Miraya

one day at a time

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No one hates a daughter more than her gen x/old millennial brown mother

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RCBBBBBB

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I envy people who have good mothers

Living around my mother is like walking on land full of mines

Except I survive, everytime

Carry the injuries and scars etched deeply in my heart

With a wish for my death stronger everytime

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Born to be an emotional punch bag

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No, it doesn't get better.

It never does

I still wish I was dead

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The tension between me and the plugged in immersion water heating rod is unreal

[anxietyproblem]

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I went from a person who couldnt see others in pain to being so heartless I wish for a lot of them to die.

This is because of the relatives who don't understand boundaries and my spineless parents.

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Saw a train pass by and the first thought I had was

"I wish I was under it"

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19th November 2025, 10:20 PM

I wish I had a pill or something that could painlessly and quickly end my life. I would live much better with more strength, I'll think "It's okay, just see how it goes, if it gets too bad and you have a way out" and then I might actually survive the situations. But in this world, dying quickly and painlessly requires so much resources not everyone has access to.

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The rage I feel when I see a loving and supportive father is out of this world!

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17th November 2025, 9:54 PM

I am once again asking God to kill me.

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You know youre desi when one sided love isn't a problem but your parents and family are

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13th November 2025, 12:26 am

I'm so happy for him but im also envious. Why does he get to choose while I don't?

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Ek din aaloo tamatar kha kha k marr jana hai

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November 10 2025, 10:30 am

Funny how one second can set you back. I've been free from those images for months now but once, only once, I saw it, I saw them being easily handed things that I pray and beg for and I cry myself to sleep every single night.

Ab nahi dekhi jaa rahi dusron ki khusiyan bhagwan, either give me that or don't show them to me.

[allcolorsinone]

10th November, 2025, 1:26 am

The streak of crying myself to sleep isn't breaking anytime soon.

Every single day is a struggle seeing people getting things that I pray and beg for every night. A parent's understanding and support.

I feel abandoned, not because I am abandoned in a physical manner but because I am abandoned in a way I cant be myself, I cant do what I want. It is scary, the friend i can rant to has also shut me out.

Anyways, hopefully I'll die soon. Then none of this will matter, I'll be free. So many people around my age randomly drop dead even when they were perfectly healthy. Hopefully, it'll happen to me soon.