I see why, a little more so now, why I'm making it so much more difficult than it probably needs to be for myself when it comes to you.
you're someone who I shared a lot of my firsts with- first smoke, of cigarette and weed or whatever it was, first hard-on kiss/first tongue/first not-game-kiss, first boy who would run around with me anywhere and everywhere I wanted to go, not just because I wanted to, but also because you were interested too! like Mama's Boy (which is the one we never went to, as a late night dt duo), first running around downtown, which I take as publicly, being slapped in the ass while running, twice. LOL , wearing your jacket for basically almost the whole night, first confession/admission of apology or guilt or anything to a guy, really, first fingering, first sleeping with a straight guy in bed (no sex because of my knowledge and insecure feelings then), first real feeling of embarrassment, first admission of liking a guy so hard to my friends, first strip club visit (Topper's! $2 and we both got a kiss on the cheek from our 'favorite girl' ;*) HahA! , first guy to really buy me a drink because he wants to and also because he lost a videogame match at Wonderbar hahahahhaha Long Island and successful/fun night, check. Love that you made your way over to me+Rachel specially after handing me the drink too. I felt sooo unique-special and accomplished,, not to mention wanted, when Elizabeth and Rachel both said you wouldn't really buy me the drink, but you did! You remembered, brought it up, and you brought it over! :DDD) I took a million photos of my successful face that night. And evidence of that night. cool. , first photo with a cool robot + cat ;) , "ish liebe dish", first cuddling ~~~slowly centered/left alone with you at 5am, AWH YEAH, first sock compliment and sock story about yours being made by your aunt, first sharing of more personal details and watching Eurotrip/a movie with a guy late at night, first sleeping on a couch/offered a blanket and pillow to sleep with you and be woken up at 10am by the cleaning lady, hahahahhaha, first tight hand grasp to be pulled back, first German<3, first freaking hottest one of the most unique guys I have ever met! hands on... wrenches by your bed.... minty kiss, silly hat... white pills on the ground... "to be honest," ...Rubik's cube... piano and guitar... "just a little bit", Chopin and Amelie, you think pool is boring... gin and tonic "ah~!", "i don't really like jersey's, but we can go", "stay! stay! there's still beer!" "YEES! We should go!" "ooh lala" "LINE 'cool smoking bear' grr" "Whaat! I have your LINE? And you messaged me? No way!" and actually taking the time to check it out and we BOTH see that I had it sent but you never received it... til literally just a few seconds later- magically appearing. LOLwtf.........."pulling head back... squinty eyes.... how old are you? .... (how old am I? mmm.... 22) bahh I'm too old for you! (too oold for me~?)"...... du alter penis................ hacking my phone (well, that was Nils), you crossing your leg and arm over me.............. umphhhhhhh the weight of your body......... beyond great.
I'm sorry I disappointed. If only you could know, somehow.... in any way, why.
And all our new experiences.......... haha I think we showed each other a side we either never or hardly ever show others. And that was part of what made it beautiful. Rachel could tell "ta dui ni you te bie de xing qu o" ;) :*
Truth be told, I miss you.
I had so many new adventures with you, and I just feel like I could have so many more with you. So many more first times, so many more adventures, so much more unscheduled happiness and excitement and feelings of fulfillment in my life.
similarity in tastes. shows- Dexter, Breaking Bad was brought on
This has been an analysis.
I hope my feeling is true, that I won't not see you soon. :^)
I have only had a few very vivid dreams in my life. There are 3 I remember currently, very strongly, and hold very treasuredly.
3. very clearly, you. you singing lightly, "No one knows this side of me ... but you (pointing to me and smiling like you do)". and me crawling up to cuddle you, quickly afterwards. and that nose thing.! you taking my rings, putting them on your fingers, especially two from my second finger (single finger?), the first one, you pulling off, me helping, because I felt my fingers were a little sweaty and I was feeling insecure about that, then about the size.. saying I don't even know why I got that one bc it's so huge and you giving me a funny weird face., and taking off the other one off my finger for you. ''see? (as i try to put the big ring on your nose). "no wait, that's too big. (i then try to put on a super tiny one on your nose, but it rolls off) then you say "let me put it my special hole/cave" and it becomes a small diamond wrapped by a vibrant red rubber. there really was a small circular dent in your nose! hahaha!
Oh geez, so vivid, so cute, so handsome, so smooth suave charming warm cuddly, I want you so bad.
I didn't successfully give you a blowjob or was it a french kiss, in the dream either? and that was when I woke up; but regardless, it was an incredibly, .. incredibly, sweet dream.
