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[anunderstandingofmymind]

Do you ever have dreams, wishes, thoughts of things you wish you could change? Do you ever sit up late at night and think of all the things you could have done differently and how that would affect how your life is now?

I have many regrets in my life. More than I could ever write on a computer screen for the whole world to see. I spend a lot of time wanting what I can’t have. Life is an emotional rollercoaster and its painful to say that there is just things in life you cannot change no matter just how much you want it to be. 

I miss someone. A lot more than I could ever admit to anyone. This person was my entire life. They made me laugh, cry, smile, angry but most of all this person taught me really how to love. It has been a long time since we have made contact with one another and it breaks my heart and to know they are out loving another. It’s crazy how you can believe someone is made for you and you always had the idea in the back of your head that they would never disappear and all of a sudden, at the blink of an eye they are gone. They are out living their life and you’re out living yours. I’ve learned what heartache feels like. I’ve learned what love really was. I’ve learned to see that your happily ever after may not always last forever. I miss this person, more than they will know. I guess at the end of the day if you can accept someone is happier without you then that’s a true sign that their happiness does mean everything to you. I wonder if they ever think of me, wonder what is going on in my life or how I am doing or what achievements I have had and generally if I am okay. I guess I will never know the answer. My heart breaks so much and even after all this time, nobody I guess can compare. Perhaps one day I will move on properly, learn to let someone in and let them show me a new way of life and an even better way of loving someone. Who knows what the future can actually hold.

[anunderstandingofmymind]

Isn’t it crazy how one person you used to love and do anything for can become the person you hate most.

Once upon a time you both were so happy, smiled and shared unforgettable memories together, pictured the near and far future with one another. They were the person you couldn’t go a day without speaking to or thinking about.

Then things change, life gets in between you both. You both change into these two people who just don’t work anymore, trust is broken, nothing works anymore.

Then fast forward a year and you can’t stand being around them anymore. You constantly think I can’t do this today. You have to deal with them on a regular basis due to your social circle and career. It’s a hard thing to do. Arguements come and go still based off insecurities from the past that one will just not forget. The other wants to move on and let it all go and just think of the good memories.

They don’t know you still can find a kind word to say about them even though you can’t stand their physical presence anymore. You can dream of a reality that things are better but with your eyes closed you can see anything you want to see. It’s not real. It’s done. It’s gone.

You’re wanting to fast forward to a new chapter of your life just to get rid of them for good. But you don’t want to wish your life away so you deal with it. Try to make peace with what is going on but you can’t. You can’t sleep for days on end from worry of what arguement or feelings you’re going to feel when you wake up and go on with your day.

Coming to the end of where you are about to say goodbye to someone for the rest of your life is one thing but saying goodbye to someone who is still living is a worse kind of grief. Because you still have to see them living their life, hear different things from others and accepting that they aren’t part of your life anymore. That’s hard.

[wnq-writers]

Sometimes we meet someone and are with them for a short time, yet somehow we write about them forever.

jcatmoonlight (via wnq-writers)

[perrfectly]

[limit]

thinking of someone right?

me too.

[sleepin]

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[picaet]

[asking-the-death]

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[yesterdaysprint]

The Day Book, Chicago, January 4, 1912

[perksofbeingneurotic]

stop downplaying your friends mental illness or emotions! that shit is so damaging. if you yourself can’t deal with being friends with them because they are ill or feel a certain way, then you really need to rethink what kind of friend you want to be and what benefits your friend most too. key word: FRIEND. pls pls pls

[anunderstandingofmymind]

Sleepless nights will always drive you insane. I've had that many the past few weeks I may as well be considered mentally unstable.

[photographersunite]

[anunderstandingofmymind]