My Cousin Just Commited Suicide
Last night, while I was at work, packing my bag for my flight back to Manila the next day, in my cold, spacious hotel room here in Cebu, I received a message that sent chills down my spine. It was from Gab’s yaya, and what she said left me shaken: my 21-year-old cousin, Oneil, had just tried to take his own life. For a moment, everything felt unreal. Then she told me that Oneil was saved in time by his older brother, Regil. Relief washed over me, but the shock stayed. I immediately asked for more details.
It was around 11 PM, and the whole house was asleep when Regil woke up to a strange crackling noise coming from the bathroom, followed by the disturbing sound of someone choking. Something didn’t feel right. He got up to check and saw a sight no one should ever see: Oneil, hanging from the ceiling with a thick nylon rope around his neck, eyes wide open and red. He was on the brink of death. If Regil had been just a second too late, we would’ve lost him.
The whole house erupted in panic. Tears filled the room as they realized what almost happened. But the question lingered-why? Why would Oniel do this?
It felt all too familiar. Four years ago, Oneil’s 2nd older brother ended his life in the exact same place, in the exact same way, at the same age. Maybe it was the grief he carried—his mother’s death, his father’s stroke that left him bedridden, or the passing of our grandmother just last December, whom Oneil was very closed to. Maybe it was stress at work, a rough breakup, or the pressure of becoming a father so soon. There are countless possibilities, but none of us really know.
Oneil was always quiet, but he seemed fine. Always smiling, always kind. He was never the type to show when something was wrong. After the attempt, family members tried to talk to him, to remind him that we love him and he’s not alone. But he just stared blankly, no emotion on his face, not a single word. We’ve decided to give him time, but we’re making sure he’s never alone.
And then, as if the universe wanted to drive home the point, I saw a post from a friend’s partner about someone else who just committed suicide awhile ago. It’s becoming a painful pattern, and I can’t help but wonder—why does this keep happening?
I’ve known people who have taken their own lives. I’ve attended their funerals, seen the grief they left behind, and watched families break apart. I remember asking myself, “How could they do this? Didn’t they see the people who loved them?” But deep down, I understood. Because I’ve been there, too.
I know how those dark thoughts can sneak up on you. I know what it’s like to be overwhelmed by pain, to feel like you’re drowning with no way out. I’ve mourned for those who couldn’t keep going, and I’ve also stood at the edge, wondering how I would make it through.
But why? Why does it get that bad? There are so many reasons—life trauma, depression, anxiety, feeling like you don’t belong, or just being exhausted by the constant struggles. Sometimes, there’s no explanation at all. Sometimes, the pain just doesn’t make sense.
I remember a service I attended at Victory Church The Fort. Pastor Gilbert Foliente spoke about suicide awareness and the battles we all face in silence. He told us that we need to be there for each other, to pay attention, to listen. He emphasized that suicide is never the solution. It’s a permanent response to a temporary problem. And for the people left behind, it’s a wound that never truly heals.
There will be days that feel impossible to get through. Days when it seems like everything is falling apart. But those are the times you need to hold on the most. Because there will also be better days. I still have moments when I feel like I’m suffocating, like every time I try to breathe, I get pulled back down. But in those moments, I think of the people who love me—my family, my son. I think of the dreams I still want to chase, the places I still want to see, the person I want to become.
If you ever find yourself in that place, reach out for help. Talk to someone. It doesn’t have to be a professional—just someone who will listen. Try new things, pick up a hobby, listen to music that makes you feel alive, take a walk, or hold on to something—anything—that gives you hope. Don’t break someone else’s heart by leaving your own behind. Even if you can’t see it now, someone out there needs you. Someone loves you. Stay alive long enough to see how your story unfolds. Keep going, even when it’s hard. Keep fighting, even when you want to give up.
Because you’re worth fighting for. You matter, even if you can’t see it right now. And your story isn’t over. Keep living, keep fighting, someone out there is bound to genuinely love you for who you are despite your shortcomings and always remember to never let the darkness win.
he's now safe and well. TYG. ❤
