fa‎iry ❤︎

she/her 💭 18

[angeletttte]

“i’d pack my bags if i were you, bedelia. meat’s back on the menu” two phrases and will graham singlehandedly put any other form of pettish witticism to have been devised in all of history to shame. that paired with his confident countenance and audacious body language…chef’s kiss. had hannibal gazed upon the scene with his own eyes he would have experienced internal fireworks going off at once

[angeletttte]

reiner’s character encapsulating the themes of internal conflict and mental struggles so evocatively will always be so dear to me. fabricating an entirely new persona (a solider) a that serves to avoid the mental repercussions of “betraying” those whom he has unexpectedly befriended, albeit anticipating an entirely disparate reality. the “reality” that has been instilled into him (preconceived notions about the eldians of paradis), the “reality” that molded the very role he took upon himself (becoming a warrior).

reiner was then forced to discard said persona in favor of accomplishing his mission. because while he familiarized himself with the fact that he’s been misled about the entire situation — steered far from actuality and utilized as a weapon against a wholly different “world” — he wasn’t in a position to withdraw. he had a personal goal to fulfill, and to prioritize oneself in lieu of obstacles is simply an intrinsic part of human nature.

so he reverted back to the persona that is on the other side of the spectrum (a warrior), one that allowed him to bypass the extreme mental turmoil and incertitude that would’ve arisen had he remained in a “uniform” state of mind. reiner knew that upon devising it, even if subconsciously, he wasn’t able to entirely discard his humanity and dismiss the factual essence of the “world” unfolding before him.

but even post-return to marley, those morals and guilty conscience hadn’t abated, contrarily — settling in with increasing magnitude — magnitude that reiner couldn’t bear, succumbing under the crippling force. falling into major depression so acute he became suicidal. dreams and memories haunting him incessantly and devouring him with no mercy.

the entire portrayal of what it’s like to be torn due to conflicting ideals and goals, what it’s like to be tortured one’s own mind and the ghosts of their past, false convictions of their actions being carried out “for the greater good” collapsing due to their cognizance of the truth that they cannot outrun, and the self-detestation that consequently proliferates and consumes their soul was impeccable and truly one of the many fragments that make reiner so compelling and realistic. i could very well talk about it forever

[angeletttte]

hannibal and will both indubitably take the award for being the “ultimate yearners” because one endeavors to unravel the principles of (potential) time travel via higher physics as a form of apology, carves a body into an anatomically accurate human heart as a declaration of love, and incarcerates himself to have his location be permanently known and the other singlehandedly sails the LITERAL atlantic ocean in hopes of reconciliation and then proceeds to promptly leave his wife and adopted kid later on because he couldn’t resist the longing (defying the law during the enterprise of putting an end to the aforementioned incarceration). matching not only one another’s freak but the intense, unrivaled yearn 💗

[angeletttte]

attack on titan is nonpareil its multitude of narrative themes, and i will never cease to reiterate the fact. i think back to the countless philosophical messages it sends so often. armin’s simple phrase — “maybe i was born to race mikasa and eren up that hill” frequents my mind on a regular basis due to how much power it bears. it’s such an eye-opening and evocative perspective. it doesn’t challenge the (objective) futility of human existence, but entails the acceptance thereof. not in a manner that aligns with zeke’s initial communicated outlook — which harbors the belief that all people are simply and cyclically bound to their intrinsic nature, and there’s really nothing “of worth” beyond that. but in a manner that suggests that meaning exists though not externally tangible; albeit it is subjective and manifests individually. but it is unmistakable and palpable to us humans. we observe, act, and choose what to ascribe significance to, and therefore emerges our own “significance”. therefore hearing armin express this thought, and witnessing zeke’s enlightenment and self-reflection pertaining to his own experience that was aligned with the sentiment made me so emotional. the amount of consequential topics that are raised in aot and the way they inherently relate to all of us in such a raw way is my roman empire

[angeletttte]

hannibal fandom’s equivalent to the rite of passage is witnessing mizumono for the first time. the experience is unrelentingly consuming and spares no one. whenever someone speaks of their still fresh, contemporary experience posterior to watching it i become unspeakably delighted as i vicariously relive my own through them.

there are few things that inch close to witnessing the countless events and the implications thereof unfold in mizumono, followed by the ultimate stab to the heart (the ending scene). will’s inability to proceed with the plan, inability to repress the feelings he harbors for hannibal and those that he experience when he’s with him. notifying hannibal of the situation upon hearing the sound of his voice. hannibal’s despondency — he knew — but had reserved his hopes that will would reevaluate his course of actions, and choose to go with him.

“to the truth, and all its consequences”.

will’s arrival. abigail. the broken teacup mended for an instance, only to shatter once more. will gazing upon hannibal, who is now wholly destitute of his “person suit” — his essence and newfangled emotions unraveled before him. the grief and desolation of destruction that only betrayal can bear. and experiencing betrayal, not simply the act thereof — but having it envelop your soul — necessitates intimacy; an authentic bond.

hannibal meets will with tender violence, “reshaping the past” that will mourned and ruminated over (referring to abigail), for that momentary miracle to shatter at will’s fragmentary undertaking that he, ultimately, wasn’t willing to see through until the end. and when hannibal’s dagger is about to meet will’s own body, he performs the act with unparalleled delicacy, despite the ache seeping through every facet of his being. he’s unable to inflict a fatal wound.

“did you believe you could change me, the way i’ve changed you?” hannibal asks, and will responds verily — “i already have”. which is the reason behind hannibal, much akin to will — being incapable of subduing his emotions and taking will’s life; just like will’s incapability of finalizing the plan devised by jack.

i could write pages worth of musing on mizumono, yet i’d still scarcely scratch the surface. each element is tied together so beautifully, making you feel as if each emotion you’re experiencing is elevated to a wholly different — transcending that of the ordinary — height.

[angeletttte]

eren and reiner being akin to two sides of the same coin is so compelling to me.

the fundamental similarities. both of them being driven by a clear, ardent, and unyielding goal of their own — and both of them willing to go to great lengths and make considerable sacrifices for the sake thereof. the way their actions and frameworks of mind mirror that of one another’s.

reiner pursued the path of a warrior as a child, out of the primary desire to become recognized — as recognition could grant him his ensuing wishes. he continued paving that path no matter what; refusing to abort the paradis mission posterior to the team’s loss of the jaw titan, and eventually — even after unearthing the true nature of the people on paradis — he picked himself back up and endeavored to complete his mission. notwithstanding the established bonds made, of course, as he didn’t have a choice given the goals he sought to bring to fruition.

eren’s manner of carrying out the rumbling — and *all* that he had to do to reach that point — was in essence analogous. he had carried out innumerable sacrifices along the way, saw through acts which he himself wasn’t entirely content with — yet he relentlessly proceeded to move forward. because he was free. because he was discontented with the reality that the outside world bore. eren took the fate of paradis into unquestionable consideration too, yet the motive for the pursuit of the *absolute* erasure of humanity resides within his own, personal desire.

eren too was keenly aware of the potential outcomes and derivatives of his actions (including deaths of those who he isn’t personally indifferent towards — and said potentiality *did* take place, e.g. the deaths of sasha and hange) and he too was conscious of the principal incentive behind it all.

eren and reiner were both ultimately capitulated to their goals. they both understood the byproducts of the paths they chose. and they both felt a sense of remorse for their actions (reiner adopting a different identity to cope while staying on paradis island and subsequently becoming depressed and suicidal after his return to marley; eren apologizing to and empathizing with ramzi and by extension the innocent people of the exterior world — he passes ramzi, sees him getting beaten up and initially decides not to intervene as he’s aware of the future that lays ahead of him… yet ends up doing so regardless, proceeding to expressing sympathy for the boy and asking for forgiveness though said act is “technically futile” in the context of his goals. because he’s aware; aware, but he cannot stand down regardless”).

“i’m the same as you, reiner” says eren, personally reflecting on their similitude. and in the finale, when they’re on their way to confront eren — reiner correctly hypothesizes eren’s stance on the matter. in a way, they are also capable of relatively envisioning/understanding one another’s points of view, due to their likeness in many regards.

i could go on forever about them. the narrative and visual parallels alike are simply brilliant. the possibility of a culminating paths’ conversation between eren and reiner (or even a mention thereof) that is no longer feasible is my roman empire and haunts me everyday

[angeletttte]

hannibal really meets will for the very first time, descries his actual essence & thinks to himself “finally, i found someone who flawlessly matches my level of freak” yet upon steering will to unravel the entirety of his desires, with emphasis on the darkest of them all — he is lead to discover that will, in fact, outfreaks him

[angeletttte]

i cannot cognize why the dismissal of eren’s motivations is SO prevalent among those who claim to wholly understand him.

“he exclusively did it (in reference to the rumbling) for the sake of paradis, eren is a hero and therefore any moral wrongdoings cannot be attributed to him”

except eren himself acknowledges the fact that it IS an unjust and morally corrupt act with respect to those who weren’t the perpetrators of oppression and cyclical violence. hence he apologizes to ramzi with tears streaming down his face; he feels remorse for what’s yet to come, and unlike those who misinterpret the basis of the rumbling — he doesn’t dismiss its essence.

yes, the future of paradis and eldians was indubitably paramount to eren, and he DID care and carry out actions in the favor thereof, including opposing zeke’s euthanization plan, but the rumbling — on the scale that he executed it — wasn’t ineluctable.

in his paths conversation with armin, he divulges that he had a desire to witness “that sight” when they are situated in a sea of blood. he mentions prior that he felt disappointment upon discovering the existence of humanity outside the walls — and not only due to the fact that they victimized eldians. he wanted the outside world to accord to the pictures in armin’s book — vast spaces unoccupied and untainted by other people.

eren’s motivations were not limited to the surface-level explanations people devise for the rumbling (either it’s undivided and fervent hatred for *all* of humanity, or simply self-sacrifice for the sake of paradis). and he himself is extremely self-aware in the regard. aot characters’ complexity is precisely what makes them so compelling and brilliant, therefore trying to justify your favorite character’s actions and deliberately ignoring their flaws — which are part of them and are just as crucial — is nonsensical to me