Like… part of the reason I dislike the relationships in S/JM’s work - beyond the fact that they’re so extremely toxic and abusive - is that they’re not even loving.
Preface: there is nothing wrong with hooking up or being in a friends with benefits agreement, but that’s not what this post is focusing on. Everything I say is in the context of a long term (“endgame”) relationship.
A man holding his wife and keeping her comfortable while she nurses their baby. A woman supporting her husband’s ambitions even though he’s terrified of the path to his goals. A man making soup and telling jokes to his horribly sick husband. A woman giving her wife enormous hugs when she’s upset and asking her to talk it out, even if she can’t fix it.
When have we ever seen these things in her books? Nothing in her work even comes close to the level of trust, intimacy, and genuine love that accompany the post-honeymoon stage. And that’s something both girls and boys need to see more often in fiction.
We as a culture focus so much on passion and wildness and sex (while simultaneously demonizing the exposure of a woman’s skin, what’s up with that?) that we lose sight of the beauty of long term relationships. The comfortable silences, the inside jokes, the contentment with not necessarily needing to get fucked four times a day by your partner to know you’re in love and you have a good thing going.
Knowing the intimate details of someone is truly amazing. Knowing how they like their hair played with. Knowing how grumpy they get around lots of people. Knowing whether they like their burgers rare or well done. These are incredibly small details, but they make all the difference in whether a relationship is one built on lust or trust.
Which, not to compare apples to oranges, is something I deeply admire about Leah Bardugo’s work. Kaz and Inej *never* jump into bed with each other, but they trust each other and know the small details. Jesper and Wylan *never* jump into bed with each other, but they respect each other and know the small details. Nina and Matthias *never* jump into bed with each other (though damn if they didn’t try) but they admire each other and are in the process of learning the small details. Every one of these relationships has a solid foundation that isn’t “I want to fuck you.”
Young girls and boys (hell, even adult women and men) should be seeing not just healthy relationships in fiction but long term ones as well, and ones that don’t lie and tell you the honeymoon stage isn’t a thing or that it lasts forever. Women and men need to have positive role models for their relationships and S/JM only ever delivers relationships based on toxic masculinity, abuse, misogyny, and pure sex.
A flower. Neither Rice, nor Ratty never offered Alien/Fairy a single flower.
And this comes from a person who dislikes flowers, but understands and values the symbolism of a flower.
Rice dresses Fairy in super elegant clothes when they are not even a thing. Do you know who does this? Those sugar daddies with courtesans. Honestly this is the impression I had all throughout M.AF.
Also, this post was wonderful, as all the post of yours and this is why I too loved the relationships in S.OC so much, because, as a demi person, I always look for romance where the emotional connection and the feelings beyond sexual attraction play the main role in a romance.
