•°. *࿐ ANTIROMANTIC .

[bluhours]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀the airport buzzes with activity even as it nears three am, especially with the news of the flight back to toronto being delayed for the fourth time due to inclement weather conditions. matt's not all too bothered, and while severely bored, they're not really in any rush to actually get back home. the fingers currently scratching at his scalp makes it unbelievably hard to be upset about the turn of events, eyes all but glazed over as matt sinks deeper into august's body. how could matt possibly be mad about having to stay in this chair any longer while august is petting him and cooing in his ear ? ⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀he watches people stomping up to the customer service desk, and matthew can vaguely hear them yelling at the poor woman behind the counter that looks as tired as he currently feels. ❝ auggie, ❞ matt's tongue feels heavy in his mouth, tipping his head back against the actor's chest to peer up at him. ❝ can we go find something to eat ? ❞ matt gives him an infamous pout, pulling himself out of the warmth of august's arms to twist onto his knees on the bench they're sharing, looking directly at the other man. ❝ i need to fuck up a sandwich right now. do you have my lactaid pills ? i think only a bacon grilled cheese is going to satiate me right now. ❞

[antirmntic]

august stresses about A LOT of things , but airports aren't one of them . he's probably spent a quarter of his life in the sky ; their only plans for tomorrow anyways were to laze about and recoup from their quick stint in los angeles . and besides , he's got people to hash out the flight details for him . if his assistants can't figure it out , he'll just book them a hotel and charter a jet out tomorrow . for now , august is perfectly content just sitting here with matt in his lap . neck cranes downwards at the younger's beckon , lips already pulling into a smile before he's even fully fixed his eyes on him . " of course , darling . i'm sure we can find something of the sort in the terminal . " and he doesn't have a problem dropping the august hwang card to get it off - menu if he has to . limb stretches out to caress matt's face , tenderly taking hold of his chin and thumbing over his lesser lip . " i was actually just thinking that i needed another americano , you little mind reader . " august uses his grip to coax him closer , meeting him halfway with a kiss . " might be good to move around too . " he mutters against his lips . " i swear i can FEEL someone recording us right now . " and he's right , pulling away and nodding discreetly at a teenage girl with her phone angled towards them just right . august has been doing this for so long that he's developed a sixth sense . " ... c'mon . " hand drops from matt's chin down to his hand , tugging at him to stand when he does . " oh --- and your pills are in my bag , honey , don't worry . "

[bluhours]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀taemin's giggles are nothing but pure music to minjun's ears, a wide smile splitting the elder's face in two. yeah, he's definitely missed him all day. no wonder his day had felt so dull without the maknae at his side to pester. ❝ and i'm sure there were countless other's that i don't know about. i don't know if you realize this, but i basically raised you, and i know every single little detail about your life. not mean, just truthful. but hey, that's what you guys keep me around for right ? ❞

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀minjun smiles fondly when taemin takes off ahead, hands tucked comfortably into the pockets of his sweats as they traverse through their apartment complex. when they get down to the foyer, minjun pulls the mask he wore to the company building from his pocket and slips it back on, but not before he can look at taemin with a smile so wide it makes his eyes crinkle up at the corners. ❝ brat, ❞ he breathes out, minjun shaking his head before following taemin outside.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀it's a bit colder than he anticipated, and minjun believes it won't be too much longer before they're seeing seoul's first snow. he should've made taemin put on a jacket before they stepped out, now that he thinks about it. taemin slows down considerably, easily falling in step with the leader, and minjun slows right down to a complete STOP in turn. ❝ c ' mere, jagiya. ❞ minjun reaches out for him — he always is, minjun thinks he searches for taemin is every crevice of the world.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀there's a quick glance around their surroundings, before minjun lands on the fact that he just doesn't care if any peering eyes ( or cameras ) happen to catch the intimate moment between them. his hand come up to tug at his mask, letting it hook around his chin before urging taemin to do the same. minjun smiles upon seeing the younger's mouth, even if he'd only seen it moments prior to putting their masks on. minjun leans in to catch taemin in a sweet kiss, fingers grasping his jaw and holding the boy in place. when he pulls back, the space between them is almost non - existent, a hair's breath away as minjun's thumb strokes over taemin's cheekbone. ❝ i pinky promise i'm not just saying it . . . i miss you when i know you're only in the other room. i miss you when you're just on the other side of a stage. i miss you even when i have to close my eyes but you're still laying right beside me. ❞

[antirmntic]

taemin is quick to respond to minjun's beckon , instantly backtracking to stand beside him . he thinks nothing of it --- figures maybe the stain is more noticeable somehow out here and minjun is going to try and get it off ... or maybe one of his infamous sasaengs was waiting outside the mightee one building to catch a glimpse . just the thought of that makes his skin crawl , subconsciously inching even closer to the elder . god , why did he even think that ? now he's craning his neck to see behind him , looking for whatever minjun's looking for . but then he's telling taemin to pull his mask down , and he's a little confused , giving him a funny , quizzical look . he still does it , of course ; taemin trusts minjun more than anything or anyone ever . he's NOT AT ALL expecting to be kissed right now , right here , in the middle of the sidewalk , like they're normal people that can do this sort of thing . taemin's so shocked that he just stands there , completely melting into minjun's touch . dazed and happy , he doesn't even chase after the kiss like he usually does --- it's a wonder that he doesn't just turn into a heaping pile of lovesick goo right there on the pavement . taemin's all giggly now , arms wrapped tightly around minjun's torso , leaning his full body weight onto him , chin digging into his chest as he gazes upwards . a kiss in the middle of seoul initiated fully by minjun ... it feels like something out of a dream . " i love you . " his eyes glimmer , giving minjun a squeeze . " ... that was really romantic , junnie . " taemin giggles , grabbing a fistful of minjun's jacket , continuing in a sing - song tone , " you have a crush on me ! "

[bluhours]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀jiwoon silently asks himself why he didn't just head to minjun's room, and ends up chalking it up to not knowing what he could find in there — instead of the fact that he was subconsciously searching for hwichan and hoping to find him here. he wanted company, but only from one individual ; no matter how displeased hwichan always seemed to see him.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀jiwoon can be a lot, this he knows. whether they believe him or not, but the rapper wishes nothing but the best for his group. at first he saw them as an already lost cause — their numbers had been critically low, and when jiwoon studied their most recent comeback in preparation of joining their ranks, the look behind their eyes was EMPTY. like they had already accepted the looming threat of disbandment. the rapper had joined with low hopes and even lower expectations, that he'd get juggled to another failing group and he'd never properly get his foot in the door of the industry — but what came instead of cut thru u was an INSTANT global success. jiwoon can only assume hwichan resents him for this fact. he wishes he could tell hwichan just how talented and essential he is to no spin.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀the idol stands paralyzed in the doorway, a deer caught in headlights before hwichan gives him explicit permission. a grin spreads easily over his lips then, taking the steps towards hwichan's bed and easily making himself at home against the headboard. ❝ hwi - yah , ❞ he starts dramatically, because everything jiwoon does has to be dramatic, ❝ they were using MY bed ! hyung has his own room all to himself, and a double bed — so WHY were they using my shitty ass bottom bunk ? ! ❞ he's kinda over it at this point, only because he's seen a lot worse out of the two. whatever, he'll just make taemin change his sheets and make him pay for dinner next time they go out. after a beat, jiwoon looks up at hwichan sat across from him, noodles shoved into the pocket of his cheek, studying the singer. pushing down the food, jiwoon speaks again. ❝ thank you, by the way . . . for letting me stay. ❞

[antirmntic]

better you than me is what he wants to say --- it's definitely someone else's turn to be subjected to the horrors that are minjun and taemin's horny hours --- but he swallows the words back, settling for a curt purse of the lips instead. "i'd sleep in the living room if i were you." that is, if chan and insu haven't already decided that they're going to sleep over. hwichan's sure chanyeol's got some MASTER PLAN in his brain to keep insu here so they can cuddle under the guise of only having one couch. poor jiwoon. he's really got nowhere to go, does he? hwichan almost feels bad for him. "ah, don't mention it." he waves jiwoon's gratitude off. seriously. god, if someone knew he was willingly being NICE, it'd ruin his whole image... after he's worked so hard to establish himself as distant and rather icy. "you should learn how to knock, by the way, genius." ah, there it is! that infamous, hwichan bitchiness. can't let jiwoon get too comfortable now. he leans back in his chair, pushing himself further form his laptop at his desk, arms crossed protectively over his chest. "you don't like mario kart?" he nods towards the door. from what he can hear from the living room, it sounds like an... intense game. "don't tell me you're one of those people that doesn't like video games. you'd probably be good at it, y'know, since you're just so good at everything ever." the end of his sentence BITES, and hwichan has to stop himself from cringing at his tone. maybe that was a little much. eyes turn downwards, and now he's studying his fingers like his nails are the most interesting things in the world. "--- not a bad thing, per se. just kinda annoying."

[bluhours]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀the leader lets out a small and content hum, arms circling taemin's criminally small waist and pulling him in as close as physically possible. he bumps the side of his head against taemin's, not really wanting to think about the looming date of his mandatory enlistment either. ❝ i'm still here, sweet boy. you don't have to miss me yet. ❞ one of minjun's hands comes up to rake his nails over taemin's scalp, both out of instinct and to soothe the boy's mutterings.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀if anybody had ruined the moment, it had certainly been taemin, not minjun. his nose wrinkles up in disgust, lips pulled together at taemin's little attempt at a joke. ❝ you are so fucking vile for that. ❞ minjun only retaliates by shoving taemin away, though not letting him go for too long before he's lacing their fingers again. ❝ you have no idea what it's like to be a father. do you think i felt fulfilled when i walked into the dorm and you and jaesung had tried to make bulgogi on one of those little portable grill - tops, and almost lit the dorm on fire ? to the point the entire building had to evacuate ? or when i had to tell you to stop calling jiwoon your bottom brother ? ❞ dubbed as the dad of no spin mainly because of his age and position in the team, minjun finds that he wouldn't trade them for the world — even if sometimes he felt like he was prematurely going grey because of his members.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀minjun bumps his shoulder against taemin's as they walk towards the front door, a lopsided smile on the leader's face. ❝ meetings for the most part. then me and hyung just kinda worked in the studio on some potential things for the album . . . maybe i did. maybe i didn't. you'll just have to wait and see, baby . . . and yes — i always miss you, even when i close my eyes. ❞

[antirmntic]

minjun's shoving, but taemin's giggling. maybe a little too delighted at the reaction to his gross little jest. he tucks his free hand under minjun's arm, curling his grip around his bicep and CLINGING as they stepped out the door together. "--- that was one time!" ... that minjun knows of, at least. hyunwoo had promised not to tell about the night him and jae put way too much water in the pot and it boiled over. jaesung's puppy dog eyes had saved them. taemin's pouting now as he looks up at his boyfriend, "you know i'm no good at cooking. you're being mean, hyung." his feelings aren't actually hurt, but minjun's been gone all day: taemin has a backlog of brattiness that he's got to get out of his system. he huffs playfully and tears his arm away from minjun's, taking longer strides so he's a little bit further ahead of him. taemin yanks his mask up as he heads out the front entrance of the building --- he'd rather NOT be recognized on this outing. all he really wants is for minjun to catch up to him and give him attention... wants to walk with their fingers intertwined down a back alley where nobody can see them. really, in a perfect world, they'd be able to walk hand in hand, maskless, down the most populous street in seoul without a worry in the world. but the world isn't perfect. taemin's pace slows, giving minjun the chance to reach him, tucking his hands neatly into the front pocket of his own hoodie. his jovial spirit has escaped him now, falling into step beside the elder quietly. "you promise, right?" he pipes up, "... that you always miss me? you're not just SAYING that?" he turns to look at him walking beside him, eyes glittering in the dim glow of the streetlights. "pinky promise?"

[bluhours]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀there's a shriek from the living room of their dorm, and jiwoon grinds his teeth as he curls over the bowl of japchae he's currently nursing. jaesung shoves at chanyeol as they fight over a round of mario kart on the big screen, hyunwoo getting caught in the crossfire which just leads to more noise than necessary. now there's cheating accusations getting thrown around, insu's getting involved, and jiwoon just wants a bit of peace and quiet for once. normally he wouldn't mind when friends come over for some well - needed release, to just let go and relax — but today is just . . . it's too much, to put it easy. he woke up with a splitting headache and just overall grumpy. there's too many people in HIS house right now.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀jiwoon grabs his bowl and stands to retreat to his room, grumbling all the way but knowing that solace was just a few steps away — and he can't even say he's surprised when he pushes the door open to his and taemin's room, only to find the blonde pinned down by their leader into the mattress of HIS bed instead of the top bunk. jiwoon curses at them, launching one of taemin's plushies at minjun's back before promptly slamming the door shut. is nothing sacred here ? !

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀eyes land upon hwichan and jaesung's shut door at the end of the hall, the rapper letting out a soft huff before letting his feet carry himself to the room. jiwoon doesn't knock, honestly not even expecting anybody to be in here — he hasn't seen hwichan all day and had figured he had left for the company building, or . . . whatever it is that hwichan does.

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀jiwoon's eyes widen gently when he sees hwichan sat at his computer, and before he can just leave as silently as he entered, hwichan has already caught him. holding up his bowl with a sheepish smile on his face, jiwoon nods towards the singer's bed. ❝ sorry, i just . . . i just needed somewhere quiet. and my room is uh . . . it's in use right now. can i sit ? ❞

[antirmntic]

hwichan had retreated to his room a long time ago --- managed to slip past the seven or so other people in the living room unnoticed on his way out (and back in!) to the convenience store for a quick snack. guess it really did help to be the aloof one in the group. he won't lie: he does like taking part in shenanigans with the others... but that was accompanied by a big SOMETIMES, and today was just not that day. he's happy to be lost in the serenity of his room. it's positioned far enough away that the jovial yelling coming from jaesung is muffled enough that he can mostly ignore it. once he turns on some background music, it's almost like he's totally alone in the dorm --- a rare, but TREASURED occurrence. but the dreamy facade of an empty house all comes toppling down the second jiwoon steps through the door. his gaze fixes on the other man immediately, eyes narrowing as if to say what the hell are you doing in here? nothing actually escapes him though --- partly because he's feeling nice and partly because he'd shoved a handful of chips into his mouth just before jiwoon had entered the room. hwichan waves towards his bed, giving him the go ahead as he finishes chewing, hand carding through his hair to try and make himself look at least slightly more presentable. not that he cares what jiwoon thinks of him or how he looks. that would be RIDICULOUS. "... i feel oddly intrigued to ask what 'in use' means, but considering the fact that you share a room with taemin, i think i might already know the answer." his features soften now, cracking a faint smile, giving jiwoon a discreet once over. "you can stay as long as you want." he pauses for a beat, pointing at the dish in his hands. "but spill that on my bed and you're a dead man."

[bluhours]

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀the smile minjun wears is nothing short of pure adoration, reaching out to playfully squeeze the younger member's cheek before he has the chance to pull away. minjun doesn't believe he would either way, basking in any of the attention the leader gives him and taking it with stride. ❝ it's a little bit true, no ? ❞ he honest to god giggles when taemin shoves at his shoulder, warmth spreading through his body as the light sound spills past his lips. he can't believe he tried to deny them of this, pretending it never happened. minjun doesn't think him and taemin could ever be anything other than partners in every sense of the word. ❝ has it really been that long ? you were just a baby then . . . i mean, you still are, but you're my baby. you'll always be my baby. ❞

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀a light hum is quick to follow when taemin's fingers glide through his hair, recently dyed black but still a bit fried from the bleachings. but the nice moment doesn't last long, taemin's fingers tugging on a few strands gathered in his fist. ❝ don't, i'm worried it might fall out. would you still love me if i was bald ? ❞ a gasp then, looking down at taemin with a look of realization. ❝ are you still gonna love me when i have to shave my head ? ❞

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀when taemin returns to him clad in his hoodie, a laugh is stifled behind minjun's lips. ❝ you've got a cum stain, ❞ minjun points to the crusted aforementioned stain on the pocket of the hoodie, stupid grin playing the corner of his lips. ❝ that's what you get for digging around in dirty laundry. don't worry, i'm pretty sure it's yours anyway. ❞

⠀ ⠀⠀ ⠀❝ lead the way, darling. wherever you go, i'll follow. ❞

[antirmntic]

minjun's question elicits a small whine from taemin, lesser lip jutting out in a pathetic little pout. "i don't even wanna think about it." his voice is nothing more than a mere mutter when he says it, inching closer to minjun until he's pressed right up against him, chest to chest, nose tucked into the crook of the taller's neck. taemin prefers to forget all about the fact that minjun begins his military duty in just a few months. arms wrap tightly around minjun's waist, clinging as if minjun would just up and disappear if he ever let go. "i miss you already." the words are muffled against the skin of minjun's neck. there's a feral corner in his brain telling him to bite him while he's so close, but he refrains, choosing instead to push away from him at the mention of the stain. "you ruined the moment!" taemin shoves at his shoulder once more, giving a fond roll of his eyes. honestly, the subject change is welcomed--- thinking about minjun leaving always sends him down a sad slope. he takes minjun's hand in his, lacing their fingers together. "c'mon, gotta take our kids out for a walk. so hard being a father, but so fulfilling." taemin jests, pulling minjun out of the room and towards the front door. he's bubbling over with excitement now, like he always is, "what did you do today? any new songs? were they about me? did you miss me? say yes."

[antirmntic]

beep boop

"that's not true!" his protest is accompanied by a small pout, arms crossing over his chest defiantly. taemin always wants to do nice things with minjun, even when they don't involve snacks of any sort. besides... "i've been using it since i was twelve. get it right, mister." he's fully stepped into the room now, close enough that he can give minjun's shoulder a playful little shove. it's hard to believe that they've known each other that long--- that taemin has been glued to his side for upwards of ten years now. he'd be happy to stay with minjun for ten more years, and then ten more after that, and ten more after that... his pout has dissipated now, making way for a fond smile to settle on his features. hand comes to rest at the nape of minjun's neck, inching upwards to comb gently through his hair. "we can stay in if you're too tired." the petting motion stops suddenly, and he's leaning down to kiss at the corner of his lips. digits curl into his hair once more to give it a small tug before stepping away from minjun and towards his closet instead. taemin shuffles through the clothes like they're his own (and they might as well be with how often he insists that they share), lingering for a little while longer once he gets to the several hoodies hung up neatly together. his nose wrinkles up, obviously unsatisfied with the selection in front of him, and side-steps towards the laundry basket, fishing out a pre-worn hoodie to slip on instead. it smells like minjun. there's no greater comfort than that. taemin turns back towards his boyfriend, now draped in his hoodie, sweater paws on full display as he stretches his arms out towards him. "don't forget your wallet." he's joking. sorta.

[antirmntic]

          minjun’s had a long day.  taemin knows this:  he’s been whining nonstop about his boyfriend’s absence since this morning (much to hwichan’s despair).  he’d slipped out for schedules before taemin had even woken up.  it must really suck, he thinks, to have your day crammed with meetings and studio sessions when the rest of the team has the day off... guess that’s the price of being the leader of the world’s biggest boyband, huh?

         he’d missed him.  not na minjun--- leader of no spin, producer and performer extraordinaire---  but just minjun.  taemin wishes he could’ve spent the day lazing about with him.  he wishes they could put a pause on the idol life to just... live.  taemin thinks he’d give anything to be able to just be like any other couple. 

          taemin’s stood just outside his room now, and he’s got half the mind to just go back to his own and let minjun relax, but he’s knocking and poking his head in before he can think twice about pestering him.  “are you busy?”  he pushes the door open just a smidge wider, leaning his head against the frame, eyes flitting over minjun in a quick once-over.  taemin could just melt into a puddle right then and there. he’s so handsome.  his cheeks feel all hot now, and he knows he’s blushing over minjun just standing there, but he can’t quite help it.  “do you want to go on a walk with me?”  it’s late, but that means it’s dark out.  they can be more inconspicuous that way.  maybe he could even hold his hand if they take a back street.  “... definitely not a ploy to get you to buy me ice cream from the convenience store, by the way.”  but that’d definitely be a bonus. 

[antirmntic]

*   MINJUN  &  TAEMIN   !

          *  the  silence  in  the  green  room  is  near  suffocating,  like  being  locked  in  that  studio  surrounded  by  smoke  all  over  again  —  minjun  can  already  hear  the  hushed  whispers  of  gossip  from  staff  member  to  staff  member  in  lieu  of  minjun’s  outburst,  that  maybe  k - pop’s  golden  leader  isn’t  as  golden  as  he’s  made  out  to  be.  the  only  saving  grace  is  that  they  don’t  know  what  it  is  that  minjun  is  laying  into  taemin  about  —  they  can  speculate  all  they  want,  can  play  broken  telephone  for  as  long  as  they  wish.

  *  where  he  had  hoped  the  explosion  would  bring  some  sort  of  relief,  all  it  brings  on  is  an  immense  feeling  of  GUILT.  watching  taemin  visibly  trying  to  make  him  smaller  with  each  stab  of  minjun’s  words  —  but  taking  it  nonetheless,  because  taemin  has  never  done  anything  but  take  what  he’s  been  given  and  never  ask  for  more.  accepting  it.  minjun  cannot  take  it  back,  no  matter  how  badly  he  wants  to  —  he’s  taken  it  way  too  far,  and  it  is  nobody’s  fault  but  his  own.  ❝  wait,  i  didn’t  —  ❞  didn’t  what  ?  mean  it  ?  the  words  had  been  intended  to  hurt,  even  if  minjun  didn’t  agree  with  what  he  said.  they  were  empty  words  thrown  out  to  invoke  a  reaction,  lashing  out  just  because  he  could  and  taemin  had  given  him  a  free  punching  bag.  collateral  damage.  fortunately,  or  unfortunately  —  one  of  their  protocol  managers  has  uncomfortably  cleared  their  throat  to  garner  their  attention,  letting  the  idols  know  they’re  due  for  the  stage  in  only  two  minutes.  ❝  shit,  i’m  sorry,  taemin - ah  —  we’ll …  we’ll  talk  about  this  later.  ❞

                  [   …   ]

          *  needless  to  say  they  hadn’t  talked  about  it.  not  the  next  day,  or  the  next,  and  not  the  next.  the  two  had  been  avoiding  each  other  as  much  as  they  possibly  could  during  promotions  —  minjun  had  never  truly  felt  like  they  were  just  coworkers  until  now,  only  interacting  when  need  be  for  the  cameras.  the  music  shows  go  by …  rocky,  to  say  the  least.  but  they  managed,  because  no  spin  always  does,  and  mightee  one  has  left  them  four  rest  days  back  at  the  dorm  before  they  need  to  get  back  into  it.  hwichan  is  the  first  to  lay  into  minjun  about  it,  as  if  the  leader  hasn’t  already  picked  himself  apart  at  the  seams  with  how  unfairly  he  treated  taemin.  he  has  to  fix  it,  or  he  has  to  at  least  try.  this  is  everything  he  had  feared  when  taemin  had  confessed  to  him  the  first  time  —  what  if  something  goes  wrong  ?  conflict  within  the  group  that  can’t  be  resolved  could  be  detrimental  to  the  team  —  a  BREAKUP  especially.  minjun  feels  queasy  just  thinking  it  could  come  to  that.

  *  minjun  lingers  outside  of  taemin  and  jiwoon’s  room,  having  requested  the  other  three  members  to  leave  the  dorm  altogether  for  the  sake  of  privacy.  jinji  remains  motionless  in  his  arms,  not  a  care  in  the  world  with  being  manhandled.  she’s  all  too  lazy  for  that.  ❝  taemin -  ah  ?  ❞  his  semi - free  hand  knocks  on  the  door,  readjusting  the  calico  in  his  arms  and  the  plastic  bag  full  of  snacks  in  the  other.  minjun  knows  that  bribery  is  as  good  a  place  to  start  as  any.  there’s  no  answer  from  within  the  room  —  though  to  be  fair,  the  leader  hadn’t  really  expected  anything  else.  ❝  somebody  wants  to  see  you.  ❞

          THE  ONLY  TIME  TAEMIN  LEFT  HIS  ROOM  WAS  FOR  CONTRACTUALLY  OBLIGATED  APPEARANCES  .   he  was  still  an  idol  ,   after  all  ,   and  even  if  he  didn’t  really  feel  like  it  ,   he  knew  he  had  to  set  his  emotions  aside  and  be  professional  .   this  was  his  JOB   ---   the  thing  he’d  flipped  his  entire  life  upside  down  for   ---   despite  how  stupid  he  felt  at  the  moment  for  chasing  something  as  trivial  as  a  dream  .   maybe  his  father  had  been  right  all  along   ;    taemin  could’ve  spared  himself  the  heartbreak  if  he  NEVER  decided  to  come  to  korea  to  train  in  the  first  place  .

IT’S  NOT  EXACTLY  EASY  TO  AVOID  NA  MINJUN  .   he’s  one  giant  ,   sparkling  supernova  .   but  taemin  manages  just  fine   ---    better  than  he  thought  he  would  ,   actually  .   all  he  can  feel  when  he  looks  at  his  leader  is  pure  numbness  .   he  cried  it  all  out  that  first  night  in  jiwoon’s  bunk  .   now  he’s  just  empty  .    empty  ,   empty  ,   empty   :    his  chest   ,    the  smiles  he  plasters  on  for  the  cameras  ,   and  his  HEAD  too  (  according  to  minjun  )  .   it’s  the  only  reason  he’s  been  able  to  keep  his  cool  these  past  few  days  ,   but  that  doesn’t  mean  it’s  not  exhausting  to  act  like  he’s  just  FINE  .   this  four  day  break  was  a  relief  .

OR  MAYBE  HE  SPOKE  TOO  SOON  .   the  rapping  on  the  door  ,   followed  by  HIS  voice  calling  out  his  name  ,   sends  a  pang  through  his  chest  .   the  first  time  he’s  really  felt  anything  in  days  .   maybe  if  he  ignores  him  ,   he’ll  just  go  away  .   taemin’s  not  even  sure  he  wants  an  apology  anyways   ;   minjun  can’t  take  back  what  he  said  ...   but  curiosity  killed  the  cat  ,   and  he’s  making  the  move  to  poke  his  head  out  to  see  who  this  SOMEBODY  was  .   digits  are  curled  tightly  around  the  door   ---    the  only  thing  between  him  and  minjun  now   ---   and  he’s  not  keen  on  opening  it  any  wider  .   he’s  protecting  himself  from  another  ,  FATAL  blow  to  the  heart  .   eyes  are  focused  solely  on  the  cat  ,   purposely  avoiding  the  man  stood  in  front  of  him  now  .    “   i’ll  take  her  .  ”    not  you  .   surely  ,   minjun  can  read  between  the  lines  .   he’s  not  the  stupid  one  .   hands  jut  out  expectantly  ,   ready  for  this  interaction  to  be  over  with  just  as  soon  as  it  started  .

[antirmntic]

          *   MINJUN  &  TAEMIN   !

          *  over  the  past  decade  with  them,  minjun  has  had  to  do  his  fare  share  of  damage  control  for  no  spin  —  but  this  was  something  completely  out  of  the  leader’s  grasp,  unsure  of  where  to  start.  who’s  feet  does  he  have  to  grovel  at,  and  who  does  he  have  to  possibly  BRIBE  to  make  sure  dispatch  doesn’t  get  a  hand  on  this.  on  the  other  hand  —  it  could  be  even  worse,  some  saesang  that  could  sell  a  photo  for  a  big  buck  and  ruin  their  careers  —  the  possibilities  are  endless,  and  minjun  doesn’t  have  the  brain  capacity  right  now  to  try  and  pick  up  the  pieces.  

    *  they’ve  been  on  tour  for  over  a  full  year  now,  only  just  finishing  the  last  leg  two  weeks  ago  —  now  they’re  already  waist  deep  in  the  promotions  for  the  RIPPER  comeback,  mightee  one  milking  them  for  everything  they  can  offer  before  no  spin  drops  dead.  needless  to  say  —  he’s  frustrated,  he’s  exhausted,  and  the  breaking  point  has  been  reached.  taemin’s  little  stunt  had  been  the  straw  to  break  the  camels  back,  and  minjun  is  barely  keeping  the  roiling  pot inside  of  him  from  uncontrollably  boiling  over.

  *  minjun  tastes  iron  in  his  mouth,  biting  down  on  the  inside  of  his  cheek  hard  enough  to  draw  blood.  he  doesn’t  want  to  take  it  out  on  taemin  —  it’s  not  his  fault,  it’s  not  his  fault …  his  name  has  been  called,  and  while  minjun  is  usually  lax  about  honorifics  (  or  lack  thereof  )  when  they’re  behind  the  scenes  —  now  it  just  further  ticks  him  off.  ❝  after  you  pull  that  you  can’t  even  show  me  a  little  bit  of  respect  ?  ❞  his  voice  is  hard,  and  the  pot  overflows  —  minjun  turns  quick  on  his  heel,  stabbing  a  finger  into  taemin’s  chest.  ❝  now  THAT  is  something  we  can  agree  on.  do  you  have  any  idea  what  you’ve  actually  done  ?  ❞  reel  it  back  in,  minjun.  you  can’t  do  this,  it’s  not  his  fault.  not  entirely.  ❝  that  was  fucking  stupid,  taemin - ah.  even  for  YOU.  of  course  you  didn’t  think,  you  rarely  do  —  you  just  do  whatever  you  want  no  matter  the  consequences,  right  ?  leave  me  or  hyunwoo - hyung  to  clean  up  whatever  mess  you  left  behind.  ❞

          YOU  CAN  HEAR  A  PIN  DROP  ---   that’s  how  silent  the  room  falls  .   minjun  is  supposed  to  be  the  levelheaded  one  .   this  doesn’t  happen  often  ,   or  EVER  ,   actually  .   taemin  isn’t  sure  he’s  seen  him  this  angry  in  all  the  years  he’d  known  and  LOVED  him  .   his  mouth  feels  so  dry  from  the  venom  spitting  past  minjun’s  lips  that  he  can’t  even  begin  to  defend  himself  .   and  the  truth  is  ...   he  knows  it’s  pointless  anyways  .   no  silly  little  words  he  can  choke  out  will  quell  this  FIRE  .

HE  MIGHT  AS  WELL  HAVE  JUST  STAKED  HIM  DIRECTLY  THROUGH  THE  HEART  .   that’s  certainly  what  the  jab  feels  like  .  one  finger  has  managed  to  knock  the  wind  out  of  him  completely  .   taemin  crumples  in  on  himself  ,   shoulders  drooping  down  ,   palm  pressed  against  his  own  chest  to  try  and  soothe  the  BURNING  sensation  that  minjun  had  left  behind  .   he’d  never  touched  him  like  that  before  .   lesser  lip  quivers  ,   threatening  to  let  loose  a  whimper  ,   or  maybe  a  full  on  SOB  ,   but  he  manages  to  keep  it  swallowed  back  ,   emotion  sitting  thickly  in  his  throat  .   minjun’s  not  done  yet  ,   and  taemin  already  feels  like  he’s  gonna  hurl  .

ICY  WORDS  FORCE  HIM  BACKWARDS  ,   flinching  away  from  the  leader  like  he’d  stabbed  at  him  again  .   taemin  should  be  able  to  bear  this   ---   it’s  not  like  it’s  something  he’d  never  heard  before  .   being  called  STUPID  ,   thoughtless   ...   it’s  nothing  new  .   his  own  father  had  drilled  it  into  his  brain  since  the  day  he’d  first  decided  that  this  life  was  something  that  he  wanted  to  chase  .   taemin  had  believed  it  then  ,   and  he  believed  it  even  more  once  he  finally  made  it  to  korea  for  training  .   it  was  difficult  to  think  otherwise  when  you  couldn’t  understand  99%  of  what  your  cohort  was  saying  to  you  ...   and  when  the  1%  that  you  could  make  out  was  making  fun  of  your  pronunciations  or  lack  of  knowledge  .   having  the  ONE  PERSON  that  he’d  fearlessly  leaned  on  for  over  a  decade  of  learning  suddenly  pull  the  rug  out  from  under  him  had  to  be  the  worst  pain  he’d  ever  felt   ---   worse  than  his  dad  shunning  him  ,   worse  than  living  in  isolation  from  his  peers  for  YEARS  ...   up  to  par  with  the  feeling  of  thick  ,   black  smoke  filling  his  lungs  before  the  firemen  had  burst  through  that  studio  door  in  an  act  of  sheer  heroism  .   it’s  paralyzing  .   taemin’s  not  even  sure  if  minjun  had  carried  on  after  that  .   any  sound  in  the  room  had  been  reduced  to  a  ringing  in  his  eardrums  ,   senses  overtaken  by  how  wildly  his  heart  was  thumping  against  his  ribcage  .   he  feels  like  he  should  be  angry  too   ---   angry  at  minjun  for  LYING  TO  HIM  all  these  years  when  he’d  assured  him  that  he’d  catch  up  eventually  ...   that  he  wasn’t  witless  like  taemin  always  convinced  himself  he  was  ...   that  he  was  so  brilliant  for  succeeding  like  this  all  on  his  own  ...    but  he’s  not  mad  .   he’s  not  even  sad  .   taemin  just  feels  EMPTY  .   who  would’ve  thought  kissing  your  boyfriend  could  turn  this  nasty  in  an  instant  ?   he  knows  there’s  more  nuance  to  it  all  ,   but  still  .   taemin  didn’t  know  minjun  had  it  in  him  to  say  something  like  that  ,   especially  to  him  .   clearly  ,   he  doesn’t  know  him  as  well  as  he  thought  he  did  .   he  takes  another  step  backwards  ,   reduced  to  something  small  and  frail  ,   the  glimmer  of  tears  beginning  to  pool  up  .   he  doesn’t  want  to  CRY  in  front  of  him   ---   doesn’t  want  to  give  him  something  else  to  weaponize  against  him  .   he  needs  to  get  away  from  na  minjun  .   his  tone  is  riddled  with  cracks  and  poorly  muffled  sobs  when  he  finally  responds  after  a  few  magical  seconds  that  seem  to  drag  on  for  hours  .    “  that  was  really  mean  ,   hyung  .  ”   spoken  in  the  most  proper  and  polite  structure  he  can  piece  together  in  the  moment   ;   like  he’s  AFRAID  of  him   ---   afraid  of  being  torn  apart  like  that  again  .

[antirmntic]

         *   MINJUN  &  TAEMIN   !

          BIG  MISTAKE  .    he  fumbled  so  terribly  that  minjun  won’t  even  look  at  him  ,   let  alone  speak  to  him  .   it’s  not  normal  for  the  two  of  them  to  be  like  this   ---    on  opposite  ends  of  the  dressing  room  and  not  a  single  peep  from  taemin  WHINING  about  the  distance  .   the  tension  is  tangible  ,   met  with  curious  glances  from  the  rest  of  the  members  .   the  two  of  them  had  cemented  themselves  as  some  sort  of  package  deal  ...   being  apart  was  never  an  option  .   ‘til  now  ,  at  least  .

MINJUN  HAS  A  GRAVITATIONAL  PULL  TO  HIM   ---   a  star  in  more  ways  than  one  ,   and  taemin  is  orbiting  him  trying  to  stick  the  landing  .   pearly  whites  dig  into  the  flesh  of  his  lesser  lip  .    he  can’t  go  out  on  stage  like  this   ;   he’s  at  least  got  to  apologize  for  his  brazen  actions  .   they  can  MAKE  UP   (  or  make  out  )   once  they  were  back  home  ...   he’s  not  picky  .   

HE’S  GROSSLY  OVERESTIMATED  HIS  ABILITY  TO  GET  THE  ELDER’S  ATTENTION  .   he’s  so  used  to  walking  up  behind  him  and  being  greeted  with  a  warm  smile  before  he  can  even  announce  his  presence  ,    like  minjun  always  just  felt  him  nearing  .  not  this  time  .   taemin  creeps  up  and  all  he’s  met  by  is  broad  shoulders  that  are  NOT  turning  around  to  look  at  him  .   “  minjun  ...  ”   his  heart  feels  heavy  ,   voice  already  starting  to  waver  .   god  ,   sometimes  he  wishes  he  wasn’t  such  a  baby  .   “  hyung  ,   i  --  i’m  sorry  .   i  wasn’t  thinking  .  ”    taemin  makes  a  move  ,   digits  grabbing  a  loose  hold  on  the  sleeve  of  minjun’s  coat  ,   “   i  shouldn’t  have  done  THAT  .  ”  

[antirmntic]

     *  OLLIE  &  LEVI  !

       *  @antirmntic·  lolliepop  🍭

          oliver’s  been  tossing  and  turning  for  the  past  two  hours,  this  restless  jittery  feeling  that  they’re  sure  has  been  keeping  levi  awake  just  as  long.  putting  his  feet  on  levi’s  calf  under  the  blankets,  needing  a  part  of  themselves  close  enough  to  touch  without  disturbing  levi’s  space  anymore  than  he  already  is.  there’s  the  white  noise  of  the  fan  in  the  dark,  the  city  of  toronto  alive  outside  of  their  crudely  drawn  windows  —  they  claimed  to  be  blackout,  but  ollie  can  still  see  levi’s  sharp  features  even  in  the  nightlight.  ❝  hey,  um,  i’m  sorry,  are  —  are  you  still  up  ?  ❞  almost  as  if  on  cue,  there  is  the  rumble  of  oliver’s  stomach,  and  they  inwardly  cringe  at  the  sound.  he  feels  guilty  almost  immediately,  lips  pursed  thin  as  levi  is  already  sitting  up.  

how  pathetic.  he  wants  to  change  his  mind,  to  tell  levi  forget  it,  don’t  worry  about  it,  that  they’re  twenty - two  years  old  and  they  can  make  something  to  eat  on  their  own  —  but  food  is  the  heart  of  levi  yang’s  love  language,  his  table  like  a  raw  glimpse  into  his  own  chest.  how  else  do  you  say  that  you  care  about  somebody  than  to  make  sure  they  eat  well  ?  to  make  something  out  of  nothing  and  share  it  with  those  you  love  instead  of  hoarding  it  for  yourself.  oliver  panics  for  a  moment,  hand  shooting  out  to  press  levi’s  chest  to  try  and  force  him  back  down  into  the  bed.  ❝  actually,  it’s  fine.  it’s  fine.  ❞

          LEVI  DOESN’T  FALL  ASLEEP  EASILY   .   it  doesn’t  help  that  oliver  keeps  fidgeting  beside  him  .   he’s  not  upset  about  it   ----   really  ,  he  understands  .   guess  it’s  better  to  be  awake  with  them  than  have  them  laying  wide  -  eyed  all  on  their  lonesome  .   eyelids  are  drawn  shut  ,   fluttering  ever  so  slightly  at  the  sensation  of  strands  of  raven  hair  brushing  against  them  .   he  is  in  desperate  need  of  a  cut  ,   but  every  time  ollie  cards  their  fingers  through  levi’s  hair  ,   he  decides  he  can  fend  off  the  shears  for  a  little  while  longer  .  

THE  FAMILIAR  GROAN  FROM  THE  OTHER’S  STOMACH  is  like  some  sort  of  alarm  clock    ;    levi’s  pushing  himself  up  onto  his  elbows  without  a  second  thought  .    “  yea  ,  ‘m  up  ,   puddin’  .  ”   tone  crackles  warmly  ,   not  unlike  a  fire  ,   as  he  pulls  away  from  the  sweet  call  of  sleep  he’d  only  just  began  to  be  lulled  by  .   he  catches  ollie’s  hand  when  it’s  pushed  up  to  his  chest  ,   forcing  their  palm  to  linger  over  his  ribcage  for  a  moment  .   his  heartbeat  thuds  rhythmically  beneath  their  fingertips  ,   constant  and  ever  present   ----   it’s  all  theirs  .   his  heart  has  PROPERTY  OF  OLIVER  SEOJUN  written  all  over  it  in  bold  lettering  .   levi’s  doing  this  because  he  loves  them  .    “  you’re  hungry  .  ”    he  states  the  obvious  ,   lacing  his  fingers  together  with  theirs  ,   pushing  himself  up  to  his  feet  and  prompting  ollie  to  follow  .    “  i’ll  make  something  for  you  ,   c’mon  .  ”

                  [   ...  ]

HAND  BRUSHES  BLINDLY  AGAINST  THE  WALL  ,   and  suddenly  ,   light  is  exploding  across  the  room  ----    found  the  switch  .   he  squints  ,   sight  slightly  bleary  from  the  swift  escape  from  the  darkness  that  had  previously  cloaked  the  kitchen  .   “  is  there  something  specific  you’re  craving  ?  ”    levi  can  see  ollie’s  answer  coming  from  a  mile  away   ---    not  really  ,   um  ...   anything  .  i’m  sorry  .  you  really  don’t  have  to  .   let’s  just  go  back  to  bed   ---    so  he  takes  it  upon  himself  to  quell  their  anxious  ramblings  before  they  even  have  the  chance  slip  past  their  lips  .   “   i  won’t  be  able  to  sleep  knowing  you  haven’t  eaten  ,   honey  ,  and  i  want  you  to  want  it  .   what  do  you  need  right  now  ?  ”    digits  fix  on  the  hem  of  their  t  -  shirt    ---   actually  ,   it’s  levi’s  shirt  .   he’s  biting  back  a  smile  now  at  the  sight  of  it   :   ollie  stood  there  in  his  old  lacrosse  shirt  from  high  school  .   who  would’ve  thought  they’d  make  it  this  far  ?   “   what  if  i  make  you  some  chicken  noodle  soup  ,   huh  ?   like  i  used  to  make  all  the  time  .  ”

[antirmntic]

       “  ---   hello  ,   earth  to  matthew  .  ”    august  waves  his  hand  in  front  of  matt’s  half  -  closed  eyes  ,   vaguely  amused  expression  etched  onto  his  features  .    “  are  you  that  tired  ,   darling  ?   we  don’t  have  to  do  this  .  not  a  big  deal  to  skip  one  day  .  ”    yea  ,   he  says  that  ,   but  if  it  were  him  ,   he’d  pop  a  blood  vessel  in  his  eye  from  the  pure  stress  of  his  routine  getting  disrupted  .   he’s  learned  to  become  much  more  lenient  when  it  comes  to  matt  though  ...   or  at  least  to  deal  with  the  obsessive  thoughts  .   sometimes  he  has  to  let  go  for  matt’s  sake  .   that’s  a  sacrifice  he’s  willing  to  make   ;    august  knows  matt  does  the  same  for  him  a  lot  of  the  time  too  .

       he’s  stopped  massaging  the  cleanser  into  matt’s  skin  ,   reserving  to  just  hold  him  by  the  cheeks  ,   letting  him  rest  his  chin  in  his  hands  as  he  dozes  off  .   “  i’ll  just  get  this  off  of  you  and  then  i  can  tuck  you  in  ,   honey  .  ”    august  decides  ,   gently  coaxing  his  grip  from  the  other  man’s  face  ,   giving  him  enough  warning  so  he’s  not  surprised  when  he  lets  go  .   arms  extend  to  retrieve  a  pristinely  white  washcloth  hanging  from  the  rack  ,   running  it  under  warm  water  before  wiping  at  matt’s  skin  .   august  can  never  keep  his  hands  off  of  him  for  too  long   ;   he’s  back  to  cradling  his  cheek  with  one  hand  as  he  removes  the  lather  .    “  ...   you  usually  stay  up  much  later  than  this  .   you  have  a  long  day  ?  ”   eyes  flash  upwards  to  meet  his  for  a  split  second  before  refocusing  on  the  task  at  hand  ,    “  studying  hard  ,  yea  ?   i’m  proud  of  you  ,  dr.  choi  ,   i  could  never  .  your  textbooks  look  like  a  foreign  language  to  me  .  ”

[antirmntic]

*   MINJUN  &  TAEMIN   .

          *  the  first  stop  in  america  is  new  york  city,  and  no  matter  how  many  times  they’ve  been  on  tour  now,  minjun  doesn’t  think  he’ll  ever  grow  used  to  it.  it’s  a  nice  change  of  pace  from  the  first  couple  years,  when  even  performing  on  variety  shows  was  few  and  far  in  between  —  but  no  spin  took  it  with  stride,  the  success  they  clamoured  for  finally  taking  off  once  jiwoon  had  joined  their  roster.  as  hot - headed  as  he  was,  jiwoon  was  a  nice  addition  to  their  little  family,  and  minjun  often  finds  himself  wondering  where  they’d  be  without  him.

*  the  other  boys  had  taken  it  upon  themselves  to  either  stay  back  at  the  hotel  and  rest  before  the  show  or  explore  on  their  own  time,  and  minjun  was  no  exception.  stepping  out  of  the  bathroom,  his  gaze  immediately  lands  on  taemin  splayed  out  on  his  tummy  in  their  bed,  clicking  away  at  something  on  his  phone.  flopping  down  on  the  younger  and  draping  himself  over  his  back,  minjun  noses  at  the  nape  of  taemin’s  neck,  trying  to  garner  his  attention.  ❝  you  said  you’d  come  out  with  me,  minnie.  ❞  nipping  at  his  neck,  because  surely  that  would  get  his  attention,  minjun  smiles  as  he  pulls  back  a  bit,  though  still  crushing  taemin  to  the  bed.  ❝  i’m  hungry.  and  i’m  making  that  your  problem.  ❞

*     taemin  was  perfectly  content  to  stay  cooped  up  in  their  room  the  rest  of  the  night  ...   he  had  been  whining  to  minjun  earlier  about  feeling  a  little  peckish  ,   but  after  sprawling  out  on  the  bed  ,   moving  was  just  about  the  last  thing  he  wanted  to  do  .   he’s  taken  the  liberty  to  get  all  settled  in  ,   aimlessly  scrolling  through  his  burner  account  on  twitter  ,   giant  polar  bear  plushie  wedged  between  his  chest  and  the  mattress  .   taemin’s  so  comfortable  that  he’s  not  fazed  in  the  slightest  by  minjun  flopping  right  down   ;   in  fact  ,   he  relaxes  even  more  .   having  his  boyfriend  on  top  of  him  isn’t  a  crushing  sensation  ----   it’s  more  like  a  weighted  blanket  .   the  feeling  of  having  minjun  there  makes  him  want  to  melt  directly  into  the  pristinely  white  duvet  .

*     he  lets  out  a  little  hiss  when  minjun’s  teeth  graze  over  his  neck  ,   quickly  clicking  his  phone  off  in  response  .   “  but  it’s  so  comfy  just  like  this   ...  ”    taemin’s  voice  is  a  little  raspy  ,   sleepy  ...   the  prospect  of  food  makes  his  stomach  rumble  ----   maybe  he’s  hungrier  than  he  initially  thought  .   an  arm  stretches  backwards  to  pat  minjun’s  butt  ,   “  it’ll  be  my  treat  then  ,  love  ,  but  we  can’t  go  anywhere  ‘til  you  get  up  .  ”    he  wiggles  underneath  him  ,   pouting  a  little  when  the  elder  finally  pushes  himself  up   ----    as  if  taemin  didn’t  literally  just  ask  for  this  .   he  flips  onto  his  back  ,   and  it  that  same  split  second  ,   grabs  a  fistful  of  minjun’s  shirt  to  pull  him  back  down  .   this  time  ,   taemin’s  prepared  ,   hooking  his  arms  around   his  neck  in  an  embrace  and  peppering  his  face  ----   temples  ,   cheeks  ,  and  down  to  his  lips  ----   with  little  kisses  .    “  okay  .  ”    he  whispers  ,   one  last  kiss  on  the  nose  ,  and  he’s  releasing  his  arms  ,   “  i’m  ready  now  !  ”

[antirmntic]

*   MINJUN  &  TAEMIN   .

          *  his  whole  job  revolves  around  being  in  tune  with  his  member’s  feelings,  and  if  there’s  one  thing  minjun  prides  himself  in,  it’s  being  a  good  leader.  he  tries  not  to  be  too  hard  on  them,  or  overbearing  in  a  way  that’s  suffocating  —  a  more  hands  off  approach,  but  that  certainly  didn’t  mean  he  didn’t  step  in  at  times.  with  five  guys  sharing  a  small  space  and  spending  every  minute  of  every  day  together,  promblems  are  sure  to  arise.

*  taemin’s  an  easy  target,  he  always  has  been.  it  took  a  long  time  for  minjun  to  get  the  younger  to  open  up  to  him,  and  even  well  into  their  debut  for  taemin  to  start  opening  up  to  the  other  member’s.  this  isn’t  the  first  time  to  teasing  has  gone  too  far,  and  even  after  minjun  talks  to  them  once  taemin  has  exhausted  himself,  it  sadly  won’t  be  the  last  either.

    *  the  beat  he  was  working  on  is  quickly  abandoned,  feeling  the   lingering  presence  in  his  doorway.  minjun  pulls  his  headphones  off,  letting  them  rest  around  his  neck  as  he  eyes  the  maknae.  ❝  i'm  never  too  busy  for  you,  jagiya.  ❞  quickly  saving  his  work,  minjun  puts  his  headphones  on  the  desk  before  pushing  his  chair  back  from  his  workspace.  the  leader  holds  out  his  hand  palm  up,  a  silent  invitation  for  taemin  to  come  sit  with  him.  ❝  c ‘ mere,  don’t  be  SILLY,  minnie …  i  was  beginning  to  wonder  where  you  were.  thought  i’d  have  to  go  find  jaesung  to  be  my  snuggle  buddy  instead.  ❞

*   normally  ,  the  joke  about  cuddling  with  jaesung  instead  would  elicit  a  funny  little  whiny  reaction  from  taemin  ,  but  he’s  too  caught  up  in  his  thoughts  to  even  pout  about  it  .   his  lips  are  pressed  together  in  a  thin  line  ,   and  he’s  got  half  the  mind  to  blurt  out  some  stupid  excuse  about  not  feeling  well  and  retreating  to  his  room  ...   but  minjun’s  sitting  there  waiting  so  patiently  ,   just  as  he  always  is  with  taemin  ,   and  he  can’t  help  but  slowly  gravitate  towards  him  .   he  pauses  before  he  ventures  too  far  into  his  room  though  ,   turning  to  shut  the  door  quietly  behind  him  .   

*   taemin  swallows  hard  ,   fighting  off  the  onset  of  tears  that  have  glazed  over  his  eyes  now  that  they’re  alone  .   he  doesn’t  want  to  be  a  crybaby  .   “   do  i  ...   annoy  you  ?  ”    the  question  hangs  heavy  in  the  air    ;    taemin  still  hasn’t  been  brave  enough  to  turn  back  around  to  face  minjun  ,   choosing  to  pick  at  his  nails  instead  .    “  like  when  i  come  in  here  and  ...   and  ----  ”    do  exactly  this  .   his  sentence  is  interrupted  by  a  crack  in  his  voice   ,   and  he  doesn’t  even  attempt  to  finish  the  thought  .

*   “   i  don’t  want  you  to  get  tired  of  me  .  ”    taemin  finally  turns  to  look  at  minjun  ,   brows  knitted  in  worry  .    “   they  kept  calling  me  clingy  ,  and   ---   and  maybe  they’re  right  ,   b  -  but  you  can  tell  me  if  i  bother  you  ,   min  ,   honestly  .   i  don’t  want  you  to  feel  like  i’m  taking  up  all  of  your  time  and  not  giving  you  any  space  to  breathe  ----   ”    a  quote  etched  into  his  psyche  directly  from  jaesung  ,   “   i   ---  i’m  sorry  .  ”

[antirmntic]

*   MATTHEW  &  AUGUST  .

      *  @antirmntic​  gets  an  augtthew  starter….. but  god  at  what  cost

          *  pen  taps  idly  at  his  clipboard,  curled  up  tightly  in  the  chair  at  august’s  bedside.  he  spends  the  majority  of  his  breaks  in  here  ever  since  august  was  admitted,  even  if  for  the  first  couple  of  days  august  was  unresponsive  to  matt’s  presence.  it  was  easier  that  way,  able  to  gather  some  of  his  thoughts  into  something  he  could  make  sense  of.  eyes  glancing  down  to  his  watch,  there’s  still  forty  seven  minutes  left  of  his  hour  lunch,  silently  hoping  the  doctor’s  he’s  supposed  to  be  shadowing  today  doesn’t  need  matt’s  help.

  *  it’s  been  three  months  since  what  matthew  dubs  as  the  end,  the  fight  that  blew  everything  up  into  something  unsalvageable  —  though  it  hadn’t  been  much  of  a  fight,  more  of  matt  telling  august  he  was  done  with  this.  all  of  this.  and  despite  matt  telling  himself  he  was  done  with  this,  that  august  was  just  an  afterthought  in  his  mind  ;  his  worst  fear  had  come  true,  almost  like  matthew  knew  it  would.  and  it  brought  him  right  back  to  square  one. 

          *  august  lolls  in  and  out  of  sleep  for  the  most  part  when  matt  comes  to  sit,  but  there  is  stinted  conversation  when  august  can  hold  consciousness  long  enough  —  times  like  right  now.  ❝  i ,  um,  i  actually  brought  you  something.  ❞  unzipping  and  reaching  into  the  bottom  of  his  backpack,  matt  presents  the  rabbit,  weathered  from  love  and  time.  ❝  i  still  had  my  key,  a - and  i  thought …  i  thought  you  might  like  the  company  when  i  was  working.  ❞  fixing  the  fur  around  the  rabbit’s  eyes,  matt  digs  his  teeth  into  his  bottom  lip  before  holding  the  plushie  out  to  august.  ❝  i - i  got  you  a  chocolate  bar  from  the  vending  machine  downstairs  too  !  but …  it  kinda  melted.  ❞

          ——   august  has  told  him  multiple  times  that  he  doesn’t  need  to  sit  in  here  with  him  every  spare  moment  he  gets  .   it’s  not  that  he  doesn’t  appreciate  it   —   the  company  or  the  care  —   it’s  just  ...   he  can’t  help  but  feel  like  he  doesn’t  deserve  it  .   august  is  well  aware  of  how  he’d  badly  he’d  hurt  matthew  ,   and  he’s  never  been  the  forgiving  type   ;   even  he  wasn’t  an  exception  .   really  ,  it’s  BITTERSWEET  to  have  matt  here  .   august  had  thought  that  if  they  ever  reconciled  ,  it’d  certainly  be  more  romantic  than  this  .

it’s  not  like  this  was  truly  reconciliation  anyways  ,  right  ?   they  haven’t  really  had  the  chance  to  talk  much   ;    it  always  exhausts  him  .   august  is  pretty  sure  he’s  broke  into  tears  more  this  past  week  than  he  had  his  entire  life  .   he’s  just  fragile  right  now  ...  emotional  with  no  bounds  because  of  the  way  he’s  constantly  half  asleep  .   whatever’s  in  the  iv  attached  to  his  arm  makes  him  feel  a  little  loopy  —   probably  weening  him  off  of  all  the  shit  he’d  been  taking  .   

 “  you  didn’t  have  to  bring  me  anything  ...  ”   august  starts  ,   turning  his  head  in  matt’s  direction  .   the  sight  of  the  bunny  sparks  a  number  of  emotions  in  his  chest   ;    he  doesn’t  know  whether  he  wants  to  laugh  or  cry   —    he  does  know  he  feels  awfully  flustered  right  now  .    “  matthew  !  ”   he  whisper  yells   (  in  signature  fashion  )  .   even  now  ,   laying  here  in  this  hospital  bed  ,   he’s  obviously  trying  to  patch  together  the  ripped  facade  of  August  Hwang  —   performing  when  there  was  nobody  around  to  see  it  .   it’s  clear  that  he’s  not  upset  ,   just  overwhelmed  with  everything  ,   lips  twitching  between  a  frown  and  a  small  smile  .    “  you  remembered  theo  ?  ”    he  squeaks  out  ,   gently  taking  the  plush  from  him  to  tuck  neatly  at  his  side  .    “  thank  you  ,  matt  .  ”   august  manages  ,   eyes  still  trained  firmly  on  the  bunny  .   he  can’t  look  at  him  ,   afraid  too  much  would  escape  him   :   tears  ,  love  ,  apologies  ...   “  ...  for  everything  ,   really  .  even  the  melted  candy  .  you   ---   you  don’t  need  to  take  care  of  me  ,   you  know  ?   ”

[antirmntic]

*   MINJUN  &  TAEMIN   .

          ——    taemin  always  finds  his  way  here  one  way  or  another  ...   maybe  that’s  just  further  proof  that  the  other  members  were  correct  in  their  teasing  .  it  makes  him  feel  silly  now  ,   standing  here  in  minjun’s  doorway  ,   knowing  the  whole  reason  he’d  trudged  over  here  was  because  he’d  been  taunted  about  being  so  clingy  .   it’d  probably  be  better  if  he  just  went  back  to  his  own  room  and  waited  for  himself  to  get  over  it   —   he’d  have  leverage  then  ...  ha  !   see  ?   i   didn’t  even  go  crying  to  minjun  about  it  !   in  your  face  ,   guys  !    ...   taemin’s  painfully  aware  of  how  it  sounds  ,   inwardly  cringing  at  himself  .   he’s  too  caught  up  in  his  own  festering  thoughts  to  take  any  action   ;    been   standing  here  for  so  long  that  he’s  captured  the  attention  of  the  older  man  before  he  can  make  a  break  for  it  .   their  eyes  meet  ,  and  taemin  can  already  feel  his  face  growing  hot  with  emotion  .    “   s  -  sorry  ...   you  look  like  you’re  busy  ...  ”