•just a sip of skinny•

i’m alice, i’ve got 24 years of chaos and a cat. H: 170cm sw:77kg lw:62,7kg CW: 74 kg ugw: 53kg • hypothyroidism

[stick-not-thicc]

PRO REVOVERY

You deserve help. You are sick enough.

[alimistica]

i can’t believe that four years ago i was 10 kg lighter while now i struggle to put the fork down even when i’m full.. i need to find a job and make something out of my days other than writing my thesis and sitting on my phone all day. such a pathetic pig

[alimistica]

i’m struggling so much right now with food and restriction. also constantly anxious that i will still be overweight for my graduation day and also my birthday and many more events. i feel so bad while i’m giving up restriction and i can’t even moderate my eating.

it’s like i can’t stick to my plan and always have to indulge to feel something and i feel like i can’t cope with my emotions except trough food. i’m not even that stressed right now, i’m literally just working on my thesis.

[alimistica]

today i baked krapfen from scratch and they were sooo good imma drop a photo below. they had a hint of lemon zest and i filled them with lemon custard.

so tonight i’m going to eat an egg white omelette (with the leftover whites from the custard) with boiled chard.

tomorrow i’m going to skip breakfast and luch but i’m at my sister’s for dinner and we will have pizza :( anyway tomorrow i’m out all day and i will walk a bit.

the krapfens: 😩🥴🤤

[alimistica]

during the years i wrote soooo many little poems about my crushes or flings and the fact that no one knows it’s really funny to me. once i was so mesmerized by a friend playing guitar that i wrote something about it as soon as i got home.

it’s comforting to think that as i wrote about other people, maybe someone wrote something about me, or just even thought something cute about me. my romanticism is over the roof today, idk why.

no, maybe i know why lol. yesterday i was in uni to work for my thesis with my bf and a friend of us that i don’t really know much. but we really clicked honestly and he showed us some magic tricks with the cards.

i was really excited about the tricks and loved them, so he would shuffle the cards and then tell me “pick a card” out of the blue and do something cool, and he did that several times.

i’m kind of ashamed of my flirtatious personality, but i just love to connect with people, i love the glances, the shivers, the back and forth exchange of jokes.

as always, i want to state that i love my boyfriend and i want my future with him, but realistically, it’s impossible to never ever have other crushes and that doesn’t take away anything from the relationship as long as you keep everything respectful and keep boundaries.

that’s what i think and what works for me, now i have to write a silly lil poem about a young magician lol

[alimistica]

i’m going to wait until my period ends to weigh myself, but i’m already convinced that i’m gaining in this period. thank god tomorrow i have a blood test and i will know if it’s my many mini binges (probably) or my thyroid meds that need adjustment (less probable)

[alimistica]

fuck i had a mini binge :( my grandma is in hospital for pneumonia after she broke her leg and she was inpatient for rehabilitation. i just couldn’t control it, it’s been some though months health-wise for my family in general.

now i feel so shitty and overall guilty for everything :(

[alimistica]

but he said that he will let me fast without questioning whenever i want when i’m at his place. i really sold that to him in the best way to avoid any worry lol.

also, i need to chill the f out because i’m overly nervous and not really able to control my emotions rn

[alimistica]

i fought with my bf, overate and didn’t exercise, not a good start for my week 👍🏻

[alimistica]

by the end of february i’m planning to lose between 4 and 5 kg (8.8 - 11 lbs).

if i exercise as often as i can and fast everytime i have the opportunity i know i’ll make it. but i will have to absolutely cut the food when i’m at my bf’s without worrying him.

and i will also have to lie a lot to my parents — tbh who cares i’m 24 and as soon as i finish my last exam i’m looking for a job (in march, i honestly can’t wait, i hope i find something in my field, which is psychology, but i would settle for everything to earn my first real money)

[alimistica]

i exercised and now i’m studying, i’m so proud wow

i know i can actually keep it up

[alimistica]

i’m fasting and aiming to reach 22h, i would fast more but i have to eat lunch and dinner with my parents everyday. it’s exhausting honestly. i will start lying soon. tonight i said i wasn’t hungry because i ate pizza yesterday and today we had lunch at my sister’s so i couldn’t avoid eating.

i didn’t exercise today and didn’t study either 😩

[frogb0nez]

It feels so good that my brain has switched from wishing I just didn't feel hunger to loving the pain of it. It just feels like success now and it's so euphoric. I love feeling like I'm finally doing something right.

[frogb0nez]

All of a sudden it feels like I'm 11 again and I'm on the scales while my step-mum laughs about how much I've put on since Christmas...

[alimistica]

core memory, but with my mom

[alimistica]

i’m not setting myself for failure — i’m being honest because i know this isn’t a diet, it’s how i see myself, how the world morphes following my thoughts, it’s food addiction, it’s the inability to accept my reflection, it’s pure self hatred and the will to make this body pay for every mistake in these 24 years.

[alimistica]

i managed to eat a small lunch and tonight i’ll eat pizza in peace and tranquillity with my bf, but before that i’m going to workout as long as i can with yt videos.

i also have to study but these days i’m mentally relapsing and i can’t properly focus since i’m constantly planning my meals and exercises and consuming related media. i’m aware that i should block out of my mind the food discourse but relapsing means revolving around it all over again. which will eventually lead me to a binge-restriction cycle.

so that’s on self awareness of my future and inevitable failure 🤝🏻

[alimistica]

so tomorrow i’m going out to dinner with my bf cause yes restriction but also even at my lw i always felt accepted by him and felt free to enjoy food as i wanted. i js want to say: he’s the best, and he’s catching up with my renewed restricting habits, so ig i’ll reassure him?

so tomorrow i’m planning on waking up early and workout as long as i can. for lunch i have to find a way to eat as little as possible, which is quite hard since i’m with my mom all day long.

i could actually have some water based porridge with some fruits? and i’ll tell her that i want to save my hunger for the night? i hate her suspicious stare 😭 she’s the real disordered one between us, i can’t really lie to her