Days of Angst @angstydays - Tumblr Blog

Hi so, my friend needs funds to keep his house. It's especially important since his father is really ill and needs a safe and clean environment. If you can donate please do, or at least share. Thank you.

https://paypal.me/s4dbvnny

angstydays

#donate if you can #please donate #donations

Oh he would be so incredibly snarky towards them! (That's a very nice character moment in the og!roleswap au too! Much funnier as well given how incredibly taboo the word "fuck" was in the 60's!)

I think Howard would get morbidly curious about it! He seems the type to let his curiosity get the better of him, much as that's burned him in the past. That, and I imagine that headline being large enough that it catches his attention enough to pull it back out of the bin, even if he knows it'll hurt him. (That does sound a bit out of left-field! If you wanted to keep the same beats from that idea, though, you could tone it down a bit. Rather than a break-in, perhaps a sneaky photo through the window if the home is at ground level.)

Maybe he could try to calm him down and get him to come back inside! Not that it isn't a valid emotion, but what if someone sees? Not that Phillip could ever judge Howard for that, but he doubts Howard would enjoy the judgement of any nosey neighbors spotting him in the act.

Very snarky lol (thank you :) oh that makes it a whole lot funnier, and if the journalist sees Howard as 'weak and helpless, easy to get him to talk, etc' it would make the moment even funnier when Howard just tells them to fuck off. He and Phillip high five and laugh about it later, as not only was the moment hilarious but also it was a sign that Howard's getting better)

I can see that 👀 maybe he even ends up reading the whole article, he just has to know what these people are writing about him even though he already hates what he's seen so far, even if it's getting harder to process the words with each written sentence. Sooner or later, perhaps Phillip ends up finding Howard with the newspaper in hand and both of them are horrified in different ways and for different reasons (Phillip for not properly disposing of the newspaper and Howard thinking that something's going to happen to him now that Phillip found him reading the newspaper, he clearly didn't want him to and yet he did, and lingering fear and trauma from Morose causes him to think that he's going to get hurt again even though he knows Phillip would never hurt him) (yeah it is TwT my brain works in weird ways and not always for the better lol. Oooohhh maybe that could work 🤔 I kinda imagine their apartment to be around that level, maybe like one or two stories up but around that level, makes it so that there's no need to use elevators (if they exist at this time that is), so yeah that could work)

Yeah that's fair. Their neighbours are probably nosey enough as it is, as even if Phillip never said it outright they would probably figure out that someone's going to move in with him and if they ever see that it's Howard, the man they likely heard about through the news (there is no way the news are going shut up about it), they're nosey enough and the last thing either of them needs is more nosey people trying to barge into their lives.

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au #au of an au

On the note of journalists getting at Howard and Phillip, I think Howard would be more active in his disdain/annoyance for them during the au of an au's recovery period.

I imagine at least one photograph is snapped of Howard as he and Phillip get harassed for interviews the day they leave the hospital, and it ends up in the next morning's paper.

In the og!roleswap au, Phillip manages to wake up early enough to snatch it off his doorstep and toss it into the bin before Howard can see it and get upset. (He sees it anyway when he tosses something into the bin himself. Whoops.)

In the au of an au, Howard seems like he'd be much more determined to "go back to normal" and pretend nothing ever happened, almost out of spite. He's faced his demons, faced Morose, got his best friend back. Clearly, he's got no problems to deal with after having faced those most pressing ones. And to prove it, he's going to get up early to grab the morning paper, have some coffee, and read it until Phillip wakes up. Before normal people without any problems do that.

Phillip finds him ripping the paper to shreds on their doorstep.

Oh yeah definitely. Maybe Howard in the au of the au even makes a bunch of snarky ass remarks towards any journalists coming up to harass him when he goes outside, basically telling them to f off constantly, it's none of their damn business after all and they shouldn't even bother trying to get an interview out of him (in the og roleswap au, there would come a moment where Howard is a lot more confident in himself, enough for him to tell journalists to also f off before Phillip can do it for him and it catches Phillip off guard so much he ends up laughing about it while a bewildered journalist left standing there in shock. Later Howard is feeling pretty damn proud of himself for that and Phillip is also proud of him).

I can see in the og roleswap au, Phillip intentionally wakes up early to get the morning paper, knowing full well that what happened yesterday is going to be on it somehow and he doesn't want Howard to see it. Maybe he catches a few words on the paper when he grabs it, something about it detailing that 'one of the only survivors of Greatmaw Island unwilling to talk' or something and that's enough for him to chuck the paper into the bin. Howard ends up finding it though, not sure if he gets morbidly curious enough to read through the paper or he just tries to pretend it's not there but either way he does not appreciate seeing his face on the paper at all at a time when he needs to be left alone by the public (side note but I once had this vague idea of journalists breaking into the apartment to try and find any documented evidence of what happened on the island while Howard is left alone there for a while. I don't think I'll ever include it because it seems so out of left field but I figure I might as well share it lol)

Why do I feel like when Phillip finds Howard just ripping the paper up he either gets him to calm down and get him back inside or he joins in on ripping the paper up and throwing the pieces into the bin, a kind of bonding activity and also a way for them to let out their disdain for the journalists at the same time.

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au #au of an au

Oh for sure, he will! Thomas would probably be ready to beat him to death with his bare hands, tentacles be damned.

You're welcome! It's a great idea :] Yet another mark on him that he can't shed, ever. (It really adds to the load of self-loathing he's shedding in the au of an au though! It's yet another thing he has to push aside for later upon its discovery to go save Phillip.)

I hadn't actually thought about journalists bothering Howard! 🤔🤔 I suppose it would be a given in hindsight, but that does add to his mental load. I can picture them trying to catch him for an interview as he leaves the hospital with Phil, and Phillip having to tell them to "go away! Are you all heartless?! Can't you see he's recovering?!" (In the au of an au, I imagine Howard to be a lot more active in telling them to leave him alone, but Phil still stepping in.)

And thank you! I do like thinking of these with animated cinematography in mind. I think it helps with the raw emotion of this scene. There's no horrifying music, or superfluous sound cues- it's just a man getting half-beaten to death, through and through.

And thank you also! That's another reason precisely why that shot would linger too, yes!

I imagine that it would be that recent, yes! And your thought that this would be exactly when Howard realizes the turning point of things becoming much worse for him now is both perfect and heartbreaking, I hadn't considered that angle!

Oh yeah definitely. If it wasn't for him remembering that he needs Howard's knowledge and that scar he inflicted on his face, Thomas would have continued to throw hands (and possibly killing Howard if he had continued).

Yessss >:) and to make matters worse, Howard would definitely think he deserved that scar, if he had never lifted that tarp up on Samantha's tank he wouldn't have been beaten half to death by Thomas and have this scar (would also be another part of him shedding off his self-loathing in the au of the au though).

Yessss I can imagine that too >:) I can see in the og roleswap au, while Phillip is berating the journalists for trying to basically exploit Howard's experiences on the island for their papers, he pulls Howard close to him to hide the 'M' brand on his chest (all of Howard's old clothes are loose on him and would stay that way for a while) while trying to get away from the journalists with him, having to take convoluted turns to lose them so they can go back to Phillip's apartment undisturbed. Howard is overwhelmed the entire time, he just wants to go back to Phillip's place and all of a sudden he's thrown into this situation and all the people just don't care that he doesn't want to talk about the torture he went through on the island (in the au of the au I can see them both talking smack about the journalists when they lose them).

(also side note but I imagine that this also happened to Phillip when he got discharged, with journalists trying to get him into an interview since he was the one who went to the island and ended up coming back with his friend with both of them injured. It was probably this moment that makes Phillip ask Howard when he next visits him in the hospital if he wants to move in with him, as not only would it help Howard to not be alone during his recovery (and a bit of Phillip not really wanting to be as far away from his friend courtesy of his guilt for neglecting him), but also so the journalists won't be harassing Howard for an interview at his own home alone.)

No problem :D yesssss definitely. It's a horrifying scene to witness and lack of music really would help to enhance the horror.

No problem :D

Thank you :) Howard's escape attempt also would get a lot more desperate even without factoring in the King's Rock i imagine, especially when Thomas gets more and more violent and merciless in his treatment of him (the despair he feels when each attempt ends in failure is also increased drastically) :)

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au #au of an au

Thank you! >:]

Yeah, Thomas just can't handle his grief! Much less when looking at the cause of it, he thinks. It feels more horrific to write him doing this than what else he's done, as it's devoid of his usual twisted logic and fuelled only by raw emotion.

I do like your scar idea! I can see it happen! Makes it all the more jarring for Howard when Morose suddenly stops. Maybe it's so brutal too that Howard loses a tooth and has to spit it out.

And on sound design and cinematography, maybe it's much more horrific (and uncomfortable) if the only sound in the scene, after there had previously been a dramatic music sting when Howard found Sam's body, is just the sound of Morose's physical assault on Howard, and Howard's cries and grunts. Just a long, extended sequence of that.

And when Morose stops, we get a shot of Howard's pov of Morose walking away, and then cut back to a close shot of Howard from above as he stares at the ceiling with his head slumped back down on the floor and with wide, wild eyes (save for the one bruised shut) as he just strains to breathe. Just the sound of that wheezing, and some gargled hack of the blood in his mouth. He sounds like he's trying not to cry, if you listen close. And the camera lingers on this shot even as Morose comes back to do the bare minimum of first aid, because Howard cannot focus on anything else except for the pain and emotional repercussions.

No problem >:D

When such a usually logical and calm man loses his cool you should be afraid kind of vibes there. And oh, Howard is definitely going to get flashbacks to this moment when at the docks with Phillip in the true ending, when Thomas is so enraged and ready to act on instinct with his plans foiled and that almost animalistic rage in his eyes when he looks at Howard. Thank god for Nessie showing up when she did.

Thank you >:) Howard probably doesn't even realize he has a scar on his face because he doesn't have any reliable reflective surfaces to see himself from, so when he finally gets to see himself (in the og roleswap au he could look at himself in the mirror when he finally gets discharged from the hospital, and in the au of the au and survival horror au he has to look at himself to cut the stitches), it's incredibly jarring and devastating, to have yet another reminder of that horrible event and what he went through. It's the kind of scar that can't be explained away with a story of an accident (most of his other visible scars also can't but that's for another time), the kind that'll be obvious to everyone what happened to him. So many people would already be wondering what in the world happened to him while he was on the island when they see his scars and wounds (with journalists probably also trying to get him to let them interview him too when he wants nothing to do with them), and this scar though minor in the the grand scheme of things, would make it worse.

Oh that is absolutely horrifying to imagine. No music, no ambience, just the sounds of Thomas physically assaulting Howard and the screams that fill the room in response to such an act, it would be such a horrifying and heartbreaking scene to witness.

I love those camera shot ideas there >:) makes things all the more heartbreaking to watch and I love it, and idk why but that detail of Howard trying not to cry is absolutely heartwrenching, almost as if he's trying not to be too loud out of fear it could prompt Thomas to return and finish what he started. He does return, but Howard can't find the strength to try and get away from him and just lets him treat him with bare minimum first aid, hence another reason for why the camera shot could linger like that :)

Perhaps to make things even more sad and horrific, maybe this takes place only a few days or weeks after Samantha's death. Thomas hasn't really bothered Howard much if at all for that duration of time, giving him time to rest and try to figure out another way out (maybe even mourn Samantha himself, if only a little bit. He can't help but miss her). And this is the first instance where Thomas hurts him following her passing, and perhaps it's at this moment when Howard realizes that Thomas is going to be so, so much worse than he was before. Without Samantha to anchor his rage and disdain and prevent him from going too far, who knows what could he do to him? He's already felt what he did, what other kinds of pain is he capable of inflicting on him when not restrained by Samantha's fondness for him?

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

I had two ideas after your last reply! (It's very ominous!)

Firstly, a shot of Samantha within the tank, only we can also see Howard's horrified reflection too. His face lines up with her's, so we can see their visual similarities in their features.

Secondly, I imagine Thomas to be so freshly in mourning when he catches Howard, that whatever he does is a lot messier and incoherent than usual, fuelled by his grief. At some point, the point of punishing Howard for seeing Samantha is lost for the sake of Thomas unleashing his grief on who he sees at the cause of her death. On someone who wears her face like a ghost or remnant of her presence. (I've got a specific visual of Howard, shaking and bloody, raising an arm over his face to shield himself before Thomas has had his fill and can no longer see Sam in how bruised Howard's face is.)

And maybe a line about how it should have been Howard in that tank. Not Sam.

Not because Thomas cares about bringing him back should he die, mind you. Rather, because he would have done it purely for Samantha if Howard had died and she were this grief-stricken.

Ooohhh this is evil and I love it >:) I love that little scene idea of Howard's reflection in the tank lining up with Samantha's face to show just how similar they are in appearance love it. And the implication that Thomas just straight up resorted to physical violence in his grief and at the person he assumes to be responsible for Samantha's death, to think Thomas couldn't be any more deranged and insane after everything but there are still ways for it to be pushed further.

Also that line about how Thomas says it should've been Howard in the tank is so cold and chilling, love it >:)

Maybe, while Thomas is basically brutalising Howard's face (as implied by the blood and bruises you described), the doctor somehow creates a scar on Howard's face. Could be long and deep, could be short and shallow, but either way, it leaves a permanent mark on his face, an 'imperfection' so to speak. An imperfection his dearest Samantha would never have, and thus while Howard still has similarities to her face, what gets Thomas to back down from his assault was the scar forming under all the bruises and realizes that, oh, an imperfection. Samantha never has such imperfections on her face. Howard is 'still in the wrong for daring wear her face', but with this imperfection, it won't be as prevalent anymore.

His rage, as sudden as it appeared before, recedes like a small wave on beach. Howard doesn't realize that he's stopped trying to hurt him until he hears his footsteps walking away from him, and maybe when Thomas does walk away he makes that comment you suggested that it should've been Howard in the tank instead.

Howard couldn't bear to get off the floor for a long while though even after Thomas is gone. The pain and the emotional repercussions of said pain leaves him on the floor for a long while until Thomas bothers to come back and give the bare minimum of first aid to him. He still needs his knowledge after all.

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Do you think Howard has ever lingered by Samantha's tank outside the operating theatre during any of his escape attempts? Or do you think Thomas would cover it up with a tarp of some sort so that only he can see it during his private moments, rather than Howard ever catching a glimpse?

(Although I do imagine, if it was the latter, that Howard's curiosity and sense of dread would have gotten the best of him, and he would lift the tarp up to see what was in the tank for the first time.)

Hmmmmm 🤔 I like the idea where Thomas covers the tank with a tarp so only he can see Samantha. His disdain for Howard and how he doesn't want him to see her (with how he blames him for her death) being the main reasons why.

(Honestly I can see that being the first and last time Howard would even dare to lift the tarp. Perhaps he wasn't even in the middle of an escape attempt at the time and just wanted to try and be anywhere that isn't the operating theatre or to scope out for any opportunities to try escaping again, and the tank covered with a tarp caught his attention. Thomas has...never really bothered to cover up his messes or experiments before, and for a brief moment his curiosity gets the better of him and...

...Thomas ends up finding him while Howard was in a state of shock at Samantha's dead body floating in the tank. You can imagine the consequences for this aren't pretty in any sense of the word. Something about Thomas making Howard learn why only he should be able to see Samantha, dead or alive.)

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

While I do have a thought on this topic in the au of an au, I won't share it yet (so as to allow myself more freedom when/if I choose to explore it in the au of an au scenes I have in mind), but in the og!roleswap au, do you think Howard would want to see Samantha's ghost, if Phillip told him that he saw her?

He's got those complicated feelings about her, after all, and is much less-equipped to deal with them in the og!roleswap au compared to the au of an au. Maybe part of him would want to ask "why"? If she really did love him, why not let him leave? (In my mind, her answer would be that it was because she loved him.) Why let everything just happen to him the way it did?

I doubt Phillip would tell him he spoke to Samantha, though. He can't put that weight on Howard, not in his current state. Maybe not ever.

Though I do wonder if, in a moment of uncertainty on a late night when they both can't sleep and are passing the night sat at their kitchen table with chamomille tea, Howard would consider asking Phillip what Samantha Morose truly thought of him, and also that question of why she wouldn't let him go if she really did love him that much. He's seen it in his infinite knowledge, Howard's sure.

And maybe it is a little unfair to ask Phillip to scour that infinite knowledge for it. But maybe Howard feels so overwhelmed by that tangled mess of feelings and his own inability to just "get over" everything that's happened to him that he can't help but want something comcrete for once.

Hmmmm that is a good question 🤔

There is no doubt that Howard, at the very least, prefers Samantha over Thomas even if by a smidge. She was nicer and kinder to him after all, gave him the chance to meet Nessie, gave him an actual bed to sleep in instead of the floor. Of course it doesn't erase her role in keeping him prisoner in the manor and he wouldn’t choose to live with her if given the chance and would prefer to live as far away from her as possible, but there is no denying that she made his unwilling stay a lot more bearable.

Maybe he does want to see her ghost, if only to get closure, to know why she wouldn't let him leave if she truly loved him as you said. Maybe he doesn't, and would prefer to try and live the rest of his life without even thinking of her. It's really complicated for Howard to figure out and it frustrates him to no end. I can see him pondering this question on his own during moments when Howard is thinking about Samantha and how messy his feelings are about her, wonder if she somehow met him as a ghost even before Phillip mentions that he saw her ghost; what would he say to her? What could he say to her? How would he feel if he saw her again somehow?

I can definitely see Howard eventually, though knowing it's unfair to Phillip, asking him what Samantha thought of him through his universal knowledge for the reasons you said. Maybe that night when they both can't sleep, Howard was kept up by his messy, tangled feelings regarding Samantha and eventually caves in to asking Phillip about her, maybe it was at a point in his recovery where he feels a bit more comfortable with asking things of others again, even if it's only for the smallest things or comfort (Thomas certainly did not allow him to ask for anything to make him more comfortable that's for sure, and if he did it would count as him 'talking back' or 'running his mouth' or whatever BS Thomas spat out to justify the ensuing punishment).

Phillip...hesitates. He's directly met Samantha and her ghost, and though he still absolutely hates her for what she did to Howard, with time and consideration, he does recognize that she did, in her own, messed up way, did love Howard and cared for him before her death. He has no idea how Howard would react to him just straight up saying he's met her ghost while on the island, and had that heated argument with her that was about him. Even now when Howard's more adjusted to living a normal life, and knowing that giving him closure through Samantha's own words that he experienced, Phillip still isn't sure if he should tell him about it.

In the end, perhaps Phillip does allude to the fact that he did meet Samantha's ghost in his journey on the island, and waits to see if Howard figures out what he meant. If he did, he'll tell him about their encounter. If not, he'll shelf that conversation for another day, but maybe he'll still tell him what he knows about her through his universal knowledge.

Either way, Howard deserves closure on her in some way. That's the least Phillip could do for him, no matter his own feelings on her.

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Reading your analysis on the whole confrontation (and also the OG song) is such a treat ✨ I don't think I have anything to add, but I wanted to tell you how much I enjoyed it

Also the visuals you provided for the song. The camera angles would also surely reflect the dynamic of both sides trying for higher ground.

Also silly thoughts: this kind of gives "Custody Battle" the song, or something 🤣

Rhyming Anon

I'm glad you enjoyed my silly little (not really lol) analysis on your rendition of My Goodbye (and the og song, EPIC songs are literally so fascinating to analyze what can I say lol) Rhyming Anon :D I had a lot of fun with that and I'm glad to see that you enjoyed it :)

Oooohhh yessss I like that >:) both sides trying to get higher ground in both the argument and the moral high ground and various camera angles demonstrating that depending on who's singing at the moment would be so cool to visualize >:)

LMFAOOOO WIHFBSNXNZJZNZ the visual of this being a custody battle is way too funny I can't XD also this gives me the visual of that one meme where a woman is carrying a guy while pointing at another woman but it's Phillip carrying Howard and him pointing at Samantha/Thomas XD

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Alrighty, trying my hand at an adaptation of "My Goodbye" between Phillip and Samantha. As you suggested, it's starting with a bit of "Not Sorry for Loving You".

★★★

I take it now you know And you saw how far Thomas would go I promise I'm no foe That my regret isn't just for show I can't change the past although I can assure you I had cared for him too Yes I cared for Howard too

He was well-provided And had a room of his own And while misguided I made him less alone But if you decided Then I am more than willing still to atone

But know that I did love him as my own

<The music box fades as the camera cuts to Samantha's shadowed face, but behind her the background slides to reveal Phil.

He's seething and furious.

I imagine the music will be emphasized by furious choir>

You loved him? Is that what we call it now? Funny how all of it played No, you locked him! Kept him broken and cowed Forced into your masquerade If you loved him, shouldn't you disavow The blows from your other half?! No, you chose it! Now you say you aren't proud?! Don't make me laugh!

How can you not be disgusted? How can you not be enraged? How can you now be trusted When you had never left the stage?! How can you sit and do nothing? How can you ignore his pain? How can you claim you love him When you were set on your own gain?!

You say such things, but didn't you let him go? Didn't even bother to write Was he nothing, that you never cared to know How hard he battled and cried? So where were you when he needed you most To shelter him from the cold? And who was I to not gather him close In a mother's hold?

How can you act like you're blameless? How can you antagonize? How can a kid like you Lecture me as if you're so wise? How can you come up to face me? How can you not see the same? How can you not realize You're set on your own gain?!

Don't make claims we're like each other! Did I shackle him to strife?! If you were to Howard a mother Why stand by the "love of your life?!"

I had done my best to guide him So we all could get along Family with no need to hide him Is such a desire wrong?

Is it wrong?!

<Phillip, steadfast, lets his anger settle into consideration and determination>

You can try to call it family You can, but don't you know You can try to cling But family knows how to let go

I can at least give him freedom I can at least start again I can at least prove I'm No longer set for my own gain!

No longer set for my own gain I can start again No longer set for my own gain I can start again!

★★★

There we have it! I hope I portrayed the conflict alright. I thought it would make sense to put Phillip in the spot of Athena, seeing as Athena initiates the confrontation and has the last word.

Bonus deleted lyric I couldn't fit in is "You who used to be a brother". I tried to have Samantha appeal her desire to be a mother to Phillip's desire to get Katie Lou back, something about wanting something so much you'll do anything for it, but I felt that took too much focus away from the insight on Sam trying to make things work.

Rhyming Anon

Rhyming Anon this is literally so good and so peak and absolutely extraordinary I LOVE THIS SO MUCH :D I kid you not when I say that I have been replaying the original My Goodbye in the background while reading your lyrics and it's such a wonderful experience. The conflict was done extremely well, and I like that Phillip was placed in Athena's role in the song, very fitting for the reasons you said and also makes a lot of sense as Samantha wouldn't just start calling him out unless he did it first lol.

I also really like that bonus deleted lyric, I get why you removed it but maybe it can still be incorporated but as spoken word instead? Samantha could say this whether or not Phillip realizes who she is at that point in time when he speaks to her 🤔

I can see in the beginning of the song, when Phillip starts the second verse of his lyrics (the ones starting with 'how can you not') he continually takes steps towards Samantha while saying them, showing him beginning the confrontation but also showing his fury towards her, for being responsible for also keeping Howard on the island and for daring to try and claim she loves him like a mother does when her inaction says otherwise.

I can imagine Samantha standing up (or rather floating up?) when her lyrics start, and then turning around with a nasty glare in her eyes when she sings 'how can you act like you're blameless?' while taking steps in the air towards Phillip, glaring at him the entire time because how dare this kid thinks he can tell her what to do? Just because he's the 'best friend' of her 'child' he thinks he can lecture her? How absurd. Perhaps she's expecting Phillip to step back from her approach, but he remains firm in his stance and he only gets bolder when he gets to sing back, perhaps taking a few more steps closer to her to showcase this.

Also I can imagine when Samantha is singing her lyrics, Phillip has a few moments of feeling the weight of the guilt on his shoulders still. Because Samantha isn't wrong, he wasn't there for Howard when he needed him most. He didn't write back to him, didn't bother to keep tabs on how he was doing until now, when Howard has been so damaged physically and mentally that he's lost much of what made him him, and even when all is said and done, Howard will have to potentially live the rest of his life affected by what has happened to him and it's all his fault.

But that doesn't make his resolve crumble.

During the 'Was he nothing, that you never cared to know, how hard he battled and cried' line, I can see him looking down at the journal pages in his coat pocket, and remember everything he's read, all the pain and suffering his best friend has been through, and how he did nothing about it. But then he grabs a random page out and holds it while Samantha continues to sing, and the brief guilt that showed on his face gives way to a determined glare. When the 'So where were you when he needed you most, to shelter him from the cold?' line is said, he steels his resolve. He's here now, and he can do something about it (or has done something about it, if we assume this song takes place sometime after Phillip saves Howard and before the ancient city shenanigans), and no amount of guilt can stop him from doing (or has done) what he should've done long ago.

I'm gonna go on a bit of a ramble here on the original My Goodbye and this rendition of it so buckle up because this is long af: in EPIC, My Goodbye puts Athena and Odysseus against each other with their ideologies (Athena with ruthlessness, and Odysseus with mercy and open arms), and the thing is, neither of them are completely wrong. As shown multiple times throughout the musical, Odysseus showing mercy to the wrong people keep getting him in deeper situations until he embraces becoming a monster, and even that backfires on him at the end of the Thunder Saga where he's lost the remains of his crew and is forced to live with Calypso for seven years on her island. However, before then, being ruthless saved him (the sirens) and ruthlessnes is what allowed him to strong arm Poseidon into calling off the storm and letting him go home, and being ruthless is the only way to deal with the suitors as they have proven themselves so despicable that showing them open arms is completely out of the question.

By contrast, Athena learns that open arms isn't all that bad through Telemachus, who though hasn't yet learned about all the horrors of the world, is still able to empathize with Athena and it is through his kindness and willingness to accept her with open arms that encourages her to follow that example and this is what ultimately leads her to demanding her father into releasing Odysseus. Hell even before Telemachus, Athena regretted how she handled that argument with Odysseus long ago and how previous ideals of pure ruthlessness, while did save him and ultimately led him home, has caused him to lose himself and is no longer the person he once was, so much to the point where when Athena finally got to talk to Odysseus again and offered to build a future where empathy and open arms are less scorned and accepted, he's been through too much to even begin to try.

That is to say, neither Odysseus or Athena were completely wrong or right in their ideals, and they both ended up changing drastically from the other's ideal overtime.

And just like in the original My Goodbye, this rendition of it places two sides against each other, in this case Phillip and Samantha, in regards to their relation to Howard and how both of them have treated him in the past near year. Neither of them are completely wrong in their assessment of each other, with Phillip calling out Samantha for doing everything for Howard except the one thing that matters and that was setting him free and allowing him to go home, and instead she insists on acting like she's his mother and acting like they can be a happy family when that could never be the case even when discounting the messed up circumstances Howard was forced in. And Samantha also calls out Phillip for his neglect and how he didn't bother to write letters to Howard until it was nearly too late, and only now he decides to care? In Samantha's eyes, Phillip has essentially abandoned Howard, while she had done everything she could to provide for him and be there for him, even trying to get Thomas to accept him as a proper son so they can all be happy together without this silly need to hide Howard from the others. And well she's not completely wrong in her assessment but she's also missing the bigger picture, whether intentionally or not.

Unlike Samantha, Phillip has changed from the person he used to be. He has grown, has learned that he was wrong, and how the only thing he can do is try to make amends the best he could. And he did succeed in that, having rescued Howard and is now planning on destroying the only possible way for him to bring his sister back for the sake of the world. Samantha however, never seemed to recognize that what she was doing to Howard was wrong even if she was nicer to him. She was essentially infantilizing him by acting like he was her biological child when he's a grown man in his twenties, acting like the situation he was forced into was just a product of 'family issues', and most importantly, refusing to give him the one thing he wanted: freedom. This infantilization even extends somewhat to Phillip, as Samantha calls him a kid in the rendition when he's also a grown man and is reaching his thirties soon, just because he's younger than her and shorter than her.

A similar theme that both of them have is that they didn't want to let go of the family they have. Phillip with Katie, and Samantha with seeing Howard as her own child. However, eventually Phillip learns that a part of family that's inevitable is letting go of them, whether it'd be letting them go in death or just them moving on with their lives away from you when they have grown up. Samantha could never recognize this lesson, as her desire to be a mother was too strong for her to realize this, and her desire for a healty family dynamic where she gets to keep everyone in her life happy was also too strong, and this desire is what ultimately leads to tragedy. This isn't a situation where being neutral can solve anything and that being neutral is actually detrimental, and unfortunately Samantha fails to realize this.

Samantha's desire for a happy family isn't wrong, but the circumstances could never have allowed it to happen. Thomas hates Howard and nothing could have ever changed his mind about him, Howard fears and also hates Thomas, and his status as their prisoner has already doomed this dream of hers from the start. Samantha never recognized that she had to let one go for everyone to truly be happy, instead she tried to make things work when nothing could ever make her dream come true. By contrast, Phillip's journey through the island allowed him to wake up and realize that bringing Katie back from the dead is the wrong call, and that it's better to let her go and move on remembering her than trying to make things work for her to come back. His unhealthy desire was keeping him from doing what needed to be done, and keeping him from living life, and once he realizes this he's able to let go and move on.

Well that was a lot longer than I intended that to be so I'll close out by once again reiterating that Rhyming Anon you have created yet another peak piece it's literally so good :D

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Silly thoughts: I can imagine this small bit where Phillip mourns during the fakeout. Using the melody from the beginning of Puppeteer where Odysseus and Eurylochus, but it's just Phillip singing.

Doesn't have to be part of the actual lineup, just for fun.

★★★

Howie... Could it be that I have come to late? Have I left you to a cruel fate? Why did I think I could let you wait?

(Waiting...) <echo>

Howie... You were all I had since Katie Lou Tell me that I didn't lose you too Say something... just one... I'm begging you...

★★★

I first considered starting this with "I took too long" from "The Underworld", but I can't beat the og lyrics lol

Rhyming Anon

Rhyming Anon once again you have written an amazing piece even if it was on the shorter side :D it's absolutely heartwrenching and very sad and I love it >:) (I'm assuming by fakeout you mean the fakeout at the end of that one song concept I talked about where Phillip finally finds Howard, unless my memory is messing with me)

Anyways the lyrics sijdhxjjzjzz oh they are heartbreaking, even if it turned out to be a fakeout this definitely made Phillip's existing guilt skyrocket as if he had come just a bit later by like a second, perhaps that would have been the end for Howard. The little waiting echo is also just as heartbreaking, like it's subtly mocking Phillip for taking so long even if it's likely unintentional since it's coming from Howard.

Once again i have to reiterate this is yet another amazing piece you've written Rhyming Anon, it's short but sweet this time around and I love it :D

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Reading all these writings and ideas we've been doing, I find myself longing for animatics to watch of them 😭😭

HELP ngl same 😭 (oh the woes of not being blessed with drawing and animating skills)

As always, thank you for enjoying my lyrical rendition (I wish I could edit that typo in the end of it though! 😫).

So many songs, so many possible adaptations >:3 I really like your "My Goodbye" idea between Sam and Phil. This would work so well because it clashes Sam's desire to be a mother (caretaker) with Phil's actual experience being Katie Lou's brother and Howard's anchor. This will be fun to adapt.

For now, though, enjoy Howard's rendition of "The Challenge."

★★★

Another day of wondering if I'll someday be found Is there anybody pondering if I'm around? They don't know that every night I'm left smothered in the dark alone Even so I fight For the chance to make it back home

To think my dream would lead to this imprisonment So long and I'm still...

But I don't know how much longer I'll last under his control Every day he gets more violent and mad for his abominable goal

It hurts...!

In spite of pain I can't bear to lie And let him bring our world to hell So I try to fly To prevent the deadly knell

To think my dream would lead to this predicament Even so I will keep buying us time

Time is nearing I'm getting close She'll rise again So says Morose!

I'll buy us time!

Time is nearing (Time is nearing) I'm getting close (He's getting close) She'll rise again (He'll rise again) So says Morose! (Thanks to Morose!)

If I would restrain His wicked design I have to be strong and steadfast And if I be slain Either way I'm fine For I would be free at last!

"Phil..."

My dearest friend... Though I wasn't ever good or true If I meet the end I hope this makes it in part to you

To think my dream would lead to me never seeing your face again I'd rather you stay safe and far away!

To think my dream would end in my own punishment... Would you be...

Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... Oh...

★★★

Not gonna lie, this kinda hurt my heart to write. 🥲 But I really wanted to write this rendition and was thinking of it alongside writing Knowhere's "Wouldn't You Like."

Also after reading some comments, I love the idea of a one-sided tango. Phillip would be too flustered by the overwhelming absurdity and embarrassment to resist! 😆 Bonus if Katie Lou's ghost makes a cameo in the background, seeing as she might be following her brother around.

Rhyming Anon

No problem Rhyming Anon :D (nooooo you're fine TwT but I do get the agony typos are so annoying 😭)

Thank you >:) I legitimately thought of that idea when I just woke up and thought 'omg that is a good idea' XD can't wait to see that rendition :D

Onto this rendition of The Challenge and oooohhhh once again you have written another peak piece Rhyming Anon this is soooo good >:D listening to The Challenge while reading these lyrics is actually like a whole nother experience it's so good :)

The 'is there anybody pondering if I'm around' omggg that is so sad, he's not even thinking of Phillip and if he's wondering how he's doing, in part of the lack of responses from him all those months ago and also Howard's self-worth issues flaring up, like he thinks he's not important enough for his lack of correspondence to be noticed by anyone, not even his best friend.

Also the line 'to think that my dream would end in my own punishment' omggggg wjhfhdndncjjx self-loathing issues alert and also Howard thinking that his horrible situation and the things he went through at the hands of Morose is a punishment for him not being a good friend suhfhxjzkkxjxjxj I love it >:)

Also special mention to 'to think my dream would lead to me never seeing your face again, I'd rather you stay safe and far away' it's so good and imagining it sung is so good wijfjdjxkjxjx

This song adaption is also interesting in the sense that it seems like Howard has given up on escaping the island, and now wants to stop Morose, so his goal may have shifted from 'get out and off the island' and to 'just get out of the manor and try to figure out what to do to stop this madman'. Of course he doesn't succeed in even getting out of the manor and is forced into a fate worse than death but it's the thought that counts (now I'm thinking of a potential song for when Phillip finds Howard and has to try and free him from the computers, would be very tense I imagine until the end where Phillip does succeed, but maybe have like a fakeout there just to scare the audience into thinking he messed up :) )

Maybe for extra sadness, at the last 'waiting' before the song ends, it cuts to Phillip on the mainland, checking his mailbox for the first time in months and realizing how long he's left Howard's letters neglected, breaking his obsession with playing god with death, maybe even a faint 'Howie' can be heard at this part to indicate that. It can kind of act as the subtle 'Penelope' sung by Odysseus in the second chanting of her name in The Challenge.

Also is it bad that I imagine that Katie Lou could be trying not to laugh watching Phillip get practically tossed around in the dance? Like this is probably the first time she's seen her brother in a long while after her death and she sees him being practically ragdolled by this otherworldly cat, forgive her for laughing just a little bit.

Once again I have to say that you have written absolute peak once again Rhyming Anon :D

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Decided to have some fun with Knowhere's rendition of "Wouldn't You Like". It really does fit him so well 😆

★★★

Well, I say Aren't you a brand new face?

"Who's there?"

Just a friend Who will help you reach the end

I'm sure, Phillip, you're a fearless and strong man But you will slip if you even move wrong man Luckily for you here in Lucky's Bar You'll find the best help by near and far

"What?"

Wouldn't you like to have some protection? Wouldn't you like to not be alone? Wouldn't you like to have some direction Be in the know within the unknown? Wouldn't you like to have a sure advantage When you explore this treacherous isle Lest you persist and find you can't manage This hellish domicile?

Did you really think a doctor who would research on his own crew Wouldn't dare to give a worser fate to a human boy like you? What do you got for the monsters death-defying, mad, and gross? What did you bring here to conquer the Island of Doctor Morose?!

I'll preface I'm a collector and also selector of certain things Keep your eyes out for a trinket that catches my interest You'll know by a print I made Then I'll show you choicest upgrades From the Rock Carrier Patchel To the Bag Bigger-er Satchel

"Though I personally recommend Lung Swelling Goop for you."

"What?"

"Who are you?"

I'm Knowhere, friend Now so we have a deal?

Well?

★★★

I'm so darn proud of this one. I imagine the song gets more jazzy (and the camera angles getting wild) as it gains energy, finishing off with a great big band.

Rhyming Anon

Rhyming Anon you have written absolute peak once again I LOVE THIS :D and you should absolutely be proud of yourself for this piece because it is so good, listening to the original Wouldn't You Like with these lyrics is such a great experience (also imagining Knowhere with Hermes' voice kinda slaps ngl lol)

I can just imagine that Phillip grows more and more annoyed as the song progresses, starting with when Knowhere calls him a human boy ("I'm only a few years away from turning 30" is what he would probably think in his head) (though also I can see that when Knowhere says 'wouldn't dare to give a worser fate to a human boy like you?', it could refer to either Phillip or Howard. Phillip for obvious reasons, Morose would not have any qualms in giving him a horrible fate if he proves himself to not be the kindred spirit he thought he was, but if it's referring to Howard it's pretty much Knowhere saying 'yeah that doctor has done absolutely vile things to your friend do you think he wouldn't do the same to you?') and it progresses as Knowhere lists what kind of upgrades he has in store (also the Lung Swelling Goop is such a clever addition when considering that Phillip chooses that or the other speed/stamina item in Revising Tragedy :D). In the end he's just as confused as he was and annoyed but if Knowhere is willing to help then might as well bite.

Also I can see Phillip visibly look away and grimace when Knowhere says 'did you really think a doctor who would research his own crew', to show that at this point in time, he still is in doubt of Morose's true nature and is still hoping that all of this could be a misunderstanding of some kind and that he still wants to work under him (until he finds out what the doctor has done that is, maybe there can even be a song that details this broken pedestal moment)

Also kind of off topic but this is making me think of a few more EPIC songs that can be adapted

Dangerous (but maybe in the context of 'what if the hostage scene is included in the musical and Knowhere sings this while preparing Phillip to face Morose', I imagine this might be more of a cut song from the full musical though as I imagine the hostage scene to be more of a what if for the og roleswap au but I think it's still fun to think about)

Done For (but in the context of Phillip fighting the spider queen as a latter half to GTA's 'Hail to the Queen' song, because one it would be very funny and two it kinda fits lol)

My Goodbye, with maybe a bit of Not Sorry For Loving You added in (but it's a duet song with Phillip and Samantha once he figures out her identity as the ghost by the lighthouse and they kinda go back and forth on how Samantha treated Howard with Samantha, though disappointed in her husband for treating Howard so horribly after her death, still loves him and still sees Howard as a child, her own child and Phillip just calls her out on how if she truly cared about Howard then she would have set him free and treat him as an equal)

Anyways I will reiterate this again, you have written another amazing piece Rhyming Anon and I'm glad you feel proud of this one because it is another amazing work from you as usual :D

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

I love your idea for his birthday in the og roleswap au being when he gets the brand! That's very sad! And I can totally see Howard's realization of it being his birthday as fuelling a failed escape! Maybe Morose even lies at first when he catches Howard, telling him that because it's his birthday, he's going to be nice and give him a "gift" instead. (Not that Howard believes him, but Howard hasn't got a say either way.)

I do have a scene proposal as well though, because I think it'd be poignant. (Not a request, mind you! Just an idea to toss into the void.) A scene set during the following year after the events of the og!roleswap au, where Howard does have a proper birthday with Phillip and Angelique (and Nessie too, of course. She doesn't understand the concept of birthdays, but does understand that Phillip and Angelique are giving Howard gifts! She plucks a fish out of the water from her feeding tank and sets in on the table in front of Howard, narrowly missing the cake because Angelique spots Nessie and Phillip quickly yanks the cake out of the way.)

I think it would be a good contrast to his horrible birthday from the previous year. A contrast to show that things are better now. That he can have a real birthday again. That he's surrounded by people who love him and that he loves back.

That he's going to be okay.

He blows out the candles on the cake that Phillip and Angelique have baked for him.

When he opens his eyes again, he finds that huh! His wish has come true. (He's wished to be surrounded by his loved ones. Angelique and Phillip ask him what he's wished for, and Howard simply says that it's already come true.)

Thank you >:D it just popped into my head when I thought about 'hmmmm Knowhere isn't here in the og roleswap au so how would that birthday thing go...ah ha I got it >:D'. Oooohhh I like that >:) perhaps Morose even genuinely believes that branding Howard is a legitimate 'gift' to him, as not only has he have been saving that branding iron for a very special occasion, but also what better gift could there be other than a reminder of him? It not only serves as a wonderful reminder of who he belongs to, but also it acts as a 'gift'. A win-win right? The little brat still cries about it though, how ungrateful of him.

(Not sure if Howard would mention that it had been his birthday when he wrote down the events of his branding in his journal, but if he did, oh you better bet Phillip was seething with anger that Morose did that to his best friend, on his birthday no less, as well as harbouring a lot more guilt because not only did he miss Howard's birthday but he let THAT happen to him as well)

Awwwwww that's such a cute scene idea I love it 🥺 I love it when characters who have missed their birthdays finally gets to celebrate them with loved ones by their side and that the celebrations act as reminders that everything will be okay after everything ESPECIALLY if they contrast horrible birthdays from before so this is right up my alley >:)

I was actually planning on including a birthday chapter at some point in the recovery fic and this gives me quite a few ideas on how to do that when the time comes :D (Nessie almost putting a fish on the cake omg XD I can see Howard just bursting into laughter when that happened and Phillip and Angelique can't help but laugh along too, maybe a joke is thrown in on how the cake almost became fish flavoured or something)

The proper birthday would also serve as a great stepping stone in recovery and healing, a step back towards normalcy and to a life where Howard won't be conquered by his trauma every single day of his life. That there can be days when all of that is pushed aside for happiness and spending time with loved ones and as long as he has more good days than bad ones, then he wins :)

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au

Birthday piece:

Regarding if Knowhere is the one who placed Howard on that pool table that one time, I imagine it to be ambiguous if it's him doing it or Howard's sheer sense of will. Howard himself does sometimes willingly want to visit the bar in his sleep after all, so it could be himself! Or Knowhere doing a bit. One deleted line from my draft was actually that Howard woke up on that table after Knowhere lightly poked him with the pool cue, asking Howard if he was a cue ball. I cut it out because of pacing, and also because it leaned too far towards Knowhere having put him there, rather than ambiguity.

I do sometimes reread that Gunths' story you put out some time ago! Sometimes, I think of specific camera shots that it could have, like a shot of Howard having collapsed onto the floor with his eyes glazed over after he's drank the spiked water. It's one of those events I can see Howard musing on often when he lets his mind wander for too long. (And also I needed a rhyme for "months" haha)

(Howard's actually in his mid-to-late-twenties, according to the QnA! Phillip is older, and Angelique is the youngest at twenty-two.)

Thank you! There's a horror in being infantilized and not being taken seriously that I think is very effective to tap into. Especially in the different forms that Howard experiences it in here. Samantha does it to Howard in a way she sees as complimentary, and to fill her own longing for a child. Thomas does it in a way he knows is derogatory, and because he sees Howard as lesser and foolish in that way. Howard has no say in either of those forms at all. Yet Knowhere, meanwhile, like you said, acknowledges Howard as an adult - a grown-ass man, if you will! Who, like you said, can make his own choices. When I write, I try and make sure that Knowhere doesn't come off as too coddling of Howard, while at the same time still giving him that comfort and support he still needs. A comrade. I don't think Howard sees him particularly familially. Not because Knowhere isn't worth being a cool uncle, but rather because Howard doesn't feel like he's necessarily missing anything familially.

For the longest time, it was just him and his mother. And Howard thought that was enough.

They're still close, though! Howard visits him often for pool games and for chatter after everything happens. There's no need in his mind to label their relationship as anything beyond a close friend/confidant.

(There's also the contrast in setting, subtle as it is. Samantha sets Howard to sleep in the nursery when he gets sick. Knowhere meets with Howard at a bar, an adult establishment. This way, very early on, Knowhere establishes himself as a fellow adult; not someone who looms above Howard.)

Oooohhh I see, and that's a fair decision :) having little details like that be left up to interpretation I like that :D (personally I like the idea that Knowhere influenced his spawning point to get Howard to not be focused on whatever happened to him but other interpretations I'm open to it :) )

Awwww that makes me really happy to know that :D and yesssss I love that, just a brief but still shot of Howard, feeling the effects of whatever drug was in the water, confused and not all there. I imagine after that, there would be either be a shot of Gunths looming over Howard and it's either focusing on the back of his head, concealing how he feels about having done that to the audience, or just a straight up close-up shot on his face showing just how conflicted but resigned he is to have done this decision. Not like he has much of a choice now, does he? And oh yeah this is definitely a moment Howard wonders and thinks back to on a regular basis, since, in an almost cruel way, that had been his most successful attempt at escape (and the only attempt he got that far in in the og roleswap au, and in the au of the au and survival horror au, that was true until he successfully escaped the manor), and he definitely curses Gunths' name every time he thinks about it, because had it not been for his cowardice, he would not be suffering and going through all of this! But as time went on and he starts to develop a sense of self-loathing and self-worth issues, Howard shifts his focus on who to blame from Gunths to himself, in such a subtle way that even he doesn't realize it at first.

(Ooohhh I see my bad lol TwT in that case then I can see Howard being 25 or 26, those numbers kinda feel right, and also this would add to the psychological horror of him being treated like a child by Samantha, when he's a grown man

No problem :D and yesssss definitely, even if that infantilization comes from a place of love (or a very not healthy kind in Samantha's case) it's still infantilization and that can cause some serious harm. Doesn't help that Samantha also would overtime treat Howard's situation as more like a 'problem in the family' and not like the messed up wrongful imprisonment situation that it is, because no matter how many nice things she does for him, at the end of the day Howard is still a prisoner and she's partly responsible for his continued imprisonment. And oooohh that is such a good point in Thomas's way of infantilizing him, he sees him as a child because children don't know any better, they're naive, idiotic beings who need to be taught right from wrong, and who cares about how he gets that message across as long as he gets something across? And if force doesn't work the first time? Well gotta up the ante to really get the brat to learn his lesson.

Anyways, I think you did an amazing job with Knowhere giving his support without too much coddling, it comes off as him trying to guide Howard onto the right track and trusting that he'll figure it out on his own, treating him like he has agency and choice unlike the Moroses. Knowhere's presence in the au of the au and (kind of) survival horror au is honestly very crucial for Howard's state of being with how he's treated as lesser by people he does not want to be around, so being treated as an equal really helps out his mental state (too bad that doesn't happen in the og roleswap au so his road to recovery is going to start off a lot slower but he'll still make it there soon)

Fair enough on the familial role aspect :) my brain just kinda likes seeing Knowhere as this cool uncle figure but I think that's more of how the relationship seems like and not necessarily what it is if that makes sense, like their relationship could be seen from an outsider's view as an uncle and nephew thing but in reality they're just close friends? Idk if I worded that right but yeah TwT

(Omgggg yesssss that is such a cool little detail I love that, more contrasts with the environment Samantha and Knowhere interact with Howard in I love it :) )

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au #au of an au

Hello! I have some more thoughts on writing (both in general and as a response to your reception on the birthday piece! I'll split em up into two asks for better categorization)!

In general:

I really do appreciate the reception to my writing (from you and Rhyming Anon, too, of course!), it means a lot to me. I think writing for these aus has been a good motivation to improve, in a lot of things! Prose, concept, and pacing. (For pacing specifically, I think writing out the following sequence of scenes for the au of the au-

1. Howard rescuing Phillip

2. Phillip helping Howard during the fight with Morose

3. Patching up

4. Planning for the Ancient City

5. Phillip going down to the Ancient City

- has actually helped me to better understand pacing for more cinematic things, like a hypothetical animated adaptation of the au. It's great.)

I also really appreciate that my writing is subject to analysis, like when you point out certain lines and question their symbolism or meaning. It makes my writing feel more meaningful, which I've aimed for! Like a book club!

Awwww I'm glad to hear that :D knowing that you're understanding more things on writing when writing for the au of the au and other things really makes me happy, that my silly little roleswap au has managed to inspire you and others this much, and actually led you to improving and understanding your own writing, idk if this is the right word for it but it's really touching to know that :D

And I'll continue to analyse your writing for symbolism and meaning and certain lines for a long while >:D because it deserves it with how good you structured things in your writings :D

#the island of doctor morose #tiodm #roleswap au #au of an au

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