This is the darkest timeline

Well, here we are again.

[striatoncitytoilet]

(repeated like a mantra while rubbing my temples) i will stay silly and not allow the world to make me bitter and cruel. i will stay silly and not allow the world to make me bitter and cruel. i wi

[nevercure]

[salvadorbonaparte]

"tiktok has massive problems that even if you don't agree with a complete ban have to be addressed for all social media platforms" and "the Chinese government is doing pretty awful things" and "there is a lot of sinophobic fearmongering and double standards in the conversation about tiktok" and "people should exercise basic caution signing up to foreign or domestic social media" and "most Chinese citizens like US citizens are just people living their life and cultural exchange between them can be beneficial for both sides" and "some people being on the same social media site isn't going to solve everything " and "I want to study the linguistics happening there under a microscope" are opinions that can coexist

[thememedaddy]

[digitaldiscipline]

[baddywronglegs]

I've asked this question before and been surprised by the results, now I have access to more weirdos it's your problem:

It is the middle of a Sunday afternoon. You have nothing on, and aren't expecting visitors, deliveries or post.

Unexpectedly, there is a knock at the door.

Which of these would surprise you more to find on the doorstep?

Fairy

Walrus

Voting ended onFeb 26, 2024

[baddywronglegs]

Not naming options to skew votes but...

I think there's something fundamentally baffling with the way most of you think.

[formlesschromatic]

[gondwana]

had a dream that I met a wizard and we fell in love and became unhealthily attached to each other so we decided to meld into one single creature together but the process was horrifically slow and painful and most of the dream was us lying in bed holding hands while lesions opened up in our skin and seeped out blue and green fluid and the wizard said "this is going to take a very very long time" and I said "that's ok"

[gondwana]

the critics are raving

[chemicahs]

putting butter on toasted bread is so good has anyone else tried this shit

[icksludge]

intersring dish. drop the recipe

[chemicahs]

Im so glad you asked! In my family, we’re a little different. For generations, butter has been a staple ingredient in all of our recipes. It all started in 1943 when my great grandfather Jo discovered cows. As a youngster he used to churn milk while watching the family of mourning doves on the neighbors land fight over the plumpest worms each morning. The doves feeding their children inspired grandpa Jo so much throughout the years that an idea sparked in his head. He then started the family business we all know as Bo’s kitchen (changed it to Bo for the letter B from butter.)

One day a young woman named Margeryne came into our shop and excitedly declared she also enjoyed making food in the shape of a rectangle. Upon hearing this grandpa Jo almost called his lawyer to file a lawsuit, assuming if anyone else found a way to make food in the shape of a rectangle it must be a stolen copy of our one-of-a-kind melt-in-your-mouth butter recipe. But he stopped dead in his tracks when he heard her call this rectangular food a “Loaf.” We stared in awe at her creation for what felt like hours. That’s when I tried bread for the very first time. It was shockingly delicious and wonderfully fluffy.

But, even then, I had never thought about putting butter on top of bread before. In this recipe I will show you how two rectangular foods combine to make something even greater, something that will make you say Mmmmm! like you’ve never said it before.

Ingredients:

- butter

- bread

Directions:

Toast 2 slices of bread, spread a pad of butter on the tops of each, serve warm.

[icksludge]

2 stars. it was terrible. idk what went wrong, i replaced the bread with a brick and the butter for cement paste to cut back on carbs (im on the curbs diet) and it just tasted like rocks. WTF. 😡😡

[jonnywaistcoat]

I low-key love the fact that sci-fi has so conditioned us to expect to be hanging out with a bunch of cool space aliens, that legitimate, actual scientists keep proposing the most bizarre, three-blunts-into-the-rotation "theories" to explain the fact we're not.

Some of my favourites include:

Zoo Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they're not talking to us because of the Prime Directive from Star Trek? (Or because they're doing experiments on us???)

Dark Forest Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they all hate us and each other so they're all just waiting with a shotgun pointed at the door, ready to open fire on anything that moves?

Planetarium Theory: What if there's at least one alien with mastery over light and matter that's just making it seem to us that the universe is empty to us as, like, a joke?

Berserker Theory: What if there were loads of aliens, but one of them made infinite killer robots that murdered everyone and are coming for us next?!!

Like, the universe is at least 13,700,000,000 years old and 46,000,000,000 light years big. We have had the ability to transmit and receive signals for, what, 100 years, and our signals have so far travelled 200 light years?

The fact is biological life almost certainly has, does, or will develop elsewhere in the universe, and it's not impossible that a tiny amount of it has, does, or will develop in a way that we would understand as "intelligent". But, like, we're realistically never going to know because of the scale of the things involved.

So I'm proposing my own hypothesis. I call it the "Fool in a Field" hypothesis. It goes like this:

Humanity is a guy standing in the middle of a field at midnight. It's pitch black, he can't move, and he's been standing there for ages. He's just had the thought to swing his arms. He swings one of his arms, once, and does not hit another person. "Oh no!" He says. "Robots have killed them all!"

[gallusrostromegalus]

I got to hold a 500,000 year old hand axe at the museum today.

It's right-handed

I am right-handed

There are grooves for the thumb and knuckle to grip that fit my hand perfectly

I have calluses there from holding my stylus and pencils and the gardening tools.

There are sharper and blunter parts of the edge, for different types of cutting, as well as a point for piercing.

I know exactly how to use this to butcher a carcass.

A homo erectus made it

Some ancestor of mine, three species ago, made a tool that fits my hand perfectly, and that I still know how to use.

Who were you

A man? A woman? Did you even use those words?

Did you craft alone or were you with friends? Did you sing while you worked?

Did you find this stone yourself, or did you trade for it? Was it a gift?

Did you make it for yourself, or someone else, or does the distinction of personal property not really apply here?

Who were you?

What would you think today, seeing your descendant hold your tool and sob because it fits her hands as well?

What about your other descendant, the docent and caretaker of your tool, holding her hands under it the way you hold your hands under your baby's head when a stranger holds them.

Is it bizarre to you, that your most utilitarian object is now revered as holy?

Or has it always been divine?

Or is the divine in how I am watching videos on how to knap stone made by your other descendants, learning by example the way you did?

Tomorrow morning I am going to the local riverbed in search of the appropriate stones, and I will follow your example.

The first blood spilled on it will almost certainly be my own, as I learn the textures and rhythm of how it's done.

Did you have cuss words back then? Gods to blaspheme when the rock slips and you almost take your thumbnail off instead? Or did you just scream?

I'm not religious.

But if spilling my own blood to connect with a stranger who shared it isn't partaking in the divine

I don't know what is.

[amateur]

[finntheehumaneater-deactivated2]

imagine you’re a guard for your castle, and you see this lady calling for help and saying she’s the queen, so you bring her in and everyone watches as she fucking eats the babies in there and just goes, “yep. Sure. New queen.” Because she got them, along with you, all high on psychedelics. And then she transforms into a giant fucking blue creature and crawls away, never to be seen again.

[godisafujoshi]

God forbid women do anything

[kleefkruid]

whenever someone calls USAmerican English the 'movie accent' I remember how somewhere last year I was on a train when suddenly the silence was broken by an american voice behind me somewhere and I immediately thought "Oh no, someones playing their tiktoks out loud again" and automatically turned around to put a face to my annoyance like you do when someones driving bad, and turns out a few rows down were just some actual in the flesh USAmericans having a nice conversation amongst themselves. I am sorry Americans I'm glad they let you out of the phone

[pajamasecrets]

Andrew Robinson on playing Garak for the first time. 

[mrsmothmom]

OH MY GOD???

[amygdalae]

Me: damn this situation I'm in sure isn't ideal, what am I gonna do about this

Suicidal Ideation Man who lives in my brain: perhaps I have a suggestion ☝️🤓

[amygdalae]

[charlesoberonn]

[prettyinpinkcatgamer]

reblog to form a mighty faggot with your mutuals

[did-you-know]

The oldest living tree ever found was a pine named “Prometheus.” It had been alive since before the Egyptian pyramids were built. Some guy cut it down in 1964. Source

[aclockworknick]

he was actually a forestry graduate student who was doing research on bristlecone pines (Pinus langaevea) and got his increment borer stuck in the tree. this tool costs almost $800, so he asked the forest service if he could cut down the tree to recover the tool. after cutting it down, it became apparent that the tree was actually the oldest living organism. ever. (around 8,000 years old). so, not just some asshole. the guy feels extremely guilty and has even broken down in tears during an interview about the accident

[wellshitcaitlin]

OH MY GOD SO LET ME TELL YOU A STORY

So after the grad student cut down the tree and discovered it was the oldest tree in the world he quit studying forestry and went to study salt flats (can’t cut down the oldest trees in the world on salt flats no siree none of that happening) and he was being interviewed about his research, but in the middle of the interview the reporter just stops and says “wait aren’t the guy that…”

And he just takes off running. Literally. Turns around and runs across the salt flats away from the interview and I feel so bad for him but I can’t help but start crying I’m laughing so hard about it imagine a guy high tailing it across salt flats away from a dude with a recorder

[headspace-hotel]

That’s so sad

Tell him we forgive him! It was an accident!

[domesticatedangel]

they really bent jensen ackles over a police car with his hands cuffed behind his back in the first fucking episode. didn’t even give us a fighting chance