The last time I talked to him on the phone was in the end of May. I texted him a few times in Juneāno response. I called him once in Julyāno response. I texted him again in early Augustāno response. I thought maybe he had died or something horrible had happened to him. It really hurt me that he didnāt respond and I still donāt understand why it happened.
I texted him about two weeks before leaving for my studying abroad trip, cause I felt very distraught and I wanted him to know that I was leaving the country and that he had hurt me. And then he finally responded two weeks later, on the day that I left. š So I obviously had no time to respond to him and it kind of just made my travel day more stressful and painful, and it felt very selfish to me. Feels like maybe he was scared to talk to me or for me to respond.
Hereās an excerpt of what he said: āI am very sorry for hurting you and putting you in positions where you feel embarrassed to communicate. I am a bad friend. I have badly managed my life in recent years and frequently feel overwhelmed and struggle to not withdraw. Iām not telling you anything you donāt know, I guess. Please, travel safelyā :(
So, he apologized and everything, but thatās still not enough for me. I mean, he dropped off the face of the earth for months without any notice or explanation. And my gut instinct was to be like āno youāre a great friend <3 :( ā but that just isnāt true. He has been a good friend to me, but he has also been a bad friend to me.
Anyways, about a week and a half ago, I told him that I forgive him, but I canāt talk to him like we used to anymore because I canāt handle going through that again. Then I updated him about my travels, and asked him a few questions about how heās doing. No response.
I texted him again earlier this week, letting him know that my phone number changed. And I also asked him how he was doing and updated him on my life again. And I said āI feel like Iām pestering you and I donāt know what to say or do to get you to respond. And it sucks to have no control over the situationā
And he responded like an hour later. He downloaded a different texting app for me so that we could talk more easily. And then we had like an hour long text conversation about my study abroad experience. But it was so weird because he like ignored all of my questions about how heās doing? Or like barely answered them. :/ And it was really late where I am so I had to end the convo. Since then Iāve texted him a few times but heās not been good about responding, like usual.
I just donāt know what the fuck is going on anymore. For a moment, it seemed like maybe we could talk through it and come out on the other side, but he just seems unwilling to put in the effort now to do that. Like, I know thereās a big time difference between us right now, but heās left me on read for two days. (Over the weekend! When he doesnāt have school or work!) Where is the effort? I donāt need a lot, but I need to see an attempt at communication. An attempt to make things right. Iāve been able to have several phone and zoom calls with other friends and family from back home, let alone casual text conversations. Itās not that hard to keep in touch. But itās becoming harder and harder to be his friend.
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