social media output being reminiscent of Victauria Meadow’s (the account I had during that time in 2024) and to be honest I’ve always been interested in using social media in my own way - and while I’m mindful and conscious of my ability to become so enveloped by one part of my artistic expression that it takes over, I am and always will be interested in subversion and being … unpalatable in the interest of authentic expression. I’m a human being who’s not for everyone ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ if people want to see something convenient, pretty and commercially viable that they’ve already seen regurgitated a billion times, they should look elsewhere because I’m not on earth to be bored

[alimichael]

Have you ever thought about becoming a stripper

Yup

[alimichael]

what do you consider "normal" fan behavior? To which extent can you justify & understand curiosity and when does it start to feel icky for you? Do you think people are too invested in your content sometimes?

I think name dropping people / asking invasive questions about relationships goes without saying here, you also made that clear. But otherwise?

I mean I’ve invited people to ask me anything and if I don’t want to answer it I won’t and if I want to address that it feels disrespectful I will but in general I’m pretty open I’d say. The people who are trying and failing to get weird information about men they’re obsessed with aside, I don’t really think people are “too invested” in my content… in fact I’ve been like losing followers and I suspect also because I was open about having a “manic episode” in my substack last year that people are afraid to engage with what I post in the fear that videos where I’m dancing in my underwear and putting an age filter on and talking about sex work are signs that it’s happening again. Most of the people I used to be friends with in person (most of whom I haven’t heard from in at least six months) are also not engaging with it I assume for the same reason but they have no insight as to where I’m actually coming from or what I’m interested in building through my artistic output so.. whatever. But I appear to be going off on a personal tangent. As long as you’re not acting like an imbecile I’m pretty down for whatever

[alimichael]

do you buy mostly designer clothing? Were you gifted a lot when you did more modeling?

I was sent things on occasion but no I was never gifted things - I feel like that’s a misconception…. Sometimes you’d do a show for trade which was pretty insane but justified if the “exposure” was good enough

The only things I’ve bought in the last year (literally) are a pair of divinated Gucci sandals at a sale a week or so ago and a pair of motorcycle pants when I was in LA before I went to the book fair. I haven’t really bought anything new in a long time and if I have designer stuff it’s most likely from the past