I’ve been meaning to write the past couple of weeks now, but every time I tried - I became stumped, despite this unbudgeable urge to say something. I wasn’t so sure what I wanted to write, but I knew there was something I needed to write about.
Then I received #TheDailyLove newsletter this afternoon (Which I always look forward to opening. Every one of their emails entail messages of love, hope, affirmations and reminders), and realised almost immediately what I have been meaning to say the past few weeks! I wanted to write about exactly what I’ve been feeling every time I tried writing - which was the feeling of being stumped. Stuck. Lost. (and here comes the scary stuff) Fearful. Doubtful. Incompent. Unworthy. And just generally a lack of self-content.
Isn’t that so ridiculous? And yet so true, so “human” and so unavoidable. I knew I’ve been feeling unusually grumpy lately, but haven’t been able to pin-point exactly what was causing these feelings. But thankfully today’s #TheDailyLove newsletter (”How to Detox Your Calender and Find Time For Yourself”) shed some light on this. I’ve finally reach some sort of a-ha! moment. Or... rather a “breakthrough” moment.
Ever since my last blog entry, I’ve dedicated a lot of time to myself. I’ve been practicing how to say “No” more often, so I can have more time to work on saving up, cooking my own meals, finding new hobbies and working on my fitness levels & running techniques. What this means is that I’ve spent a lot of time at home trying to enjoy my own company, and oh my god, it’s been painstakingly uncomfortable.
I started to feel a lot of uneasy emotions and thoughts surface - issues and parts of myself I have always resorted to running away from. Suddenly I’m confined in a room full of scary, reai shit. Funny enough, much of this scary, real shit contains the very core, nitty gritty stuff that are needed to create a life of fulfillment and excitement. I’m beginning to realise the more I delve into this scary, real shit, that I’m peeling away the unnecessary outer layers of distraction only to reveal my core values, beliefs, goals, hopes and dreams.
More recently, I’ve been thinking about this very quote I read somewhere some time ago: “Great things come to those who wait...” (I think there was more to this but I forget) - which I didn’t pay much attention to initially, but makes all the sense in the world the more I dwell on it. Like Joyce Meyer says, “Patience is not the ability to wait, but how you act when you’re waiting.” Put two and two together and I think we have a pretty swell inspirational Hallmark greeting card.
What I’m trying to say is that this discomfort is here for a reason, and as much as I want to wriggle out of it like a fidgety child with ADHD, maybe I need to sit on this a little longer. Maybe I need to dive into this discomfort a little deeper and take the opportunity to really work on myself. And by this, I mean ditch the distractions and time-wasting activities, and invest more time in creating and developing a ritual that’ll lean me in the direction of getting all my goals met. What are my goals exactly? Ah, well that’s a pretty good place to start, right?
So it’s understandable, Ann, that you’re frightened out of your mind by the thoughts that go through your head when you’re alone. I can understand the urge you have to run away from them - go shopping, make impromptu plans to drink wine with friends, catch movies or binge watch on Modern Family. But maybe this is exactly what you have to go through. Maybe this is something you’ve never had to go through or never felt the need to go through because you’ve always been somehow involved in some sort of a relationship (or rather a distraction) with another guy. Maybe this is prime-time for you to figure out what makes you tick - instead of figuring out what makes others tick.
I’m certain that like most things in life, there is light and an answer at the end of this (presently) indefinable fluster. With a little time, patience and elbow grease, I’ll be able to look back on this soon and be glad I navigated my way out of being stumped. It’s a scary process, but oh-so-necessary.
I saw this music video the other day and thought it was somewhat relevant to my post. Watch it and tell me that he isn’t metaphorically running away from all his problems, until eventually he comes to a halt and realizes it’s too late to do anything about it? Okay fine, that was just an excuse to share some tunes with you. But seriously huh. This guy. Zero fucks given.
Peace and love to all, and here’s hoping we’ll always find the strength to see the blessings in all challenges.
To watch #MastinKipp of #TheDailyLove ‘s video, click here.
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