Xerox the World and Call It My Life

Well, hey there. If you haven't noticed, this is my blog-thing. I'm not going to call it a blog because it's not, but I'm treating it like a blog, so it's my blog-thing. As for its title, this blog-thing isn't actually about my life. It's just about thinks that I like or happen to be thinking about that I think other people might like or might find interesting/amusing for a millisecond.

[whatshouldpcvscallme]

THE FIRST MONTH IN COUNTRY

[anniedleinahaystack]

You ever encounter a weird coincidence that feels like it should be telling you something about the world but you can’t figure out what?

Maybe it means you should avoid people whose birthday is December 31st. Or at least not have sex with them. Or maybe it means nothing at all.

[anniedleinahaystack]

I am very anxious right now because I have one person who is not returning my emails, another who isn't responding to my text messages, and a third who didn't return a phone call. Why is the whole world ignoring me right now?

[anniedleinahaystack]

It makes me sad when people take days to text back

But it makes me even sadder on days when my ovaries feel like an ice cream churn.

[anniedleinahaystack]

I suddenly understand the appeal of the dadbod

at least when compared to super scrawny dudes. I need something to hold on to. I don't want to feel like I'm breaking you...

[anniedleinahaystack]

What is it, like, active duty appreciation day on tinder or something?

Just got a string of like 6 different guys in fatigues, and I don't even live near a base. Tinder, you need to come correct with your location settings. 2049 miles is not a distance I am willing to traverse for booty.

[anniedleinahaystack]

It just sucks when you find out you're not enough for somebody else and you never will be. But you just need to remember that the only person you need to be enough for is yourself.

[anniedleinahaystack]

The Bachelor is just too real right now. I wish I was dating Ben instead of an irresponsible manchild who never texts back.

[anniedleinahaystack]

I feel like the principle of Chekhov’s gun also applies to penises.

[unamusedsloth]

If alcohol labels told the truth.

[spinachandchocolate-deactivated]

Oh my gosh, heyyyyyyyyy

[lionelfrankenstein]

Fun fact: tequila is the only alcohol that is not a depressant. That’s why when you drink it you get hot and happy! Oh and if the bottle doesn’t say 100% agave it’s not real tequila stay away from Jose Cuervo or sauza they are 50% corn syrup that’s why you feel like dying the next day

[dynastylnoire]

Thank you bartender tumblr

[anniedleinahaystack]

Hey hey, don’t hate on Jose Cuervo. They make good tequila too. You’re just buying the cheap shit. Especial should only be used for making cocktails. The lowest quality you could probably use for shots would be Tradicional, but I would suggest 1800 or Gran Centenario (which I guess are technically different brands but they’re owned by Cuervo and all made in the same distillery).

[anniedleinahaystack]

It really is true that youth is wasted on the young.

God, if I could go back I'd do it all so much better.

[anniedleinahaystack]

I need to go back to school.

Idk if I'm cut out for the rural life/burb life. Maybe this job just isn't for me. I feel like I need 2 years work experience to get into business school though. I essentially feel like I'm putting my life on hold for 2 years.

[anniedleinahaystack]

Doesn't it just suck when you know you're not hot enough to get the type of guy you really want?

[anniedleinahaystack]

Sometimes hoes steal. They not nuns, they hoes.

life lessons from a true pimp

[anniedleinahaystack]

Don't hit your kids.

Don’t spank your kids, don’t smack them, don’t thump them, don’t paddle them, don’t whoop them with belts, don’t throw shoes at them, don’t even slap their hands with wooden spoons. Most importantly, INTERVENE when they fight each other. When you use corporal punishment, even if it’s reserved for the most egregious of malfeasances, and when you allow kids to ‘duke it out,’ you’re teaching them to ESCALATE THE SITUATION, and you’re teaching them that physical violence is an appropriate response to insult and property damage. Hopefully, by the time they’re adults they’ll come to realize that it’s not, but some people never unlearn it, and in the meantime those who do can inflict a lot of damage along the way. This is what leads to so many problems in society.

Now take my family. Growing up, spankings were reserved for only the most “serious” of crimes: breaking things, setting fires, and cussing directly at parents. Sibling disputes were handled like this: I would say something mean to/about my brother, he (being 4 years younger than me and of limited imagination) would punch me, I would complain to parents, and they would ask “What did you do to deserve it?”. I, not being satisfied with that response, would hit my brother back, and he would hit me back, and so on it went until we both got tired or somebody separated us. I don’t think the physical damage from those fights was normally that bad because I wasn’t the violent type and only aimed for a proportional response with my punches, but maybe my brother would disagree. Eventually he started to catch up to me in size, and fights during that era were the longest and bruisiest. Once he outgrew me, though, the nature of the fights changed. His physical limitations had disappeared, but his underdog mentality had not. He still came at me with everything he had because he couldn’t beat me with words, and that was when I started grabbing weapons. Many a fight ended in an hour-long standoff in the kitchen, both of us holding knives. An argument about what time I was supposed to pick him up from school resulted in me pulling over on the side of the road to call mom because he kept punching me while I was driving, and I when we got home I locked myself in the car in the driveway until she got home.

I think that my brother has learned the error of his ways by now, but imagine what could have happened if any one of those incidents had turned into something tragic. Or imagine if he had permanently internalized those ideas about violence and acted on them in a much more significant way later in life. These are the problems our society faces every day, so think about that before you even touch your child.

[anniedleinahaystack]

I freehanded the stripes so they don't look very good but #nails #ombre #chevron #nailart

[anniedleinahaystack]

For so long I struggled to understand how the CW could keep Supernatural on for 10+ seasons, even as so many of its other dramas fell by the wayside, and then I realized: Supernatural is just a cop show without cops. Everybody knows crime procedurals can go on forever--just look at Law & Order. They have all the hallmarks of a cop show: plotlines that wrap up in one episode, longer narratives that unfold over a season, cheesy, pun-based humor of the CSI/NCIS variety, actors who maybe could have once had a successful movie career if they had gotten out at the right time but now desperately cling to the title “professional television actor,” and inexplicably high ratings (when you stop to consider how poorly-written the shows actually are).