AllieJ @alliej23 - Tumblr Blog

I seriously wish I had friends....

I love this girl. #puppy #cholula

My long journey

It is 2016 now.Many things have happened over the years. In 2013, I met the most amazing man in the world and moved out of my parents house. It caused a rough patch over a year and a half with my parents, and sometimes I wish I could have done things differently. In 2014, I left a job that I loved to pursue other dreams and aspirations. I started school and have an Associates Degree. I had knee surgery shortly after my birthday and have been rehabbing ever since. In 2015, I had a turn for the worst. I had to have 2 kidney surgery's due to kidney stones and had to step down from a management position. I then found out that I have PCOS and may never be able to have children because I am at high risk for ovarian cancer. And now... It is 2016. Today is Friday March 11th. My mother passed away at the young age of 47 on Friday February 5th, 2016 at 1:45 am. It was one of the worst moments of my life and one of the hardest decisions to make. She fought for over 20 years for her health. She battled and did everything she could to keep on trucking. But, on February 4th everything started to take a turn for the worst; She was a renal patient. She had dialysis 3 times a week. She had her leg amputated in 2014. She was very sick. She was in the hospital. I promised her I would visit her after work. I got home at 6:45pm. My father called me at 7:30. He says she is not doing so good. He says the doctors say she isn't going to make it. I, doing only what I know how to do in a heartbreaking moment, I called my brother who was at work and told him to meet us at the hospital. I go pick up my brother who was at home. We all went to sit with her. She wasn't fully coherent. But she knew we were there. She would grunt or moan when she heard our voices or when she was in pain. We all sat together and made a decision. The hardest decision of our lives. We decided to not make her suffer anymore. We decided to tell the doctors to make her comfortable until it was time for God to take her under his wing. We sat with her and talked to her. My younger brother couldn't sit any longer, watching our mother die, so we took him home at 11:45pm. My older brothers girlfriend drove 2.5 hours from school to comfort us. She arrived at 12:30am. It was now the time to wait. It was ripping me into a million pieces. The nurse came in at 1:15am. He gave her the very last pain medication. We all knew. It was the last one she was ever gonna get. It was very painful. We couldn't stop the tears. At 1:45am, she passed. But in the end, we all knew she wasn't in pain anymore. She was flying high with His angels. It has been only a little over a month, but the pain is still here. I know she doesn't want us to be sad. We are staying strong. To my mother: Krisana Kay Jarrell, you are my one and only mother. You helped me grow into the woman I am today. You have inspired me to do everything I set my heart and mind to. You are my rock. I will never forget our memories. I love you. I miss you. But I know you are always with me. Thank you for being the best mom all of us could ever have. Fly high. I hope you are having a good time with Papa. I hope Dinozzo is protecting you. Keep smiling. We will see one another again. Love, Your one and only daughter Alexandra Lee Jarrell To everyone who decided to read this: Thank you. Remember there are people around you to make you feel loved and cared about. When you are in a time of need, don't push others away. Keep them close. It is all you can do.

Happy Mother's Day to my beautiful mommy! I don't what I would do without her! We have had our ups and downs, but I love her to death! I'm sad we didn't get to spend time together, today!

teenagerposts

Trying to decide which hat to wear

#rangers cubs

2-25-13 The Pain

Today my mom decided she has had enough. She's moving out and in with the guy she has been seeing for the past year. When she called me and told me, I didnt know what to do or say. She isn't happy. Shes happy with him. The guy who has tried to do what my own father hasnt done for me. I love my dad and I know hes trying his best. I know we won't ever be the same. But for her to just call it quits really hurts me. I love my mom more than anything in the world. She has always been there for me no matter what. I just wish it didnt hav to end like this. I feel helpless, hopeless, but mos of all I kind of feel betrayed. There isn't a whole lot I can do, but the one thing I know for sure is thay I can take care of my dad and little brother. I love my family. I would do anything to make them happy. I disappointed them too many times. I can't change my mom's mind, nor will I try. I'm the only one who really cares. She hurt me though. She said that I dont care and that I dont love her. That killed me inside. I can't stop crying. I feel worthless. I can't do this anymore. I'm tired of being treated like I'm nothing. That I don't care or have feelings, but no one understands. No one understands anything I'm going through. I'm just done. I give up.

secrets---secrets

bliss-and-serenity-deactivated2

holy shit this deserves way more fucking notes

alittlepinkbow-deactivated20160

i can’t reblog it enough, please get this through your skulls. i can’t walk home at night past 10 pm without being terrified that every guy that hollers at me is going to follow me home. it’s fucked up. it’s unfair. our culture sucks. we need to fix it. rape is never okay. never. if the rapist is the girl’s boyfriend it still counts. rape is rape. no is no. no answer is no. you shouldn’t beg and plead until someone’s uncomfortable. take the hint. end this bullshit.