Hardworking reporter

My name is Kouhei Nisemonei. I am a journalist who was recently relocated to work for Intrepid "Truth" Press. I wish to press that my affiliation with said paper's editor is purely professional. (welcome to my RP blog! A blog for the snarky Touhou OC falsely named Kouhei Nisemonei. I generally don't send starters in response to a follow, because I try to limit my RPs to a manageble amount. Don't be discouraged though! Send me an ask or a note if you want to RP! ))

[angercrow]

"Really?" Good job, Kouhei; you've changed idle curiosity into genuine interest. Good luck getting any work done now. "You mean the Honored Yuuto Nisemonei that got a shot of the senate in session? His picture was in the classroom for Photography 203!" Which Daichi failed. "Why don't you ever mention these things?"

Rarely does a question serve as its own answer so perfectly. Kouhei might have been able to appreciate it had his forehead not hit his desk, though maybe he owed the hard wood a muffled explanation. “It was hardly the only picture we saw in that class and I wasn’t exactly going to grind the whole thing to a halt to brag about someone else’s accomplishments.”

[angercrow]

Doth the whitey arise from his long slumber? Can the gray crow live again? Find out next time, on Anger Crow Theater in 2022. "Hey, Kou! What was your grandfather's name? I was thinking about looking up his old stuff in the Archives."

The grey reporter jumped up in his chair as if it was attached to voltage. Not that there would be severe consequences for dozing off now and then. Unless you consider the occasional ribbing severe, which might be the case if your name is Kouhei.

Eyebrow raised in suspicion, he responded. “I have more than one grandfather, you know.” Pointless corrections aside, Kou knew who his editor was asking about. “His name’s Yuuto Nisemonei. And where exactly did this sudden interest spawn from?” 

[volothetengu]

AU where Daichi Yuutamo is the Priest of the Shrine where Volo works, and Volo is the overly-drunken Reporter of the Bunbunmaru in his place.

"Bluh uuhhhh, kouheei get in heere."

Once more she was drunk on a lovely morning. Sanae (or Reimu if we’re going full swap) would be having an amusing story told of what achievements there were the previous night.

Kouhei, on the other hand, would be given the story that just sounds too insane to be true.

"No nono, I shwear it’s true! I’ll print it myshelf if I have to!"

Granted, she won’t be drinking all the time she’ll have nights where she just drinks the whole stock and comes to with either an amazing alcohol induced dream or a headache so bad she has to stay in bed. Sometimes both.

[angercrow]

Kouhei did not need more reasons to hate mornings, none the less Bunbunmaru's flushed reporter was always gracious enough to grant him one. Whether Volo had filled her veins with enough alcohol to last through the night or drank her morning tea laced with copious amounts of booze. It made little difference to the groggy reporter. The morning would be spent trying to prevent her dribble from turning into ink either way.

"Yes, yes, what is it this time? Arm-wrestled a conveniently nameless Oni and won? Maybe won a drinking contest against one, sadly without witnesses?"

[demonmaxwell]

Say, Angercrow, you don't look so good...

[demonmaxwell]

“Tell me, Tengu, do you enjoy flying? Do you enjoy the rush of air you feel while flying about? Do you enjoy the freedom it gives you?”

The shadow hands held tight on Kouhei’s wings, hardly painfully, but enough to ensure that any effort would be met with hardened resistance. All the while, Maxwell leaned in closer and closer, that sadistic grin plastered on his face.

“Well then, I guess we’re going to have to change that, aren’t we?”

And with that, the demon snapped his fingers once more, the shadowy hands responding as they slowly began to pull on the tengu’s wings. Oh they would not be quick at all. They enjoyed just slowly adding more and more pressure. More and more until…

Well, how long would it be until the tengu’s wings would be torn free?

[angercrow]

The rambling of the mad demon were far away for Kouhei, but his claws were so very close. Constricting ever tighter around his feathered appendage. They strangled and tore at the tengu's wings giving no sign of letting up. An inescapable, swelling pain burned through the avian limbs as the skin and flesh was stretched to its limit. Then beyond. A scream of agony shot out, echoing into the alien environment and falling on deaf ears.

Skin tears, muscles rip, bones breaks as a crow's treasured limbs are rend from his back. It takes an eternity of seconds before the joints split apart, separating the tengu and his wings with the sound of torment and ripping flesh. Two red gashes take their place momentarily, soon invisible in the torrent of blood soaking Kouhei's back. The crow had fainted, a small mercy in the face of what just took place.

[angercrow]

A strange Package

On Kouhei's desk this particular day would be a small bound package with a note attached, seemingly placed there quite early in the morning. The note read as follows:

Reporter Nisemonei,

I thought it would be best to tell you that I asked Editor Yuutamo about you, and after what he told me I think it was wrong of me to pry like that. If I wanted to know something then I should have asked you directly. I'm sorry for whatever happened back then that hurt you.

I won't tell anyone what I know, honest, and this package is just an apology for being nosy. I'll leave you alone from now on.

Sorry again!

Tsubasa Nozomu

Well you can't accuse the girl of being dishonest, at any rate. In the package would be an assortment of dried fruit for the reporter, but no further messages were included.

A package on Kouhei's desk was not uncommon. Though one not filled with documents was less usual. When the note attached did not state that the package was from Takeshi Minoru, and was also lacking one of his father's juvenile smiling drawing, it was something extraordinary altogether. 

The grey crow greeted the package with the same kind of enthusiasm he granted any unfamiliar elements. A groan escaped him as Kouhei scratched at an imaginary itch on his temple. Wondering if the container was booby trapped is not something most people would considering a normal train of thought, but those are rare around these parts.

Apparently, the reporter made his peace with the risks involved and decided to inspect the parcel closer. The note was read by a seated reporter, one eyebrow slowly raising. The hastily scribbled text took a few reads, and even then granted little information. What exactly did she ask him? Didn't say. More importantly, what did Daichi tell her? Didn't say.

Kouhei put the note down with a sigh. From what little he knew of the girl, it was unlikely she had been intentionally cryptic. Asking Daichi about it may prove more informative later, but for now the angercrow was content to put the strange girl out of his mind and continue his work, occasionally nibbling on a piece of dried fruit.

[angercrow]

(( This reminds me of certain someone... Someone hairy. ))

(( Happy Valentine's Day you dummy. ))

Wait, what the flying fuck is this s- Obey the beard. Touch the beard. Feel the manliness. 

[angercrow]

"Gee, thanks tumblr. Hope you get shot in the face, too."

[angercrow]

[[So, Sanae just needs to hold a gun to his head and his father's, and we'll have Snarker's Quarterly?]]

(( Unless I'm also included in the ballistic conga line, I'm thinking more Snarker's Yearly ))

[angercrow]

[[What would it take for Kou to actually get up and start his own paper?]]

(( A miracle, a promise to a dying loved one, a gun to his head. ))

[randomtengureporter]

Attempted Murder

[randomtengureporter]

Daichi’s stubborn persistence when he wanted something was somewhat of a calling card, as Kou of all people would well know, so his hope that the editor would simply pass through was as hopeless as a whitey’s aspirations to become Tenma; it just ain’t happenin’.

"Eh, you’re an eyesore anyway," he fired back as cheerfully as Kouhei’s comment was tactless, before they stepped out into the bustle of the village’s outskirts. Centering their course towards the Teal Market, Daichi pulled his assistant towards a relatively clear patch of the street to take off. "I fly better blind than…" Oddly, he let the verbal barb die before it was given a voice. "I make due. Want to walk or fly? I was thinking we’d get something to eat; something with lots of legs and perfectly fried. My treat. How’s that sound?" He didn’t bother to turn and face Kouhei, and his smile looked forced.

If that wasn’t enough to set off alarms in the gray Karasu’s mind, the poorly suppressed anxiety circulating through air around Daichi would probably tip the scales.

[angercrow]

The grey reporter lifted his brow for a moment before sighing. "Walking it is." Putting one foot in front of the other was a painfully slow method of transportation, but it wasn't like either of them were in a hurry. "Haven't been to the village in a while, not since..." Kouhei's voice trailed off as quickly as as it had come up. The last time he had visited had been one to remember, running into that strangely familiar lady. What had been her name again? Mikoto? Pointless as it was, the memory still crossed his mind occasionally. Not that he was going to tell Daichi that any time soon.

"Uh, since around when I stopped smoking." continued the crow, scratching his shoulder. Has it really been that long? Maybe it was time to lower the nicotine doses. Or maybe not. "You had a particular place in mind, Daichi? Preferably one on this side of the village." How much had they progressed so far? It couldn't have been more than a couple hundred meters. They could have flown miles in the same time span! How do humans do it?

[demonmaxwell]

Say, Angercrow, you don't look so good...

[demonmaxwell]

Oh yes, yes indeed! The blow struck the demon’s back quite clearly! Quite clearly indeed! But instead of annihilating the arrogant demon, Maxwell merely cackled in response!

“Indeed, Kouhei! You so wish to strike me down, don’t you!" The demon said, even as he was being ripped apart. "A shame you don’t realize what I am!”

The demon’s body was ripped to sunders, a black small of mysterious, oozing liquid remaining. But alas, it was not a victory for the tengu. No, it was far from it. With another cackle booming across the land, the demon slowly emerged from that oozing pool, stretching a bit from the attack.

“Well, I must say that was quite impressive. Unfortunately… it won’t do you any good. Now then! How about I return the favor!" Snapping his fingers, shadowy hands shot out, reaching for Kouhei. They aimed, they aimed, they aimed quite well…

They aimed for Kouhei’s wings.

[angercrow]

Kouhei's offensive had lasted but a split second. Once more he was on the ground, and once more the damned stranger was gloating and grinning, even without a face this devil could grin. The bared teeth and crooked smile were visible in every word spilling out of his umbral lips.

Tearing through the demon had proven not nearly as satisfying as Kouhei had hoped, yet the price for his attack was due for payment all the same. The crow was put on the defensive not a moment after hitting the dirt again, as dark tendrils charged at him. The best move seemed to be smashing the shadowy arm, as he had smashed the stranger's entire body before,  and Kouhei's fist shot out to meet the dark form. Yet the demon's reach simply moved around the counterattack, dodging Kou and reaching their target in the blink of an eye. The tengu realized far too late that his wings were within the stranger's reach, the knowledge hit him simultaneously with the pain.

A second attempt to strike at the demon's arm was complicated by the shock; but was made none the less. Instinct told the crow to get out of the stranger's grasp, as quickly and violently as possible.

[angercrow]

"This, coming from a bird, is the height of irony. I can not only keep her warm, but we can travel quickly. Unless you prefer me to loiter here while I wait for her to be able to leave." the boy leaned against the wall, "And if you're implying I willingly let people access my baking materials for consumption, you are sorely mistaken."

"Coming from a..." But even Kouhei realized the futility of this bickering. A hand rubbed the irked tengu's brow before he took a sip from his cup. Realizing that the tea had gone cold by now did not do much to improve Kouhei's mood.

So just like with the unknown reason she was fed your alcohol, I'll just have to take your word for that? 

[angercrow]

"Manners tend to go to the wayside when navigating in snow, and when one has a headache from the cold. No, I intend to take her back to my home, where she will be able to have a warm bath, as well as some honey and tea for her cold." The boy replied back, not missing the hostility of the tengu, "Someone had given her access to a great deal of liquor, possibly mine. She wandered out drunk."

"Yes, the mystery of whoever gave your guest access to your supply of alcohol shall forever remain shrouded in secrecy."  Ah, an excuse to be suspicious of an intruder, optional but always useful. "Not that I distrust your motivations, methods, morals and appearance, but this little insect icicle isn't coming with you just yet. She's in no state to be dragged back through the cold and snow."

[angercrow]

"Kou! This is an office, not a social hotspot. Your friends can visit you for lunch elsewhere." There was no way Daichi was keeping a straight face, so this was delivered from two rooms away. Not that the distance would help keep the mirth from being detected though.

"This is not-" Kouhei stopped himself from raising his voice any louder when he realized he was being mocked. Knowing this hardly eased his nerves, though, and he slammed the cup down harder than wise on a nearby coffee table. The poor piece of furniture almost buckled under the sudden pressure.

[angercrow]

"Alright, Tengu. After a bit of tracking, I've finally found my guest. I intend on bringing Miss Wriggle back to where she was staying, if you don't mind." Clark has little or no knowledge of Kouhei, but he appears to have a bit of dislike for tengu in general.

"I see you were never burdened with an overabundance of manners." A guest showing up after office hours with this kind of greeting would usually kindly be told to consume a fully grown cactus, but this one, unlike most other visitors, had an actual reason to be here. "She was staying in the middle of a snowstorm when I found her, I'm going to assume that's not where you're going to take her back to?" The cup of tea was still steaming in Kouhei's hands, the tengu having had hardly any time to take another sip in between looking after the insect youkai and this new intruder.

[angercrow]

In completely unrelated news.

I wouldn't go swimming in a Belgian public pool if I were you. Their standards for life guards has evidently reached ludicrously low levels.

[angercrow]

Sorry for the inactivity.

Motivation and spare time have been alternately out of grasp in the last few weeks. I'd like to apologize for people waiting for responses, and to all my followers who's life, I have no doubt, is just an empty void of despair without their daily snark crow. I'll try to pick up my writing and slap some words together at slightly less long intervals than before. But it's not all bad news, the extra time spent payed off and I'm a licensed life guard now!