Hello

Doctor | Perfectionist | Alive 32 | Bipolar 2 | BPD | Vent Blog

[alreadytherenow]

Please Note:

This blog may contain depressing themes and heavy content.

TW is advised.

18+

[alreadytherenow]

Apparently I’m living life with minimal contact

And apparently you can’t have minimal contact sex

So…

I’m both fascinated and actively fucked.

[alreadytherenow]

Fans

There's nothing like a cool breeze

A delightful linger

An atmosphere of elevation

I guess I just love fans

[weltenwellen]

Stephanie Foo, What My Bones Know: A Memoir of Healing from Complex Trauma

[alreadytherenow]

Wake up

Wish I'd disappear

Happy now?

[alreadytherenow]

Late at night when all the world

Is sleeping

I stay up and I think of you

And I wish on a star

That somewhere you are

Thinking of me too

Beautiful song.

Probably wasn't meant for your abuser but whatever lol

[alreadytherenow]

Late at night I dream of you

A perfected version of course

And we engulf each other in a way I haven't previously considered

Now men 😂😂😂

[alreadytherenow]

Yeaaah

Saw khelani and forgot myself

[alreadytherenow]

I'm watching horrible documentaries

Graphic

Violent

Despicable

….

And I'm turned on.

What the actual fuck is wrong with me?

Ready to leave honestly

Whatever happened

Even though I know it's melodrama

Fucked me up so badly in the head

Screwed with my psyche

And now I'm just fucked

[mariposas8494]

Exactly what’s happening rn…

[powerrangersystem]

[tezriaetho]

idk as the days go by the urge to hang myself is getting stronger

[bitter-doses]

“it wasnt even that big of a deal” shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up

[givemeantypsychotics]

loving me is like watering a dead flower

[alreadytherenow]

In some ways

I guess we’re the same

Coming back to familiar places

It’s been a decade

I just realised I’ve never told you this

How many tiny life changing secrets are there?

Sometimes I visit his page

To stare and delve into the confusion

The attraction mixed with the petrification mixed with chastisement of being 30

And yet, even now

If he ever shows up to another wedding I won’t be okay

But isn’t that the point?

Why am I silent?

Hard to share?

Hard to hear?

Hard to support?

Hard to know what to say

And if I forget this year, like I almost did,

A fork will teach me a lesson

I’m sorry love, still think the wrong one died…they’d be over me by now… a fading bittersweet memory

I’m still an only child

I’m still here enough to know that you could know me…

That induction could have got you here

Now I’m stuck

Bitch I’m stuck

[alreadytherenow]

I’m not sure how I feel

Kinda flat

Kinda dead

Kinda confused?

[alreadytherenow]

Back back again bitchessss!!

Overwhelmed as hell

But taking my meds

Maybe I’ll try?