poems for the night

i write when i'm sad, and sometimes i like what i write. fr/en

[anna--rose]

it’s funny in my head, i had made everything out to be everything and anything I ever wanted

I thought that this would free me God was I foolish I thought “here, i can flourish” without anything to cage me and i forgot i was my own worst nightmare and my very own persecutor

when, oh, when will i be free of this poison coursing though my veins relentlessly whispering in my flesh that i’d be nothing but regrets

i thought i was happy, and then he broke me after i cried all my tears and bled all those years i found someone who understands it is me i cannot stand

i found him and he found me but god it could never save me and i lie there in my own misery

[anna--rose]

how did i not see it before?

how did we end up here?

it amazes me how fast we went from kinda friends

to this

and thank god we did

[anna--rose]

lune ronde et douce lumière je pense à toi j’aimerais te serrer dans mes bras retrouver ton étreinte magique et le bonheur de tes lèvres

lune scintillante c’est dans l’obscurité que je te revois quand je ferme les yeux je nous retrouve tantôt allongés, tantôt main dans la main je me souviens de la manière dont tu m’enveloppais de toute ton âme et je me réfugiais au creux de mon destin

lune de cristal dis moi pourquoi ces amours sont-elles si fragiles si mes sentiments sont si puissants et me bouleversent et me jettent à la renverse

[anna--rose]

dans ma fenêtre ouverte se reflètent le ciel et ses nuages délicats c’est si joli, et pourtant je ne le remarque que maintenant les immeubles parsemés de verdure composent un si joli tableau

pourquoi aimai-je tant les nuages et l’apaisement qu’ils m’apportent discrets, il s’en vont lentement vers de meilleurs horizons et quand tout devient trop pesant fondent en larmes

je voudrais être un nuage, moi aussi pour voguer libre de toute préoccupation et me dissoudre lorsque le poids de mes pensées devient trop dur à supporter

[anna--rose]

why am i crying? my hair looks so nice, i can’t be crying looking like this why are tears streaming down my face? why do i not feel like myself?

down the rabbit hole again and again and every time i can’t seem to find the exit

why am i like this? why am i brittle bones broken spirit and numb nerves?

i can’t be crying i look so pretty today i just can’t be crying

and i thought i missed you but i really missed myself

[anna--rose]

it’s time to say goodbye

“i feel good with him. i just do. i love kissing him. his lips feel like home”

i stumbled onto this forgotten note january, you were everything to me i’d bury myself into work and you’d always be on my mind

it’s just so hard to see these pale reminders of past devotion and innocent bliss

god did i love you and you were my everything back then

pure fucking happiness radiating through every pore of my skin and everyone would see me and instantly think: that girl’s in love and i was, boy was i in love sending corny texts giggling each time i’d look at my phone and see your virtual love notes

that all seems like a hallucination now did i dream all of that? was i so high on love that i made everything up?

all i know is you’re gone now and i miss being in your arms i miss the slow dance of your hands tracing the curves of my hips i miss making you smile and all that’s left is a girl crying in the corner trying to numb the pain by painting you in her dreams

[anna--rose]

au détour d'un parc virevolte ton souvenir

qui de nous deux aurait pu prévoir une telle fin,

ce vide cruel et étrange

dans un brouillard sans nom nous nous sommes perdus

[anna--rose]

i write because i miss you

trying to fill the void you left

when you decided to cut all ties

i write to see you

in my shy lines

sparkling with a love

i can only make up

you’re so far from me now

but you’re stuck in my head

and when i write

i can feel what it was like to be in your arms again

[anna--rose]

i never needed you

or your blue eyes and your gentle hands

i was doing ok on my own

till i met you

i never needed you

to sweep me off my feet

and introduce me to your wonderful mind

i was fine on my own

but i wanted you

it was the purest desire

to be in your arms

and i never needed you more

than i do now

[anna--rose]

i miss you more than words could say

i miss you every day

how can i miss something so brief

in the blink of an eye you completely changed my life

put it upside down

made me the happiest and the saddest

and i spend hours wondering

is he thinking of me?

does he miss me, even a little bit?

it’s so cruel and mean

not to read my last words of love

heart ripped and rugged knees

i just wait for you to get ouf of my heart

[anna--rose]

tell me, did you ever feel it?

that capricious sea of love

that tied me to you

you sank the boat

and left me drowning

[anna--rose]

is it my spicy noodles

or is it you i cry for

i hate how every memory is slowly escaping my mind

i hate that i can’t call you

i just want to be in your arms again

god, here we go again

i sit there, all alone

endless tears of grief

slowly rolling on my cheeks

and i bet you’re carefree

happy with your friends

how could you not be

it’s not like you’d miss me

and in a moment of bliss

i remember how your lips felt

how it felt to be wrapped in your arms

to give you hundreds of kisses

happy

is a distant memory

happy

was you

[anna--rose]

je me fais belle

et je pense à toi

est-ce que ça lui plairait ?

les lumières de la soirée ondulent

et se multiplient en un arc-en-ciel de couleurs

chaque nuance met en valeur d’autres reliefs de ton visage

je t’aime

et je ne pense qu’à toi

tu es beau

je ris et je souris

il faut bien dissimuler mes vrais sentiments

pour ne pas affoler, ne pas faire de vagues

je ris et je souris

mais au fond de moi

je te pleure

toi et tout ce que je n’ai pas eu le droit de vivre

toi que j’aurais aimé comme jamais on ne t’aura aimé

tu ne sais pas ce que tu as raté

mais peut etre que tu le sais et que tu t’en fiches

que suis-je apres tout ?

je ne suis rien

je suis si minuscule

tout est lointain

tout s’éloigne et m’échappe

que suis-je ?

je suis loin et tu me manques

[anna--rose]

isn’t it ironic that the last things i should think about are your blue eyes and your shy smile the way you used to laugh with me and how happy i was in your embrace

but all i can think about are those very same things

and all i can do is bleed these words to try and get you out of my system

please, let me be rid of you please, let me come back to you and i know i fooled myself and i know i’m also to blame

honey, oh, come back to me, i need you i crave your warm embrace and your lips and your hands

we could never be the same again but i can’t let go of this i can’t fathom how bad it got and all i do is dream of what we could have been and forget how hurt i already was

[anna--rose]

again and again you bash my head against the wall whispering: « it’s because i love you » and again and again i sob this is my fate after all, you do it all for me, don’t you?

pouring words of affection, excessive parades of niceties but behind that mask is a nightmare of broken dreams and frustrated bones

i’m not responsible for your failures i’m not responsible for how bad you feel you were supposed to raise me but you did none of that

i had to learn all by myself to mend what you broke suffering long nights lost in agony trying to convince me it wasn’t my fault

so you’ll have to suffer my rage shut up, and listen see my ribs that you’ve broken my dreams shattered on the wooden floor

shut up, and plead for my forgiveness I may grant it if you bleed enough oh, how ignorant and naive i was to feel bad for you, to make excuses for you when all you did was break me without even a second thought

did you hear me whimper all those nights of loneliness did you hear my screams of pain and delusion, crawled up on the floor waking up my neighbor

do you realize how fucked up you are how you’ve fucked up every good thing that ever happened to you and then whined when it disappeared? you’re a coward and to be fully honest I hope you die

[anna--rose]

and then you timidly said:

“it was all a lie”

and i think i see it now

[anna--rose]

j’aurais pu t’aimer

j’aurais voulu être auprès de toi

toujours là

pour éponger tes plaies

pour te cajoler

j’aurais pu t’aimer de tout mon être

et vivre dans le creux de tes bras

nos doigts entrelacés

nos cœurs embrassés

la flamme embrasée

mais je t’aime déjà

je le sens naître en moi

doucement

et je me sens folle

mais je t’aime déjà

et tu n’es même plus là