growing up
i've been wondering these days if i made the right choice at leaving, because i always feel when i leave that i leave you. and it's settling in my chest, as days pass by, the discomfort and heaviness. it makes me sad, it makes me mop around and wonder if all of this—my studies and relationship—are actually important.
when i'm with you, routine gets so predictable i bore 'til death, and somehow you trained me to be aware of your steps, sighs, hummings, and also you never made me settle for the comfortableness and i always reach for the hard and the discomfort and the movement.
and if i think about it, this discomfort i have in my chest when i leave, it's only comparable to the feeling of when you left, and i stayed alone those nights, wanting to be with you. maybe i see you in my reflection now, because i'm the one having to leave—but you left first.
my chest always tightens to the thought that, perhaps, we're not made to be apart, but i'm certain we're not meant to be together, either. i guess that's how growing up feels like for everyone.











