Restless, Lovely Souls

21 yr old poet/artist/lover/thinker/student/daydreamer

[animus-dilecta]

Haven’t been on in a while

I’m procrastinating doing homework

I’ve went through a lot in the last few months and I’m still going through it.

Not in a bad way. More mixed I’d say.

But I keep wondering why people are doing what they’re doing. 

I bet they wonder that of me.

I don’t know. I’m just free-writing on low blood sugar and a little stoned.

Kay bye

[animus-dilecta]

Fire

Liar, liar,

I'm put on a pyre.

I accept my guilt.

I don't accept your fire.

Set a match and watch it burn,

Shouldn't have set my hand

So close to him.

I'm sorry, I've said it. I'm sorry, again.

Char him up and burn your own skin.

But I've pulled out-

I've given in.

I don't want your love,

Flood him with it.

You water signs always

Burn me up.

I don't understand your emotions

I don't understand what you want.

You've got the love

You've got plenty, right?

So you don't need me fucking shit up

And starting more fights.

I'm overwhelmed and as I recall

You were, too.

So why do we have to do this?

I'm gonna stop. You do you.

[animus-dilecta]

Fucking and Fighting

Am I really such a heinous fuck?

I want to love. I want to fuck.

Sex is sex is sex is sex

Attach what you will and detach what you want.

Everyone feels 10,000 different ways.

I'm not everyone, I am only a piece.

I know how I feel about love. It's apparently just different than most anyone I've ever met.

It's interesting and invigorating but it makes the worst messes.

I love you, I love you too. I love her and I wish she loved me like I love her.

I wish you loved him like he loves you.

That word is such a piece of shit. Who understands what anyone means by it? I have a literal different kind of love for each person I meet.

But I love them all.

I cry and I scream when this feeling washes over me like a tsunami. I am trapped. Nothing I desire is right.

I lied, I know that's wrong. I apologized.

But it's because my love for people is misunderstood, it's taken for granted, they run away and take my pieces with them. I hand myself out like cake when I start to feel loved, and it comes back and slaps me in the face because no one can understand I'm not trying to take any love from them. I'm trying to give more.

But there's jealousy. There's insecurity. There's possessiveness. You are powerful. You are loving. You don't have to fight me to love him.

I'm not trying to fucking fight.

But it's always. A fucking. Fight.

And I'll do it every. Fucking. Time.

[animus-dilecta]

I want to fall in love again And that's fucking stupid.

[animus-dilecta]

Purify

I’m washing my skin

With blue shadows and air

And the wind has purified me,

Blowing through my hair.

When I exhale hard

The thick smoke from my chest,

You flow out with it-

Until there is nothing left.

Of you that is..

Of you all.

I’m tired of it all

And the Summertime

is only a step or so

Away, to teach me.

I’ll melt in its strength

And let my vitality stir.

The Summertime is strictly mine

to bask in and find my light.

Thank you and goodbye, 

Fore this season is of my mind.

[animus-dilecta]

Babygirl

I have a crush on the cutest girl And she lives in Arizona 😞😞

[animus-dilecta]

Change

I used to talk so much about how you have to love yourself before you can love someone else.

I used to always stress that a relationship can’t work if you can’t even find it in you to care for yourself first, and then another person.

I think I’ve done a fair job of loving thus far. Actually, I think I’m a great lover.

But maybe things change. Maybe people change. Actually of course people change- all the time.

And so maybe when we change, especially when we are changing rapidly, or life is just molding itself around us, maybe we have to learn to love ourselves again. 

Maybe we have to learn to love ourselves more, or different. And maybe that’s why some love doesn’t work anymore, because you haven’t evolved enough to accept and love your new you, so it stresses the love between you and another.

Maybe that’s only a part of it, but it made me think.

Maybe I’m just falling back in love with myself again. 

Because I know I definitely loved you enough. But it took me a while to realize I had let the relationship drift so far off course.

And I needed out- I found no more love. I found recycled love. It felt used and scant.

So I will fall back in love with myself. 

At seventeen and raring to love, it was easy to jump into a relationship braced for long-term commitment. But it changed. We changed. I’m older, and I’m different. I like this me better... and maybe you just don’t.

Which is fine, but I will love myself.

And I will love myself better than anyone else can.

[animus-dilecta]

For Everything

My heart can't quit it's beat I'd say lately, but it's this way Mostly. I can't find comfort, So I run headlong, past everyone. My memory fades back warm While my presence burns hot. Trailing cinder bright paths Passing by like a glimpse. You can't admire my strength And despise my independence. I never asked to spark eyes But I can recognize adventure- Fun- desire- experience essentially. Maybe I'm the Devil in Disguise. I bet that's the easiest one to Decide on, unanimously. But my energy is only chaotic To evolve and create. And my mind needs relaxation. For once. From everything.

[animus-dilecta]

All these goddamn blue eyes boys, man. I can't take it.

[animus-dilecta]

New

Sleep next to Nothing See my Nothing Because I'm brave But maybe I'm Nothing. Set my Shit on fire Or something, just keep my Pride out of your Fucking Mouth man, I don't care If you still don't get It Anymore. Forget it All For all I care; But we both Know I don't mean that. Not quite. I'm jaded.. but I feel lifted with no One Anymore. I'm sick and a Bit Depressed, big surprise, But my spirit is tired of Struggling for expression. And now it's done, I can't go back And I don't really wanna try. Anyway. Fuck what anyone says Cause my head is mine and I can't fucking deal anymore. No more for me, I know love is All around me, for me, ready To be loved by me. I'm Art And I'm Emotion, I need More Than this now. I need more Room than this to Grow myself. Thank you. Truly. For the beautiful Love you gave to me. But Forgive me, Please. I know this is shitty... but- You don't get it anymore. Goodbye.

[animus-dilecta]

Soft ivory and neutral tones, warm

Around my cheeks, reddens at your smirk,

My coyness calling forth your eyes

By purpose I can’t control all in all, it seems.

The tender skin of my waist unwinds

with sensation, conceptualizing your touch,

Undone as of yet. My ears are ringing with the

Sound of your voice

[animus-dilecta]

Upset

Things have to all seem to fall apart so that the universe can move on with itself. Change is inevitable and constant. It must just be my way to fright at it. My chest is consistently tight, my eyes are ready to well with tears- And that ever-known sense of alone-ness is wrapping 'round my torso like disease. I'm laboring to compose myself. If this is Mother Earth, if this is The All Moving my dimension's waves chaotic, making change strike and roll.. I'm trying to accept truth and love. I'm trying to decipher what is untrue or manipulated. I must admit, I'm confused and flustered. And hopeless resent is heavy on me. But this is probably The Way of it. I trust Mother of all, the world to lead me right. As long as I strive for love and light... for truth and understanding... Despite what he may say... I believe good and evil are not one in the same. I trust humans little, fore they are folly, flawed, as am I. I trust Mother All.

[animus-dilecta]

Tides to Bloom

The moon relays dim light Upon my day, upon my night. It’s always been with me, Pushing and pulling my tides.

But the moon tonight, It’s so swelled and clear. My tides are wreckless and Wild with energy chaotic.

But I gaze on it, heavy, Give it my woes, my dreams; It looks down into my depth, And settles my terrible waves.

I intermittently let my eyes Drift to its face, all light, And let my mind free fall Into bliss, the stars dancing

Into my roots with intent. My chaos is calculated Somewhere in myself I cannot see as of yet; Thus

My seasons drift forth, Over and over, leaves green Go gold and red and brown, Then dead, flea their tree.

All the while I’ll gaze Lovingly at the moon, Knowing it will guide my Precious tides to bloom.

[animus-dilecta]

Staredown

Stare me down. Yes, hold onto my eyes While my chest clenches And I see the wheels in your head spin.

I love the rush, and you already know. I see the waves over your face And your desire manifesting; I stand rigid and hold your

Glare. Skin bristling, I trust I’ll dream of it tonight. My chest fills with curiosity and I Straighten- chin up, chest out, my lips

Accidentally curling up, sly and soft. My hips turn themselves, slow, As I float by your steadfast Stare, feeling every one

Of your thoughts, somehow on my skin. You’re too bold for either of our Own good. Grab me- Do it

[animus-dilecta]

Remembering a dream i had Looking at you Last night I was snuggled all on you You say you smile It's a problem Me too Smile at me, I'll smile at you

[animus-dilecta]

I love so much. Its problematic

[animus-dilecta]

Messy Lovely Deeply

Part your lips around mine, Messy,

Lovely, don’t hold your hands back from

My hips. You don’t need to.

I’m already entrapped by your

Blue Tide eyes, and already my palms

See to reach for your arms, reaching.

I think you’re beautiful, my heart sinks.

You smile towards me, all teeth and cheeks and

That’s when I want nothing but to kiss...

Run my hands through your hair, across 

Your chest, lay my head to rest against

Your neck and breathe you in deeply.