Anslee Marchesi

Accidents do happen, after all. Bands break up on tour; best friends fuck the same confused girl. Nothing sacred but the spells that spin the world in reverse. Kappa Kappa Gamma *president*

[jeremiah-lowe-deactivated201410]

I’ll name-drop your name when I ask. Honestly, I should name-drop your name wherever I go.

Yes, I think you’re going to be disappointed since my movies are nothing compared to Anderson’s films. Who doesn’t like cream soda? It’s like a vanilla milkshake. I’ve been well. Things have been going great. I’m sort of ‘high’ on life right now.

[ansleemarchesipast]

Do it, you'll be offered diamonds and freshly baked cookies.

High on life, huh? Not even the good stuff. I'm totally joking, but tell me what you mean. What's got you all bright eyed and bushy tailed? 

[legrandarchive]

Yeah, but that decision was made way before anything else — feelings and Kota, specifically — was involved. I know. Me too…

Okay. I’ll work on that. And I’ll work on getting you to trust me again. If that’s even a possibility.

[ansleemarchesipast]

I will someday, okay? Don't...take it personally, I'm just really not that good with trust, I guess.

Things were a lot simpler a few weeks ago, huh?

[legrandarchive]

It isn’t a martyr thing, Ans. You really didn’t do anything. You were vulnerable and I took advantage of that. I really wish you wouldn’t blame yourself for me and Kota fighting. That is definitely not something you should take any blame for. I made the decision to tell him. He and I, we both have our own shit and it came up that night and that’s why we fought. It wasn’t your fault.

And that’s why I’m apologizing — hopefully for the last time. I want you in my life, okay? Not because I feel obligated or because I feel bad about what happened - even though I do - but because I actually care about you as my friend. 

[ansleemarchesipast]

I just feel bad because it seems like you're taking all the blame on yourself. I made the decision to sleep with you too, you know. I just wish things weren't so...I don't know. Complicated.

I appreciate that, I really do. I don't like the idea of you not being a part of my life, and I have no idea why. All I know is that I don't think you're as bad as a guy as you seem to think you are. Don't worry about it anymore, okay? I'm not going to lose sleep over this whole thing and you shouldn't either.

[legrandarchive]

Yeah. I’ll… keep that in mind.

It wasn’t your fault when I decided to sleep with you and it wasn’t your fault when I turned you away after you were honest with me. It’s never been your fault.

[ansleemarchesipast]

I can't tell if this is a martyr thing or if you genuinely feel like you're the only one to blame. Friendly reminder, you're not.

Maybe we both fucked up. Maybe neither of us did. Either way, they were decisions that we have to live with. Our only regret should be letting it affect us now.

[legrandarchive]

Because then I’d know I’m actually capable of something like that. But, no… it doesn’t matter. 

That’s fine. More than fine. I’m glad to hear it. You didn’t cause any problems. Okay? You never have.

[ansleemarchesipast]

I... Don't beat yourself up too bad about it, okay? It's okay to be who you are, even if that's someone who doesn't really have feelings like that. 

I feel like I did, though. Things were fine before all of this, weren't they? It's my fault.

[jeremiah-lowe-deactivated201410]

Are you allowed to go to a theater, buy popcorn, and leave? I couldn’t agree more about popcorn. Microwaves and popcorn aren’t compatible at all.

You’re the best. Your debt has been lifted. [gestures towards the den where the flat screen television and the couch are] I’ve uploaded the movies, so we don’t have to hover over my laptop. I have a variety of drinks on the coffee table, too. Help yourself.

[ansleemarchesipast]

Not unless you're Anslee Marchesi. Just joking, all you gotta do is ask. 

So I'm expecting some Wes Anderson caliber shit, am I going to be disappointed? [plops down on sofa] You have cream soda?! I haven't had this in ages, you're my favorite now. Before we get started, tell me how you've been!

[jeremiah-lowe-deactivated201410]

Welcome to Zeta Phi Rho. We accept popcorn as well as money.

[ansleemarchesipast]

I just want you to know that I literally walked into a movie theater, bought popcorn, and left. If I'm going to eat popcorn, it's gotta be the real stuff. None of that microwaved shit. 

Will this jumbo bag cover my debt to the frat gods?

[ansleemarchesipast]

Text -- Kota

Kota: oh alright

Kota: if you feel weird or anything about it just tell me alright?

Kota: she's gonna appreciate your gift you know

Ans: Why would I feel weird about it?

Ans: Hang out with your best friend and her not-a-birthday-party party.

Ans: I'll talk to you soon.

Ans: AnD dON'T fORGET shE doESN'T KNoW it'S frOM mE!!

[legrandarchive]

It was like a flash in the pan. I didn’t even have a chance to really try to move on. I don’t even know if it was real. Part of me hopes it was and part of me hopes - for your sake and for Kota’s sake - that it wasn’t.

I never said you didn’t like Kota. But, I don’t now. I guess I was worried you still might because, like I said before, it would be better for everyone if you didn’t. And I didn’t. That’s what I really meant.

[ansleemarchesipast]

Why does part of you hope it was? I guess it doesn't really matter though, right? It's over. 

I can see why you'd be worried about that kind of stuff I just...need you to know that I've moved on, okay? Both of you are really important to me and it really makes me nervous to know that I caused a problem.

[ansleemarchesipast]

Text -- Kota

Kota: it's not for her. she's doing her own thing. and she doesn't hate you ans.

Kota: speaking of uh

Kota: i'm spending the night with her

Kota: is that okay?

Kota: if it isn't then i'll tell her

Ans: nononoon

Ans: You should hang out with her.

Ans: I think I might do something else, though.

Ans: If that's ok?

Ans: Just make sure she gets her drugs okay.

[legrandarchive]

It’s always me.

I guess I just— I was worried you still had some feelings for me and I didn’t want to make things weird.

[ansleemarchesipast]

It's not...you, it's just... Things happen, you know? People move on. It's okay to let yourself move on. 

Does it seem that way? Does it seem like I still like you and not Kota?

[ansleemarchesipast]

Text -- Kota

Kota: yeah she's a week younger than me

Kota: she's not excited because she doesn't like parties

Kota: but that's cute

Kota: she'll appreciate that a lot and i won't tell her i promise

Kota: so you're going to the party that they're disguising as one not for her?

Ans: I was planning on it...

Ans: But if it's her 'party', maybe I won't.

Ans: I think she hates me.

[legrandarchive]

Ans… I don’t know how to explain it. I’m relieved because at least now maybe Kota won’t look at me like I might try and steal you away from him at any moment, but I’m fucking frustrated because I’ve never felt like that before and now the feeling is just gone. Jealousy wasn’t what made me push you away. I really didn’t want to hurt you again. I fucked up, though. As usual. I still hurt you. 

I never wanted to fight with him to begin with. He asked me to be honest and I was. I haven’t yet, but something tells me that it won’t matter even if I do.

[ansleemarchesipast]

You think it's you...don't you? You're frustrated because you think you can't hold onto feelings, or something.

Why do you think you would've hurt me?

[legrandarchive]

And I’m working on that. Really. Being honest with Kota is what set off our fight. I don’t regret telling him the truth, but, I just wish— The problem is, or was, that after you started dating Kota… I don’t know. Things felt different. It was hard to watch you be with someone else because I knew that could have been me. It doesn’t matter though. Whatever I felt — or thought I felt — just… I stopped feeling it. I still really care about you, but I don’t know what happened. I tried pushing you away because I was worried that it would make things harder for both of us for me to feel that way when you were being there for me so much more than most, but it ended up just making things worse. Kota and I fought about it and I left the party early because I didn’t think I’d be able to handle seeing my best friend kissing the girl I could have been with right after one of the biggest fights we’ve ever had. He doesn’t trust me around you and that’s fair given my history I guess, but I want you around. I want to be your friend. And that-that’s all of it. The whole truth. 

[ansleemarchesipast]

So you were jealous? And you fought with Kota over it? I guess it doesn't really matter, though, because you're over it, or whatever. 

Look, I guess I can't even really be angry after sitting here and telling you that you need to be honest with me, I just... Please don't fight with Kota because of me. Did you tell him you're over it? 

[ansleemarchesipast]

Text -- Kota

Kota: no i'll pay for it it's fine

Kota: who's it for?

Ans: No, no.

Ans: I want to pay for it, so then I feel like it's /my/ present, kinda.

Ans: Adrienne.

Ans: Okay so she kind of let it slip that her birthday is coming up and she just didn't seem excited and I...

Ans: I don't know, I want her to have a good birthday but I don't think she really likes me.

Ans: So yeah.

Ans: Can you /please/ not tell her.

[ansleemarchesipast]

Text -- Kota

Kota: baby you're cute as hell but you don't smoke

Kota: clearly

Kota: i'll buy you a dub but who's it for?

Ans: Can you...

Ans: ASDFGHJKELFAEGL

Ans: I'll give you money, okay. Just tell me how much and I'll give it to you but then can you...

Ans: Okay if I tell you who it's for can you pinky promise swear up and down on whatever you find holy that you won't rat me out?

[ansleemarchesipast]

Text -- Kota

Kota: uh

Kota: they don't all

Kota: cost the same??????

Ans: How much does marijuana cost?

Ans: Is that a good drug?