Thinking of yearning Simon Riley, thinking of Ghost suffering from a love he knows he cannot pursue so all he can do is yearn from afar.
You two met after a successful mission, Soap insisting on throwing a small dinner party at his place and that's where he met you, Soap's partner.
He didn't really pay attention to you at first, you had some small talk and he thought you were nice, but nothing more, it was only by the end of the small dinner party when the other boys were a little tipsy and busy chatting with each other that you two had a deeper talk and as he went home after the dinner that night, he left thinking about that talk.
You didn't see each other that often, but when you did he felt a bit more at ease each time and it was one day, when he caught himself staring at you from across the table as everyone else was distracted in their own conversations that it finally hit him.
Bloody fucking hell.
He wanted you, this was probably one of the most awful realizations he could have come too, he hated being in love, but with a mate's partner out of all people? That was just another layer of hell.
He made sure to avoid you like the damn plague after.
He tried to get out of meets ups after work if Soap ever mentioned bringing you along, go quiet or change the topic whenever Soap started speaking about you and if he came to a gathering and you were present, he didn't even look you in the eye, he was trying to ignore these feelings, repressing them until they went away but it was just making them worse.
You even pulled him aside in one of these get-togethers, you were concerned, in your eyes, Simon just had a full 180° on you, sure you weren't best friends but he did bother to talk to you whenever you saw each other but now he was ignoring you, you wondered, had you offended him in some way? Made him upset without realizing? You just wanted to have a good enough relationship with your boyfriend's team, not make them hate you.
Seeing that guilty and ashamed look in your eyes almost made him fold, but he held it together, he made up some bullshit excuse, explaining that he was just "going through a rough patch" and you hadn't done anything to upset him and seeing your relieved smile just made him feel worse.
He wanted you, wanted you so bad, couldn't explain the envy that he felt whenever you and Soap acted like such lovely couple, holding hands, with him having an arm wrapped around your shoulder, him kissing your cheek to tease you.
Fuck, how he wished that he was the one doing all of that to you, how he wished he was the one bringing such a flustered smile on your face.
If he was drunk enough.. just for a moment he could imagine that he really was in Soap's place, that he was the one with the amazing partner.. but it never lasted and in the morning he always had a killer headache to add onto the pain.
If you were just some rando's partner, perhaps he wouldn't have felt so bad, hell, maybe get bold enough to pursue you, but no, you belonged to Soap, to Johnny.
Johnny was one of his best mates. He would never be able to live with himself if he destroyed not only your relationship with him but his relationship with him.
He had known Johnny for longer, they had been through so much shit together, to throw a friendship like that away? He wouldn't allow it. So in the end.. he just yearned from afar, even if it hurt him, hurt him so badly.
Nothing could describe the ache he felt hearing Soap brag about you, fuck, bastard really had hit the jackpot all he could do was just, nod, pretend each word didn't leave him move envious and sad.
Some nights, he'd pull up your socials, you didn't post a whole lot, but if anything it was another thing he liked about you.. one night he got too desperate and with a photo of you on his phone and some tissues on the nightstand.. he couldn't resist.
Needless to say, he didn't have the courage to meet Soap in the eye the next day.
Be My Valentine Content Creation Challenge by @xxsycamore and @chaosangel767
Day 5 prompt - “I made you miss me. I want to make up for that.”
Fandom: Ayakashi Romance Reborn
Setting: Modern World/Future Era. This story is a continuation of the fic I wrote before [Until We Meet Again] about the future after Futaba died. This is the era where Futaba is reincarnated again and they met as college students. Gaku went to college just because he had this gut instinct that it might lead him closer to Futaba’s reincarnation. Soon, they met each other and got together again. This will be their first Valentine’s day since finding each other.
Note: I’ll be referring to Futaba’s reincarnation as MC. I’m not really good at thinking up a meaningful name so I’ll leave it to your imagination.
Word count: 1905
----------
It had only been a couple of weeks since we found each other again. It made all those years of waiting worth it. My friends even thought that I was crazy for having these dreams about my “boyfriend” when he doesn’t exist. They all thought that “Gaku” is just my imagination, that guy in my dreams that maybe I got from reading too much romance manga. In the end, whenever I talked about him, they just accepted it as that. I hardly cared what they thought so long as I knew that Gaku and our past lives were real. And I guess, I am happy enough that they listen to me no matter how crazy they actually think I must be.
I remembered my promise to him. I promised that I would find him this time. I can still remember the happiness I felt when we bumped into each other on my college campus. I stopped in my tracks when I heard the clear sound of bells in my head. I stared at him. He must’ve sensed my gaze because his eyes met mine. I felt like we stood there like that for a while until my friend tapped my arm.
“Hey, MC. Who’s that guy you’re staring at?”
With bated breath, I spoke one word, “Gaku.”
Having said that, the guy in front of me widened his eyes. He muttered softly like he couldn't believe his ears, “Futaba?”
My friend grabbed my arm in disbelief and whispered, “So he really exists?”
I got back my composure and smiled. “I told you Gaku is real and he’s my boyfriend.”
After declaring that, I broke free from my friend’s grasp, grabbed Gaku’s hand and ran away.
“Hey! Where are you going?” my friend shouted after me.
I stopped for a moment to shout my reply, “It’s been a while since we met, we have a lot of catching up to do.” Then, I pulled Gaku away with me.
After we got far enough from my friend, I stopped running.
“This should be far enough.”
I was about to let go of his hand to wipe at the sweat on my brow when this time, it was his turn to squeeze my hand.
“Is it really you?” he asked with hesitance.
Instead of simply saying ‘yes,’ I decided to just tell him that I remember and said, “I promised you didn’t I? That when I am reborn again, I’ll be the one to find you. Have you been waiting long?”
I tentatively brought my free hand up to touch his face. I let my hand stop in midair for fear that he might not want me to do it, after all, I’m a different person from my past life. He raised his other hand to touch my frozen one and touched it to his face.
“You really remembered.”
I saw the joy in his eyes as he said that and pulled me tightly into his arms.
After our reunion, we spent a lot of time trying to catch up to each other. I remember everything that happened in my past life as Futaba so I knew that she made him promise to write about his life**. He told me about the 300 years while I was gone. It seems that indeed I managed to fulfill both my promise to come back earlier and to remember him.
It’s Valentine’s day and I invited Gaku on a date. He wanted to be the one to plan it but I insisted against it. I wanted to do something for him. I feel my heart ache for him at the thought that he really kept on waiting for me. I want this to be memorable. Besides, I already have a destination in mind. Something that I have been planning for a long time now.
He arrives on time at the train station we agreed to meet with a bouquet of forget-me-nots.
"Happy Valentine's, MC"
"Happy Valentine's, Gaku"
After he hands me the bouquet, he asks, "Hey, have you been waiting long?"
"Not really," I answer as I inhale the scent of flowers. Compared to how long you waited for me this is nothing, I thought to myself.
"Thank you for the flowers. I love forget-me-nots. Kinda symbolic of our promise. How nostalgic."
"Yeah. It is symbolic of our promise. But I also want it to mean that we should make lots of memories in this lifetime for us to remember and look back on in the future. I'm giving you these not because you were her in your past life but because you're you today. It might sound weird to say that because it totally looks like I only approached you because you were her but I guess, like I said last time, I want to get to know who you are now because I love you no matter what," Gaku says as a light blush starts to color his cheeks.
"Gaku," I call his name softly and take his hand, squeezing it. I feel like he'll just ramble on if I don't stop him. "It's okay. I understand don't worry. I told you before, didn't I? I remember all about you and Futaba and I've seen in her memories how you sincerely loved who she is whoever she was in her past life. So, you don't need to explain much. Besides, I'm the one who dragged you with me the first time we met again, right? So don't worry about that anymore and let's just enjoy this date."
He squeezes my hand, exhales and replies, "You're right. Thank you. Now where do you plan to take me?"
"It's a secret. You'll know when we get there. Let's go!" I pull on his hand to board the train headed towards our destination.
When we arrive, I can't hide my excitement.
"Ahhhh, I can finally come here!"
Gaku raises an eyebrow at me in confusion and asks, "You haven't been here before? This is the most famous amusement park here."
I shake my head and answer, "No. I declined all of my friends' invitations to come here. When I learned of this place, I vowed that I'll come here for the first time with you. I knew how much you liked admiring mechanisms and stuff and thought you'd appreciate the machines used for the rides in the amusement park."
"I've been here before though," he says bluntly, just like the Gaku I knew in my dreams.
"I thought that might be the case. But this will be the first time you're here with me and I think it's a nice place to make memories, don't you think? Besides, I also thought that, waiting for a few years to be able to come here for the first time is nothing compared to how long you waited for me," I admit the other reason for choosing this as our date spot today.
He squeezes my hand and I see him smiling at me and looking at me with soft eyes.
"Then, I'll be your escort for today. Let's make memories."
This time, it's his turn to pull me forward.
After enjoying the rides and shows that the park has to offer, we stop for a break and buy some ice cream.
While eating, I realize that Gaku has his phone pointed at me.
"Wow, I didn't know you can look pouty while eating an ice cream," he says while inspecting something on his phone.
I realized that he took a picture of me. "Hey! I must look bad in that, delete it!"
"No way!" He moves his phone away quickly before I can snatch it. "Why are you pouting anyway?"
"I knew you already came here but I feel like I'm the only one enjoying the rides. You were totally not showing any reaction while I'm screaming my lungs out."
Gaku laughs.
"What's so funny?" I feel myself pouting again.
"Well, I'm not really afraid of heights so you can't expect me to shout during rides. But like you said, this is my first time to come here with you so I used the time to properly look at you. I enjoyed all your reactions."
He grins at me and takes out his phone again. This time, he shows it to me and scrolls through his gallery.
"Oh my god. You took a lot of pictures of me? I look bad in some of them. It's embarrassing!"
"No, you don't. I think you look cute in all the pictures I took," he replies with a serious face.
I feel doubtful about what he said when he adds, "I never flatter, remember?"
He's right. He's not the type to flatter. He says what he wants to say without holding anything back. So he's really not making fun of me with those photos.
"Fine, I believe you. But don't show those to Yura!"
"I don't plan on showing it to Brother anyway. I'll only show him pictures of us but those pictures of you that I took will be for my eyes only."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
We spent the rest of the afternoon walking around the park, going for a few more rides, taking pictures and talking a lot. I feel like I've learned more about him, more than what Futaba's memories have shown me. I'm sure he also feels the same, about knowing more about who I am today.
At last, it's nighttime and it's time for the fireworks show. We stand at the open field with the rest of the guests to wait for it.
"Hey, Gaku. I had fun today. Waiting for you until I come here for the first time was worth it."
"I had fun too. Thank you for inviting me today."
I can hear that the countdown for the fireworks is down to the final ten seconds.
I have one more surprise for him.
"Hey, Gaku. You say you've seen everything in this park already but I bet here's something you haven't seen yet."
"Sorry to burst your bubble but I've already seen their fireworks."
“I made you miss me. I want to make up for that.”
"Three, two, one!"
Just as I hear the countdown reach 'one,' I utter those words and move in front of him.
I vaguely hear the sound of fireworks rising behind me but all I see is Gaku and I hear the loud pounding of my heart. I close the gap between us, close my eyes and press my lips to his.
When I pull back I see a look of surprise flash in his eyes, he gives me a soft smile as his hands find my face. I feel myself flush.
Was that too bold of me?
"You're right I haven't seen that yet."
He moves to close the gap between us again but I get self-conscious and push at his chest.
"Wait! There are a lot of people around."
"Huh? You were the one who did it first without caring about the people around us. I thought you wanted to make it up to me? Besides, they're busy looking at the fireworks."
This time, I don't protest and we share another kiss. After that, we stare at the sky together and enjoy the rest of the fireworks show.
Looking at the fireworks' ephemeral glow, I say a prayer in my heart that this time, our time together will be longer than before.
**This is not really part of “Until We Meet Again.” I originally planned to include it there because it didn’t sound right to include with the flow of that story although that was a headcanon I had thought even before writing it.
A/N: am i okay? maybe (not). this is my contribution for the tsukishima kei loving hours. but is it really? pls let me know haha thanks <3
light angst? fluff?
something like that. it sure is v dramatic.
It was a harmless game of spin the bottle, proposed by Noya, since the whole team was left outside their assigned training gym with no training equipment at hand. Last night, during their night practice, Yachi had forgotten to pick her set of keys, so they were left inside; now, the whole team had to wait for one of the other third years, probably Tanaka, who stayed late to help close up the gym the other night.
After Daichi, Suga, Asahi and Kiyoko graduated, this was something that happened once in a while, although they'd usually have to wait for Yachi to open up. The girl seemed very agitated after she realized her mistake in leaving her keys, and panicked when Kageyama let out a heavy sight, upset about having to wait.
You were there too, after Kiyoko and the others graduated, you applied to be a manager for the team and were accepted. It hasn't been long since that, but by this point, you were already in good terms with everyone. You knew them from before, either way; you'd usually go to their games and cheer for them, so you were already pretty familiar with the team and the sport.
Why? Well, you've been dating Tsukishima for a while, it was some sort of secret relationship? Not a lot of people were aware of it. The only person who found out somehow was Yamaguchi, and he was a good secret-keeper. The three of you have been close friends since you were kids, so it was bound to happen at some point.
A few minutes after you started playing spin the bottle, it landed on you.
"So, y/n. Truth or dare?" Noya asked with a childish grin, to what you answered "T-Truth?" with a certain doubt in your voice. His smile grew bigger before finally pursing his lips, probably thinking about what to ask.
"Alright, so, if you were to marry someone from the team... Who would that be??"
As you'd expect from him and his very embarrassing questions, which put you on the spot and you never knew how to answer.
"U-Uh?" You were often quiet, so a few of the guys used every chance they got to know what you thought about them. After Kiyoko left, their attention never left Yachi and you.
You were uneasy about not knowing what to say. If you chose Tsukishima, it would probably get very awkward and he might be uncomfortable with you hinting at your relationship. And if you said someone else's name, he would get upset about it. Or would he?
You took a minute to think about it and realized that he probably wouldn’t, he never did, Tsukishima was never jealous and seemed to never care enough when Nishinoya or Tanaka approached you in a flirty way.
So, after thinking about it, you came up with a good answer.
“Yamaguchi”
Yamaguchi’s and Tsukishima’s eyes widen, dramatically enough for you to notice; while the others sighed in defeat and Yachi giggled, she’d probably choose him as well, and it showed.
Tadashi blushed after Hinata elbowed him softly. He looked troubled and not even once tried to look at Kei.
Right after, Ennoshita and Tanaka arrived, the latter dangling the keys with his right hand, it seemed that your answer was soon forgotten until Noya, Hinata and, now, Tanaka teased Yamaguchi for the rest of the day.
---
Their morning practice went smoothly, as well as the rest of the day, classes feeling a bit slow. You’ve noticed Kei seemed a little more hesitant when trying to tease you, he still did, but it was off. Yamaguchi, on the other hand, took a liking into subtly teasing Kei about what happened earlier.
Night practice went as per usual, with Hinata and Kageyama staying late for extra practice. You reminded Yachi to take her keys as she blushed apologetically and reassured you so you’d feel comfortable about leaving with the rest of the team.
On your way home, you walked with Yamaguchi and Tsukishima, as you often did. The way back was filled with giggles, from Tadashi, he was finally able to effortfully tease both of you. And you didn’t take it too personal, but it seemed like it wasn’t quite the same for Kei.
You didn’t think Tadashi noticed, because he never stopped commenting on your the answer you’d given during the game, talking about wedding plans and whatnot. But you could see Kei glare the floor from time to time when his friend brought it up again.
---
Kei thought it didn’t really matter, he was dating you now; and it was him, not Yamaguchi. There was objectively no reason for him to be upset about it. But he was.
“You see, Tsukki? You need to be nicer! Y/n chose me over you!” You were surprised after that statement, it was true, you chose Tadashi, and that may have given him a little boost in confidence, because otherwise, Yamaguchi would have never said something like that.
And that was the last straw for Tsukki, because when he turned back to face both of you, who were walking a step behind; with tense shoulders, clenched fists and a stern glare, Yamaguchi knew it was enough, and just in time for him to arrive home, his was the first one in your route.
“Sorry, Tsukki,” he said with an apologetic smile before walking towards his front door and saying his goodbyes.
After Yamaguchi left the two of you, the silence settled, after all, you’re just a few steps away from reaching your home.
So, when you finally did, you turned to face him, and just before you could wave him off, he grabbed your wrist, it was light but firm.
“Why him?” He asked, looking directly into your eyes, with a casual tone in his voice, almost unbothered.
"Tadashi seemed like the easiest answer, Kei," you replied, trying to appear calm, with a quiet smile.
Kei wanted to think that you meant that 'at the moment', as in 'in front of the others', but it still made him feel very uneasy when you explained that he was the easiest. Did you really mean Yamaguchi was the easiest answer because no one knew you were dating Kei? Or was Yamaguchi a better candidate for marriage? He could believe both and that was very troubling for him.
When you saw him stare at you like he wanted to ask more, you gave him time to do so, but his words never left his mouth. So you continued.
"I love you, Kei" the light grip on your wrist became a little stronger at the statement. And after your pause, you continued. "But I don't think we would be any good if we married, right?" You chuckled apologetically, and maybe a bit embarrassed.
Tsukishima was ecstatic, in shock. What did you mean? Why wouldn’t you want to be with him? He couldn’t understand. Or maybe he could? Kei knew he wasn’t the easiest to deal with, but you knew that even before you started dating. Why would you reject him like this now?
And you seemed pretty relaxed with the idea of it, like you have thought about it before, like it wasn't anything new. It was hard to understand, because you just said you love him. So how come did you not want to marry him?
Kei was pretty good at masking his emotions, because he kept on looking at you with a stoic expression. He found it hard to believe that he was this worried about something like this, this wasn’t him. It wasn’t like him to be so mortified by something as pathetic as what someone said in a dumb spin-the-bottle game. Except that someone was his lover.
You wondered what could be that your boyfriend was thinking, he kept staring at you but not saying a word, unreadable, yet still holding on to you.
"Kei?" You spoke, to what he blinked a couple times, as he came back to the present moment. His fingers loosening his grasp and his own hand going back to the side of his thigh. His lingering touch leaving as the cool air around you dismissed any hint of what was left of his touch. Panic starting to grow little by little. You wondered about what was he thinking, as you do. Always.
And that's one of the reasons why you can't see yourself married to him, or having a long term, formal relationship with Tsukishima. He is very not-there as a boyfriend, and he makes himself very hard to talk to. Sure, you’re pretty much still kids, too young to even think about this with such seriousness. But the question was asked, the thought was given and the answer approached.
You moved your other hand to place it right where his was a few seconds ago, similar to the way you frequently had to comfort yourself when he couldn’t, when he didn’t want to.
And he finally spoke, “should we break up then?” Unlike his words, his tone was almost gentle, none of the usual harshness he spoke with.
“Why?”
“I don’t date casually,” and that you didn’t expect, at all. It would take you the whole night, maybe even days, or a week, to completely process what his words implied. “If you don’t want to get married at all, I don’t mind that, but I wouldn’t like you thinking about marrying some other guy while you’re with me”.
"Will you break up with me then?"
"So it really is like that?" For the first time in a while, you could see some vulnerability in his eyes, he looked upset, maybe even fragile.
"I don't feel like marrying a man who wants me to hide my relationship, Tsukki." You tried to let him down carefully, attempting not to do more harm to what felt like an already bruised relationship.
You loved him. You love him.
But for a while now, what you both had didn't even feel real; it almost felt as if he wasn't in love with you anymore. You know he often expresses himself in special ways, Kei is different. He might not hug you in front of the team, but he would set up playlists that feel like a warm embrace, just for you; Tsukishima might tease you, but the way he used to comfort you when you had a bad day would top anything he ever told you. And it all was gone, these small gestures that meant the world to you were gone.
So what could it ever mean to you that he was this committed, if his way to commit didn't mean much.
"You said you didn't mind not dating publicly," just as it came, the look of vulnerability was gone. Kei's stern look laid on you, his hands in fists.
"I did, I'm sorry, Kei," you looked down. Finally, the conversation you've been meaning to have is unfolding right here, right now. Yet, you can't look him in the eyes, his glare heavy on you, leaving you weak, vulnerable. It's your turn now. "I did, but I think I was wrong. About me. About us. I know I should have told you sooner, but I've been... afraid?"
Pause.
Breathe in.
"I-I am afraid. I don't want us to continue like this, Kei".
"Y/n"
Your name leaving his lips felt foreign, like it's been too long since he used it to call you. Even if he just called you by your name a few minutes ago during practice. It was different outside the gym, when you're no longer his manager, where he could hold your hand. But he won't and he hasn't. He grabs your arm to stop you, but he can't hold your hand. Like a painfully sick analogy for your relationship.
"Please don't leave."
But you need to do better.
"I swear I'll do better."
And you need to treat them right.
"I will be nicer, I will treat you right."
You could feel your eyes stinging, from the hot tears threatening to fall; your hands trembling, letting out the emotions you tried oh so hard to conceal. When he finally closed the spaced between both of you to hold both of your hands in his; right there you finally see it, the way he's been trying hard to conceal too. His shaky breaths and arms, almost as if he was extremely cold. But he was warm, his skin as warm as you remember his touch.
"I've been troubled for a while, and I've been meaning to tell you as well. I don't think I mind letting the others know."
You see him blush and wipe away the trail of tears in your cheek with one of his fingers.
And that enough, the validation and support you need from him, more than anything you needed him to let you know. Know that you can, in fact, count with him when you need him. That he wants this just as much as you do, to the point where it scares you. And it hurts, even, because the inmense amount of love you feel for him makes you think of the future, and how much it will suck to not feel loved by the person who loves you the most.
And you can feel a little crack in your defenses, the one you've been so tired of keeping up in front of him. You melt in his touch, leaning into his palm, slightly agitated from the sobs. He pulls you in, to soothe you in a hug, and for this moment you know you can forget for a moment about all those things that worry you. For this moment, you know he is here.
After last night’s episode could you please PLEASE do a fanfic where Densi tell everyone the news about Deeks going to FLETC and selling the bar.
A/N: It seems like maybe I should have written this before the yesterday’s fic, but it’s all out of canon, so who cares?
***
Tough Choices
“So, you hear anything new from LAPD,” Sam asked, turning an unopened bottle between his palms. He along with Callen, Eric, Nell, Fatima, and Rountree took up the majority of the seating along the bar. It didn’t really matter since there was only one other patron seated by himself and nursing the same drink from an hour ago.
Kensi stood beside him behind the bar, resting her hand on his back as he served up the few drinks they needed. Even though it was fairly early, Deeks had sent the evening bartender home a couple hours ago.
“No, uh, they’re still reconfiguring so I’m furloughed until further notice,” Deeks answered. He paused, glancing at Kensi, and she gave him the smallest nod of support. “But we did get some good news from Hetty the other day.” He rubbed his upper lip, suddenly feeling weirdly self-conscious with everyone’s eyes on him. “She, uh, she told me I’m going to FLETC.”
Nell was the first to react, rushing around the bar and hugging Deeks’ firmly. He laughed a little as he bent to return the gesture.
“Oh my god, this is fantastic news!”
“Yeah, it’s pretty great.” Nell turned to hug Kensi too and Callen took the opportunity to give Deeks a slightly awkward arm hug. Eric offered a modified fist bump.
“Nice work, Deeks,” Sam said with just a hint of a smile as he nodded with clear pride.
“It was all Hetty,” Deeks replied, not sure how he could ever repay her for that.
“Yeah, but even she wouldn’t be able to get you in if your credentials weren’t any good.” Deeks wasn’t so sure about that so he didn’t say anything, but Kensi squeezed his arm, wearing that same smile filled with pride.
“So when do you start?” Rountree asked.
“Well, first I have to go through the interview process and officially be accepted into the program.” Deeks grimaced at that though and Rountree nodded, making a face.
“Oh yeah. Those were awful. They interviewed my parents. I had nightmares for weeks.”
“Devin!” Fatima hissed, smacking his shoulder, then turning a hasty smile on Deeks. “I swear, it’s not that bad.”
“No definitely not that bad at all,” Rountree backtracked.
“Thanks, I feel much better now,” Deeks said wryly.
“Well, I think this definitely calls for a toast,” Callen suggested . When the toast was finished, Deeks sighed. He didn’t want to ruin the good mood, but he didn’t feel right not bringing up the other decision he’d made.
“There’s something else that I need to tell you guys. After this month-“ Kensi squeezed his hand, glancing up at him with a sympathetic expression.
“Baby, you really don’t have to do this,” she murmured, maintaining her position about the bar. Since he was mostly likely going to FLETC, Kensi was certain they could manage the financial strain of a house, IVF, and a struggling bar.
“No, I do.” He took another deep breath as everyone stared at him with varying levels of concern. “We’re selling the bar.”
Everyone was silent for a moment and then Sam said,
“I know the last year has be rough, but I didn’t think it was that bad.”
“It is,” Deeks confirmed grimly.
“I still think we can manage it for a little while longer,” Kensi said quietly. “But I respect Deeks’ decision. It’s been a huge strain and as much as I love it here, I know that it will make things a lot easier.”
“Well, we could chip in,” Nell said, looking between everyone for support. “We love it here too. And we love you guys.”
“Of course we can,” Sam agreed.
“No, there’s no guarantee that we would make it past a couple months and I don’t want to waste anybody’s money.” Deeks was beyond touched that they would even offer. “This is for the best.”
“How soon are you selling?” Eric asked quietly. He looked fairly stunned and Deeks felt a little bad for him. A lot had changed since he’d left.
“Probably a few months. I want to give the staff enough time find new jobs and settle all our accounts,” Deeks answered. There was a somber air now, especially after the excitement of his first announcement.
“I’m sorry that this is happening all so sudden,” Kensi apologized.
“Hey, this is not your fault,” Sam said firmly. “Neither of you. A lot of places have struggled and you shouldn’t blame yourselves. And don’t worry about what we think.”
“And who knows, maybe things will turn around in the next couple months,” Callen added. Deeks thought that was highly doubtful, but didn’t have the heart to ruin the moment of hope.
“In the mean time, let’s celebrate Deeks’ tonight.” Kensi raised her bottle again. “I am so incredibly proud of you.”
Deeks swallowed harshly, more grateful than he ever could express.
Can you do a Drabble where Deeks at long last decides to become NCIS Special Agent.
A/N: Not so sure about this one, but hopefully you all still enjoy.
***
“I thought you finished your paperwork before we left,” Kensi commented as she came up behind Deeks in the study, resting her chin on his shoulder. He had a stack of stapled papers in front of him, several pages flipped over and a couple partially filled in. She automatically began rubbing his shoulders which were hunched and tense.
He scratched at his jaw, blowing out an unsteady breath.
“Yeah, um, I did,” he said. “This is-“ he paused and blew out another bread before he took the plunge. “This is an application to become an NCIS Agent.”
He heard Kensi’s breath catch and he glanced up at her. She looked a little stunned.
“Are you serious?” He nodded in response. He couldn’t tell what Kensi was thinking as she pressed her hand over her mouth and took a couple steps away. It wasn’t a particularly encouraging reaction.
“Say something,” he begged. She turned back to him slowly, now looking a little confused.
“You’ve always said you didn’t want to be an agent, that being a cop was an essential part of who you are,” she said finally.
“Things change.”
“Yeah, but that’s a pretty big change.”
“I’m not the same person I was 10 or how ever many years ago when I thought being an undercover detective was what defined me,” he explained simply. Kensi still looked shocked.
“How long have you been thinking about this?” she asked. “I mean, you don’t just wake up one day and think “oh, I’ll apply for that job I’ve been avoiding for a decade.””
“A couple years I guess.” He couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment when being attached to LAPD had started to lose some of its luster. “Maybe when I realized that I only go there for training or when Whiting wants something. Or maybe when I realized that I consider NCIS, our team, home.”
“But something else must have changed,” Kensi prompted, drawing closer again. Deeks took her hand, debating his next words. He led her back to the chair and tugged on her hand until she sat down with him.
“Whiting closed my case,” he said quietly. Kensi straightened so quickly she nearly slammed her face into his.
“She what?!”
“She closed my case.”
“Why? Why after all these years of blackmail and hounding you?” Kensi demanded, looking like she was afraid to hope. Like it might be some elaborate trick on Whiting’s part. He’d thought the same at first. Deeks sighed, allowing a shaky smile.
“Yesterday she called me into her office and said she needed to talk. I expected it to be another off the books thing, but she just gave me this massive file and said good luck. When I asked her what was going on, she told me that some big changes are coming to LAPD and she didn’t want me to get caught up in it,” he explained. “Any possibly incriminating documentation has either been destroyed or is in that file over there.” He nodded towards a thick manila folder.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” She didn’t exactly sound hurt, but definitely confused. He gave her a sheepish look.
“I think I was a little bit afraid if I mentioned it to anybody, that I’d come up with a bunch of reasons why it was a bad idea and manage to talk myself out of it.”
“This is unbelievable.” Kensi shook her head, mirroring his own feelings.
“Whiting, uh, she also told me that I was a good cop and she wished more were like me.” It felt strange saying the words out loud. Kensi pushed a curl of hair behind his ear as he avoided her gaze.
“Well, she was certainly right about that.” When he just shrugged, she gave him a little shake and tipped his chin up. “You are a good man. Maybe someone day you actually believe it.”
“All I know is that I feel this weird relief. It’s like this weight I didn’t even realize was hanging over me is gone,” he told Kensi with another shrug.
“Special Agent Deeks,” Kensi said, making a face as she tested the name out. “That sounds so weird.” They both laughed, resting their heads against each other.
“It feels even weirder.”
“Imagine Sam’s face when he finds out we could both be Agent Deeks.” Deeks grinned at that.
“Ok, you definitely need to change your name now just so we can drive him crazy,” he said and she laughed again. Smiling at him, she dipped her head, kissing him gently.
“I’ll be right back,” she told him, patting his chest.
“Where are you going?”
“This is a moment that deserves celebration; I’m getting out the wedding champagne.” He watched her run down the stairs and turned back to the application. It wasn’t what he expected, but he felt a strange excitement at the sudden change in his life.
Special Agent Deeks. Maybe it didn’t sound so bad after all.
