Anxiety in a Christian Family Having anxiety and being the daughter of a preachers kid means hearing phrases like, 'Let go and let God' 'Too blessed to be stressed' and 'Just pray about it' more times than I can count. And it's not that I don't believe God can handle my problems it's just, well, he hasn't. Also, I don't wanna bother him with my things when 'someone else always has it worse' and I'm 'overreacting'. I've been taught to give him my worries and problems, but how can I just drop them at his feet and walk away when, like a stray you feed once, they always find their way back to me? And is he evening listening? I mean nobody else who 'loves' me is, so why should he? No, no, no one listens. So having anxiety in a Christian family means a lot of acting! And dam it! My smile could win Oscars! My 'Me? Oh I'm fine! I'm not having panic attacks daily! I don't cry myself to sleep more nights than not! My stomach? No it's not in knots! My fingernails? Just clipped them to close! And the red is just that stubborn red nail polish that won't come off! Pesky stuff!' routine should've won me an Academy Award by now! I demand my star on the Walk of Fame! But please don't draw attention to it, because I can only lie for so long before it eats me away inside! Spending Sunday after Sunday in a pew praying to not worry about the drive home from the service, praying that nobody will notice how I'm eating less at Sunday lunch cause my stomach is still queasy from being sick before leaving this morning. Hoping that no one ask why I was late because I would have to look my Grannie in the eyes and lie about having to fight myself over getting my anxious, depressed, and tired body out of bed! Then all the time it took to actually put makeup on so that the puffiness in my eyes from not sleeping then having s breakdown in the shower isn't so evident! No please just overlook it today! And when I tell you with a laugh that 'If I make it through this week with my brain still enacted it will be a miracle' please don't read too much into how my voice cracks and how my eyes get watery because I don't want to let y'all down. Yeah so having anxiety in a Christian family is a lot like living in Hell but pretending Heaven is your zip code.
origamiaround
gummygunk
stormborns
romaincrisis
baratheonpilled
blakekathryn
andulkaphoto
theartofmadeline
