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@alonewithallycia
A great gift for any Excel lover or the finance bro that really can’t stop talking about his job. Ever.
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Release
I haven't heard from him
I don't know him
I can't see him
Stop talking, no one cares
Moonlit Night. Wrecked ship, 1871, Ivan Aivazovski
Thandie Newton by Tae Alvon
I have to leave.
My silence is not a protest, or a call to action. I'm not putting tape over my mouth or holding up a sign.
I don't want you to look at me.
I didn't keep my thoughts to myself today. But based on the rules that I made for myself, it was necessary. The tension, the awkwardness, the anticipation was necessary.
I need answers.
I deserve answers.
I feel inferior, I feel like I want to close up and go further with my defense mechanisms. Damage control, pull away from everyone and everything until I feel like I've gained control again. I feel like changing my name and my number and running away.
Only, only when necessary.
Don't add to the noise.
Preserve, reserve.
Solitude hits different, man.
Positive, positive thoughts.
I do not have a strong spiritual connection within me. But I found myself praying for you today. Although God's presence is constant and consistent, I prayed that you can feel it. I prayed that you can see it, acknowledge it, and surrender to it. I pray for God to continue giving you the strength to get through the day.
I'm not sure if I'm doing it the right way.
I think about you all the time, and my thoughts usually lead me to frustration and sadness. Loneliness, feeling ignored or taken for granted. But today I challenged myself to let your presence in my mind lead me to a positive place. I felt my mind shift from worrying about my wellbeing, my wants and desires and needs, to yours.
Instead of wondering why you feel this way or that way, I humbled myself. Who am I to think that you should see things my way? That you should think how I want you to think, or act according to how I see fit. Who am I to change you? I'm not better than you, my perspective on life is not without bounds or constraints. What I want for you, for us, may not be ideal for you. So I will no longer push my rules and boundaries and insecurities onto you. I can only meet you where you are. God will align and realign your path when He says so, not when I say so. I am not a spiritual woman but the best thing I can do for you to not attempt to stand in God's way for you. I feel so much more at peace knowing that it's not in my hands. I feel free to love you as you are, not who I want you to be.
You believe in God, so I prayed that you prayed today. And with that, I found peace within myself. He is important to you, so He is important to me.
No more talking, to anyone, unless absolutely necessary.
Eventually I will learn to silence my mind. But first I have to stop all communicating.
Saying goodbye isn't necessary.
I'd rather be lonely than be vulnerable again.