#growing up

[ghostplant4]

Today I sorted out my room. It really needed it and I managed to get ride of a lot of stuff. The main reason I'm sharing this is that I went through a lot of my childhood toys and it brings back memories that now feel very bittersweet. To see toys I once loved and carried everywhere to being toys that stay under the bed. From things that I adored and made family trees and stories for to dust covered animals. It also didn't help that I had to consider what toys were worth keeping and what's worth giving away for someone else to love. Many of them hold memories from my childhood of being a young child filled with an imagination that could create a constantly changing story for them while also keeping some things the same. Now, a lot of them are in boxes to be taken to a charity shop in hopes of giving another child those memories but it doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. My mum suggested maybe giving some of them to my half sister (she's only 1, nearly 2, years old and is my dad's kid. It's not important for this) and I just can't. It's one thing to give something filled with memories to a stranger that you don't have to see loving a toy and it's another to see someone close to you changing the meaning and memories and backstories for them.

I think the reason this is all affecting me so much despite being something so simple and relatively irrelevant or unimportant, but it's a reminder of who I once was. A little girl that loved penguins and had a bed covered in stuffed animals. Now, while some things such as the stuffed animals are the same with there just being less of them now, many things have changed. I've realised I'm trans, my interests have changed. I'm now 18, not 8, and I'm preparing to go to university and to study history. When I was a kid, I thought I was going to be a farmer. I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's strange seeing how much I've changed. With it having been my 18th birthday last week, I've seen so many pictures of myself when I was a toddler and little kid. I use to have long blond hair and now it's naturally brown but dyed black along with it being short. Looking at pictures of myself, I've realised I haven't girly or wanting to dress fem in years, years before I realised that I'm trans. While I may not be out irl, this week has just been a reminder of how much I've naturally changed.

I'm not the same person as when I was a kid and that's okay. Everyone says that growing up is to change and I think there's some truth in it. I'm still me but I've just figured out more about myself.

[deaditez]

This has to be one of the worst times for people to grow up in, and it's only gonna get worse.

[ve3s]

Last summer holidays ever and last summer holidays before turning 18. I will forever dread the end of these holidays.

[ind1g0-st4r5]

The dumbest thing I ever said was “I want to grow up.”

[alexis-everafter]

being in your 20’s is such a rapid period of character development. every single year i think “god, i was so stupid last year” and don’t even realize that i’m still stupid this year too

[bingos-art-stuff]

On the things no one tells you growing up will be

Isn't it odd, to rediscover a piece of media you loved in your childhood, to rediscover a character you idolized, only to realize you've become them? To see this person in their world and to understand them in a different way, to not only see their magic but also their pain, and to recognise that you were always them - that what you really wanted, what all that desperate envy was about was the soul-deep desire to realize yourself as they have done?

I used to think I had to be loney and in pain to be art, and I was happy because I was both these things. But the reason why art is about people who are lonely and in pain is not because those are criteria. There are no criteria for art, only that you make it with your soul. It just so happens the people who need art - to make it, or to see it - are often lonely, and in pain, and their real life doesn't fix it no matter how hard they try - so they decide to do it themselves, for someone else, even if that someone doesn't exist. I used to think I had to be unique, but now I see nobody is - and yet everybody, all at once. We're human, that's the beauty of it, all of us insignificant and yet more important than the Earth's rotation around the sun. Finally, I thought I had to be perfect. But where's the fun in that?

If you've felt this, I'd be honoured if you added to this post.

I'll go first:

[help-my-relationship]

My (22F) sister (12F) is upset with my relationship with her after I got a boyfriend (25M), why do I feel so bad about her tantrums?

I will start with some context. In nov 2025 I started seeing my now boyfriend, meaning I bring him home quite often as well as I visit him (we live like a 2hr car drive apart). My relationship with my sister has been pretty close, I mean ever since she has been born I have spend a good while of my time with her playing, then studying and doing pretty much a lot of things, as my mom kind of always said that she "brought us up to be close to one another" (imo a sort of excuse for her lack of time spent with my sister). My relationship with my mother is quite difficult to begin with, I am currently trying to break myself from this co-dependency loop (things are getting hopefully better), but this is not the point. Ever since I have started my relationship, I started focusing more on my partner and my interest and academic life (I've been partaking in conferences and publishing as I want to pursue a PhD after I finish with my Master's) as these things are quite important to me. My sister, though, has these random, but venomous outbursts in which she insults either me or my boyfriend (behind his back, of course), saying that "he's changed me" or asking me to "go back to how I used to be". Just an hour ago we've had a fight on this topic, one as we usually do, with her being, well, a child (and I am normally quite patient), but this time around, as I tried reasoning with her, although I know it doesn't work, I grew more and more frustrated until I told her she's a very impossible person and she stormed out of the room. I am used to this behavior and I also understand what causes it. She has trouble socializing and my mother isn't also very helpful in that regard either, judging most of the people she tries to befriend (rightfully so sometimes, I cannot complain), so I know that her lack of outside socialization makes her be dependent on me, someone who has always answered all her (social and emotional, most of all) needs. Though, these anger/sadness outbursts of hers, that I know hurt her a lot, also both infuriate and make me extremely sad. I care about her and I do love her a lot, but I want to express how I feel and see if anyone has ever been through something similar. How did/do you handle this? I also feel like it is normal for us to finally break apart a little (not radically, I am still interested in her life, but not be stuck with her constantly) because she is my way younger sister after all. We have no topics in common other than, say, funny media, and eventually playing Roblox with her when she asks me to, not that I am a huge fan of the game. I am pretty sure nobody my age spends their time with their way younger siblings like that.

I think you're way over using the already overused and misrepresented term "codependency" here. You and your sister have a pretty large age gap. I think it's both developmentally and psychologically normal that your sister is upset that you're gaining more independence and pulling away from the relationship with her. Be patient and gentle and explain to her that she'll always be your sister and you'll always love her. Find some time to spend with her and show her that you're not just axing the relationship. Find things to do with her. It could be pretty fun for both of you to get to explore some independence from your parents/home. Maybe you can go out and do things like go to the zoo, go hiking, visit museums, etc.

I'm not saying you should spend all your free time with her, but a little validation and follow through here would most likely go a long way.

That said, you also don't need to treat her like she can't understand or is incapable of having a respectful conversation. It doesn't mean you're going to get her to agree with you. It means telling her when she's being rude or hurtful and explaining how that hurts your relationship. Affirm what she is seeing is true, too, if it is. "You're right, I am changing. That's a part of being a human being. You're changing, too. You used to [really like playing barbies], and now you [like to do things that are more suited to your age, like playing roblox]. I am happy with the ways I'm changing. I'm sorry it makes you upset, but when you lash out at me for things that I'm happy with, it makes me not enjoy being around you. A part of loving someone means supporting them when they grow up and go through changes. So, you don't have to like it, but if you only act mean and unhappy with me, it's going to mean we stop spending any time together. Do you think you can find a way to be happy that I'm happy?"

And don't be surprised if she gets defensive or immature! For one, she's young. For two, even adults have a tendency to get defensive when confronted like this. Change usually comes gradually later. Be patient. You may need to keep guiding her in little bits and pieces. Like, if you are trying to spend time with her and she just wants to be upset:

"I wanted to have a good time with you today. Do you want to hang out with me and have fun or do you want to be surly and upset?" If she says hang out with you, then you can help give her a way to manage her upset and then give her another chance to have a good time with you. "Okay, me too! I know you're upset right now, so let's shake and scream it out for 60 seconds. [wiggle your body all around and scream and encourage her to do the same, which will teach her an emotional management technique; it should get out some pent up anger and allow you both to relax] Okay, I'm feeling a bit better. Are you? Good! Let's go [ride some roller coasters]!" If she wants to be surly and upset, then you can give her the space to do that. "Okay, I understand. Sometimes I get too upset to want to do anything else, too. We'll reschedule our fun for another time, and you can go be angry for a while and maybe nap it off." If she says both, you can affirm your own autonomy and let her know that not making a choice isn't going to work for you. "I understand, but I do not want to spend the day with someone who just wants to make me feel bad. I deserve better than that. So, if you don't specifically want to spend time with me and have fun, then you're choosing to be surly and upset alone, okay?" The goal is to let her see that she has options but that those options come with their own consequences, and it's on her to deal with those. But you can also provide her some guidance because she's young and doesn't know how to deal with those on her own.

Now, you do mention that you're her only social support, and this is very concerning. It shouldn't be your job, and I'm sorry it seems to have fallen to you. But could you help advocate for her with your mom to encourage/allow her to join an extracurricular? If she's being bullied at school, getting into an extracurricular outside of school (like martial arts, gymnastics, dance, some sort of boys and girls club, etc.) could be a great avenue for getting her to socialize safely with her peers, develop her social circle, and develop improving mental health. And all that, of course, could help improve your relationship with her.

I know; this is A LOT to put on you, and I am sorry about that. You're in a really tough position with the age gap. And because I have a feeling no one has told you: I'm really proud of you for seeking and exploring your independence and working towards things that you want and that make you happy. It's hard, but you're doing great. All anybody can ask of you is to be true to yourself, and that's what you're doing. It's going to work out, even if it takes a while to see that. <3