A/N: Hello, I'm back, I lost my earphones because im a dumbass and as part of my grieving process I wrote this. I hope you guys like it. Feedback is much appreciated.
In which you, Tsukishima's s/o, lose his headphones.
light angst(???), hinted undiagnosed ADD!reader, Anxious!reader, Tsukki is honestly a little shit, but he's really not.
For some reason, it was always particularly hard for you during partials week, college was a lot more complicated when it came to evaluation, specially in your major. It triggered anxiety and if was often hard to focus in your studying and projects, that was mainly the reason why you nearly never studied somewhere that wasn't your dorm room. Noise distracted you and all the fuzz around made it very hard to go back to what you needed to finish.
This time though, you were out, at a coffee shop. It was Tsukishima's idea, it was his favorite. His presence helped you (sometimes) stay focused and motivated, with his constant teasing and your faint competitiveness it was easier to keep your eyes set on your goal.
It was early when you both arrived and ordered something to eat and drink, but by the time he was done with his work, it was already time for him to go to his volleyball practice. He offered to come back after he was done so he could walk you back home. When he saw the doubt in your eyes and the small pout, he grabbed his headphones from his bag and placed them around your neck.
Tsukishima knew you had a bit of trouble getting distracted, it was almost as if it was a part of who you were. It might be troublesome sometimes, but he often found endearing how much effort you put into bettering yourself.
Silly, he made fun of you for that, but deep down he liked to help you, to make it easier for you too. So if lending his headphones was it, he'd do it without a problem. Maybe with some teasing here and there, always asking you 'not to lose them'. But it was mainly a joke, because he knew you were extra careful with his stuff.
On the other hand, you could find so much joy from these little things. You knew Tsukki never gave off his stuff to other people, so you being his lover gave you that privilege. And you always made sure to take good care of all that he lend you, to the point where you often forgot your own stuff sometimes from prioritizing his.
But this time was different. The original plan was that Kei would come back for you, but after getting to the gym, he was bombarded by the news that they would take a lot longer than they usually do. So he sent you a text to tell you, when you read it, you felt a little down about it but tried to focus on finishing your assignment.
Maybe you could wait there long enough for him to come back.
This was the second partial's share of your project, which was pretty chaotic already. The subject you planned working with wasn't doing it for you anymore, so this time you needed to turn in the first partial's share updated with the new subject and the one for the current period.
And you were almost done with everything, but your laptop shut off. Damn, the battery.
You almost flipped your bag upside down before realizing that you had forgotten the charger. So everything that you had planned for the evening had to change. You needed to get your damned charger.
So, you packed everything back, uneasy, the only thought in your head being 'I hope I saved my document', as one does.
And you texted Kei again, to update him on your new plans, but you didn't wait long enough for him to answer. You dropped your phone inside your back and focused on walking to the station.
Finally, when you grabbed your keys to your dorm room and opened the door, you settled down and plugged in your computer.
Well, at least your file was safe. You only lost a few lines at the end of it, which was easy to pull up, because during your way back, you reviewed mental notes on your project for every time you felt a ping of anxiety.
When you were done writing, you closed your laptop and grabbed your phone, you remembered you needed to tell Kei you were home safe. But then you saw it. His last text.
You're doomed before you know it.
From 'Tsukki':
Don't lose my headphones, idiot.
As per usual, Tsukishima attempted to tease you, but he nearly unraveled a panic attack.
You didn't have them on you, you effortlessly tapped the inside of your bag 'looking' for them. But you knew, very well, that they were not there. Why would you have them in your bag, you never put them inside. And it's much worse because now you vividly remember never putting them in your bag.
But where? Could you have left them in the train back home? You were sure you checked twice before leaving through the door. Did you drop them on your walk home? You are sure you must have heard them hit the ground, and you were not carrying anything in you arms, nor hands, why would you drop them if there was no reason for you to do so?
The... table at the coffee shop?
On one hand, you'd feel pretty dumb if you did, but on the other, that's probably the safest place for you to have forgotten them. It probably meant that you could go back and ask if someone saw them there. Maybe they grabbed them and are keeping them safe from for you.
But it is late, and you wonder if they are still open, when your phone buzzes next to you. It's him, your boyfriend, and it's very weird that for once he's wondering if he can see you again after he's done with practice.
Tsukishima, why are you like this?
It's almost as if he knew you were, in your imagination, running away from him. As if he had a sixth sense to be an inconvenience for you when you need him to ignore you the most.
For a second, you wondered if he was missing his headphones, maybe he didn't want to see you as much as he wanted his headphones back. After all, those were his favorite ones.
And the sudden wave of guilt came rushing back to you.
From 'Y/n':
I'm tired today, Kei. Maybe tomorrow.
It was very unusual for you to turn him down, and he knew something was up. Did you finish your work? Did you need any help? Was there something he could do for you?
Since he got the news of their extra-practice, he's been thinking about how he left you alone in the coffee shop. You were always nice to him, so he knew you would go with almost anything he proposed. But this time, he felt a little guilty about leaving you in a position where he knew you were uncomfortable with.
He could picture you being desperate to finish your project, Kei knew it had been bugging you for a while now, and that your deadline was soon.
So after he was done, he walked the way to your dorm, even after you told him not to. He grabbed something you both could eat on his way, too. Something he knew you loved, and with that, he arrived to you door.
Knock Knock
You were in a state of panic.
Since you realized that it was already too late, you decided to wait until tomorrow to visit the coffee shop, but your thoughts were killing you. You could feel how, with every thought, your heart beat faster and your breathing nearly stopped. Your head was pounding, too.
You did it again, even after trying so hard.
You felt frustrated, angered. At your self and your inability to focus and remember important things.
So, when you heard the knock, you heart missed a beat for a second. You knew it was him, it could only be him. As you walked to the door, you could feel your body ache in heat. You know? That sensation you feel on your face when you're angry or very upset, with the familiar sting in your eyes, from threatening tears about to fall off your waterline.
You opened the door; he was right there, carrying a plastic bag, with what you guessed was takeout, in his hand.
"Hey. Ar- Are you okay?" Kei sort of stumbled in his words midway due to him noticing the state you were in. "Did some-"
"I lost them, Kei" you cut in.
He blinked. Once. Twice.
"You really did?" You could feel a bit of mock in his voice, so when you looked up to meet his eyes, you noticed he was trying hard to hide his smirk. All the emotions you were trying to hold back suddenly resurfaced the moment your body seemed to relax a little. Your tears fell as you (softly) punched his chest in protest. "You should be mad, Kei, stop smiling like that," you said between sobs. "I lost your favorite headphones!" You now moved your hands to wipe of your tears.
"You know, I don't mind that much," he said wrapping his arms around you. "I probably would have, but you looked so scared? I would never let go of an opportunity to tease you like that."
And the part he left out was the one where you genuinely looked so scared that he knew it wasn't his place to be upset at you, things like that happen to everyone all the time, it wasn't so important. What good would it bring to make you feel worse.
Tsukishima Kei be mean sometimes, but he is your boyfriend, and he cares about you.
Besides, he was a little bit at fault too, according to him, because he kinda pushed you into staying out and not at home as you proposed.
But no, he wouldn't verbally tell you any of this. He'll let you know, somehow, in other ways, like when he hugs your sobbing figure or leaves soft kisses at the top of your head. Kei will tease you to ease the moment, to see if he can fish out a few smiles from you. So you'll know there's nothing to be scared of.
He would have been upset, they were indeed his favorite headphones, but the sight of you in the middle of a breakdown because of it brought him back and helped him focus on what really is important for him.
You bought him new ones the week after, and he really treasures them, even if he teased you about them being an "inferior" brand.
omg hi! i saw you're taking requests for our beloved kei 🥺
can i request some hurt/comfort? maybe reader is having a hard time with inner demons? can be about insecurity or feeling like a burden/disappointment. idk i just want to know how kei would help reader out of it :') thank youuuu💞
There it is.
Another morning in which you wake up before your alarm clock, restlessly waiting for sleep to come back, even if that's just ten minutes until it actually rings you back awake.
It sucks. It really does.
You're tired, no matter how much you get to sleep (or not).
You keep turning and tossing around in the big bed you share with your boyfriend, worried that you might wake him up. And it only adds up, to the point that you wonder if the anxiety of being an inconvenience (again) is keeping you up.
And you feel like crying. But it makes no sense.
Can you believe? Feeling so tired, so not-there that even crying seems to have no point to it?
Somedays it gets better. It really does. Sometimes it's easier to get up and do your chores, study, keep up with your work. Sometimes you're strong, but days like today drain everything from you.
Because the day hasn't 'officially' begun, but you're done with it. You know it's gonna be a bad day.
And you don't know for how long.
Once more, you decide you're gonna try to sleep, a last try. So you turn your back to Kei sleeping next to you, so your tossing won't bother him as much.
The only thing you can feel at the moment is frustration, and plenty of repressed emotions that are somehow managing to make their way out in the form of a headache.
You sigh, but it kind of comes out strangled, from trying to keep it quiet.
It sounds like sobbing.
And maybe it was the familiarity of the action, or the warmth in the hand that reached out to your shoulder, but that was enough for you to curl up in a ball and break down.
It was quiet, with you holding your breathing, and shivering. You weren't cold, but you were aware of how cold your skin felt to the touch, because when a pair of strong arms tried to coop you up, you could sense them tense up.
It wasn't long until Kei slowly prompted you to turn around to face him, so he could properly embrace you.
He didn't ask.
Actually, Kei didn't talk, at all.
The sweetness and warmth in his embrace helped you keep your thoughts in place. You were not alone. Kei was right there, with you.
But then, what if he's not anymore.
He knows now.
How miserable you feel at times, how pathetic you look; holding onto him, like you couldn't make it on your own.
Your clouded mind could only process one thought at the time, and you wondered why it always had to pick the worse.
Kei hates when you're clingy.
You know that, but you are not clingy. You try hard not to be.
Could it be possible that he'd leave you because of his one time you're holding onto him?
Perhaps.
So, when you try to pull back, he's a bit surprised. He's been quietly wondering what's wrong, but he knows better than to ask right now, when you could barely talk. Maybe a nightmare? Or... are you feeling sick? Is there something he should do?
This is the first time he's seen you like this, you're almost never vulnerable this way in front of him. You are always smiling, with that annoying smile he loves so much.
After you pulled back, you tried to turn around again, to cover your face, the last bits of dignity that may still lay upon you.
"Did- Did I do something wrong?"
And that you didn't expect, his choked question and retreating hand had you frozen.
"Hey, look at me," his voice was firm this time, "did something happen?" his body was partially hovering over you, not crushing you, but you could feels the warmth of his body. His hand reaching forward to cup your face gently. "Are you sick?"
You could make out the worry in his voice this time, and that help you turn off the increasing worry that your thoughts had set up in your mind.
"I might be," you chuckled dryly, but it came out almost desperate. "I'm sorry, Kei." You started between sobs. "I'm just feeling terrible... I don't feel like... existing? Not today at least."
You couldn't see his eyes widening in the dark, but what you did feel was his arms tightening slightly around you. His head leaning forward, so he could plant a caring kiss at the top of your head.
Soon, he began to draw tiny circles in your bag, you drifting off to sleep.
Today, both of you had college classes, but they were certainly not a priority when you're feeling this bad, so he let you sleep in. Making sure you could rest for what was left of the morning, watching over you.
After a few hours passed by, he got up, carefully, and walked to the kitchen. Kei didn't always cook, but it certainly was a way for him to show you how much he loves you, as he did with many other things.
By now, you knew already how complicated expressing emotions through words was for him, so when you woke up and caught the faint smell of food from the kitchen, you realized that bad days could get better sometimes, specially if you have such a sweet boyfriend as you do. The feeling of numbness creeping up right after you woke up suddenly melted away when you saw Tsukishima, in an apron, standing in front of the oven.
"You cooked us breakfast?" You asked with a soft chuckle.
"I cooked us breakfast"
"It's smells nice, Kei," you approached him slowly, almost as if you had to ask attentively each of your feet to move.
"I know, I'm a great cook..." You wrapped your arms around him. "I know, love. Thank you".
"Are you feeling better?" He looked at you under his arm, almost shyly.
"I am," he could make out the dried tears still staining your face, his face softening for a second. "Good, we didn't skip class for nothing," Kei smirked, pulling a soft laugh from you, who was now burying your face on his chest.
Maybe, you've had to deal with pain and doubt for years in the past, and you felt oh so alone. It's been complicated at times, to the point where you're just exhausted. Definitely, some days are just harder than others. But you're not alone anymore. He's here. With you.
----
AAA it was taking a really dark turn, but i tried to stop myself and keep it not as angsty, so im sorry if the flow is a bit broken in this one. Feedback is much appreciated.
Thank you for your request, sweetheart. I'm happy to meet more Tsukki enthusiasts uwu <3
Also, I'm not sure if this is exactly what you asked for 🙈but i hope it works for you ;u; but do feel free to request more scenarios!
Tsukki having a singer significant other! Them writing a song about him, and confessing to him in a song (kinda like serenading him). Him being blushy about being serenaded, and he accpets reader's confession. It doesn't need to be a song fic! (Also may I please be called 🍇 anon?)
You've been into music for as long as you can remember. It's basically a second language to you, so it only makes sense that it is easier to express your feelings through music and singing.
It was very natural to you, so when you caught yourself having some feelings for Tsukishima, it was also very natural for you to think about him when certain songs came up in your playlist or when you found a new song you liked. A lot of them reminded you of him.
You had met him when you became a high school student, you've been in the same class and had to work on a few projects together. You both were certainly not friends, but you could consider yourself close. Maybe because of your feelings, or because you thought you were a good team, it was easy to be with him.
Which was pretty interesting for the rest of the people around you, because Tsukishima was most definitely not someone easy to be with. He himself was aware of it, so he tried hard to not make himself pleasant when you were together, although he often failed. He often forgot to keep his act up.
So, the day you realized you had feelings for him, it was harder that usual to keep him out of your mind.
That day, class was dismissed at the end of the day, you had a few assignments and one of them had to be turned in in pairs. You were feeling down, you were sure you'd have to look for a teammate, because Tsukishima would probably work with Yamaguchi, he often did.
But not this time, because when you looked up from your notes, you caught him looking right back at you and, even if you thought the answer to your question, you raised that subject's book with one hand and, raising your other hand in the air, you crossed your fingers. It was almost impulsive. And you wondered if he'd understand, if you'd have to word you question.
It would have been hard, with your trembling voice and shaky, sweaty hands, all from anticipation and nervousness. Your heart nearly stopped when you saw him nod.
And wordlessly, without a notice, your heart thumped harshly in your chest. It would have been painful and would've worried you, if it wasn't for the chemicals in your brain numbing every thought and feeling other that pure joy.
The moment he got up from his place and walked towards you was the indicator for you to start breathing again. Slow and steady, you needed to calm the fuck down.
After that, when he was close enough, he said some things about the tittle of your project and other related stuff, which sounded muffled in your buzzing ears. You managed to tell him you could plan the rest of it through text.
----
The rest of the day felt like a dream, like you were there but not really? Like those scenes in movies, where life's happening in front of you and there's a background playlist of your favorite songs.
And from that day onwards, your days carried a similar feeling to them, as if you where high on music and Tsukishima. It definitely felt as if you were much closer now, you texted a lot more than before and sometimes even had voice calls when you worked together on your assignments.
Since then, you started writing music of your own again, it had been a while, but it feel as if it had just been yesterday. You were trying to create something new, something unique and special; so you've been sticking to your guitar as if you were glued to it and humming melodies as you focused on the chords.
After you were satisfied with the final lyrics and music, you laid down to rest. You still had a lot to process, mindlessly looking at the ceiling, at the spinning fan, when your phone buzzed once, then twice.
It was him. Tsukishima was texting you first. It wasn't unusual, but it always felt special. Like there could be some kind of meaning behind it.
From 'Tsukki':
Hey, are we done with the essay for tomorrow?
It somehow felt like an excuse, you made sure to tell him how you had already turned it in after you both last checked it on Monday. So again, the butterflies in your stomach appeared and you impulsively decided to act upon them.
From 'Y/n':
Yeah, yeah.
Hey, can I show you something?
Two minutes.
From 'Tsukki':
Sure?
Y/n
Incoming videocall
This time, he was really fast, so fast that you almost didn't have enough time to stop your hands from shaking.
When the call connected, it was a bit funny, he seemed startled, you could guess he answered by accident, or maybe even by impulse? He looked nervous, which would have been odd in any other situation, but it reassured you. Almost as if he was as nervous as you.
"Hey, Tsukki!"
"Don't call me that..." He rolled his eyes, "what is it?"
You leaned back and set your phone on you desk, placing your guitar on top of your crossed legs, "I wrote you something", you stated with a big smile.
His eyes widening at your words prompted you into starting your song. You'd memorize it by now, it'd been weeks since you started focusing on it already. You were proud of it, everything you wanted to tell him was in it, and it gave you so much strength that you could swear he was a lot more nervous than you.
And it showed, because, even with the questionable quality of you phone's screen and the lighting in his room, you were able to make up the hints of pink covering his face, even his ears, and all the way down his neck.
It was a nice melody, and the words fit in so well with it. You voice was warm and calm, yet with so many emotions. It was beautiful, and even if the song itself wasn't similar to what he usually listened to, he liked it nonetheless. Because it was now his. Because you wrote it for him. You, his classmate. You, his teammate. You, the person he was in love with. The one he has been in love with for a while now.
So the moment you were done, before you could ask him what he thought about your performance, Tsukishima moved closer to his camera.
"I like you, too, dumbass".
You giggled, nearly tearing up. Anyone would think one would be offended being called a dumbass, but it was so soft, so vulnerable. A failed attempt to mask how much he appreciates you.
"But I'd like to listen to it, you know, in person".
___
Hello, 🍇 anon, I took the freedom to add a bit more details to your request, I hope you don’t mind! If there’s anything wrong with it, I could write something different hehe.
I hope you like it, and thank you very much for your request! <3
And i'm sorry but i got so embarrassed writing this????help???? im shyy omg
A/N: am i okay? maybe (not). this is my contribution for the tsukishima kei loving hours. but is it really? pls let me know haha thanks <3
light angst? fluff?
something like that. it sure is v dramatic.
It was a harmless game of spin the bottle, proposed by Noya, since the whole team was left outside their assigned training gym with no training equipment at hand. Last night, during their night practice, Yachi had forgotten to pick her set of keys, so they were left inside; now, the whole team had to wait for one of the other third years, probably Tanaka, who stayed late to help close up the gym the other night.
After Daichi, Suga, Asahi and Kiyoko graduated, this was something that happened once in a while, although they'd usually have to wait for Yachi to open up. The girl seemed very agitated after she realized her mistake in leaving her keys, and panicked when Kageyama let out a heavy sight, upset about having to wait.
You were there too, after Kiyoko and the others graduated, you applied to be a manager for the team and were accepted. It hasn't been long since that, but by this point, you were already in good terms with everyone. You knew them from before, either way; you'd usually go to their games and cheer for them, so you were already pretty familiar with the team and the sport.
Why? Well, you've been dating Tsukishima for a while, it was some sort of secret relationship? Not a lot of people were aware of it. The only person who found out somehow was Yamaguchi, and he was a good secret-keeper. The three of you have been close friends since you were kids, so it was bound to happen at some point.
A few minutes after you started playing spin the bottle, it landed on you.
"So, y/n. Truth or dare?" Noya asked with a childish grin, to what you answered "T-Truth?" with a certain doubt in your voice. His smile grew bigger before finally pursing his lips, probably thinking about what to ask.
"Alright, so, if you were to marry someone from the team... Who would that be??"
As you'd expect from him and his very embarrassing questions, which put you on the spot and you never knew how to answer.
"U-Uh?" You were often quiet, so a few of the guys used every chance they got to know what you thought about them. After Kiyoko left, their attention never left Yachi and you.
You were uneasy about not knowing what to say. If you chose Tsukishima, it would probably get very awkward and he might be uncomfortable with you hinting at your relationship. And if you said someone else's name, he would get upset about it. Or would he?
You took a minute to think about it and realized that he probably wouldn’t, he never did, Tsukishima was never jealous and seemed to never care enough when Nishinoya or Tanaka approached you in a flirty way.
So, after thinking about it, you came up with a good answer.
“Yamaguchi”
Yamaguchi’s and Tsukishima’s eyes widen, dramatically enough for you to notice; while the others sighed in defeat and Yachi giggled, she’d probably choose him as well, and it showed.
Tadashi blushed after Hinata elbowed him softly. He looked troubled and not even once tried to look at Kei.
Right after, Ennoshita and Tanaka arrived, the latter dangling the keys with his right hand, it seemed that your answer was soon forgotten until Noya, Hinata and, now, Tanaka teased Yamaguchi for the rest of the day.
---
Their morning practice went smoothly, as well as the rest of the day, classes feeling a bit slow. You’ve noticed Kei seemed a little more hesitant when trying to tease you, he still did, but it was off. Yamaguchi, on the other hand, took a liking into subtly teasing Kei about what happened earlier.
Night practice went as per usual, with Hinata and Kageyama staying late for extra practice. You reminded Yachi to take her keys as she blushed apologetically and reassured you so you’d feel comfortable about leaving with the rest of the team.
On your way home, you walked with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, as you often did. The way back was filled with giggles, from Tadashi, he was finally able to effortfully tease both of you. And you didn’t take it too personal, but it seemed like it wasn’t quite the same for Kei.
You didn’t think Tadashi noticed, because he never stopped commenting on your the answer you’d given during the game, talking about wedding plans and whatnot. But you could see Kei glare the floor from time to time when his friend brought it up again.
---
Kei thought it didn’t really matter, he was dating you now; and it was him, not Yamaguchi. There was objectively no reason for him to be upset about it. But he was.
“You see, Tsukki? You need to be nicer! Y/n chose me over you!” You were surprised after that statement, it was true, you chose Tadashi, and that may have given him a little boost in confidence, because otherwise, Yamaguchi would have never said something like that.
And that was the last straw for Tsukki, because when he turned back to face both of you, who were walking a step behind; with tense shoulders, clenched fists and a stern glare, Yamaguchi knew it was enough, and just in time for him to arrive home, his was the first one in your route.
“Sorry, Tsukki,” he said with an apologetic smile before walking towards his front door and saying his goodbyes.
After Yamaguchi left the two of you, the silence settled, after all, you’re just a few steps away from reaching your home.
So, when you finally did, you turned to face him, and just before you could wave him off, he grabbed your wrist, it was light but firm.
“Why him?” He asked, looking directly into your eyes, with a casual tone in his voice, almost unbothered.
"Tadashi seemed like the easiest answer, Kei," you replied, trying to appear calm, with a quiet smile.
Kei wanted to think that you meant that 'at the moment', as in 'in front of the others', but it still made him feel very uneasy when you explained that he was the easiest. Did you really mean Yamaguchi was the easiest answer because no one knew you were dating Kei? Or was Yamaguchi a better candidate for marriage? He could believe both and that was very troubling for him.
When you saw him stare at you like he wanted to ask more, you gave him time to do so, but his words never left his mouth. So you continued.
"I love you, Kei" the light grip on your wrist became a little stronger at the statement. And after your pause, you continued. "But I don't think we would be any good if we married, right?" You chuckled apologetically, and maybe a bit embarrassed.
Tsukishima was ecstatic, in shock. What did you mean? Why wouldn’t you want to be with him? He couldn’t understand. Or maybe he could? Kei knew he wasn’t the easiest to deal with, but you knew that even before you started dating. Why would you reject him like this now?
And you seemed pretty relaxed with the idea of it, like you have thought about it before, like it wasn't anything new. It was hard to understand, because you just said you love him. So how come did you not want to marry him?
Kei was pretty good at masking his emotions, because he kept on looking at you with a stoic expression. He found it hard to believe that he was this worried about something like this, this wasn’t him. It wasn’t like him to be so mortified by something as pathetic as what someone said in a dumb spin-the-bottle game. Except that someone was his lover.
You wondered what could be that your boyfriend was thinking, he kept staring at you but not saying a word, unreadable, yet still holding on to you.
"Kei?" You spoke, to what he blinked a couple times, as he came back to the present moment. His fingers loosening his grasp and his own hand going back to the side of his thigh. His lingering touch leaving as the cool air around you dismissed any hint of what was left of his touch. Panic starting to grow little by little. You wondered about what was he thinking, as you do. Always.
And that's one of the reasons why you can't see yourself married to him, or having a long term, formal relationship with Tsukishima. He is very not-there as a boyfriend, and he makes himself very hard to talk to. Sure, you’re pretty much still kids, too young to even think about this with such seriousness. But the question was asked, the thought was given and the answer approached.
You moved your other hand to place it right where his was a few seconds ago, similar to the way you frequently had to comfort yourself when he couldn’t, when he didn’t want to.
And he finally spoke, “should we break up then?” Unlike his words, his tone was almost gentle, none of the usual harshness he spoke with.
“Why?”
“I don’t date casually,” and that you didn’t expect, at all. It would take you the whole night, maybe even days, or a week, to completely process what his words implied. “If you don’t want to get married at all, I don’t mind that, but I wouldn’t like you thinking about marrying some other guy while you’re with me”.
"Will you break up with me then?"
"So it really is like that?" For the first time in a while, you could see some vulnerability in his eyes, he looked upset, maybe even fragile.
"I don't feel like marrying a man who wants me to hide my relationship, Tsukki." You tried to let him down carefully, attempting not to do more harm to what felt like an already bruised relationship.
You loved him. You love him.
But for a while now, what you both had didn't even feel real; it almost felt as if he wasn't in love with you anymore. You know he often expresses himself in special ways, Kei is different. He might not hug you in front of the team, but he would set up playlists that feel like a warm embrace, just for you; Tsukishima might tease you, but the way he used to comfort you when you had a bad day would top anything he ever told you. And it all was gone, these small gestures that meant the world to you were gone.
So what could it ever mean to you that he was this committed, if his way to commit didn't mean much.
"You said you didn't mind not dating publicly," just as it came, the look of vulnerability was gone. Kei's stern look laid on you, his hands in fists.
"I did, I'm sorry, Kei," you looked down. Finally, the conversation you've been meaning to have is unfolding right here, right now. Yet, you can't look him in the eyes, his glare heavy on you, leaving you weak, vulnerable. It's your turn now. "I did, but I think I was wrong. About me. About us. I know I should have told you sooner, but I've been... afraid?"
Pause.
Breathe in.
"I-I am afraid. I don't want us to continue like this, Kei".
"Y/n"
Your name leaving his lips felt foreign, like it's been too long since he used it to call you. Even if he just called you by your name a few minutes ago during practice. It was different outside the gym, when you're no longer his manager, where he could hold your hand. But he won't and he hasn't. He grabs your arm to stop you, but he can't hold your hand. Like a painfully sick analogy for your relationship.
"Please don't leave."
But you need to do better.
"I swear I'll do better."
And you need to treat them right.
"I will be nicer, I will treat you right."
You could feel your eyes stinging, from the hot tears threatening to fall; your hands trembling, letting out the emotions you tried oh so hard to conceal. When he finally closed the spaced between both of you to hold both of your hands in his; right there you finally see it, the way he's been trying hard to conceal too. His shaky breaths and arms, almost as if he was extremely cold. But he was warm, his skin as warm as you remember his touch.
"I've been troubled for a while, and I've been meaning to tell you as well. I don't think I mind letting the others know."
You see him blush and wipe away the trail of tears in your cheek with one of his fingers.
And that enough, the validation and support you need from him, more than anything you needed him to let you know. Know that you can, in fact, count with him when you need him. That he wants this just as much as you do, to the point where it scares you. And it hurts, even, because the inmense amount of love you feel for him makes you think of the future, and how much it will suck to not feel loved by the person who loves you the most.
And you can feel a little crack in your defenses, the one you've been so tired of keeping up in front of him. You melt in his touch, leaning into his palm, slightly agitated from the sobs. He pulls you in, to soothe you in a hug, and for this moment you know you can forget for a moment about all those things that worry you. For this moment, you know he is here.
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