Ali your pally

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." -Albert Einstein

[aliyourpally-blog]

Doth thou protest

Me: i want another beer

Husband: ::sigh::

Me: what?!

Husband: nothing, i farted

Me: oh, well- sounded like judgement

Husband: no

2 hours later

Husband: is that another one

Me: yup

Husband: ...judged

[aliyourpally-blog]

Nostalgia

::me and the hubs watching some romantic thing on tv about new relationships::

me: ever miss that?

husband: miss what?

me: that newness relationship thing.. where you want to totally make out but not sure if the other person is into it so you play it cool?

husband: ::starts to make out with the air and rolls eyes back in his head::

me: yeah... ::in disgust:: me too...

[aliyourpally-blog]

[aliyourpally-blog]

This conversation brought to you by the 6th layer of hell!

Me: So are you interested in taking this quiz to see what level of hell you will be in?

Husband: do it already ::motions to computer ::

Me: sorry, i didnt know if you were interested, I mean sometimes i say things and you arent interested

Husband: ok first, be honest with yourself Ali, Im not interested in anything you say

[aliyourpally-blog]

Noon time nonsense

Me: So I'm going to spend the rest of the day studying, and then I want to spend the evening hangin out with you

Husband: Okay sure...wait what?

Me: nice listening skills

Husband: Yeah I want to watch Game of thrones tonight too.

Me: Okay where did that come from

Husband: Me, just now...nice listening skills

[aliyourpally-blog]

T-rex porn isnt right?! Say it isnt so!!!

Me: did you know margarine is one molecule away from being plastic

Friend: nu-uh

Me: yeah huh its on the internet and as you know everything on the internet is factual

Friend: Ali, so is t-rex porn, but it doesn't make it right.

[aliyourpally-blog]

mythological booty

Husband to coworker: I have a wedgie want to pick it?

Coworker: if I could find your ass maybe

Me: its true, his ass is kinda like a mythological creature, like bigfoot or nessie

Husband: thats totally not true... noone has ever claimed to have seen my ass!

Me: true story

[aliyourpally-blog]

This amazing man, by the simple name of Jeff, has created a brilliant children's book idea that I think people should all be aware of. Its designed for weird kids, like me, and you (admit it dude you're a freak!)- if you know a weird kid, are a weird kid, or have spawned a weird kid, this might be the book for you. The art reminds me of Ren and Stimpy and since my kids (and I) love that how I think this is something I will invest in.- a $10 pledge will get you a digital copy of the book, $25 gets you a hard back cover and a digital copy...the more you fund the more swag you get- check out this link for more info: http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1087986687/clarence-and-the-spoon?ref=live

[aliyourpally-blog]

It's log!

Killian after watching Ren and Stimpy

Killian: mom know what i want for Christmas?

Me: what?

Killian: a log

Me: oh yeah why?

Killian: because its better than bad its good

Me: I'm so freaking ecstatic you're my kid.

[aliyourpally-blog]

my halloween costume... i felt sexy!

[aliyourpally-blog]

Halloween! Husband- zombie, me- zipper face,

[aliyourpally-blog]

Father of the year!

Me (to son): Killian I love you so much, I never knew I could love someone so much, until you were born.

Killian: I love you too mommy

Me (to husband): David did you feel that way?

David: huh? feel what way?

Me: like you never knew you could love someone so much, until you had your own child?

David: Oh yeah, for sure...i mean, until i got a PS3.

[aliyourpally-blog]

Love means being brutally honest...

*while watching Glee

Glee: sometimes being special sucks

Me: I want to know what that kind of special feels like

David: you’re the wrong kind of special

Me: haha yeah?

David: yeah, you’re fucking retarded.

[aliyourpally-blog]

Barney ruins relationships

So my husband David and I had a conversation last night went a little like this:

::David was flipping through our netflix's recently watched catagory::

David: "Power Ranger Samurai huh?"

Me: "Yeah our kids watch some horrible stuff sometimes!"

David: "As long as its not Barney I'm good"

Me: "You really hate that show huh?"

David: "Ya know I have given it alot of thought, Im ok if my kids are gay, but if they watch Barney I'm afraid I will be forced to disown them"

...true story

[aliyourpally-blog]

So...whats this for?

So...I was in the Toys R Us the other day with my kids, walking through the "girl" toys with my daughter while my husband and son looked at nerf guns and video games (I wish I could have been doing that too!)

Anyway here we are perusing Barbies and baby dolls when I come to an end cap and across this little gem known as "Piny Pons":

These crazy little people that have holes in their hands and such to hold flowers and her purse. They are such a happy little pair see, they even have cute little hearts in their eyes... I mean thats how you know your in love right?

My only question is, if they have these little holes to hold wonderful little gifts for eachother, was this hole an accident, or was the toy made by perverts? Just Sayin'

[aliyourpally-blog]

Tye Dye cupcakes I made for my daughters 4th birthday!

[aliyourpally-blog]

Start at the beginning and when you get to the end...stop

So today i started Jillian Michaels 30 day shred yet again.

I did it 2 years ago and was in purty darn good shape. But i looked at my old measurements, and at my new ones and decided, its time to get my saggy ass in gear!

I hate how inconsistent I am!- I will work really hard and eat only healthy foods to get where I am relatively happy with my figure, I feel all sassy and stuff- then decide to reward myself by gaining it all back.  Of course the gain is alot faster than the loss- which is incredibly annoying!

So anyways, I started back with Mein Führer Jillian,  and i think i could fill a lake with my sweat!- the woman is a total nutbag- but gets insane results! I mean I was going to hire someone to come to my house and berate me all bootcamp drill sergeant style but that gets pricey, I can hear the same thing with a pinch of encouragement from Jillian for the low one time payment of 9.99 lol

Today my daughter Temperance decided to workout with me- within 2 minutes she was telling me how tired she was and how badly she needed a drink- she walked in the kitchen saying "mommy you is really strong, i cant do dis anymoooore"- Hope I can keep it up, i mean i dont want to let my 3 year old down and all.

...I just dont understand.. i proof read this and all i can picture in my head is this:

 enjoy!