Steps to moving on and loving yourself
moving on takes time but the best way to get over it as quickly as possible is to focus the energy on yourself. it wasn't so easy but the most challenging part was the thoughts that bugged me. but I realized that's the most challenging it can get. the thoughts. i respect that it is not the same for everyone but just remind yourself that it's temporary and that you'll get over it eventually. find happiness in the little things as getting your laundry done or changing your sheets and the big things would come after that, I promise.
this post is all about how my coping mechanism works like and i think it's very healthy since it makes me feel relaxed instead of stressed. I would really like to remind that moving on doesn't suck actually 🌴 it's a really beautiful journey towards developing yourself in a way triggered by the consequences.
the grieving 🍵 aka. the most important step. and you should let yourself cry your heart out. seriously though, everytime i feel that familiar gush of painful memories hitting again, i grab a pillow and dive into my bed, trying not to turn into a swimming pool of my own tears. it's just that crying is so important than just hiding your emotions inside, faking a smile. i feel like grieving is healing itself, as i have mentioned in my earlier posts. it just means you're still sad about what life gave you but you know you're gonna get over it.
detoxifying and deleting 🛀 deleting the pictures and contacts is the second step of my coping mechanism. i want to get rid of them right when I'm just getting started so that my mind doesn't change at the end and I don't find myself staring at the pics and remembering all of the memories. remember, blocking someone is also a good way but blocking someone gets the number somehow saved in your phone in your "blocked contacts" list so I don't do that. i wouldn't want their number on my phone at all, whether blocked or unblocked.
give yourself some mental closure 👏🏻 cherish the memories. cherish the moments you laughed so hard you had a tummy ache. cherish but also remember that life has more to give. more nights to listen to music with your favourite people. more days to spend at the beach playing with your dog.
the fourth step is to move 🏃🏻♀️ like, walk, go for a run, work out, make your bed, feed your dog, clean your house etc. sitting in front of the TV with a bag of chips would end you up feeling worse than you can imagine. as soon as you feel the depression hitting you, just move.
the thoughts keep bothering you? the memories? 🙊 it's alright! you can accept them and not try to shut them out coz (1) if u try to shut them out, it's not gonna create a difference. they're gonna come back again, and (2) they're eventually gonna stop. seriously. why waste your energy shutting them out? and it actually takes less time when you don't do anything about them.
which brings me to this. don't do anything about your thoughts. don't do anything about the entire situation except focus on yourself. choose to focus on yourself again and again. it's a constant choice of seeking peace within yourself. okay, you screwed up and who needs to get up again? the other person? the third person? no, baby, it's you. you need to get back up again so focus the energy on yourself 🔋
the hits of gloominess 🌃 the thing is no matter how well you put up with your situation, you're gonna have your own sad times sometimes and that's completely okay. keeping yourself busy is a healthy coping mechanism but i often feel like repressing myself when i do that. so whenever i feel the grief hitting me again, i let it come out until i realize i haven't been grieving for days aka. moving on. yay!
plan something! 🍕 the last time i had to move on from someone, i planned a trip with my parents in the hills. i stayed there for three nights. i would go right then if i wanted to but i had a test three days later so i stayed back for three days and on the fourth day, i zoomed away. i had to take my electronics coz of my classes even though i didn't want to. i wanted to have a device-free time but i visualized the fact that me returning back home with a load of homework and assignments to do is only going to make me feel guilty so i have to keep up with my work in order to feel good about myself.
accept that it's over 🏁 let it go and prioritize yourself. you'll feel like coming back to this mud pool again, hoping that you'll find a lotus but you won't. the mud pool is deep and it's only gonna pull you more into the mud. instead, be grateful of the happy moments you had with the person who made your life better and happier. yeah, it didn't work at the end but you did have a good time, right? now it's your time to make your life better and happier without them. it's a process of growth.
call a friend 📞 i have this amazing friend who i can call whenever i feel like the depression is hitting me. it's impossible to have a serious conversation with her for more than 5 mins coz she makes you laugh so hard lol. but i have also come to realise that you have to eventually face your inner demons and the painful memories. you have to face the nights of perpetual thoughts and feel like it will swallow you. I think facing your inner demons eventually scares those demons away. and it's even better when you intentionally sit down to face your demons. they just can't take your courage anymore 🏹
feel good about yourself. do all the things you love. learn a new hobby. cook a new meal. bake goodies for your friends who you can always call whenever you want. when i decided to go for the trip, i took my sketchbook and a new novel to read on the way. i had my class notes and text books as well. i was determined to spend a good week and come back home feeling updated on work as well.
spend some alone time. and by that, I don't mean you'll curl up in a corner and mourn. that's not bad either but why would you do that when you can have fun alone? looking for the same kind of treatment or love in other people is seriously not worth it when you can become that person and love yourself to the fullest and do all the things you're passionate about.
forgive yourself. you made a mistake. maybe you didn't turn out like how the other person has expected from you. but you're you. you can't be anyone else but you. and that's perfect. not your problem if the other person expects more from you or different things from you. if you're shy, you're shy. if you hysterically laugh out loud, that's you being you. what's wrong with that? you can't help yourself being you.
disappear for a while. if you are in a position where you can go away without having to care about important things then just do that. log out of social media and just go. if the place where you are brings back memories, then you can take a break and go for a holiday but you have to eventually come back to where you are and face the reality but that doesn't mean you can't do it. you'll just be facing them in a better and clearer way
realization and priorities 🥥 sometimes it's not the person that is forever but what we learn from them. if you had fun with someone and now it's ended, you're probably gonna have more fun in the future. it's just like a headstart. take the lessons from these people and situations and move on with your life and see how it makes sense to you. everything happens for a good reason, stamp that into your brain! 💮
it just gets better. you see yourself improving. you notice how all the long workout sessions that you do to get the stress out has resulted into your healthy body and mind.
life will push you apart but if you had done it before, you can do it again. if you haven't done it before, you can learn how to do it again. don't try to bring your old self again. don't try to change anything about you. a new you is already on the way. embrace that you. the new you. the growing you. you'll not have your entire life figured out but all it takes is time and experience :)
i realise that writing about this and helping other people has even given me a clearer path of me moving on. i can see all the things i have done to get to the point where i am in the process of moving on and all the things i would be doing more often. sometimes, helping someone else is yourself moving on :)
