trauma + aesthetic blog

i am a monster, and I have suffered. wanna kno more check out my about page here: https://angryboyvctim.tumblr.com/tagged/tag%20yourself%20meme

[mousidy]

not the end of the world but it is annoying when people complain about being "pressured" to transition, and the "pressure" is usually just a suggestion or light joking from friends, or a miraculously pro-trans medical professional who actually tells people they have options

like ok it may be annoying for you, but some of us are being forced not to transition through legislation, violence, or denied access to care. the overwhelming majority of the pressure is against transition. god forbid anyone tries to provide a little encouragement in case they're talking to someone who actually needs to hear it

[mousidy]

you cannot do anything in case someone is trans without people raising a stink. you have to assume they're cis until they say otherwise, but even after that you're supposed to treat them like they will imminently change their mind. you have to gender a baby by their genitalia until they're old enough to correct you, you can't let children choose to take hrt, you can't tell grown adults transition is an option

we are told since before we even start forming memories that we are one thing, we are forced through traumatizing, unwanted puberties whose effects we can never fully reverse, and kept in the dark until we just happen to stumble upon the realizations that will save us, and then we are made to fight tooth and nail to get the care we need "just to be safe," just in case we change our fucking minds and comply decide we were cis all along

you're never more than a few miles from multiple opportunities to buy cigarettes, but you have to do backflips through flaming hoops while reciting Shakespeare's Sonnet 15 in ten languages if you want the privilege of taking some pills that make your skin softer and change where your body fat sits

[mousidy]

even a beginner to "buying a gun" speedrunning can get a sub 1 minute time, but "getting hrt" speedruns are more like those really long animal crossing speedruns where they spend multiple real life days catching all the bugs and filling out the catalog, except even then it's not close

[mousidy]

a lot of my disillusionment with the trans "community" comes down to the fact that too many of you take "gender is different from sex" and go "ah ok, so instead of saying women are fragile and men are strong, I should say afabs are fragile and amabs are strong. to be Inclusive"

then you just treat gender like a surface level aesthetic draped over what someone "actually" is. really is indistinguishable from terf rhetoric

[mousidy]

you all need to unpack your bioessentialism, but we also need a better theory of gender than "it's just dressup." I will pick my words carefully here, but the word "gender" itself refers to so many different phenomena that have been lumped together, and we need to un-lump them

[mousidy]

in a feminist context, "gender" has historically referred to externally imposed categorization and the internalization and performance of said categories. in a paper I wrote on this subject, I called this sense of the word "extrinsic gender"

"intrinsic gender," on the other hand, is what I used to refer to the sense of the word "gender" that a lot of trans people are talking about when they discuss social gender dysphoria and euphoria. it's the internal sense of category that's resistant to external impositions

but then we also use the word "gender" to refer to subconscious sex, which is the term Julia Serano coins in Whipping Girl to name the phenomenon we're talking about when we talk about bodily dysphoria. it is the "gender" being "affirmed" by gender affirming healthcare like HRT and bottom surgery

so, "gender" is: a social classing system, a performance, and at least two internal phenomena as well. and I really don't know if it's doing us a service to conflate all of these things!

[mousidy]

a lot of people lately seem to be going heavy on the "performance" use of the word, ignoring (intentionally or otherwise) social classing, intrinsic gender, and subconscious sex. this seems to have led to a lot of "progressive" people treating trans women like men "amabs" who wear womanhood as a costume, and nobody understands why that's wrong because they also think gender is just a performance

[mousidy]

see also "why can't you just be a femboy/feminine man/etc"

[mousidy]

furthermore, some trans people experience social dysphoria but not bodily dysphoria, and vice versa. but bodily dysphoria in particular has gained some stigma in the last few years

because we use the word "gender" to discuss both "intrinsic gender" as I termed it above, and subconscious sex, there's been a certain strain of argument from some trans people that says that medical transition reaffirms societal gender norms about bodies, and that bodily dysphoria must only result from externally imposed norms about what kind of body corresponds to what gender, and thus it would just go away if the gendered associations were unlearned

I'm strongly of the opinion, though, that our bodies are not like clothes! gender dysphoria related to clothing would generally have to do with one's intrinsic gender clashing with the gendered norms of their culture surrounding clothes, but I believe "gender" dysphoria related to the body itself is really, in large part, subconscious sex dysphoria, and this component cannot be alleviated by changing norms or associations. I strongly believe I would still seek HRT and bottom surgery if I lived my whole life in a cultureless vacuum

you cannot sidestep my dysphoria by regendering parts of my body I'm trying to change, and frankly it causes me a lot of strife that fellow trans people who flirt with me think they can talk about my body however they like as long as they gender it correctly. the word "girlcock" is not a magic dysphoria repellent, because the dysphoria doesn't just come from the gendering

[anistarrose]

if you are a parent, or may become one, or you are otherwise likely to arrive in the situation of caring for a child while they eat, promise me this: if a child doesn't like a certain food or food group, you will ask them WHY. and specifically, you will pay attention to either confirming or ruling out "it makes my mouth itch" or "it makes my stomach hurt," both of which are medically important info that children may not provide unprompted. which i know because this PSA has been brought to you by "i spent my entire childhood and much of my early teens eating peas and lentils while wondering why everyone else liked the Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation so much, like were they a bunch of legume masochists or something, before i finally realized that Violently Itchy Mouth Sensation was in fact a sinister demon appearing only to me, and her true demonic name was: Legume Allergy"

[brainrockets]

Do not let your child suffer from spicy bananas!

[greelin]

did perfectionism ever truly protect you from harm or neglect as a child though. ultimately. Lol

[greelin]

[REALLY NORMAL AND WELL-ADJUSTED VOICE] well you never know maybe it COULD have saved me. if i ever actually achieved perfection. it could have happened then. if i was actually ever enough. Which i was not

[trippiest]

what a beautiful day to not be in high school

[gayofthefae]

This is the like those “remember to be grateful you don’t have a sore throat right now” posts. It IS a beautiful day to not be in high school! Thank you!

[wingkink]

btw it's so fucking stupid you can be anxious physically in your body even after you've decided mentally you don't care. I'm supposed to be in charge here

[fairycosmos]

it's going to suck if i ever survive to the point where a majority of people are younger than me. like what the fuck do you mean chatgpt had been out for 10 years when you were born. why on earth didn't we both kill ourselves sooner

[contemptible-scoundrel]

the cool thing is that I can hardly remember it even happened so it probably doesn't affect me anymore

[json-derulo]

"you were always such a good kid! we never had to worry about you :)" thanks! you actually should've, though. like about this specifically

[partlydigested]

The fact that you're forced to have a set physical form is so fucked up.

Like yeah this is Your Vessel. You can kinda change it, but not a ton. At least not without spending large amounts of money or having undesirable side effects. And no you can't choose how your Vessel looks, that's based on your parents sorry. Also as you age Your Vessel will change, sometimes in ways you don't want. Can't really do much about that either.

And all interactions have to be through Your Vessel. You can never escape Your Vessel. If you want to have irl friends they'll have to see Your Vessel. And if you don't show someone Your Vessel, they're going to have an image in their head about what Your Vessel looks like, and its almost certainly not what it actually looks like.

Escaping Your Vessel is impossible.

[questionable-method]

no but im so tired of how self-deprecation is always more accepted than self-advocacy. if i say i can't drive because im autistic i get questioned on how exactly that works and given a million suggestions on how to do it anyway and i look like im trying to be special so it's easier to just say im a loser. yeah i don't drive because im kind of a loser lmao. oh well. and people say lmao back and we move on. at worst they say "oh im sure you'll figure it out haha." but no interrogation!! being a loser is more respectable than being disabled. being a loser is something that doesn't make other people feel uncomfortable about their own biases. so no, no im not disabled. i don't struggle to keep friends and do the laundry and make quick trivial decisions and clean my room and brush my teeth because im autistic. it's because im a loser. it's my fault. it is what it is. at least im funny now. do you think im funny? please think im funny

[feralkitten420]

"You need to relax"

Best I can do is dissociate

[lizardho]

I’m reading a book on biofeedback trainings right now and they talk about this. The words “try” or “need” add pressure to stuff. Sometimes switching from “I need to calm down” or “I’m trying to slow my breathing” to “I’m allowing myself to calm down a little more with each exhale” or “I’m giving myself permission to slow my breathing” can be more helpful. There’s a difference between “try to relax the muscle” and “allow the muscle to soften” that is significant enough that for some people it can totally change the outcome of a relaxation exercise.

For other tips and tricks, instead of asking “why” you can’t change a thought/feeling (why being an offensive question, meaning it forces you to respond defensively - in this case defending the emotion you don’t like) you can ask “is there any leeway or wiggle room with this feeling/thought/belief for something else?” Oftentimes we know multiple things at once, and by allowing for a small amount of ambiguity we can start to accept the situation more fully.

[annabelle--cane]

I think a lot of people spent their childhoods being very deliberately forced out of their comfort zones by parents / teachers / whomever in a way that was just deeply unpleasant and degrading and so, when they reach young adulthood and are finally allowed real control over their lives, become set on only doing things they know they're comfortable with forever. that's a really important thing to be able to do, especially if you're so used to having your boundaries routinely ignored that you aren't even certain what you like vs what you can bear, so I absolutely see why a person would have a negative reaction to being told that discomfort is good: it can very easily sound like being told that all that work they've been doing to prioritze their needs for the first time ever is Bad and Selfish, actually. and to that I will say two things:

one: as long as you aren't hurting or, like, being a dick to anyone, just staying in your comfort zone isn't an immoral action. if you just want to read one type of book (or just fanfiction), or just eat one type of food, or just watch one type of movie, or not go to new types of social events, you aren't being a bad person for that, and if people say that, they are soundly wrong and just trying to get a self-righteousness kick.

two: trying new things because you want to expand yourself feels a hell of a lot different than trying new things because you're being forced to. you'll feel better about trying new foods if you know you have a back up familiar one in case you can't stomach the new one, it's easier to read new books if you can experiment with audio versions or reading it in little five-page chunks by yourself, you can breathe a lot easier going somewhere new if you aren't chained there for three hours because your parent is your ride home, etc.

tl;dr: new things are good. I get why you might not want to try new things, and that's fine, but it's also more comfortable to try new things as an adult with your own agency so, yeah, what have you got to lose by trying a weird old art film?

[librarycards]

i went to eating enough food world and they're excited to meet you. keep eating lots of meals and snacks and take my hand! we can go there.

[librarycards]

keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak. keep eating to resist a world that wants you weak.

[librarycards]

Someone i know claimed children could be traumatized from reading books that are too "mature" for them. Have you heard anything like this? What are your thoughts? That seems extremely unlikely to me. Reading a disturbing book is a very different experience from say, witnessing a car crash or something equally frightening.

trauma is a nebulous concept, but when talking about it 'clinically', it's mostly considered a response to an event experienced by oneself or witnessed directly (like if you see someone die or get hurt traumatically but are not physically hurt yourself). consuming media does not fall into either of those categories, and i wouldn't consider a given scary, sexual, or otherwise potentially disturbing piece of media in and of itself "traumatic" to see.

that being said, people can experience media in traumatic situations facilitated by other people and material circumstances. one common example is when children are being sexually groomed, they may be exposed to porn or forced to engage in extended sexual conversations about particular videos/texts by the abusive adults around them. these situations are not traumatic because the media happens to be sexual, they are traumatic because they involve children being exploited for the pleasure/power of their abusers.

i think this distinction is really important, especially given that grooming is a real issue that is often misrepresented and trivialized in online discussion (and falsely attributed to, for example, queer people existing in public or queer media existing in wide circulation/where kids might see). a child happening upon a sexually explicit piece of media and watching or reading it, and a child being forced or coerced to engage with it for the benefit of someone more powerful than them, are very different things.

[maxxie-or-smth]

you've met me at a very "yeah i'm trying to work on that" time in my life