lose you to love me | jack hughes
summary: in which y/n finds love in an unexpected, budding romance shortly after her boyfriend of four years, jack hughes, cheats on her.
pairing: jack hughes x singer!reader, matt barzal x singer!reader
notes: i'm so sorry for how inactive i've been lately! this one has been sitting in my drafts for a while now and i've found myself constantly changing certain things that i fear it will never be posted if i keep reading over it! in saying that, i feel that this isn't my best work, (especially the article/tabloid insert), however i still hope you enjoy reading! <3
*note this takes place in 2021
"it's best to forget what you feel and remember what you deserve."
you feel bile rise in the back of your throat.
it was meant to be a surprise, it was meant to be harmless. ironically however, the only person being met with a surprise was you.
"are you fucking serious?"
jack was standing there before you, his hair slightly tousled, unkempt, and his hand intertwined with a girl who was trailing closely behind him. you feel your heart sink deep into the pit of your stomach, shattering.
his neck was marked, lined with purple bruises and you feel your lungs deflate, quickly losing air as you make sense of the scene before you.
you hadn't seen jack for three months, there was no way they were yours.
this had to be some twisted, sick joke. right?
however the looks on the faces of those around you, your close friends, those who you trusted in this world more than anything, only confirmed your worst nightmare.
how could they know and not say anything to you?
the air felt heavy as you find yourself quickly consumed by a deafening silence. there was a clear weight in the room, one none of you wanted to acknowledge.
jack makes his way down the final stair, dropping the blonde's hand immediately as his eyes meet yours. it felt as though he was moving in slow motion, as if every step taken closer towards you only made the reality of the situation more apparent, more real.
you don't even care to spare a glance at the girl who now stood behind him, leant up against the staircase. you could only assume that she wasn't wearing a look of guilt, otherwise she never would have slept with him.
it wasn't as though your relationship with jack was private, after all. it had been plastered across tabloids and articles the very moment you were spotted out for lunch with him.
after realising the two of you had been close friends growing up prior to dating, many had fallen in love with your love story. to many fans, the fact that jack had failed to settle down with anyone else except you, only further stole their hearts, increasing their admiration for your relationship.
it was you and jack against anything and everything, that was how things were meant to be, always.
a light tug on your wrist is enough to draw you away from your thoughts, and when your gaze lands on jack's hand an overwhelming amount of anger washes over you.
"don't you dare fucking touch me" you spit out.
he immediately let's go, taken aback by the harshness of your tone and he winces slightly, clearly apprehensive. after all, you rarely ever swore.
"y/n please. can we talk?"
a scoff callously slips from your mouth. "i think it's a bit late for talking now, jack".
he bites the inside of his cheek, being left completely speechless as he cringes at the use of his full name. you take the brief moment of silence to meet the gaze of quinn.
his eyes softened immediately as they caught yours, his gaze gentle as he sent you a small, tight-lipped smile. if apologising was a look, it was the one currently worn by him.
the anger which you previously felt wholly begun to dissipate as realisation set in, and a sudden surge of sadness flourished from within you.
you weren't just losing jack, you were losing his family too.
your gaze meets jack's once more. his usual crystalline blue eyes were now much paler, weaker.
you feel your throat become dry as you fight to withhold your tears. everything you had built your relationship on, trust, loyalty and communication, was all a lie.
you were hurting for yourself, but mostly for the loss of someone you thought you knew.
your voice softens. "we were friends before any of this jack". you pause, taking a deep breath in. "why--how could you throw that all away?"
your question is met with silence and you can't help but feel another tug on your heart.
he couldn't even explain himself, he hadn't even apologised.
turning away from him you race down the hallway, your pace quickening as you near the front door, wanting nothing more than to be out of the house, out of the presence of the one person you loved dearly.
loved. past tense, but was it?
could you still love someone who had betrayed you?
you could recognise that sweet, soothing voice anywhere.
you come to an abrupt stop, and quickly wipe the stray tear that had managed to escape from your cheek. her hands were filled with bags of groceries and the gentle smile she wore on her features was a clear tell-tale that she was completely oblivious to jack's rendezvous.
normally you would offer to take the bags of groceries in, even going as far as putting them away in the pantry, however you couldn't bare the thought of walking back into the living room and seeing jack, so instead, you settle for a small smile.
"hi ellen, how have you been?"
she immediately abandons the bags of groceries, placing them to the ground before enveloping you in one of her signature hugs.
"oh don't be a stranger y/n, come here!"
you feel your ragged breaths naturally ease, slowing down as she lightly pats your back, gently rocking the both of you back and forth.
"how are you honey? we've missed you! how come you're heading out the door, you should stay for dinner!"
you freeze, unsure of how to respond.
"ah i was just stopping by quickly for a visit. i've got a pretty hectic upcoming schedule so i wanted to see you all briefly before i'm off again".
ellen's eyes soften at your statement, and she casts you a warm, sympathetic look. she was there for you when you had suddenly found yourself on the rise to fame, always offering a helping hand. it was no surprise that she had become like a mother-figure to you.
she leans in closer towards you and places her hand on your arm in comfort.
"please don't forget to take care of yourself y/n, make sure they don't run you down too much hm?"
you simply nod your head in response, trying your hardest not to break down as you come to the realisation that you may no longer have her constant support and care.
"are you sure i can't bribe you to stay for dinner with my lasagna?"
she quirks her eyebrows up at you, hope etched clearly on her features and you manage to stifle a small laugh in response.
she knew that was your favourite dish.
"i think she wants to get on the road early mom".
confused by the sudden voice you turn around and to your relief you're met with the eldest hughes. the light rattle of his car keys sound, drawing your attention towards his hand and you send him a questioning gaze.
he continues walking over towards you before coming to a stop. his voice softens, clearly cautious about the whole situation.
"i figured i would drive you back, maybe stop at daisies on the way home?"
your heart warms at quinn's suggestion. it was your favourite waffle house, a place you had all gone various times over each of the summers.
"i would love to, thanks huggy."
he nods and sends you a small smile before pulling you gently into a warm embrace, his arms enveloping your frame. you feel yourself naturally relax under his touch, and your heart warms in admiration at the fact that quinn would hold you for as long as needed, only pulling away had you done so first.
"well you always used to hug me when i was upset, remember?"
a small smile tugs at your lips. "ah yes, amber", you tease and quinn gently nudges your arm before the both of you erupt into a brief fit of laughter.
"and for my ass of a brother, seriously."
you feel your heart stop at the mention of jack.
you clear your throat, nerves growing in the pit of your stomach as you build up the courage to ask him the one question that had been plaguing your mind since walking into the house.
quinn's eyebrows furrow and he places his hands on either sides of your arms.
"of course not y/n. i'm not sure about trev but luke and i definitely didn't. we had just come home from being on the boat all day, we were just as shocked as you."
you simply nod your head in response. he sighs before placing his hands on either sides of your shoulders, walking behind you as he leads you to his car.
as you sit in the passenger seat, waiting for quinn to help ellen with the shopping, a million thoughts and questions plague your mind.
how long had this been going on for?
was it just that one girl?
how long had he been lying to you for?
you feel your eyes brim with tears as your shoulders begin to shake uncontrollably. despite the often erratic and crazy nature of your life, you always had him. he was your life boat, the one part of stability, the constant in your life.
but now, he was all gone.
your hair straightener cards through your hair for what feels like the millionth time this afternoon, and you can't help but notice the medium-sized blemish that had suddenly appeared on your chin this morning.
you had tried everything in your power to rid your body of the nerves, however they only continued to grow with every passing hour.
sure, you had been to various red carpet events, galas and even awards shows, yet nothing could quite prepare you for this.
a blind date. or as emma would call it, 'two mutual friends simply catching up, and enjoying each other's company for dinner'.
three months had passed since you had caught jack cheating, and yet you still hadn't been able to fill the void that he had left, unfortunately.
after much convincing from one of your best friend's, you eventually agreed to a date with a close friend of her partner's. she however, had forgotten to mention the very minor, yet significant detail that he was in fact a teammate of anthony's, and thus played hockey.
you nod before sending the tall brunette before you a warm smile.
"and you're matt? i'm guessing anthony set you up to this."
matt stands from his seat and a small, friendly smile plants itself onto his features as he nods. you can't help but notice the small glint in his eyes, a hint of mischief as he makes his way over towards where you stood.
"so you're the one to blame for this?"
if you had known any better matt was simply just teasing, however the very fact that he was still a complete stranger had left you startled on how to respond.
you settle for denying his claims, finding yourself become more defensive as you watch him raise his eyebrows at you in question.
a wave of relief washes over you however in a matter of a few seconds as his lips curve upwards slightly into a small smirk. you're quick to realise he was only poking fun at you.
great, now you just looked as though you couldn't take a joke.
"i guess emma took things into her own hands after i mentioned i was feeling a bit lost following a recent breakup of mine", you explain, hoping to provide some sense of reasoning as to why the both of you had been set up on this date.
matt simply nods his head in understanding.
"but i'm assuming that's not the sole reason you're here?"
he clears his throat, thinking back to the conversation shared between him and anthony a few days prior. "tito claimed that i needed to create a proper life for myself, one that didn't revolve entirely around hockey."
you crack a small smile, "doesn't his?"
matt tucks his hands into the pockets of his pants before letting out a small laugh. "that's exactly what i said".
he moves closer towards you, and the afternoon sun casts a warm glow across his features. you could see him much better now, it was no secret that he was extremely good looking.
"emma dropped you here i'm guessing?"
your eyebrows furrow with confusion as you mull over his words.
catching on to your obvious confusion he nods his head in the direction of the carpark behind you. "she's still watching us".
immediately feeling embarrassed you look to the floor before nervously fiddling with your fingers. shamelessly you nod your head, and your cheeks flush a deep shade of crimson red.
"i didn't ask her to i promise, she just is very insistent and--".
you look up to meet his gaze and any feeling of embarrassment is quickly lost as he sends you a gentle, reassuring smile.
"it's fine, really. let's just give them both the satisfaction, shall we? plus, i don't think you can be much of bad company, especially if you're a friend of em's."
you stifle a small laugh and send him a soft smile in agreement. he leads you back to the reserved table, taking a seat after he pulls your chair out for you.
your eyes are immediately drawn to the glass of wine in his hand, and you find yourself watching closely as he swirls the near clear liquid around. you can't help but feel feel slightly guilty for keeping him waiting, and pray that this was only his first glass.
you mentally curse yourself for posing the question. obviously he did, he had just told you his whole life revolved around it. the amused smile that graces matt's lips is enough to confirm that your question was mediocre, at best.
"yeah i was drafted in 2015 and have played for the islanders ever since."
he places his glass of wine down, and you can't help but grow slightly flustered under his gaze.
"i definitely don't hate it. it's something i've grown up loving, and that love never dies down, but it certainly has it's ups and downs, like anything."
you simply nod your head in response as matt clears his throat, gently wiping his mouth free from any remnants of wine with a napkin.
"i take it that you're not much of a hockey fan?"
you're caught off guard by his question and your breath catches in your throat.
"no--i uh wouldn't say that it's just--".
a smirk tugs at his lips as he interrupts you. "your scrunched nose says otherwise, y/n."
you can't help but stifle a small laugh. you thought you were doing pretty well at masking your obvious disinterest towards hockey. not the sport itself, rather the people that were involved with it, excluding matt of course, however it appeared that he was much more observant than he liked to let on.
matt's eyes carefully trace over your features as he attempts to read you, and the sight is enough to make your knees go weak.
he continues. "believe me i don't blame you, i'm not much of a fan of myself either."
you nearly choke on your water. "you're not?"
he laughs, a hearty chuckle that causes your heart to race. "you sound surprised."
"you just don't come across many hockey players that hate themselves, that's all."
he nods his head to agree with you before elaborating. "the person the media sometimes portray me to be is very different to the way i am, to the way friends know me, you know?"
you're almost in complete shock. you felt exactly the same, it was something you had battled with for most of your career, something jack was never able to understand.
"well matt, you can't be any worse than the hockey players i do know", you admit vaguely, not caring to go into too much detail.
your heart sinks slightly at the mention of his name and you clear your throat to respond.
"yeah, we were together for a few years, and close friends beforehand so it definitely wasn't too easy on the heart. how did you know?"
he sighs and you can tell by the way he struggles to make eye contact with you that he feels guilty for mentioning him. "tito briefly gave me the run down on what happened. if it means anything, actually meeting you makes me realise just how much he fucked up."
his gaze meets yours and you feel your heart warm slightly at his words.
maybe this wouldn't be so bad after all.
he clears his throat. "but what's the rule of a first date? no talk of exes?"
"something like that" you chime, laughing.
matt smiles. "good. let's move on then."
he was good, only a little more than a stranger and yet he was able to read you so easily. he picks up the drinks menu, changing the course of the conversation.
"which of these do you prefer?"
your head snaps towards him, "what-i mean, i'm sorry?"
he chuckles, watching as you aimlessly fiddle with your fingers, it was clear to him that you were still nervous.
"the wines". he started, pointing his finger down towards the menu, signalling at the wine list.
"which one would you prefer to drink, y/n?"
you bite the inside of your cheek nervously. first dates really weren't your thing, much to the surprise of many, and your palate was most definitely not as sophisticated as matt's.
you clear your throat, "would it be weird for me to admit that i don't drink wine?" you say sheepishly, averting your gaze onto the table behind matt in an attempt to avoid eye contact with him.
matt meets your gaze with a smile. "not weird at all. would you like a soda instead, or water?"
"water would be great, thank you".
he nods his head before raising his hand and calling over the waiter, ordering the both of you drinks.
you open your phone to a message from trevor.
matt barzal? call me when you can.
confusion is quickly overturned when trevor sends you a link. you're immediately pulling up the website, your fingers absentmindedly scrolling through the various photos taken of you and matt at dinner.
shit. the last thing you wanted to do was drag matt into the very thing which seemingly drove jack away from you.
trevor's contact immediately appears before you on your phone screen and not even a second passes before you're clicking accept.
"matt barzal, y/n? how did you guys even--since when did you two even know each other?"
trevor continues to ramble, listing off all of the questions that were undoubtedly flooding his mind.
he immediately stops talking, pausing to listen to you.
"it was just dinner, with a mutual friend. that's all."
sure it wasn't the complete truth. you had failed to mention that it was a blind date, and that the both of you had exchanged numbers in hopes of a second dinner, but that information wasn't relevant to trevor, and it most certainly wasn't relevant to jack.
"what did you really call me for trev? i don't see what the issue is."
he lets out a heavy sigh, and the line goes completely silent for a few seconds. he had never been this reluctant to say something to you before.
his voice softens, yet a sense of urgency still remains laced within it. "i care about you y/n, and i care about jack. i'm worried about what he's going to do--how he's going to react when--if he finds out".
"so jack hasn't seen them?"
"i wouldn't imagine so, he's been keeping off of social media, only really using his phone for messages."
trevor clicks his tongue, and the line goes silent once more as he undoubtedly mulls over whether he should speak the truth about why he had called you.
"i know this is the last thing you want to hear but, he really misses you y/n."
a deafening silence hangs over the two of you. so this is why he had really called, he wanted to try convince you to take jack back. you sigh and the familiar, unsettling feeling begins to rise in your stomach once more.
"you know i miss him too trev."
your voice comes out shaky and you bite your lip in an attempt to refrain yourself from breaking out into tears.
"then please, just talk to him. you don't have to forgive him, but at least hear him out."
you wished it could be that simple, that easy, yet it wasn't.
"he's ruined everything we had trev, everything we worked for. i can't just let him back in, forget everything he did, how he made me feel."
"no you don't!" you spit back, your tone harsh and laced with slight aggression.
the line goes silent and you immediately begin to feel guilty for snapping at him. after all, it wasn't his fault, he wasn't the one who cheated.
but he did let it happen.
"i'm sorry. i don't expect you to get it. you'll only ever truly understand the way i'm feeling if you were in my situation, which god i hope you never are. i wouldn't wish this pain on my worst enemy."
it was a sore sight to see, the redness in your eyes as they begun to brim with tears once more. you're thankful for this conversation occurring over the phone with him, rather than in person.
"all i'm saying is that he's lost a lot of my respect. we were friends before any of this, but apparently that held no value to him."
"i know, and believe me i know jack knows that too."
you sigh and stand from your bed before pacing back and forth in your bedroom.
"he hasn't even reached out since...everything."
you hear trevor sigh, almost out of frustration. "i told him to reach out but he wanted to give you space, figured that the last thing you would want is to hear excuses from him."
you don't respond for a few seconds, taking the time to think for yourself.
"there's a few clothes of his left in my closet that i've only just found, i guess he could come over to pick them up and we can talk then."
"please. i know that would mean the most to him."
"just for closure though, nothing more."
you can tell he's thinking by the sudden silence of the line.
"yeah for sure y/n, thank you. just for closure."
"i uh-placed a pile of some more things i found of yours on my bed, but there may be some still in my closet if you want to double check".
jack sends you a tight-lipped smile followed by a nod as he makes his way further into your room.
you take a seat on the end of your bed and begin to nervously fiddle with your fingers as you attempt to distract yourself. you hadn't spoken since that day, and there was so much still left to say.
you glance at your phone screen, noticing a message just sent from matt.
just wanted to check in baby. how are things going? x
matt had offered to be with you when jack came over, however you insisted that you would be okay, and that this was something you needed to do by yourself. you hoped this would provide you with closure, and allow you to leave jack in the past so you would be able to focus on building your future with matt.
he eventually gave into your pleas, however made a promise to check in with you and to let him know if you needed anything.
you agreed, and invited him over for dinner following the visit from jack.
a lump grows in your throat as you watch jack stop on one specific item of clothing that was hanging in your closet. the familiar blue and embroidered '13' stares directly at you and you can only assume he has pieced it all together.
jack turns around to face you, his jaw clenched and his fists tensed.
his hand rests on the bottom of matt's jersey as his eyes scan your features, searching for answers.
you let out an exasperated sigh, it was now or never. "i was going to talk to you about that jack. i wanted to tell you before you found out for yourself in the media."
he shakes his head and stifles a small laugh. "you've got to be kidding, you're fucking barzal now?"
his voice comes out seething with anger, his words laced with venom and you can't help but grow frustrated with him.
there was an obvious weight in the room, one neither of you wanted to address.
"he's my boyfriend, jack".
he scoffs, dropping the hem of the jersey before turning his body to fully face yours, crossing his arms over his chest. "i bet he loves being called that".
you almost feel like laughing at how ridiculous he was being, however you manage to maintain your composure, mostly.
"you have no right to come in here and ridicule me for who i'm dating! i have spent months and months trying to feel happy once more, trying to fill the void that you left!"
a deafening silence hangs over the room, consuming the both of you.
"he did it jack. matt picked up the goddamn pieces that you broke."
your words cut through him like a sharp knife, and although you felt slightly guilty for how harsh you were being, it was the truth. he needed to hear it.
your voice hangs low, barely louder than a whisper. "so don't you dare come in here and try to take that from me."
jack moves from your closet, making his way over towards you.
"you need to trust me y/n, he's-- he isn't good for you. please just don't pursue things with him".
jack's voice was pleading, desperation laced clearly in his tone.
"trust? you want me to trust you after you did the one thing you swore you would never do?!" you spit back and the familiar, unsettling feeling begins to rise in your stomach.
your voice softens, growing weak and you place your pointer on his chest accusingly. "you took the one thing i was afraid of, and spat it right back in my face".
silence consumes the two of you and you take the time to catch your breath, watching intently as jack mulls over your words.
"i never meant to hurt you y/n. it was just all becoming too much, my life was being put out there for all to see".
"that--that's such bullshit jack!"
he's taken aback by your outburst and he takes a step back.
"what happened to talking through things together? why couldn't you have just told me about how you were feeling. god, why couldn't you have just ended things? why did you have to go and dig the knife deeper!"
your eyes immediately begin to brim with tears, and your cries quickly turn into loud howls.
he had completely broken you.
feeling slightly frustrated that you had let yourself become so vulnerable with him, you begin to slap at his chest, punching his skin.
you weren't inflicting any pain, rather, your knuckles were growing weaker with every punch, with every release of anger. tears continue to spill from your eyes until your vision becomes entirely blurred. all of a sudden you feel your wrists being gently pulled and your hands are dragged away from his chest.
jack gently sits the two of you down, propping himself up against the wall as you sit in his lap. your ragged, heavy breathing contrasts with his and your head falls further into his chest as your shoulders shake, sobs leaving your mouth.
jack felt tears forming in his own eyes as he held you tighter. he pulls you closer into his chest, wrapping his arms around you for what may be one of the last times.
he was savouring the moment, and despite all of your pent up anger, confusion and hurt, you were too.
he held you for as long as you needed him to. soft cries escaping both of your lips as you clung to each other until your tears eventually begun to dry out, your throats hurting with every strain.
your arms were wrapped around his torso while he rubbed a hand up and down your back in comfort.
"i'm so so sorry, y/n/n" he breathes out. the familiar nickname only causes your heat to strain more, to ache deeper than was ever imaginable.
you had never experienced heartbreak that had left you feeling so lost, yet so comfortable before.
jack held you the first time you failed a test in high school, he held you during your first break up, he held you on your graduation, and now he was holding you after he had broken your heart.
"i hate myself", you mumble against his chest.
"how could you possibly hate yourself, y/n? you've done nothing wrong, i'm the fuck up."
"no--no matter how hard i try, i can't fucking hate you."
he gently tucks a limp piece of hair behind your ear, before kissing the crown of your head. sobs continue to wrack your body, escaping from your lips.
"i hate that i can't, and will never hate you jack, because if it was anybody else, i would."
"i'm so fucking sorry y/n", his voice croaks.