Alli Loves You @allibites - Tumblr Blog

maidtea-deactivated20190119

*✲ﾟ * ❁ it’s your body❁*✲ﾟ *

I haven’t physically used tumblr in long enough that it feels strange. I’ve been checking it occasionally, but wow things have changed.

I just want to go home. I want to just be pregnant in my own home. At this point in my pregnancy last year I was forced out of my home by unfortunate circumstances. I just want to spend the rest of my current pregnancy in my own home. I really can't wait. I know that probably sounds so dumb. But my home is so close to done and yet so far away. We need to be able to afford more flooring so we can do the bathroom floor. We have to have trim, which was never purchased because of lack of money. We need the rest of the counter top. We need to install upper cabinets. We need to put the kitchen sink in, the bathroom sink, and the toilet. All of the lights need put in. Most of the walls still need mudded and painted. The vent ducts need hooked back up because we removed them to build the wall that is supporting the central support of my house that was falling in. So so close but so far.

Hi why are you so cute?????

Because of you sweet anon

I'm still alive believe it or not. Since the house fire at the end of March we are now to the point of putting up the sheetrock for the walls and ceiling. Hopefully we will be back in our house before I have this baby I can't wait to get his crib and everything together in his room.

The depression and pain is hitting really hard these last couple of weeks.

My family has proven to be incredibly strong. After almost 5 years my mom will be living with me and John again once our house is rebuilt. We are ready to take on whatever life has to throw at us because we've already been through more than a lot of people do in their entire lives. I know the rest of my life wont be smooth sailing but it will be okay after all of this.

It's been rough. We had the car accident at the beginning of the month and a fire at the end of the month and the same week as the fire my grandma died from medical complications. We currently have no where to live, no access to water. We got the floor replaced and the destroyed wall replaced. We'll be moving back into the unfinished house just so the animals have somewhere to go. We can turn on the water temporarily to use the bathroom but we have no electricity for hot water. We have to go back into the unfinished house because of the animals. And we have family members close by we can take showers. It's not an option to take them to a pet friendly hotel unfortunately because they are loud asses and the puppy can't be trusted so I'd have to spend an extraordinary amount of money on crates so it's just easier to keep them in our yard at home. We are incredibly stressed and nothing is working for us but the next 2 weeks we have electricians trying to rewire the house and we have some plumbing from the water heater that needs fixed to turn the water back on because it flooded the basement. We are just trying to get by right now. Insurance is taking forever. I've emptied my savings account. I've maxed out my credit card. We've expended all of our money and resources. I'm just tired. The only good thing that's happened is I was told that my baby is perfectly average and measuring just right on time and this has been one of the most run of the mill pregnancies honestly. No real symptoms. No complications or concerns. I'm just ready to see my baby boy and know there is some good in this world.

I'm so incredibly tired. It's eating at my being so much being so tired. I'm sleeping on a couch. John's in a recliner. I'm in just so much shit down that I went and turned off his movie and his headphones that he fell asleep with and just laid my head on him and cried and managed to NOT wake him up. My sleep is so broken. I was getting roughly 3 hours of sleep a night in my own bed. That was good sleep to me. But now I'm already not sleeping good, I'm sleeping on a couch so I'm sleeping even worse and I'm at my grandmas beck and call whenever she needs anything through the night/early morning. She doesn't need a lot at any point but I'm such a light sleeper that she's made a point to tell my aunt (who is her day time caregiver) about how bad my sleep is. Not to mention being 5 months pregnant and dealing with both finally coming out on top from the car accident and then having my house catch on fire. This has been a rough 4 months.

Does everyone appreciate how ridiculous this is? (Also my aunts adorable face) good because it's mine now. My mom sent me these pictures and it's too ridiculous for me to say no to.

There are so many blisters on and in my nose from it running and me wiping it so much. These allergies are killing me.

John and I both experienced abuse and neglect as children at the hands of people meant to provide for us. They effected us so much differently. He finally gets to have the childhood he never got to have, and involve himself with the things that he's interested in. He's goofy and it's like he never really grew up. He's in his 30s and very much so acts like a teenager. I'm depressed and trust no one and grew up way too fast and am incredibly emotionally and socially stunted. The ways abuse and neglect effect each mind differently is crazy. I was left damaged while he never let himself get broken.

I forgot to mention it here, but we were in a car accident Friday night. Out of the 3 of us in our car and the 2 in the car that hit us, I'm the only one that went to the hospital. The other car is fine, just some bumper damage. Our car is totaled (we have a smallish car, they had an offroad suv). Baby is fine from what they could tell from the ultrasound. I have a concussion. I was told not to go to work Saturday, and my manager said she covered me for Sunday too. I was already off Monday so I got back Tuesday. They told me I'll most likely be in pain and nauseous for 3 weeks. We were his on the passenger side which is the side I was on. No trauma to the front of my body only the back and my head.

Can ya'll believe I'm 16 weeks pregnant? How crazy is that. It's been a roller coaster so far because I work with the public and I keep getting colds and I've gotten the flu once already (I'll be getting the flu shot at my next appointment. They offered it at my last one but I was already sick.) And it wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for being so incredibly exhausted all the time. I'm hoping I can stay healthy through the rest of it. That's about 24 more weeks.

Why am I so scared to do anything to my hair. I'm a hair dresser. I know how to safely do things to my hair. I really want to color is super fun again but I'm so scared to touch it. I'm afraid that will lead to me shaving my head again and I've been working so hard on letting it grow out even though I've cut 9 inches off plus bangs. The bangs are almost grown out and I really want to see how long I can let it get. But when I color my hair I end up cutting my hair and then shaving my head and I'm just too chicken shit to do anything fun anymore.

Baby dog

I have a cat under my blanket

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