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What I learned this year after all the shit that happened to me:

1. Don't expect anything from men! (or anyone).

2. Your happiness should only come from yourself, not from other people.

3. People will disappoint you. That's life.

4. Closure isn't something other people give you.

5. Protecting your peace isn't selfish!!!

6. You can't force people to choose you, even if they clearly act like they want to.

7. Being alone is better than feeling alone around the wrong people.

8. Everything passes, even when it feels like it won't.

9. Everything happens for a reason.

10. Love yourself the way you kept begging other people to love you!!!!!

I feel like an angel lost its wings. Or like those stories, like in Peter Pan, I haven't grown up, but my friend did. There's something wonderful about being in a place where you can't be your real self, but knowing that you can be your real self in the future. In a: eventually way. In a: I'll keep holding out. But I know who I will be, I see the semblance, the mode and vague shape of what kind of person I will be, though not all the details are clear. I found out a few weeks ago that my friend's sibling stopped drawing. I was really devastated finding that out. She worked so hard on her art. She was into video games and had her own OC and I loved that character's design and backstory. I tried searching her user up here on Tumblr, as I remember it vividly, but I just couldn't find her account. I'm finally feeling happy, motivated, and like I have direction. I don't know where exactly I'll end up but I know that there's something pushing me to go 'move' in a certain way. Like a compass. And now that I'm slowly gettting control over my life, I wanted to reach out and connect. I haven't seen this friend since 2021 or 2022. But she was seriously someone I looked up to, wanted to be like, and she made such amazing memories for me. Me, my little brother, her, and her siblings would play games like FNAF and friday night funkin, all taking turns on her one computer that was connected to the TV. I'd talk to her about my favorite artists. And now, I've survived my family and I'm almost out of here but its like I'm alive, but the person I knew... isn't. We're in two seperate worlds and I'm just so sad because of the news I've been told. Why did she stop drawing? I wouldn't even mind actually finding the reason but it just sucks that there was a reason in the first place. It makes me feel really sad for her and I do hope she'll return to drawing again; one day but again I'm really sad.

#growing up #the disconnect between the past and present and death of childhood in a way is devastating #uh technically a vent post I guess but its kind of more sad and less traumatic or anything idk

Two words - Big. Wheels. Basically a plastic lowrider trike. Even the wheels were plastic. Great for doing stunts. Didn't last long. After so much braking down paved roads the wheels would get flat spots. And then you would go Clunk clUNk CLunK down the road. Until you couldn't ride it anymore.

Get the Look 🐀

#80s #gen x #memories #growing up #childhood #rewind #flashback #big wheels #rat #radical

Remember going outside on Christmas morning to show off your sweet swag to the neighborhood. Super cool RC cars. Power Wheels. The latest cool action figure set. Yeah. That wasn't me. I got mostly clothes. As a matter of fact the first gift that I can ever remember opening was a pair of pajamas.

Get the Look 👕👖👟

#christmas #gen x #80s #90s #growing up #childhood #memories #flashback #rewind

I wish girlhood wasn’t connected to shame like it is

#just girly thoughts #feminism #growing up

As a teenager I felt everything so deeply, I was so depressed and cursed by familiar trauma, neglect and for almost a decade this was all I felt.

In my early 20s I dated several men who meant harm for me, I genuinely believed I was cursed, looking for diagnoses whats wrong with me.

I went completely insane sometimes, my flashbacks dont happen often, but It's as if I'm watching a lunatic movie I don't recall.

In my late 20s, I don't feel that deeply anymore. Not in a pathetic way, but things don't hurt as much anymore. In some way it's even nostalgic to think about the depth that feelings consumed me a decade ago.

Im in a stable relationship that doesn't consume me, I rent my own apartment in the city now, old enough to mourn a quiet place in the suburbs. I graduated with honors, make a more than a decent income working in finance, my savings are constantly building while I also travel three to five times a year to any place I want, because I can.

I rarely talk to anyone of my family anymore, my mom receives a text once a month, my dad receives sometimes a call.

My grandparents who raised me are dead now.

Growing up is weird, there's no pain anymore but I also don't remember it consuming me.

Its like a big part of my life was there, it happened, but I don't talk about it anymore.

#Maturing #Growing up #Trauma #Familiar trauma #Family #workplace #love #bpd

Same tree stump eleven years apart. He still kinda fits 😄

Description for non German speakers reads: eleven years full of adventure, loyalty and unconditional love. From a playful puppy to a loyal companion for life.

#dogblr #eurasier #loki the dog #growing up