Nothing had felt the same since the death of her parents. What little stability Elsa felt vanished and her self-imposed isolation grew worse. Letters from the only person she had allowed close to her went without an answer for two years and it tore her heart further in two knowing how hurt he would be. It’s for the best, she would tell herself. He deserves a happiness I can’t give him. I can’t give it to myself.
Memories of his smile and the way his hand holding her’s made her stomach flip felt like dreams to her now. Something she can never hope to have. Dreaming is dangerous.
Still, like many things she yearns for it.
Elsa never thought she would make it to this place, standing before a ballroom full of people celebrating her and the changes her crowning will bring. A smile sneaks its way across her features as she looks at her sister dancing with a Prince, the happiest she has ever seen Anna.
Gaze moving across the room she sees him hiding amonsgst a sea of faces and her heart pounds erradically against her chest. Instinctually she draws gloved hands into herself, feeling the tingle of magic in her fingers.
Alan had been in this room before --- long ago. He shunned the memory in fear of the burning ache to seize his chest. Instead, he dwelled on the idea of how empty it was then in order to calm his nervousness at being among so many. The dread he felt at seeing... HER again after the years apart--first as adolescents then when he departed Arendelle for a time--chilled in his lungs when from across the space, their eyes met.
She was --- more beautiful than he could ever have been capable of imagining on his own. Yet he had plenty of practice. He'd imagined her here, in the palace, doing her duty. And perhaps when she spared a moment, she would take out his notes in the candlelight and whisper his words to herself. He prayed she did not laugh over them, pitying the simple village boy who dared dream of admiring someone above him. B e y o n d him. And now, there she was, beyond his dreams and in the flesh. His breathing ceased, his eyes stung for not blinking, and he longed to run.in the other direction until he was safe at home in the cottage. Alan was no coward, however. He faced the world head on, and it was time to face Elsa, the queen.
`your majesty, ´ he found himself saying.
Somehow, he walked through the crowd and approached the dais, bowing deeply before he could even think. The music filtered through the grand event, and he was sure the people danced. Alan heard nothing but his heartbeat. He saw nothing but Elsa's pale gaze.
Still bowed, he pronounced his family's allegiance to the crown and waited to be dismissed. His mouth dry, he allowed his eyes to shut a lengthy moment as his face was averted. He collected himself then and was reminded of the reality he so well and truly ignored all that time before. A time when he was certain a princess could love a man, nothing more.