I love your tags on that post about hateships and abuse culture, I've been thinking about that a lot and yeah I can't get with unhealthy aggressive ships anymore especially since they're almost all m/m, it's too gross...
sorry it took me a billion years to reply, I wanted to write a long, articulate reply but have only been online on my phone lately, so. yeah, it’s been on my mind a lot, and it’s so shocking I never saw it before. if you think about these v popular ships, almost all of them are white cis m/m ships w/loads of aggression linked to them. and not only linked, but people ship them BECAUSE of the aggression.
two white cis dudes are aggressive towards each other. it’s romanticized and seen as “sexual tension”. the other one is set up as the more dominant, masculine in the relationship while the other one is feminized and made submissive (some fandoms do disagree which is which, but versatility is quite rare). the women and moc close to the white dudes are erased and vilified, often so fans can set up the feminized guy, ~abandoned by all his friends, to be saved by the dominant guy. amazing.
even ships that don’t have the “ooh, sexual tension” starting point are aggressive, often manipulative or even abusive (eg bbc johnlock). at the top of my head, I can’t really think of one popular m/m ship with a healthy, warm, loving relationship. if you think about teen wolf, what would seem like the most obvious pairing choice? the two best friends who spend most of their time together, support and help each other, and have touching scenes together? or the 25yo man and 16yo boy, who have mostly hated each other throughout the show?
skittles would seem like the obvious choice. but what most people (myself included, sadly) were drawn to was sterek. not only because they’re both white attractive guys, but I think the aggression and anger in their “relationship” plays a big part in it. we have been taught to see aggression as sexual, taught through movies and tv shows how a man interested in a woman approaches her, and sadly, that that has been carried into fanfiction and fandom through internalization (bc don’t for a moment think this all isn’t about misogyny, bc it is. it might be two dudes, but the other is always coded as the woman in the relationship, and thus, treated like a woman).
the relationship between scott and stiles didn’t spark that “oooh” reaction in me because they were literally too friendly and nice to each other. for a long time the only ships that sparked interest in me in teen wolf were the ones that had clear aggression and friction between the two characters. that’s how internalized abuse culture is in fandom. and now that the fourth wall between fandom and shows is quickly eroding, tv and movie producers are using this for their benefit.
the most obvious example of this would be reboot star trek’s kirk/spock. they very consciously took a ship they were aware of, wrote the typical “two white dudes hate each other ooh tension” plot, and kinda assumed everyone would just gobble it up. and most people did (it doesn’t mean you’re unintelligent or a fool, it really takes a lot of observation to see these things). especially when it comes to the second movie, it’s clear they completely discarded any and all character development to write in a great no homo plotline for kirk and spock, and make money off fans hungry for queer representation.
this is why it pisses me off to no end when sterek fans deny sterek is abusive, when they say their violent, aggressive interaction is “funny”, use scenes where derek physically hurts stiles as proof of “sterek moments”, and write heaps of fic where derek is basically a violent, entitled, possessive/jealous, sexual predator alpha male out to ravage stiles’ virgin ass. it’s all abuse culture. and in the end, it will enable the mistreatment of the biggest victims of abuse: women.
it pisses me off that these people perpetuate abuse culture, but I’m even more pissed off that so many young girls have been practically groomed into seeing abuse and aggression as sexy. I’m pissed off that abuse culture is so internalized in these girls that it’s transferred into fanfiction, which is promoted as a “healthy way for teen girls to explore their sexuality”. yes, it can be, but fanfiction, not just slash but in general, is filled with really gross, hurtful stuff, and we should actively work to fix those things.
ship sterek. ship steve/tony, johnlock, hannigram, or whatever cis white m/m ship where aggression and antagonism between the characters are a big part of their (canon) relationship. but be aware of why you find it enticing, why these ships draw you in, why you find them sexy. be aware of abuse culture. fandom and fanfiction can’t be a healthy learning environment for anyone when it’s not only full of romantization and sexualization of abuse and abusive relationships, but also misogyny (!!!), racism, ableism, cissexism, heteronormativity, bi erasure etc
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