ALI MICHAEL @alimichael - Tumblr Blog

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in your substack, you said you’d gone through something that completely altered your physical appearance but you look pretty much the same to me lol. What did you look like at the time you wrote it?

Different, lemme get my bag now ~ I’ll show and tell more later ;}

was there an official breakup with your modeling agency? I know you said you just kinda faded into oblivion due to your health issues but did they tell you they were dropping you?

No but my contracts expired and they took me off the website and we haven’t spoken in a long time. I’m not interested in modeling anyway

waiitttt so the injury to your hand was caused by an abusive ex? I thought it had been a cat or something. This might be parasocial, but I think I remember who you were with at the time. I loved the photos he took of you. It seemed like such a lovely relationship. I wish you all the healing in the world, you've always been an icon <3

Thank you <3 the scar on my hand is from where a boyfriend at the time cut me with a knife

have you ever met a model who was naturally super skinny and ate whatever she wanted?

If by model you mean human then yes

what's the longest time you've been without a boyfriend (the celibacy period u had once doesn't count)

Why does that not count? lol

Just want to pop in the say I think it is good, maybe great…yes, great, that you take risks, experiment, and shit on the concept of perfect curation.

Thanks!

how does it feel to have that many instagram followers?

Ummm. I actually don’t know and I have no idea what percentage of them see anything I post. It’s obviously a stage of some sort but it feels like … definitely not irrelevant but just not what I’m focused on at the moment!

how does it feel to be idolized?

I think idolization is a problem in the sense that it suggests that someone is being exalted above another… but like in terms of magnetizing a resonant audience, that’s awesome. My hope is that I can just deliver the message that they can do their own version

YESSSS SEXTAPE AMBASSADOR i saw Deftones twice live and cried both times during it. Also I think you released Visitor on Soundcloud too right? Or is it another version?

Did you start writing songs shortly before they VM acc was made?

Sextape ambassador Lolllll

I released another version of visitor on SoundCloud yeah. This other one hasn’t ever been heard. It’s actually just a rough draft of something I made with a ghost producer a while back... I’ll put it out soon

if you became pregnant right now, would you keep it?

I’ve thought about this. I would only know the absolute truth if it happened so I can’t really speak with certainty on that hypothetical. I do feel like having a child would be incredible and also I feel that I’ve got a lot of work to do in service of other people who already exist on earth as is! But who knows what will happen =}

were the same age and I’ve followed your career literally since your first teen vogue spread lol. I thought you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen and I was so envious because you were living my dream life. I’d literally cry myself to sleep sometimes because I wanted to be a model so badly and knew it would never be in the cards for me. So reading about how miserable you were is pretty wild

Right???? I had someone else tell me the other day who was a very successful model a few years younger than me that when she started her agents would show her “progression” photos of me becoming thinner and thinner and talk about how I had an eating disorder and how much more I worked the thinner I got………… and she idolized me as a result. I literally do not remember my life from that time period because I was so deeply entirely disocciated

Hey, since you already enjoy going live on Instagram, have you ever thought about going live on TikTok? People can send gifts during lives, which equals/ can turn into money. I’m not sure how many followers you need to receive it, but maybe once you have enough followers. 🤷‍♀️could be something to look into🩷

Yeahhhh I’d love that! I don’t have enough followers lol

Also please ignore my other ask 😭 I realized I shared a little too much and got a little too vulnerable (which there’s nothing wrong with that ), but I turned a simple question into a whole therapy session 💀 Probably best to let that one rot in the asks instead of putting my entire life story on your feed😅

To sum it up, I was just wondering if you have any advice for someone who is autistic and has spent a long time masking, which played into a big part of my burnout. ( I also have selective mutism) I’m now trying to figure out how to be comfortable being myself without feeling guilty or uncomfortable. I also worry about my future and whether I’ll be able to find a job that works for me,

Honestly I get quite a few questions like that and if I’m able to stumble upon them when I have the energetic bandwidth to respond, I totally will… so I’m not even sure which message it is you sent! But totally if you’d rather me not answer it it’s totally fine… maybe it kind of acted like a journal session just to write it out?

Honestly I really had to essentially lose myself in a way that made me feel like I’d died before coming back to life and essentially just coming back online as my most essential self but disrupted by fear of societal backlash or rule breaking…. In losing my social status, friendships, money, physical health, etc. I became fearless because I reached the bottom of the well and essentially let go of everything…. Only to then realize I had emptied myself so as to make room for allowing gratitude and inner connectedness to fill up my entirety. So my journeys a bit abstract but honestly with the internet there are so many opportunities for people who aren’t adhering to the patriarchal standard… Although ofc the system as a whole is broken ofc. I would just try to connect with like minded people at shows, venues, events, etc… take care of yourself while also clearing more and more space for your authenticity to exist. The more that happens the more resonance is magnetized to you… and help others as you go! That’s my advice =}

Is there anything you'd like to have deleted from the internet? I'm not necessarily talking about the sw-stuff—I was just wondering what it's like to have so many old photos and interviews of yourself out there. Do you cringe sometimes?

No lol

I know you probably don’t want to give any diet or nutrition advice. But as someone who’s desperately (and unsuccessfully) trying to lose weight, yet also has a history of eating disorders and doesn’t want to fall back into the same patterns as before, I’d be really interested in your perspective. What does a typical day or week look like for you in terms of eating and exercise? Any tips on how to feel healthy, energetic, and hot without relapsing?

I honestly don’t have typical days because each one is completely different…

I feel healthy energetic and hot because I went through hell to discover who I was far beyond my appearance and physical manifestation…. Which was in part because I became very ill and was no longer able to feel that I had control over my body because what was happening physically was so extreme and nonsensical… so my perspective just totally changed.

But my tip I suppose would be to do things that are mind-based and then you won’t be so reliant on your physicality which will in turn be an energetic relief for your body!

what are you most excited about right now?

So many things but I’d love to clear out my credit card debt as soon as possible so that I can focus on my output. Feel free to help by sending me money

were you excited about modeling when you started?

Ummm. Yes in the sense that from the first time I did a photoshoot I experienced some sort of transcendental overture where I suddenly felt expressive and comfortable being witnessed which I’d never felt before… but from the moment I met with an agency in Texas and was told to lose weight when I was fourteen or fifteen it became riddled with a lot of other people’s expectation too

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ALI MICHAEL