TTC journey

A TTC Journey with PCOS

[amelialove27]

Carrots 🥕 trying to be more sustainable. I love him because he works hard to feed us our own naturally sourced food. ❤️😍

[amelialove27]

Just some ideas that I want to do for the bedroom. Career wise I’m not an interior designer, I’m an exterior facade designer. But I still love designing in general, the fact we can make things happen in reality from our thoughts and putting action is what has always made me love design. I wanted to be a fashion designer when I was younger because my grandmother made her own clothes but I was never taught to sow… and I realized I don’t think I would fit in with fashion people cuz I’m a nerd but I guess most fashion designers are on the odd ball side, or else they wouldn’t think out of the box. Anywho, I must still stick within my budget as I love expensive things but then my fiancé doesn’t want me to go cheap cuz cheap well it gives off energy whether we like to believe it or not. So maybe we can meet half way. ❤️

[amelialove27]

I wish my fiancé knew how to replace the fan in the bathroom it’s so loud. But we already fixed so much and the budget is tight so we will have to wait until next spring to see if we can change it. Houses are a lot of work especially when people who owned them didn’t update much.

[amelialove27]

Sometimes I don’t understand life but I know we arn’t suppose to understand everything. When my dad passed in 2009 I spiralled into depression and tried to keep myself sane as possible. I met my now fiancé then he was 19, I 21… there was something so pure and real about him that made me really like him. He was very accepting. He was handsome and funny but quirky… he still is but we’ve finally grown together there was a lot of rough years of growing… but you have to understand when you are young you are still trying to find yourself and you have a lot more energy to throw around so our fights were intense but so was our love… now we realize we are getting older in our 30’s but it really is beautiful having someone to really see the truth behind a relationship. One thing I know is trust and loyalty can make or break any relationship. It’s also better to be the trust worthy and loyal one you’ll thank yourself in the end and sleep better. Unless you’re really that disconnected from how amazing that feeling is all I can say is, good night! 🌙 😴 tomorrow is another day to set your intentions and make sure your actions align so you can get what you dream of.

[borderlineblitz]

this is not what I signed up for

[trialsofaninternallybrokenwomen]

Ain't that the truth.....the hits keep coming....

[amelialove27]

Yup this is my life. Picked up my cat in my arms yesterday, leaned in with my neck to lean my head on her. Either I pulled a muscle or pinched nerve but FML… I’ve already have knee problems from my intense figure skating career when I was young. I’ve pulled a muscle in my leg weeding weeds in my front yard last spring, also injured myself under my foot just stepping on something barefoot in my house, had like a huge bruise under it… no wonder I can’t picture myself getting pregnant… I feel cursed. On top of that I already have PCOS with the hirsutism. Can I just get a break in life. Now I have to drive to work with the worse pain just had the worse sleep. 😔 thanks for reading my vent. This is all true stuff. Just real life shit I’m dealing with in my 30’s. I’ll be fine it just feels worse having to go to work like this.

[amelialove27]

I sit down waaayyy too much, this needs to change. Modern day problems need modern day day solutions… I think not I think I just need to go back to how people lived when technology didn’t exist and since it’s basics taken over our brains and bodies. Going to have to take a break from the socials or at least leave it to a minimum of 30 min a day.

[amelialove27]

I truly believe our thoughts create our reality. I wished to have a job as a designer, I wished to have a home now I just have to keep wishing for a family… I don’t know how it will come about but I still haven’t lost hope just less focused on putting pressure on my body… 🙏 sometimes things arn’t perfect but our thoughts do create things we just don’t realize we have to go through certain parts of life to reach them if we want it bad enough.

[amelialove27]

No ovulation or period this month… I just want to be normal.

[amelialove27]

Me patiently waiting to ovulate.

[amelialove27]

I wanted to make a video on how to cut your nails to get more squares nails but my pointer finger on both hands the nail always breaks… I’ll have to wait till they all grow evenly to do this.

[amelialove27]

Long weekend coming up. 🇨🇦 I’m tired just need to get through 8 hours of torture.

[amelialove27]

The feeling of despair lurks over me. But why… what am I to learn from this.

Maybe one day I will understand.

[amelialove27]

I hate that I can’t enjoy this moment and celebrate. But my bf proposed today, so I’m just secretly sharing on here. We will only share with family once we’ve officially got married. It’s complicated.

[amelialove27]

I don’t force things in life like I use to. I guess that’s what getting older does to you. It’s nice this feeling. It’s like a weight has been lifted. Que sera, sera. What will be will be. ❤️

[amelialove27]

Living a nightmare, have to be up in 4 hours. Brain won’t turn off.

[amelialove27]

He passed his driving test. ❤️

[amelialove27]

Today I took a vacay day off from work. My bf’s doing his driving test today. He’s 31 but you see we lived in the city where the only reason you got a car was to run away from the city. Which is why I had my licence young well it was also to run away from my parents. Anywho we don’t live in the city anymore so he had to get it and I can’t wait because I want him to not depend on me to drive.

Another thing I had such an amazing dream. I met my dream crush singer in my dream and he’s emo, I dunno why I love emo boys but probably cuz I’m emo some days. Not in style but in heart. Anyways he was performing in my dream and when he finished I told him how much I appreciated him making his music we hugged and it felt so real. Like I could feel the warmth and happiness and him really listening to what I was saying. It was nice cuz I don’t think I will ever meet this guy. I’m probably happier with how he is in my dreams. Because sometimes we don’t see every side of a person. I’m just happy the nightmares have stopped.

Time to relax.