I have deleted my chatgpt after months of not using it. The more I think about it, the more I see that AI in our world does more harm than good.
But I have a problem and I wanted to ask someone if they could give me an answer. Once, about the same time where I had the worse phase of social anxiety I'd ever experienced, my highschool told us to use AI and to experiment with it. I hadn't used or researched about AI at all until then, so I started experimenting. And then, after a while I did let it create stories about fandoms I liked, just to see whether it could. And for about a month, I got addicted to doing that. To typing in 1000 word long prompts with detailed instructions. Because it was a robot. A robot couldn't be annoyed at me, when I felt like I was intruding into every space where other people were, no matter whether it was school, the grocery store, my own family or social media (ao3, tumblr). Not to mention I had basically given up on writing anything at that point, because I thought my writing was terrible and if even chatgpt could write better than me, then I shouldn't be posting anything online.
But then, I had that idea for that one story in mind and when I put it into chatgpt and made the first part - I don't know why all of a sudden - it clicked in my head that it wasn't what I wanted to read. That it felt incomplete. So, I started rewriting the passages. And then I started continuing the story on my own, without chatgpt. And suddenly, I found I could write again. I rewrote the first chapter completely so it would be my work and then posted it and people liked it too. And like that, I've continued writing without ever touching AI to create stories again and I love it and cannot fathom how I could ever have been so stupid. (I btw. also figured out after stopping with chatgpt that chatgpt steals fanfictions from ao3 - which is unacceptable but I should have figured it out sooner I guess).
It's just, especially now that I am on tumblr and seeing many people being strongly against AI (which is completely just), I cannot help but feel dirty for having ever used it. I know that without that encounter I would not have started to write and maybe not even survived that time, but I hate the fact that I will never be able to say that I have never used AI in my writing process. And I know a lot of people hate people like me, who have used it, which makes me feel that maybe I should stop writing again and leave the internet forever, because I always have that stain now. And I assume, there are many others like me, that have used AI and then turned their back on it but still feel guilty for years after.
It's a really stupid question, but what can we do to redeem ourselves?
And thank you btw. that you provide an account where people can ask you instead of chatgpt.
I've admitted to this before on this blog and I'll say it again:
I also used to use AI. A lot.
My family loves ChatGPT. It's miserable for me now, but back in 2022 when it first was released, I heard about it from my mom. I didn't know anything about it and made an account and y'know what I used it for? Writing. My own book. It's humiliating to look back on. I was stuck and thought that would be the answer. But of course, it wasn't. I don't use any of the ideas ChatGPT gave me anymore. I completely changed the plot because I refused to let any of that impact my story.
So I can relate to you. To that feeling of being "dirty." Because yeah, you're right, we can't say that we've never used AI. And there's a kind of guilt that comes with that. But the good thing is that you stopped. I stopped. We were able to realize that what we were doing was wrong and we stopped ourselves. Even if it takes time to stop because AI is meant to be addictive. It gives you positive reinforcements and compliments you and replies with "You're right, that's a great idea!" because it wants more engagement and it wants you to come back. Being able to push through that is harder than it seems and I admire you for being able to do that.
You don't need to redeem yourself. I understand the need to do something to make up for what you've done. Like I've said a thousand times in this post, I feel the same way. But the best thing you can do is continue to not use AI and do as much as you can to advocate against it. You and I used it when we didn't realize how bad it was. Maybe people are in the same situation. You don't need to do anything dramatic. You don't need to make a whole blog like I did. Do small things. My mom always suggests I usse ChatGPT to help with things and I just say no. If I see my friend using AI to cheat on their homework I don't make a big deal of it but kinda go dude seriously why would you do that. Don't be afraid to dislike AI even though so many people love it.
I'm proud of you for being able to recognize the impacts of AI and stop. I know firsthand it is difficult to make that shift. You're not "dirty" in the writing community and you don't need to redeem yourself. Never stop writing. If people are actually hating on you because you used to use AI but you stopped, then they just don't understand the problem we're dealing with. Shaming former AI users who have grown and decided to stop using AI just because they used to use it defeats the whole point of trying to stop people from using AI. We should all encourage and be proud of people for realizing the problem and fixing it.
There's no need for redemption. You did the right thing. That's what matters.