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Sade Olutola
Today's Document
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oozey mess
EXPECTATIONS

ellievsbear
occasionally subtle

roma★

titsay
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Origami Around
art blog(derogatory)
RMH
Sweet Seals For You, Always

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@anngelcity
i remember listening to this song, pining and daydreaming about this man who seemed like he had no space on his coffee-stained steampunk mind filled to the brim with philosophical musings and nonchalant vulnerabilities,
not for me;
a buoyant nihilist with an unnerving casualness about apathy for her own life,
because why would he? and now he makes me tea.
they say love is a game and unless you have the upper hand, you’ve already lost.
to keep your cards close to your chest, and your heart one foot out the rib.
i’ve decided i don’t want to play.
you’ve already won me, so why keep score? if it makes me the fool, so be it.
and in our home, there will be joy and laughter.
no more cold silences filled with tolerance.
no more shouting and tiptoed steps.
a dining table with conversations and warm food.
my sweet, beautiful, gentle, lover.
there is no one else. nor will there ever be.
till the end and till forever.
i hope that should there be a next lifetime, we are born again on more equal timelines. i will grow up with you, and we will protect each other and be there through the pain of youth. we will fall in love, as we have in this lifetime. and we will die together still as one in our old age. for the ache of losing the other will mean not being more than a day apart. i hope should there be a next life, we have more time.
the life i offer you is simple. i cannot always promise the floor will be warm, or that the wallpaper stays on perfectly. but i can be certain to hold you through the days where the sun isn’t strong enough to light up the room and when the nights are long and harsh.
my heart, weak and frost bitten, beating. weary and stubborn.
it fears you. it hates you. it wants you.
so here i lay it, bare on virgin white sheets now stained with stale blood. yours to do as you wish, mine to keep till it gives out.
we will survive you, with or without.
please choose me over them please choose me over them please choose me over them please choose me over them please don’t abandon me please don’t abandon me please don’t
how do i know? how do i know you won’t do the same to me. how i do i know you won’t fall back into the same patterns? how i do know you won’t hurt me too? how do i know you’re different? what do i know.
please find me again in our next life (if there is one), but oh, may i ask you do so a little earlier? i’d like to have more time with you in the next one. of course, only if the timing is right and you’re certain we’re both ready, because god forbid we are silly about it and catalyse a sad star crossed trope. that’s all i’d like to change for us. if you think me greedy, then pretend you never read this plea. i promise you i’m grateful that we met in this lifetime at all.
Joan Didion’s home