Life As I know It
Life is so fragile, so unpredictable, so short. I witness it slip through my very own hands almost every day. For one moment I receive you GCS 15, the next five minutes you’re already unconscious and apneic. Either I’ll dispose you to ICU brain dead/GCS 15 or the morgue welcomes you cold and clammy.
While I love the rush during Code Blue or resuscitation, I still can’t help but be affected to the point of being hurt during every disposal. After seeing my patient’s last breath, after informing the family of the unlucky, miserable state their loved just had, tears automatically fill my eyes.
I know it’s somewhat of a downer to meditate mortality, but it is important to remember that our lives are fleeting. Like that of the movie In Time, every second is so precious. It’s equivalent to their life. We ought to treat our time that way as well.
I guess this is what you get from a girl who spends almost all of her days all by herself. But at least the situation taught me to value those that really matter. I never cared if I’m always in the red, losing my savings just to call and text important people, or come home as often as I can and let them try my new recipe, or spend money on catch up moments and vacation, or lose time in internet café just to keep in touch. All these are the least that I can do to show that I value people in my life.
My time is the most valuable thing I can give. Once it’s spent I can never take it back again.
I can only do so little in this short life. And I have to respond to the things I've realized lately. I’m thankful that my work made me aware of that. Those lives lost in my very own eyes, those faces that sometimes still linger in my consciousness―all those prompted me that I have to do something more. To make my care and love tangible. But most of the time, I don’t know how to make them tangible given the circumstance I’m in.
So I’m praying that I’ll always learn how to number my days as God is teaching me to. So that I may gain a heart of wisdom, wisdom that will teach me what are those I need to focus on and are worth my time and those I need to loosen my grip and forget.
May we be good stewards of everything God has given. That includes our time and the people God has entrusted to us.