derse dreamer

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[multums-blog]

His response was everything Caesar could’ve hoped for. And more, in a way. The implication he suggested in an embarrassed mutter was… well. He was surprised to hear it. Pleased, even. He’d had a clue – obviously – but hearing it out of his mouth was perhaps better than feeling it himself. Hmmm. Things to make note of for later.

But for now he simply smiled again, the ghost of his former laugh against his lips. It was almost frustrating how cute he was – how terribly smitten the Italian had come for him in what felt like such a short time! Did he even realize the amount of power he had? In time, maybe he would. Maybe he’d know and say it out loud. Tease him for it. But smile and say how happy it made him, too. Something warmed in his chest in knowing that he, himself, would like to see that realization through. 

Deep rooted. Underneath his skin indeed.

With a small sigh, he shifted, reaching up to circle his arms around him and pull him down again. Closer. His chin found the top of his head, nestled in his hair. “Of course not. I am quite talented in my ways.” He said, his voice ever quiet though the confidence from before remained. In both his tone and action if he didn’t want to further disturb the moment that was to be created just now. The silence returned, briefly; he heard nature outside again, briefly entertaining the idea of a cigarette later. The night seemed nice for it, especially following the day they’d shared. It seemed neither of them could have predicted this.

And that, in itself, was something.

“… Tesoro?” He mused softly, shifting again to better look down at him. “… Did you ever think this would happen?”

[animeprinced]

Arms trap you again, firmly wrapped around you, and it’s almost too easy to just let him pull you back down. You shift and squirm to uncross your arms and just.. wiggle your hands carefully under Caesar’s back, so it’s sort of like you’re hugging back. Without actually exerting all the effort to, because.. well, your arms would probably fall asleep under him. Which sounds considerably unpleasant, you have to admit.

“Don’t be so cocky,” your face is sort of mushed, gently and kind of actually comfortably, against his chest so the words are a little muffled. But they’re understandable, at least, and your head turns so your cheek is resting there instead, blue eyes drifting shut. It felt nice. Really nice. You can feel yourself getting sleepy at this point, too-- mainly because of how safe and content you currently feel, but.. well, it was getting late too.

You don’t want to move. You don’t want to detach yourself from him.

Your eyes don’t open throughout the gentle silence that takes over between the two of you and you actually almost manage to drift off into a comfortable sleep-- until Caesar speaks up again. A simple ‘mm?’ is what you offer in response to at least let him know you’re listening.

But he asks a question and you’re both embarrassed by it and entirely against the idea of opening your mouth end exerting effort to talk. “Nn,” that was almost sort of a real word, which was an alright start, “Thinking and hoping are two different things.” 

There you go, actual words. 

“I didn’t,” you trail off, shifting to snuggle closer, “think it would.” Maybe, for a while, you hoped it would-- but that was all it had been. Hope. You’d sort of given up before it’d started, on your end. Being under the impression it was fake, that none of it really mattered, that you shouldn’t really be attracted to him.. well. It was hard.

[multums-blog]

The other wouldn’t know just how mirrored his feelings were – Caesar, in fact, feeling just the same about all of it. Legs twitched beneath his hands and the thoughts that followed were impure. He was a man, a man who had made a habit of physical contact with willing participants, and yet this… once again, he was faced with unfamiliar territory. The concept of slowing down, of taking his time and making it right. He’d never had to worry about that. It had never been wanted by him or another party, really.

This was different. It was bound to be different in a sea of sameness, and he without a proper paddle to navigate. He had only the waves, the way the other moved. The subtleties of his expressions, his silent intentions rarely spoken, and what Caesar himself knew to be sensible and appropriate. Their connection had been build over months, and he could read the other fairly well… yet it was easy to feel stranded. He was faced with a choice and desperately could not afford to make the wrong one.

He came closer, and the blonde’s eyes fluttered, taking him in. He really was something, like this. Quite a beauty. But they couldn’t – not right now. Not so quickly, no matter how satisfying it had been – already was – to kiss and touch him. His brows furrowed just slightly, listening to him as his gaze darted away just a moment. Finally, he would reach away from his legs and instead take either side of his face in his hands. This he’d already come to know rather well, his soft hair and smooth skin. The set of his jaw. His sigh was gentle, a smile onto lips that wanted nothing more than to kiss. And kiss. And kiss–

“… Not this evening, at least.” Caesar assured, thumbs stroking his cheekbones. “Which may in fact be the biggest surprise of all.” After a pause to look at him – just to admire, really – he sat back, releasing the other as his arms flopped to the side. As he thought of his next response, he focused intently on the ceiling. Around them, he could hear the fridge humming. And much more distantly, it was night, full of noises and nature through their usual open window in the kitchen.

It was peaceful. And even as something like this was hard to admit, he felt at peace telling Inigo of all people. Inigo, of all people, who (other than Joseph) knew of his every sexual exploit in the time they’d been doing this fake thing. Inigo, of all people, who knew he’d more than once choose physicality over someone’s feelings. 

It wasn’t to be like that again.

“… I… want to. With you. All of that, va bene?” A hand would find his hair, running through messy blonde waves as he grew more embarrassed. “… But not immediately. … This is more than those things. You know that, right…?”

[animeprinced]

You aren’t expecting anything, you know better than that at the very least. You’re not as insensitive a person as most assume you are, you have better manners than that-- and you’d be a little insulted at the insinuations if you were anyone but yourself. He’s like you, and you understand it. The desire is there, very much so, but there’s no rush. You don’t want there to be a rush, you don’t want it to be the same as all the other flings and flirts you’ve had go on before and even during this whole fiasco.

It wouldn’t mean anything.

His hands take your face and you don’t mind it, you like the touch, but your eyes shift just a little nervously for a second before you can actually make sense of the words. Your lips twitch and it takes everything in you to hold back the little snort that almost escapes. It’s surprising, but it isn’t. Because you feel the same.

When his arms fall, you don’t take any opportunity to move because really, you do like it right where you are. You, maybe a little ashamedly, like watching him. His expressions, the faces he makes-- maybe because you never had the chance to do so before. Things were hidden before, a show was put on.. on both sides, not that you’re trying to be a hypocrite.

You’re as good an actor as he is when you really try.

But this was all honesty. 

There’s some effort exerted and you try to sit properly-- maybe a little further from Caesar’s hips this time, completely out of courtesy not only to him but to yourself too. At least you’re good enough at holding up your own weight that most of it wasn’t really on him at this point anyway. 

“I may be vaguely offended you’re under the impression I’d ever think this was the same as those things,” you’re being a little dramatic, sure, the tone of your voice lets onto that before the arms crossed over your chest can even accentuate it. “I’m very aware,” it’s more serious this time around, the understanding is obvious in your voice; you can even hear it, for gods’ sake.

"Can’t really blame me-- for the reactions, I mean,” it’s muttered, and the embarrassment is on you this time, lips pursing in an attempt to at least minutely keep your cool. It’d be much easier if you weren’t sensitive.

[multums-blog]

track 7. skin

[multums-blog]

The nerves that shook his spine were not the fear of intimacy he had once been acquainted with, but rather the anticipation of what was to come next. In many ways, he had become near surprisingly comfortable with Dirk, no longer someone who had virtually no experience and certainly not any with another man. These things had never mattered in the past, which had resulted in its own in-expertise, but he often thought it was simply because he had been meant to discover it all with him. It suggested something greater. Something bigger than the two of them.

And that was, in itself, an underlying anxiety: a realization he had not yet made. His subconscious danced about it, twisted and turning with every honest smile, every brush of fingertips. Most everything Dirk did, intentional or otherwise, that was only meant for them to share. Like a special truth, hidden away yet in plain sight as well. But even at the forefront of his mind, dying to be noticed, this was perhaps not the moment that any of this would manifest as a conscious thought. Not when he needed to be closer to him (if even possible). Not when he felt every tremble of the body that gave itself to him with the simple indication of its most natural urge.

How lucky he was, really. And in total agreement, in the way a familiar and equally urgent heat found itself practically throbbing in anticipation. It’d been a long time since they could meet like this, hadn’t it? Too long.

Only mildly embarrassed – a sign of true growth on his part – he felt himself turn away from biting and a touch closer to his ear. His hands rediscovered the curve of Dirk’s hips, applying the pressure that sought to say, yes, it was very much a mutual desire. An insistent one, at that. The friction was pleasant, a small hum to follow, before his voice would whisper in a tone he often did not recognize in himself.

“What can I do for you?”

[animeprinced]

There’s finally a minute to breathe, to take in whatever air you can, because the lips to skin ratio has decreased to a bearable level and you find yourself with some rational thought again. Not much, because his hands are on your hips, fingers curved around them and pressing and the friction is enough to keep you just that little bit hazy.

His question startles you and the words directly against your ear-- you shudder, shoulders tensing before you sort of just.. melt against him, thighs shifting closer as your fingers leisurely, lazily toy with the dark strands of hair between them. “What can you do for me..?” You wonder curiously, the tone to your own voice much breathier than you’d like to admit for how little you’ve done. 

But in your defense, it’s been a considerably long time and your hand can only get you through so much. 

You take initiative, again, shifting to lean back and slide your hands from his hair to his shoulders. And you push. With enough force and probably a good amount of surprise on your side to make Lon’qu’s back meet the bed behind him. 

“You can do plenty for me,” it’s a start, partially gloved hands find the hem of your own tank top to do a quick up and over before its tossed to the floor off to the side of you carelessly. “Or, well, you can just do me. I’m undecided. I like the sound of both,” you’re just being an asshole now, but that’s not really something you can help. 

It’s natural, y’know, like day and night. 

[multums-blog]

Of course he’d heard it before. They both had. They’d both said it, yet this time he was anxious to hear if it was true or not. Because this time, the truth of it actually mattered. He wanted to know and wanted it to be a yes. He wanted to know if he’d done to Inigo what the other had (perhaps unknowingly) done to him in a matter of months.

Once steady footing was now shaky and stumbling over himself. And he chose to accept it, finally, as rebellion at this point was pointless. How could anyone turn away from the sight he saw above him? The words, thick with honey, spoken to him in a hushed tone? Even with all of his might, it was as if Inigo sunk his claws into his chest and intended to stay there. Underneath his skin, like when his cat lovingly made her mark upon his arms and sometimes face. Scratches and scars that wouldn’t fade completely. Indentation that he very much liked the feeling of.

If Caesar had to bleed, it’d certainly be for this.

“Is that so…” He breathed, breathing him in as his hands found the curve of his legs on either side of him. Damn, he really was strong – though smaller than he, Inigo was rather solid. He’d known it came from years of dance and gymnastics… but to actually feel muscle beneath his hands gave it all new meaning. Striation patterns that quivered to meet his grasp, supported by unwavering bones. It was all very new – like he was learning him for the first time, really. 

“… Just you wait, principe…” His voice was a purr, confident yet soaked in an affection he hadn’t shared with anyone before, “You haven’t seen anything yet…”

Because a pauper would do most anything for a prince, would he not?

[animeprinced]

When his hands find your legs again, dangerously close to the exact spot that had caused the two of you to fall over in the first place, your reaction is barely there. Your thighs shift as you move, no issue with the touching taking place because his hands are warm, so warm, and they feel good.. even through your jeans. Not that you don’t figure they’d feel better against your skin-- hey, woah, wait a second. There’s a shiver that you barely manage to keep under control and an extremely familiar feeling at the very pit of your stomach but you refuse to think into it because that is just too.. fast. 

Way too fast.

Right? Right. .. Right?

This second guessing yourself thing really had to let up. But you’re thankful for the distraction when he continues talking, half lidded blue eyes lifting to meet with green at a new word. You haven’t heard that once before. There’s curiosity bleeding into your stare, you can even feel it, but you can’t really help it. You don’t ask, though. It’s more fun that way-- you’ll figure it out eventually.

Your hands slide up gently, careful to keep your fingers from snagging the fabric of his shirt as they move, before you’re practically stretching to press your palms against the armrest behind the blond. One on each side of his head. This is precarious, considering how much bigger than you he is, but the strain isn’t unwelcome.

It’s better like this.

You’re more eye-level with him.. from above, but still. You liked it more. “Should I be on guard? I’m not sure how I feel about surprises, you know,” you comment, legs tensing on either side of Caesar, squeezing-- if only to keep your grip and to keep yourself upright. This was dangerous.. in the best way, but still dangerous. In a few ways, actually.

[multums-blog]

In an evening that had dissolved into firsts, this was certainly a first in its own right.

It had only taken mere moments, yet there they were, sprawled onto the couch with Inigo in a heap across his entire body. They were practically nose to nose, he realized upon looking down at the other and meeting his blue gaze quite close. AT this distance they were even more striking, met with bright green, but that wasn’t important even as his mind briefly wandered to admire them. The other said something and Caesar was stunned to silence, studying the situation with the utmost confusion. How… had this happened? Weren’t they just completely upright and fine? Perhaps too lost in their kiss, he didn’t realize anything was amiss until, well, they ended up like this. It had been as sudden as a blink but not nearly as natural.

Weird.

But even as a surprise to himself, he dropped his head back, finding the opposite arm rest and biting his lip in a tiny grin. His shoulders shook, eyes squinting… and he laughed. His held lip didn’t last; he was snickering, light and carefree laughter loud enough that Inigo could hear and nothing was subtle about it any longer. This was unbelievable, truly outrageous, but his arms still circled around to better support the other. Even as he couldn’t help but laugh, he felt… content. Better than that. There was something about this he loved.

And it spoke volumes about what was to come. Volumes that, in fact, frightened him deep in the makings of his soul. He chose to ignore them for now, his subconscious turning the page and focusing on the matter at hand.

“To think…” He began, voice still light with a chuckle, “A gymnast fell into my arms. Have I already swept you off of your feet~?” Whether it was the fake relationship or the newly discovered real relationship, teasing was not at all off the menu. Of course.

[animeprinced]

You feel the shaking before anything, and your chin props against his chest where your face had more or less landed, eyes lifting to look up despite your obvious embarrassment. He’s laughing. Sure, he’s laughing at you and probably the situation in general, but he’s still laughing and it’s something you’ve never really seen up close before. 

It makes your chest do something strange.. well, not really strange, per say. But your heart flutters and it makes you feel a little lighter and a little less flustered.

It’s.. nice.

There’s a couple seconds of awkward shifting so you can sit up, properly-- or, well, as properly as you can in this situation. Which, in the end, just has you straddling his hips pretty precariously. This was.. fine.. probably.. you don’t really think he’ll mind? But you can never really be sure when it comes to Caesar, either.

“I think I’ve heard a line similar before,” you comment, “though, I have to say, I like it better this time around.” Because really, you wouldn’t be you if you hadn’t suffered through some terrible pickup lines at various points in time. Bars, clubs, you name it and the things you’ve heard-- it was best not to remember, because, well.. you yourself could say worse things now and then. But you do try and pride yourself on being better than those times, at least.

You lean down, carefully this time, palms delicate and balanced against the blonds’ middle to hopefully keep yourself both in check and your weight not as heavily on him as it could be. “But, the answer would have to be yes,” you add, lips brushing his as you hum, “you did. I knew you were smooth, but really, this is sort of ridiculous.”

[multums-blog]

This time, it felt absolutely assured. There was no doubt, no underlying worry hidden between their lips. He felt only the affirmation from the other and his own sense of happiness. It was strange. Calming. He was nervous – his heart a mess of irregular beating – yet also completely relaxed, all at once. How was that possible? It was easier not to think about anything more than Inigo himself.

And that’s what he did, a small shiver running through his body as the other squeezed against his hand and moved to make them closer. It was the emotional equivalent of a tremendous sigh of relief; Inigo kissed him back and it felt incredible. Like a word more than incredible that he couldn’t think of, not even in his home tongue. He tilted his head, quite literally sighing into the joining and responding to the other as he moved. It was all too right. Too good. He could only imagine how much better it would get – and the thought settled onto his waiting nerves. Adrenaline.

But he needed to be closer. Enough to feel him everywhere – skin to skin, as close as possible. He reached out, guiding the other’s body with hands on his waist. Almost too naturally, one curved around his ass, bringing him toward him even further and supporting his weight. The temptation to explore just under his shirt was completely there… but he managed to hold himself back. For now. Inigo was different than his previous pursuits. Even the girls and guys he’d been with more than once and for longer – he wasn’t like them. Caesar wouldn’t treat him the same.

Following his lead was best… but also extremely difficult. Not when desire seemed to burn the pit of his stomach with wanting.

[animeprinced]

While it was different, it couldn’t be entirely separate. This was still Caesar, of course, and it still felt the same as all of the other times. Just with more meaning behind it. There was no way you were about to classify the blond as a bad kisser beforehand, but now there was prominent effort on both ends and it was something entirely new.

His hand untangles itself from yours and both of them find their way to your hips, from what you can tell from the sudden warmth and weight there, so you return the shift in position with one of your own-- your arms leisurely drape themselves over his shoulders. It’s comfortable, like this, you think. Warm, very warm, but nothing you find unmanageable or intrusive. It’s sort of like being at the beach on a warm day. 

Well, until the hand sliding over your ass startles you from those prior hazy thoughts. It surprises you enough that you squirm and push forward, almost away from the hand that you for some reason don’t connect to the situation itself-- why it doesn’t dawn on you that Caesar is absolutely the type that would do that is beyond thought. And you’re suddenly leaning forward with more than enough weight to throw off this comfortable balance the two of you have, which is upsetting in and of itself honestly.

At least it’s a short trip to the couch behind the blond, which is relieving, because had it been the floor then.. well, that would’ve hurt and you’d have felt worse than you already do. Sprawled all over him and blinking rapidly in surprise-- you don’t remember when you broke the kiss, but it’s probably good that you did. Teeth and lips clacking together really did hurt, with enough force behind it.

You’re completely silent as the situation processes and the heat is steadily working its way back up your neck, across your cheeks and to the very tips of your ears. 

“...” you clear your throat, quietly, “I.. I’m not usually this clumsy,” he lives with you, he knows, and it’s still so embarrassing, “I-I’m so sorry.”

[multums-blog]

It was hard to say it, despite how… good it felt to finally let it out. And despite the good it would do Inigo to know, it was actually the most liberating for Caesar, himself. Something he had long denied and tried to force away was now in the open entirely – he had finally accepted it, and in doing so, could accept another person. He finally wanted to accept it; all of it, even, which was no small feat of his own. And it seemed it wasn’t so unreasonable, at least not as he’d thought before this evening.

Because Inigo reciprocated. He’d said it in his own way and he teased and it was bliss. More than that, even – it was, in itself, perfection. The way things like this should go, as complicated as they were otherwise. One couldn’t create a better moment than what had just occurred because, as he’d slowly started to realize, a moment didn’t exist greater than whatever they invented together. In a world of expectations, they didn’t have to be anything but each other. And in learning that, thousands of other questions left him, only one solid thought remaining: could it really be this simple? He’d asked himself too many times in the last few hours. Few weeks. Perhaps a month or more, even. And could it, he finally wondered for real?

Could it really be this simple, he asked as his gaze lifted to meet the other’s. Could it really be this simple, he asked as his freehand found the side of his cheek, an action he’d like to make a habit of. And could it really be this simple, he asked as his forehead sought to touch Inigio’s and said, “That seems fair. … In that case, consider me yours, amorino.”

Yes, he decided. Yes it could be. And another kiss upon waiting lips would make it clear.

[animeprinced]

Consider me yours, he says.

It makes your heart hammer almost obnoxiously against your rib cage, and if there were any point during this whole exchange that you were nervous about him actually being able to hear your heart beating so quickly-- well, it’d be now. Your pulse was quick, too, and the pink colour is quick to return to your face as his forehead presses to yours.. with his free hand sliding against the warming flesh of your cheek. 

Every part of you that he touches seems to react accordingly, warming and leaning into the feel automatically.

Embarrassing, really. 

There wasn’t a single part of this entire situation that was not, in some way, incredibly embarrassing to you. But you manage to keep your cool (sort of), save for the fierce blush on your cheeks that entirely betrays your otherwise relatively calm expression.  

His lips pressing to yours, for the third time this very day, is what manages to shake you from more flustering thoughts. Your fingers squeeze his automatically, your head tipping to the side as you press back more firmly this time than before. It’s hard not to want to just press yourself against him entirely but you manage not to, though the desire is absolutely there and only growing with each second your lips are connected, settling your free hand against his shoulder instead as you lean in more.

[multums-blog]

Obvious, perhaps. He always preferred to be direct. But he’d learned that in the intimacies of people – especially people he hoped to impress and charm in some way – this wasn’t always possible. Or recommended, even. And with Inigo, he wasn’t attempting to put on a show. In fact, it was like he’d been robbed of his supposed identity completely. What was he if not a charming casanova when that was so easy to hide behind?

He wondered a similar thought but let it fade as the other approached where he had sat on the arm of his couch. It wasn’t so important now, he realized as he reached out for Inigo. It could wait. For once, the smaller man looked so much taller than him in this position; he settled with taking his hand, pressing his lips to his knuckles. “Nor my hands, carissimo.” And he kissed the spot again, pulling him a little closer.

It almost felt… right, to feel nervous. Even a touch embarrassed. Because while he wasn’t necessarily saying anything different from other courtship, the fact remained that his personal interested had changed considerably. It bled into his tone. His demeanor and movement. Inigo wasn’t a one time person. This wasn’t a one time thing. If it were to become that, it would hurt… and he’d never hurt from something like that before. In a world of firsts, Inigo stood alone to deliver any hurt he wanted. …But he wouldn’t. Caesar just knew that. …Right?

And his nerves fluttered in response – unbelieving but daring to continue. To see what more was in store.

“… Tell me something.” He began, his voice soft. Caring. That invested interest again, teaming with his own stubborn need to know. “What is it you want this to be, Inigo…” His name was a pleasant taste. “You asked me to explain, before, and I am willing to.”

“…I have cared for you for a long time. … If you’d allow it, I would… always care for you.”

[animeprinced]

There’s no resistance to offer when he takes your hand and lifts it, eyes watching curiously before the same pink from earlier warms your cheeks all over again. It’s not nearly as intense.. not yet, at least. Your fingers twitch as his mouth presses to your knuckles and he speaks, the lips moving against your skin sends a tiny, pleasant shiver up your spine-- one you hope is more or less unnoticeable. You aren’t as embarrassed as you were just a little while ago, not even close, but this is a pretty good start to bringing that feeling back again.

“Mm?” It comes out as a hum, soft and maybe sort of more distracted than you meant for it to, but you manage to look up from your hand to meet his eyes; surprisingly. But the question he follows his own words up with is what startles you, blue eyes blinking as you just.. watch him.

You’re quiet as he continues, too, resisting the urge to look away when it starts to embarrass you. The way he words it is corny, and something you can very well see coming out of your own mouth in other situations. Which, actually, makes it even more embarrassing.

But you shift to lean closer, your fingers wiggling in his grasp, hand twisting to take Caesar’s own in a vaguely clumsy movement. Could’ve been smoother, but you accomplished what you wanted; to lace your fingers through his, to lift his hand so you can press your own lips to the back of his hand. His hands are bigger than yours are, rougher, and it’s even easier to notice like this-- but you don’t comment. 

You like it, honestly.

“I think we can work out some sort of deal,” you mumble, eyes falling partially closed, “You know; you care for me, I care for you.” It almost sounds like a joke, the way you word it, and your lips twitch against his skin. “Something along the lines of a.. relationship, if you will?”

[multums-blog]

The space, of course, was meant to be closed with a kiss. It was a setup he was rather familiar with, even, one he rather liked but especially wanted to do right now. Yet it seemed the universe had another plan entirely – despite best intentions on either of their part. Sadly he’d come to already realize that any hope of supposed normalcy between them really wasn’t going to happen. And for the most part that was fine, so long as they could both maintain steady ground.

Which, well. That wasn’t necessarily going to be the case either. Dannazione.

But his reflexes were rather decent – likened to a cat, even – and with quick thinking, he managed to grab the other before he fell completely. A hand came to rest on the small of his back and the other took his free hand to better steady him. Stunned silence passed between them and he blinked down at him before finally saying, “Be more careful, mm?” Though even so, he didn’t move just yet. It just seemed too contrived, and yet here they were, posed like a scene from a romance. Unbelievable.

Finally able to snap to, he pulled him up and let him go, a hand going through his hair. They really needed to get home before another ridiculous accident could occur. “… Let me close up here. It will only take a moment.”

An hour or so later, they would find themselves at home. And home felt so different, now – different in a way that was nervous and exciting all at once. When last had he felt so anxious, and when last with the person with him in question? They all seemed like distant memories, things that very well might have never happened. He wanted to ask questions, to determine what exactly they just experienced together… but it melted away the moment he saw his face. His usual forward logic just couldn’t compare with the way he looked. His tousled hair, face flushed with the nighttime air as he took his shoes off and greeted Caesar’s cat, Bella. He smiled at the tiny cat, talking with her in a hushed tone he thought perhaps Caesar didn’t hear. It only made him feel lighter. Warmer.

He just wanted to be near him. To touch him. And nobody had ever become that significant – that genuinely meaningful – before now.

[animeprinced]

A somewhat dazed blink or two and a curt, almost dumb nod of your head is the most you can offer as any sort of response to the suggestion-- his request, even. He doesn’t move at first and neither do you, clearly in no rush to separate from him personally, but you figure that this really isn’t the best use of your time right now.. when he finally lets you go, that is.

But at least he was true to his word when the he said it wouldn’t take long, and you’re grateful to find yourself at home (finally). 

It feels different, you can admit that to yourself and only yourself, as you greet the cat that’s essentially come to be a close friend and you’re also grateful for the familiarity of the purring you receive in exchange for the petting. It does dawn on you, briefly, that you can feel eyes on you. 

Not the cat, either, because by the time you feel it, she’s wandered off to do whatever it was you’d interrupted her doing upon your arrival.

So there’s nothing to distract you anymore, and you shift, turning to the source of all of this attention you seem to be receiving. And it doesn’t surprise you in the slightest when your eyes meet with his. You idle where you stand for a second, debating internally before you choose to approach him this time. There are a few options running through your mind, sure, and quite a number of them are incredibly embarrassing so you stifle those away for the moment-- or, well, try to.

“You really are obvious,” is what you actually come up with, “if you stared any harder, it might actually go through me.” It’s entirely teasing, of course, and your head tilts to the side as your lips tug upwards at the corners, eyebrows raised, “Can’t take your eyes off of me, huh?”

[multums-blog]

He really was quite a nervous thing, wasn’t he? He’d noticed before but it had, understandably, been glossed over by actually engaging with him. In his nature was the underlying worry that Inigo, perhaps, may not want any of this after all… but that was merely a lurking paranoia. Hadn’t they known each other long enough that he’d feel comfortable telling him no entirely? It was silly to doubt that trust, seeing as he’d trusted him with this harebrained scheme in the first place. There’d been trust all along. Something he found rather wonderful to realize.

Whatever dull concern remained even so was quelled as the other spoke. There it was – the banter he’d come to enjoy from two people who really had no business being as flirty as they both were. He could remember the other having told him ages ago that he was actually rather shy – he enjoyed smoothtalking and dating but had only picked it up, in all seriousness, from his own mother in a vain attempt to better overcome his natural anxieties. Her suggestion, apparently. It certainly didn’t seem that way, now, at least – he was a formidable match, even. Caesar, however, was better.

And would prove it, too.

His own brows raised, his smirk settling a bit more onto his lips with a curious twitch of his nose. “Ah? Was I not clear?” Of course he was. In a delightfully subtle way. But Inigo desired something else entirely in his teasing. “Cuore mio, what can I better explain?” Almost like a challenge, he leaned forward, bridging distance between them. 

“And… where would you like I explain it?” Was his next whisper.

[animeprinced]

You might be over-analyzing this, maybe he’s not looking at you as hard as you feel like he is-- but that never seems to be the case, with Caesar. Oblivious is something you are, absolutely, but you’re almost too in-tune with the attention that is paid to you. 

It’s why you’re so shy. 

Because you can feel people looking at you, you can feel their eyes, and the case now isn’t any different.

He responds to you and you blink, blue eyes watching him curiously (if not almost entirely at ease, because this situation is much more normal, something you can function with) as he breaches your personal space once more. The space between the two of you has been cut to almost nothing and you can feel your heart jump right into your throat again.

“Where?” You repeat, quietly, tone questioning. 

There’s a sudden pressure against your back, considering you haven’t stopped moving backwards and you belatedly realize that you’ve met with the entrance door to the shop. And, well, pushing against a door like this is bound to have repercussions. Which doesn’t excuse the shriek you let out and the way your feet trip and stumble over each other in your sudden trip backwards as the door, unsurprisingly, opens.

[multums-blog]

They continued like this as long as either could possibly stand. For Caesar, that was another steady few moments, feeling the other’s tongue with a shiver he’d come to know was the unique enjoyment of kissing. And, honestly, kissing was quite the past time for him. He’d kissed many times, many people… but this remained remarkable. It was really something, whether it was just the way Inigo reacted to him or just the sheer fact that he was kissing Inigo, himself. The fact that it was meaningful… the kind of something he’d think about later on when this moment had to end, somehow.

But the sheer pleasure couldn’t hold him up – no matter how frisky it was – and so he would release from Inigo completely only to move and hop over the counter. It looked to be an act he did quite a lot given the ease of the movement, and though pent with anticipated energy, he couldn’t help but simply regard the other upon landing. As if disturbing the lingering silence would, in fact, prove this wasn’t actually real in the first place. Even with that perhaps silly fear, face to face without anything blocking the way it was like an obstacle not simply physical had vanished. But maybe he was reading far too into it, the romantic swell of his heart in full force as his blood warmed and coarsed in rejuvenated veins. He’d certainly been waiting, it seemed… though to say it was for Inigo, himself, was perhaps too early to tell. Looking down at him, Caesar felt far more alive than he’d thought his day would end in feeling. That was undeniable.

And if this were to continue, he’d probably feel this way a lot. Many more days.

Distantly, a thought wondered if the waiting had been all for Inigo.

The taller man reached out, hands carefully onto his shoulders. He looked so delicate, yet could feel a dancer and gymnast’s strength upon his touch… a detail he’d maybe missed in their fake interactions. He moved to his upper arms, equally rigid with precise musculature… and his forearms… and finally his hands, taking them in his own with a gentle squeeze. “… We should go home, va bene?” He began, gaze flickering about his storefront. Right, he not only owned this place, but had been making rather personal advances on his not-so-but-possibly-now boyfriend right in the middle of it all during work hours. For the only time in his career as a business owner, he was rather thankful for their slow (or more appropriately dead) nights. 

“It’s about closing time…” With an afterthought in mind, his usual confidence returned in the form of a quirky smirk. “And I’d hate to put this on hold any longer than necessary, tesoro.”

Old habits, once again, couldn’t be broken so easily – and a silver tongue was hardly ever lost.

[animeprinced]

He pulls away from you again, and admittedly you can’t really blame him because it’s even starting to get unbearably uncomfortable for you too. Your feet press against the ground again, fully now, and you lean away from the counter just a little dazed before your hands rub at your somewhat sore midsection. That counter was far too hard for how heavily you were leaning against it.. you swear you’re bruising a bit but you choose not to complain.

For now.

And instead you look up when the blond slides almost too easily right over the counter and lands in front of you, blue eyes blinking once before you look up as his hands rest on your shoulders. They move downwards, over your biceps and past your elbows and forearms before aforementioned (very warm, you note) hands take your own. 

The squeeze makes your heart jump and the words that follow are, for some reason, more embarrassing than usual. It’s hard to even want to talk, you’re still in that same daze from the very beginning of this entire situation but you do manage a curt nod. Getting your breathing back to normal hasn’t ever proved to be such a challenge as right now but you manage that too, thankfully, tongue flitting to lick over your lips some.

There’s a familiar, but still new, burning at the tips of your ears at the comment that follows and you peer up at him again-- eyebrows raising. 

“This?” You do still have it in you to tease, of course, because that’s who you are by nature. You’re a tease, a flirt, and you make the best of it.. when you can. A step back is taken and you pull him with you as you move, arms not allowing much lenience and grasp firm on his hands to make sure he follows, “What ‘this’ are you referring to?”

[multums-blog]

A glow had been the most accurate way to describe him all along. Joseph had taken to calling him Sunshine, on occasion, and it really fit now more than ever. Even as the sun had left them, it remained in the room. He was here, looking at him attentively with a brightness that didn’t just come to anyone. Like bottled rays, light radiated off of him. It warmed his cheeks, exhaled from his mouth. It was just a part of him.

Caesar was in deeper than he’d originally thought, assuredly. It made him sick. But he had nothing to hide. He absolutely loved it.

Travolgente. And he suffocated in it, letting himself be kissed and returning the action with his own fervor. It felt even more right the second time, of which he released the other’s hand only to better position himself over the counter. In retrospect, he really shouldn’t have initiated contact like this – the counter itself acted as a barrier, making it that much harder to get to him when literally all he wanted to do was get closer. He ached for it in such a way that surprised him – the obvious ache, of course, but a much more wholesome joy that spread against his veins and simply craved the kissing. How… pure. Though, underlying, it was all still lewd.

Some habits were harder to break than others.

He pushed himself further, bridging better space between and holding himself up by his arm and abdominals. It was painful, but he could manage, a man of discipline which equally included physical strength. He just had to get to him right now… and it was almost impressive the way adrenaline allowed him not only to balance and kiss him, but reach up and move the hand on his chin to cup his face once more. Fingers brushed his hair, tilting and parting his mouth. He wanted his tongue. He wanted it all deeper.

Dizzy, he felt. But more so, ecstatic.

[animeprinced]

You know that he’s straining, considering the counter and all, and so are you for that matter but you can’t really be bothered enough to remedy this entire situation by.. maybe.. you know, going around the counter. 

Because that would be too easy, and it would take up some unnecessary time that could currently better be spent kissing him. Which is what you’re doing, and you intent to keep doing, until something changes your mind. Not that an unexpected interruption wouldn’t solve that because really, it would, and be pretty embarrassing considering where the two of you are right now. 

As in, Caesar’s workplace, but well.. it doesn’t really seem like he minds.

And it’s not like you wouldn’t hear the tinkle of the bell should the door open. Though, well.. any potential customer walking in on this may as well just walk back out. You’d feel bad for that.

The fingers on your chin move, you feel the skin on skin contact almost too well, and cup your face again which only provides more incentive to think less and kiss him more. Your hands are keeping you balanced pretty well considering all things, not that you’re too clumsy in the first place-- but you’re essentially meeting him halfway which isn’t bad when you take into account how much shorter than him you are.

His mouth moves against yours and his lips part and-- your train of thought cuts off almost abruptly at that point. Not that you could think very well at this point anyway, and he was doing a good job of keeping it that way. You’re quick and eager to follow his lead, lips parting, tongue gently skimming his lower lip before teeth graze it. You certainly aren’t a bad kisser, you’ve had enough experience in that particular field and you knew it.

It should be a pleasant surprise, you think. Considering, well.. you’ve never really put any real effort into your shared kisses up until now.

[multums-blog]

I do.

Lo faccio anch'io. In the end it’d been easier than he could have possibly imagined. It kept replaying in his thoughts, even as he focused on the other, on the scent of him this close, the feeling of his mouth moving with his own. I do. Like he couldn’t shake it away.

It was the most amazing feeling. Assurance and acceptance where it shouldn’t have been. Having it work out this well… All of it was so real yet it felt like fantasy. He suddenly felt many years younger, reading stories to his siblings about something just the same happening to far away characters. A modern prince with a good heart and a smooth-talking pauper. It wasn’t supposed to make sense but here they were, fitting together, fulfilling roles never planned. Missing puzzle pieces. Shaped to fit. Terrifying and wonderful all at once.

Had he just been waiting to pour such honest sentiments upon another person? He was of the Italian romance heritage, happy to tell any number of suitors any number of sweet, flowery things. But meaning and saying were different identities all together. And to his knowledge, the urge had all but hidden itself until given the choice to actually move forward. He’d never known himself to want any of this seriously until he was in the middle of making it happen. Maybe that’s what spoke to him loudest in all of this: actually wanting to be this version of himself for Inigo. How quickly a sheltered heart could crumble with just a kiss…

But not simply just a kiss. A first kiss (or at least, a first serious one). And one that actually mattered. Answered questions. There was significantly less to worry about.

The moment felt slow but had only lasted a matter of seconds. Pulling away – reluctantly – he kept his hand to his chin, searching his eyes for the response. He felt hazy, his wild nerves but a dull light in green eyes. A spark not usually there. His voice would come even soften than before, gaze darting before reclaiming the man his words were meant for. A habit he’d like to keep up with.

“… I do, too.”

[animeprinced]

He pulls away far too soon, in your opinion. It’s been just a few minutes, you’re sure, but this whole conversation feels like it’s gone on for hours and all you can think about now is how much you’d like to just keep kissing him and that thought is more embarrassing than you’d really like to admit. It’s nice, warm even, that he doesn’t pull back too far when he does and you really have to resist the urge to lean forward again to initiate it all over again. 

No matter how much you really, really want to.

The words he responds with, after the pause the both of you take that helps you catch your breath a little more, makes it seem like catching your breath at all was going to be a challenge. Everything he said just sort of knocked the air right out of your lungs all over again.

It’s almost enough to make you sigh. You don’t, though, blue eyes opening barely halfway to meet with green and you try your hardest to ignore the way your cheeks are absolutely burning. You’re fairly sure you have some sort of fever at this point too but you can blame that on the blond causing you all of these feelings anyway.

This is all incredibly embarrassing and you can’t even concentrate enough to think up a proper reply. Your focus is a little out of whack, the haze in your head doesn’t seem to be going away any time soon either-- but you’re not complaining. There’s nothing to complain about. Honestly, you love it. It’s a good feeling, one you can say you’ve never actually felt before. It’s almost suffocating, but in the best sense.

You don’t answer him, there’s nothing you can think up to reply with, so you settle for the next best option. Actually, the best option in the first place; you kiss him again. It takes a good amount of courage for you to do it, and the fingers on your chin are just loose enough for you to push forward again and press your lips to his for the second time that day.

[multums-blog]

“You do?” The honesty of it robbed breath from his lungs, his voice a gentle tremor in their shared quiet. Not that he’d even really felt himself breathing at all before, really. It’s like he’d held it all in for several minutes of waiting, hearing the dull and erratic beat of his own heart in his ears with every pause. How foolish Caesar was, so trained and stuck on his expression. Stuck in his eyes, pale brown like the earth, that seemed trained on him, too. And how ridiculous the situation itself! But it would be a tremendous lie to say that he didn’t like it.

And another lie still to say it didn’t make him happy. Because, really… he was just so…–

Something else took over. The natural pull of two people he’d often felt in the past, magnetism that made bodies move independent of their owners. At least this part was familiar, although the weight of what he could do next was significantly more of a risk this time. As was everything, he realized, that he had been doing in this heavy moment. But he couldn’t just stop, nor did his freehand seem to let him. So close, so carefully close, he’d reach up and brush the other’s cheek, feeling his cheek bone with sensitive touch. He was fragile, like a porcelain doll… 

Felicissimo. His skin was soft. Understandably warm. He did not have to do much but move his hand to cup his chin… and within seconds, he felt like melting.

He tilted and pressed himself that much forward, a squeeze in their laced hands as he readjusted, better gave him the ultimate expression of just how real this could be. How real it was. He had kissed before – so many people, so many times… but the glow of this one, the glow of the man that kissed him back, was practically blinding. 

Just as soft were his lips, unabashed against his own in a way they’d never achieved in this before. Pecks had been performed to show their true salt as a “couple” to the right people… but never had they been so demanding of his attention and the utmost care. The difference was palpable; it crushed into his chest and made him even weaker. Sealing the deal. He’d made a choice to be trapped by this man and taste his sunshine.

There was no hope to break free. He didn’t want that. He only wanted him.

[animeprinced]

The tone of the question doesn’t sound as if it warrants an answer, but you feel as though you should give him one anyways. Just to further this. To make it even more real, to completely remove any lingering doubt that this could still just be fake-- maybe it was your own doubt, maybe you just needed to convince yourself a little more. 

“I do,” it’s a simple answer but it’s enough, the words actually manage to get themselves out of your throat just as the fingers of his free hand meet your cheek and brush the skin. The way you lean into the touch is automatic, considering it’s so light that it’s barely there and how careful you can tell he’s being with how gentle the touch is. 

His fingers move from your cheek to your chin and his face is even closer than before, your thoughts are going a million miles an hour as if to race your pulse and your heart rate-- which one is winning? You have no idea at this point because focusing on anything other than the lips pressing against yours is essentially impossible.

Your free hand lowers to the counter you’re still leaned against, far too heavily for your liking but that doesn’t matter right now, to balance yourself out so you can actually press your lips back.

It’s warm and soothing but overwhelming and too much all at once. 

Toes press against the floor to try and help your natural insistence with returning the affection you’re being shown, being given, and your lips part against his in your efforts. 

[multums-blog]

Relief. It was instantaneous, washing over him a way he really hadn’t expected any of this to go in the form of a quiet exhale. Reciprocation, while having been merely a small possibility, had been readily given, in such a similar way that it almost made him even more nervous. Was this… something else they had in common? To think it was really just this simple. He almost felt even more embarrassed not having gone through with this weeks sooner.

But real feelings, truly deep feelings, weren’t so easily provided to anyone. Like the feelings themselves, sharing them was an absolute first. Did he even know how perhaps monumental all of this was? 

It shook his lungs to meet his gaze but he held it, still ever determined. His cheeks were warm and pink… but it seemed Inigo was much the same. And he looked so darling, handsome and humble enough to make Caesar feel on fire. He would have to get used to that in the duration of this conversation, and used to just how similar they could be. Realization after realization made stabbing advances onto him – it was absolutely no wonder the scheme that had gotten them into this had worked out so splendidly. They couldn’t have made it work without a common ground… in which something else unexpected had grown. If all continued in this fashion, maybe even–ah. That was still too much to even consider. He felt so insufferably hot. Lightheaded–

“… It isn’t fake at all.” He decided, taking another small step in lacing their fingers together. Having looked down, he watched himself do it, satisfied at the way their hands fit. Like the spaces between were waiting to be filled like this. His stomach felt sick. It was just a little too much, but he loved it. Craved it, even, having felt just a small taste of this new compatibility. How had he never noticed this before?

It was like seeing him with new eyes. Feeling with new touch, a heavy heart. This is what he had done, truly. And Caesar, a man usually so in control of himself, knew Inigo had all of the power… and none of the malice that came with it.

“… And it hasn’t been for a long time.”

[animeprinced]

It’s hard for you to look at him.

It’s hard to look at him but it’s also hard for you to look away. You’re stuck between both options, head turned towards him but eyes focused away, lips still pursed gently to try and hide the way your teeth bit at the inside of them. It was a habit, since you were younger, that just carried on as you got older-- more often than not you end up making yourself bleed at some point, teeth worrying your lip more than was probably healthy. 

But you’re managing to reel it back, because really.. that would just ruin this moment completely.

You look back over, at some point you can’t remember exactly when, and it’s like you’re suddenly incapable of looking away again. He won’t let you. It’s not as though he’s forcing you, physically, but he may as well be. It might be less embarrassing than just being unable to look away from him for no reason. No.. physical reason.

His fingers lace through yours and your heart skips a beat, the heat flooding your cheeks only gets worse and the tips of your ears are beginning to match and you can hear your pulse racing in your ears. This was much more than you’d have ever expected-- more embarrassing than the usual date or two you manage to score, more feelings than you’ve ever really felt all at once. 

There’s no desire to pull your hand back and you don’t, it’s lax and comfortable in his hold, though you feel as though if you lean any further against the counter you’ll end up slipping somehow. This was tedious, you know that in some corner of your mind, but you choose to ignore it as you lean forward even more anyways. It’s hard to speak, to word anything you want to say correctly, but he seems to have a knack of being able to do it for you.

Your forehead is almost touching his at this point, without you really having intentionally meant to do it, and your tiptoes are making friends with the linoleum floor now. “I don’t mind,” you comment, quietly, “I think I like how real feels.”

[multums-blog]

Inigo was still on edge. Which made perfect sense seeing as Caesar, himself, was still very much out of his usual comfort. And the other knew it. It was frustrating, feeling like he couldn’t talk to him as properly or as smoothly as usual. But that’s how this had to proceed… so be it. He could only hope it would improve as he continued to speak, although even now he felt his confidence waning. Was this what it meant to really care about these words? To really want their meaning to be conveyed in the most genuine manner possible?

He had yet to truly care about anyone these words had been intended to. In all of his years, Inigo was the first.

And that was terrifying.

But he continued to swallow it back, attempting to refocus. It would be better to pretend that it didn’t matter, to treat this like one of the many people he had previously charmed into something or another. A familiar constant. He was realizing rather quickly in the way his head swam, however, that this was probably not possible. Cazzo.

Yet still he was a man of determination, and certainly too proud to give up just yet. That would be far more embarrassing than anything else he could honestly say right now… which was perhaps the push that gave life to his voice once again.

“You are correct. … The suggestion of it, however, is what I mean.” Caesar continued to the other, slightly ducking his head to look up at him. His eyes were somehow bright in the light of the storefront, which seemed considerably darker now that the sun had gone down. The last trickles of sunshine bled the windows with red – Inigo, like some deity or royal of sorts, bathed in it. How horribly appropriate. He certainly resembled a prince, he’d come to realize.

“.. Our involvement… when things like this happen… when you treat me as such, and I you, it…” A pause, his hand actually taking the other’s, now.

 “… It feels less… fake, va bene?”

[animeprinced]

You watch him, more intently than you’d openly admit to-- more than you’d like anyone to watch you, actually. Attention is something you love, but too much of it is something that still flusters you to this day. You’re used to him paying attention to you, but it’d never been like this. You’ve never been the center of his attention, as far as you can remember, and now that you are it’s like you’re surrounded. Or something similar. 

He’s watching you as intently as you’re watching him, is what you feel. 

You can tell. 

And you can feel that ever so familiar feeling of nervousness creeping up on you.

The feeling in your stomach gets worse, even as he continues, and dark eyes blink again before fixing on his eyes.. only to look away shortly after. Holding eye contact is hard for you, in situations like this.

If it was something more normal, someone other than him, it’d be much easier. Too easy. But this was hard. Harder than you’d like to admit. It gets harder still as he keeps talking and it’s sort of like reality is taking the liberty of punching you right in the face when he actually takes your hand, when there’s a force behind his grasp. Maybe you really are incredibly oblivious.

You have to wonder if it’s been this obvious the whole time? Well, not the whole time.. maybe the last few weeks. The fact that he words his sentence the exact way you’re thinking-- it just makes it more surreal, it makes your cheeks flush and the interesting shade of pink probably clashes awkwardly with the redness filtering in through the window. It’s ironic, in a way. Almost romantic-- maybe that was just you.

“I,” you start, noting how close is face is as your eyes dart to him and then away again, the feeling of how dry your throat is suddenly is almost overwhelming. “I-I’m.. not sure, anymore.. about how fake it all is..” it’s hard to actually get the words out, to come face to face with this epiphany, but it’s almost.. relieving. Fulfilling? You don’t really know. 

“Feels a little too real, actually,” maybe a joke would help.

[multums-blog]

His tone caught Caesar’s attention first – the Italian had tried to be cool about this, but it hadn’t come out right. Or so it seemed, given how light nearly seemed to drain from Inigo’s voice. He didn’t want to be responsible for that. It wasn’t his intention! If Joseph were still around he’d probably make a snide (and extremely obvious) comment. Surprisingly – perhaps the biggest surprise so far in the day – he wished he was. Maybe it’d make this simpler.

Because, clearly, he was avoiding his feelings entirely. And that’s just how it’d always been. Especially after dad died, it had been much easier to focus on the younger siblings. Focus on the business. If he was alone in all of it, a date here and there could fill the void. Anything deeper was scary. Commitment itself, a joke. Stupid, even.

But maybe he wasn’t any better than stupid. Maybe that was okay. Maybe he would even be… happy, in the end.

Mamma mia. Had this fake boyfriend of his really gotten under his skin in only several months’ time?

“Oh, no no,” He said a bit quickly, only a few steps ahead of backpedaling completely, “It just gets boring here is all.” A silence followed but he was fast to fill it, already regretting the reaction he’d received before, “I’m happy you’re here, tesoro.” Which was embarrassing, but true–

Wait. No. Did he just–figlio di puttana. He’d done it again. And he’d been doing it a lot. That term of endearment usually reserved for ladies (and the occasional man) had been peppered into a lot of his discussion with the other as of late. It was as natural as his accent, natural enough in his mind to suggest that, yes, Inigo had become something endearing and special to him. He could only hope that the one in question hadn’t begun to notice.

But wouldn’t that be simpler?

Again with that. He could just about kick his subconscious away. Tell his heart to quiet itself a little bit more.

Or he could just do it. Get it over with.

He sighed, looking down at the remains of the dinner they’d all shared. If this was to be a series of calculated risks, it seemed he was about to make his first. “… This was delicious. Grazie, Inigo…if I didn’t say it before.” And with all of the sincerity in the world, he reached out, his hand – much darker and laden with the day’s mechanical work – brushed the other’s before eventually settling onto it. A smirk, almost shy but with budding confidence, grew from his lips.

“… You’re very thoughtful. Almost too thoughtful… …it might give someone the wrong idea, mm?”

[animeprinced]

The quick response catches you a little by surprise, if only because it’s something you hadn’t expected-- a sort of reply you haven’t heard from him before. It’s less calm than usual, less composed than you’re used to. You have to wonder why you notice these things about him so easily, but it’s easy to boil it down to having spent so much time around him. You were bound to learn these sorts of things about someone after having been in such close quarters with them for so many months, right? 

Right.

But what follows after is even more surprising, and the genuine curiosity that expresses itself on your face is probably obvious. You catch that term now and then, more often than not directed at people other than you-- unless one would count the more recent times. Slip ups happened, you know that, because you slip up far more than anyone else.

You know what that term means, after having heard it so often and questioned the blond about it, and it’s something that makes you a little warmer each time it’s directed at you. It’s endearment. It’s endearing in general, it makes your heart rate speed up some which in and of itself.. is embarrassing.

He thanks you, that word is another you’ve picked up the last few months, and the sudden warmer hand brushing yours before it settles over it is enough to make you blink a few times. It’s probably obvious, how new all of this feels despite you having spent the last weeks with this same person-- it was different, it was an entirely new experience. It wasn’t.. bad. Not that you really thought anything concerning Caesar could be bad in the first place.. it makes your stomach do those nervous flips that usually only happen when you’re trying to flirt your way into a date with one of the moms’ of your students. 

Which is.. weird. That it would be happening now, that is. 

Confusing, actually.

Not that you haven’t been attracted to men before-- no, that’s not exactly new, but this situation was more complicated than that. This was fake, not real, any other synonym there was for something being fake. 

That’s what it was. 

Fake.

... Right?

His question catches you off guard and you blink once before almost bristling at it, lips pressing together. “I don’t think there’s such a thing as being ‘too thoughtful’,” you defend, much quieter than you usually would had this been a usual situation in itself, “What ‘wrong idea’ could it give someone? I have to wonder.”