princess

em. 20. est. indie rp blog

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

persephone had become comfortable within the vehicle quickly, allowing herself to sit back and just watch as the street lights passed, creating a pleasant blur of soft yellows that fell into the space through the glass. persephone was used to staying up late and rarely sleeping, but it didn’t affect her as poorly as it should. his words had caught her attention, and even though she didn’t turn to look at him she still found herself answering. “it was pretty busy for a week-night, honestly.” she began, little shrug finding her shoulders. “one guy tried putting his fingers inside of my underwear, but a little heel to the chest put him in his place.” persephone snickered, shaking her head at the thought. the woman had found herself at kayden’s apartment more often than she did her own, or even her boyfriend’s. persephone had been with a man named justin for about three months, and he was rather sweet. justin was a soft man, he was submissive. he was in medical school and doing well for himself, and while it was odd that someone of his stature was with someone like persephone, it was still a thing. persephone wasn’t in love with him, she didn’t sleep with him often, and dates with him were more of a chore - but he was safe, and he was a place to go when she needed a little respectful affection. “always making me do the work for you.” persephone teased as she watched kayden disappear, a grin set on her faded red lips. by the time she heard the water turn off, persephone was sat on his couch with the fried rice and orange chicken laid out, egg rolls ready for the dipping and the crunching, dumplings teasing their eyes with its steam. persephone had his tv remote perched in her palm while her other hand was gripping a bottle of cheap wine, taking little sips from it as she flicked through his small selection of channels. “what to watch, what to watch…” she mumbled, turning to look at him after a couple of moments. “Oh, i just love seeing you wet for me, baby. a tease.” persephone taunted, her grin widening. ‘you smell like heaven, too. don’t tell me you use axe now.”

kayden considered himself to be a very practical man. his apartment was sparsely furnished, and only a few of his personal belongings were scattered about the tops of the surfaces-- a small succulent on the windowsill, a framed photo of his family on the coffee table. the most life came from an expansive black and white painting that hung on the wall above the couch. it was a housewarming gift from his younger sister willow and that was the extent of his decorum. the place he called home wasn’t fancy by any means, and he really didn’t care for much more than somewhere to rest his head at the end of a long night. the shower was hot most of the time, his mattress was somewhat decent, and the rent was cheap-- there really wasn’t much more he could possibly ask for. while he wasn’t one to usually take joy in the idea of sharing his space with anyone, he immensely enjoyed having persephone around. her personality was bright and she made him laugh, a feat not many had accomplished over the last five years of his life. he had only disappeared into his bedroom for a few minutes before he was sighing deeply, thankful to be standing beneath the stream of water to wash away the sin that was clinging onto his tattooed skin. kayden made quick work of scrubbing his hair and soaping down his body, reaching out to shut off the water and wrap a towel around his waist in record time. back in the bedroom, he slung on a pair of black pajama pants and headed back into the living room where the smell of delicious chinese food called to him like a siren’s song. a few stray tendrils of water dripped from the tips of his hair and snaked down the front of his chest as he leaned back into the soft leather of the couch, shoving mouthfuls of sesame chicken between his lips. “order a movie or something,” he garbled around a mouthful of rice, following it down with a long drag from the bottle of wine, “and not one of those disgustingly unrealistic porn movies.” he shot her a pointed look with his eyes narrowed in a teasing manner, “only tools use axe and, baby, i’m far from a tool.” he popped a dumpling in his mouth, “an asshole? sure-- but definitely not a tool.” a quiet chuckle shook his chest before he continued, “i think that’s supposed to be my line,” he nudged his shoulder against hers, “maybe i should ask justin for some pointers. isn’t he the one supposed to be getting you all wet?”

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jesving:

it was evident that there was an underlining hope that lydia had for some kind of miracle to happen with brooks, but it wouldn’t really be a miracle at all. brooks cared for lydia all on his own, never having to force their chemistry, never having to curse himself for ever allowing her into his life - she just fit, and wasn’t that what love was supposed to feel like? he hadn’t caught himself immediately as he was just taking in her features, which were all too soft and delicate and fragile seeming. brooks had calloused fingertips and palms, hands that have done a lot of hard and dirty work, had a lot of blood on them that weren’t just his. in his eyes, lydia was a princess and he was the dragon, the good girl and the bad boy. there were cases where that worked out though, right? as he stood in front of her, a gentle caress on her soft skin, brooks was really in a debacle with himself on how far he should go exactly. brooks understood that lydia had him up on this pedestal, that he was near perfection and he was what every girl dreamed of having, but he would look at his reflection each and every day and hear every authoritative figure’s voice whisper trouble. her question rung in his ears for a moment, and he couldn’t immediately find the words to satisfy her. would it be fair to her? would it be fair to him, or them? however, brooks did preach honesty and he would be a good for nothing hypocrite if he didn’t speak up, and there was a chance she would sleep this off and forget… “i want to be that for you - the man that sits across you from the dinner table and gets to call you his date. the man that gets to kiss you goodnight at the doorstep and make sure you’ve made it safe inside. the man that shows you off and treats you the way you see these instagram girls being shown off and treated. i know what you want, and-and i want to give it to you.” he let the words fall from his lips in one sweep, rushing them out before he could try and suck them back up. “i don’t wear khakis and polos, though, lyds. i’m not all clean and pretty - i’m not that image. i’m just- i’m not what you deserve to be seen with.” brooks allowed his hands to drop then, and he took one step backward, defenses lifting after he had realized all that he had ever thought had now been finally said.

the words were being spoken. words she had been desperate to hear for so long now were hanging in the air. i have to be dreaming, lydia mused silently, feeling as though the world was spinning on a turntable around her. there was no way this was really happening. her stomach was twisting into knots and she wasn’t sure if that was a side effect of the alcohol still swimming in her veins or something else entirely. a certain something that embodied tall, dark, and handsome and always smelled like home and bad decisions. with her big blue eyes widened and staring up at him, all she could hear was the rush of blood in her ears while her heart continued to race in her chest. her pink lips opened and closed several times, a response to his declarations lodged in her throat. in fact, she wasn’t exactly sure what she was trying to say to begin with. seconds passed. long seconds filled with thick silence as the tension in the air began to tighten, just waiting for the right moment to snap. there was a dull current of electricity that slowly began to crackle in the short distance that separated their bodies, and she knew if she didn’t say something soon, she was going to lose this opportunity completely. “brooks,” she whispered softly, her gaze locking on his. she reached for him then, wanting to drown in the warmth that always seemed to be radiating from his skin, and fisted her fingers in the front of his t-shirt to pull him closer. tilting her head back to look up at him, she took a deep breath and released it on a shaky exhale before speaking once more, “i want that-- with you.” the confession set off a wave of butterflies in her tummy, and she was suddenly nervous of what he was going to say next. she tightened her grip on his shirt and continued before he had the chance to retract his statements, “you don’t get to decide what i deserve. that’s my choice and i’m not gonna let you take that away from me because you’re much more than i deserve and even though you think you’re this dark knight, bad boy, broody pants--,” she hiccuped, shaking her head back and forth as she fought a smile that threatened to emerge on her lips, “i want you. all of you. i have for a really long time now.” lydia had so much more to say, so many feelings she needed to put into words for him to understand, but all too quickly her stomach rolled and she knew she was going to be sick. she pushed her hands against his chest so she could slide from the countertop, her heels clicking against the hardwood floors as she ran towards their shared bathroom, kicking the door closed behind her.

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jesving:

a little grin played her lips as he watched him comply to her request so quickly, sliding her drink over to her in less than a minute. persephone knew the effect that she had on men, but it wasn’t something that she ever intentionally used on kayden; she believed that their relationship was very even, and there was this unspoken beneficial factor that was set out on a table between them, the benefits not yet kicked into play - they were there for each other, and that was the best part for persephone. quite frankly, kayden was the only person left in her life; her mother was dead, her father was so crazy it was dangerous, and she found girls to be mean and boys to be disgusting.  his suggestion was very tempting, but persephone shook her head, sitting herself on a bar stool as she made an advance on her drink. “how about we go back to your place, order something from uber eats, and you can just give me a back rub and tell me how pretty i am since i’ve been dancing all night?” persephone couldn’t help but smirk, wiggling her eyebrows playfully in his direction. she had stopped flinching from alcohol many years ago, so each time she had downed a sip it looked as if she was just drinking water. she sat patiently and occupied herself until the glass was empty, and then hopped off the stool to join him behind the counter, cleaning the glass herself and putting it where it belonged. she grabbed the front door keys from where they were hidden behind the bar and headed for the door, holding her hand out for kayden so that he would come her way. “come on, you’ve got a long night of putting your hands all over me.” she teased.

kayden moved around comfortably behind the bar, flicking off the neon signs and making sure everything was in order for his shift the following evening. he owed everything to this place-- his sanity at the top of the list. while he still enjoyed partaking in a few illegal activities every now and then, the club kept him busy and off the streets, begging for someone to throw a punch his way. he was not a good guy, not the kind of guy you take home to your mom, and he thought that was why he and persephone got on so well. she didn’t question his motives or delve deeply into his personal life, and he was content to just enjoy her presence and keep an eye on her while she danced every night. she was desirable, but he was sticking to his guns and keeping business and pleasure separate. at least, that’s what he kept telling himself. her suggestion sounded better than his, so he nodded along, quickly finishing up his duties and rolling up the wad of bills from the tip jar, shoving them down into his pocket, “how about we go back to my apartment, order some takeout, and you can stroke my ego until the sun comes up,” he chided playfully, following her out the front door. the night air was crisp, a cool breeze causing chill bumps to break out on his arms. the black t-shirt he wore was still damp with sweat, and he was desperate for a shower to wash off the smell of desperation and horny men that was embedded in his clothing. draping an arm over her shoulder and pulling her into his side, they walked around to the back of the building to where his car was parked by its lonesome and were soon headed towards his place. “how was the crowd tonight?” he asked as they sped through the vacant streets, “the bar was busy and i missed the first half of your first performance,” he grumbled, unhappy he had to forfeit watching her dance to serve the patrons of the club. the inky night sky was dappled with stars, the moon bright as they made their way through the city. thankfully, kayden only lived a few short blocks away, and he quickly ushered her inside after he parked, unlocking his door and pushing it open for them to enter the warmth of his home, “i’m gonna shower. order me something good.” he called, tossing a wink over his shoulder as he headed off into his bedroom. 

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jesving:

no matter what the situation, daphne would always be the warmest entity. even in this moment, even with this foreign heavy feeling on her chest, there wasn’t a chance that daphne would bring any negative energy towards declan. her eyes shot towards him when he took a step forward, and there was a twinge of fear that came with the action. she wanted him close, but there were so many things about him that made her feel unworthy of his time - he had so much more experience in her eyes, and he was so educated and handsome. daphne always tried her best to love herself and accept her own beauty, but while she couldn’t exactly do that, she did love life and she cherished it and she was happy with everything else around her. “you can tell me anything you want, declan. i’ll always listen to you.” which was true; if declan had come knocking at her door in the dead of night, she would let him in without question - whatever he needed, she would have it. the woman shook her head at his words, her eyes falling to her feet, a slightly forced smile appearing on her features. “i don’t think you need to be sorry, declan. it wasn’t any of my business, really, and i don’t even know why i got upset. i thought you were married, which would have been okay if you were, because it’s not like-” she realized that she was rambling and stopped herself once again, looking up at him shyly, tugging a strand of chocolate hair behind her ear. “you have no obligations to me - it’s okay.” and as he stood across her, her main thought was that she wondered what he tasted like; in her mind, she felt like he would taste like earth and mint, which sounded simply humbling. she couldn’t help but envy the fact that violet had gotten to experience loving this beautiful man, making love to him. daphne was in no way lusting for declan - she had become addicted to the daydream of being his something. for once, daphne had become quiet, the room now radiating a violet hue.

it was strange hearing those words fall so unwelcome from her lips. she really has no idea, he mused silently to himself, his gaze flicking up and finding hers across the room. it was incredible how quickly she discredited what had been building between the two of them over the last few weeks, and he had to stifle the urge to shake her shoulders and demand she accept what little bit of affection he could bestow upon her for the time being. declan knew he had very little to offer while he was still grieving, but for the first time since he’d lost violet, he felt as though he had something to work towards-- someone he wanted to stand by his side and aid him through the healing process. daphne had become a fixture in his life over the short amount of time they’d known each other, and he had a hard time imagining a future without her in it. she balanced him out and kept his head on straight when all he really wanted to do was drown in a bottle of whiskey. he rose to his feet once more and pinned her with a serious look, subtly shaking his head back and forth as he spoke, “don’t do that, daphne,” he murmured, taking a few steps around the coffee table to close some of the distance between them. he could feel the warmth she radiated enveloping him like an embrace the closer he got, and he knew in that moment that he would be utterly and completely selfish with her if he needed to. there was not a chance he was letting her walk away from him-- especially when he was at his most vulnerable. “you’re not just the woman who lives next door,” he continued, his brows pulling together as he tried to come up with an explanation for the foreign feelings swirling around in his chest, “don’t devalue yourself,” he motioned between their bodies, “don’t devalue us because you know about violet. my past doesn’t change my present.” he was now standing in front of her, basking in their close proximity, “i am the same person i was when you knocked on my door with that basket of muffins the day i moved in this building. all of that-- those feelings, those emotions-- they were real.” he reached out a hand and fingered a lock of her soft brown hair, before pushing it behind her ear, “give yourself some credit, sweetheart. you’re far more desirable than you realize.”

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jesving:

the energy in the room was beyond negative - it felt like rock bottom. brooks couldn’t exactly imagine what it felt like to be in lydia’s spot, mostly because he had never valued intimate, romantic love in the ways she did. brooks was always worried about familial love, never had time to think about other women and what they wanted. brooks knew how to be a protector, a brother, a son; but he had watched love tear apart the women close to him, and he couldn’t help but wonder what all the hype was on falling in love and having it be an active part of your life. when he watched lydia drop, he was quick to be on his knees next to her, strong arms wrapping around her small frame and pulling her close. “oh stop, lydia.” he hushed her, tightening his grip only to bring himself to a stand and lift her with him. he ended up setting her on the kitchen counter, and he stood in between her legs, pulling a tissue from the box that sat mere feet away from them and wiping the tears from her soft cheeks. “i’m not leaving you alone.” he said, his tone soft, patient. when he was satisfied with the now absence of mascara streaks, brooks sighed softly, setting his hands on either side of her. “you don’t need some douchebag to make a temporary appearance in your life, lyds. you’ve got me.” brooks made sure that his eyes were connecting with hers, his only way of making sure that she knew he was entirely serious. silence had consumed the space for a moment, and he was only stuck gazing at the girl mere inches from him. he knew that she was drunk, and he knew that she was upset, but that wasn’t why he wanted to kiss her. he had wanted to for so long, and here she was - needing love. brooks knew he had it, and he had it all for her, but there was this fear of not being good enough for her that always made him bite back. “i want to be that for you.” he whispered his thought out loud, not even realizing that he had said a word, his eyes however still locked onto hers, lost in them entirely.

she wanted to protest when he scooped her limp body up into his arms, beat her tiny fists against his chest and demand to know why he insisted on assuming the role of her personal white knight. instead, she simply breathed in a on weak inhale, allowing the familiar scent that always clung to his skin to fill her senses. while it did help calm her racing heart, it did nothing to stop the tears that had begun to freely trail down her cheeks. lydia had always prided herself in how well she was able to keep herself together in any situation. even on the worst days, she had found an outlet that was healthy and allowed for her own personal growth at the end of the day. her canvases and paint brushes were the only victims to the sheer force of her emotions, and some of her best work had been from the result of heartbreak. she didn’t cry often-- especially over the low-life men who crushed yet another flower of hope that had slowly bloomed in her heart-- so she attributed the tears to the abundance of alcohol still pumping through her veins. she kept her damp gaze down as he doted on her, wiping away the mascara she knew was currently streaking down her cheeks and speaking kind words she knew came from a place of kindness within him. brooks had always been so unbelievably kind to her, even when he wasn’t especially kind to others. she always just assumed he felt obligated to take care of her since they had spent so much time living together, and the crush she’d harbored on him had only grown stronger over the years. she’d put all her effort into suppressing those feelings, knowing they would lead nowhere, and turned her focus on finding someone who treated her half as good as he did. unrequited affection seemed to be her specialty-- or so she thought, at least. the final statement he’d spoken was so soft she thought she was dreaming. it hung in the air between them for several long seconds before her eyes slowly jumped up, searching every last inch of his expression for some sort of indication that he was kidding. “what?” slid past her lips as all the color drained from her face. every muscle in her body was strung tight, awaiting his next response as she stared at him with wide eyes and parted lips. 

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jesving:

there wasn’t much that could ignite this rage inside of carmen. she never viewed other women as competition - she didn’t need to. it was difficult not to think in that moment that the two sleeping together had been nothing more than a catalyst to the destruction of their friendship, whether it would turn into something more or nothing at all. the redhead seemed to just drag on, her attempts at luring jackson being mediocre at best. carmen could have laughed, but bit her tongue, continuing to focus on the bright screen just ahead of her. carmen found it difficult in the moment not to react territorial, but it kept crossing her mind that as much as she felt like jackson belonged to her, the fact was that he didn’t; for this reason, carmen felt like she had to endure this interaction that was occurring beside her and not say a word, not do a thing. at some point, carmen had entirely zoned out, her vision blurred as she found herself living inside of her mind. she snapped out of it as soon as jackson spoke. his statement wasn’t something that carmen had been expecting to hear, but that didn’t mean that she didn’t believe it. “who wouldn’t.” she replied, but instead of her tone holding a cocky ring to it, it was rather flat. carmen turned her head so that she could look at him when she spoke again, saying, “maybe i want you to. maybe then you’ll realize that you’ll never find better.” it was after those words that she took down about half of the previously full glass, only pulling back for air. carmen was never very good with her words, so her mind was scrambling to find something to tell him - something along the lines of i can’t stop thinking of you and i don’t know why. however, words just weren’t carmen’s forte, so this was the next best thing - with another final swig of her drink, she let the glass find it’s seat back on the counter with a soft click. her feet hit the floor when she slid off of the bar stool and she grabbed jackson’s forearm, turning him on his seat. she slid herself in between his legs, lifting herself to her tiptoes beside being in heels. her lips found his quickly, as they always seemed to do now, and she became enveloped in his kiss instantly.

her statement managed to successfully catch him off guard. was that a hint of possessiveness coloring her words, or was he just imaging it? at first, jackson wasn’t even certain he’d heard her correctly, but as he kept his gaze trained on her profile, watching her toss back drink after drink, he knew he wasn’t mistaken. somewhere along the way, a line had been crossed-- an invisible boundary eradicated-- and there was no turning back now. the shift in the air was practically tangible and he could have sworn several heads turned in their direction as the moments slowly dragged on. he could feel the tension thickening between them with each second that passed, and he was approximately two heartbeats away from manhandling her ass out of the bar and back into his bed where she belonged. still, he couldn’t help himself from taunting her right back, “never find better?” he scoffed as if the idea were completely absurd, “that’s quite an assumption you’re making there.” his index finger traced the rim of his glass a few times before he lifted it to his lips and tossed the liquid back, slamming it against the bar top once it was empty. his heated gaze found it’s way back to her face once more, and the resolve he found etched onto her features should have sent him running for the hills. however, he was not one to back down from a challenge-- especially when it came to carmen-- and if she was willing to play dirty once more, then so was he. he swiveled his body around on the stool when she tugged on his forearm, his dark brown eyes meeting her icy blue ones head on. everything seemed to move in slow motion. his hands found their home on her hips, pulling her body flush against his chest when her lips finally landed on his. there was no mistaking that they were staking their claim on each other, and he wasn’t even the slightest bit upset about it. she fit him like nobody else could-- a thought that scared him shitless. he wasn’t sure what her motives were when it came to their relationship, and he didn’t dare ask. they were in the blurry gray area, giving and taking whenever and whatever they pleased from one another. he could taste the alcohol on her tongue, a sweet and heady mixture of mint and lime that was all her, and his teeth sank into her plush bottom lip when he finally pulled himself away. his heart was slamming against his ribs, his words a ghost of a whisper against her cheek as he leaned in to whisper, “you’re coming home with me tonight.”

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jesving:

more than anything, daphne had for once felt like putting space in between her and declan. she wanted to walk away, only for a bit, to recollect her feelings and her thoughts and simply sort through them. intimate relationships didn’t often occur in her life, yet she hadn’t even kissed the man so how could she rule this as so intimate? daphne had turned on her heel when she felt his presence once more, but her eyes stayed on the ground beneath her as he spoke. it was only when that last word swam through the air that she looked up, and automatically felt terrible about the entire situation. he wasn’t married - she was dead. daphne fidgeted with her fingers in an attempt to occupy herself while she tried to fight her mind for some words, but was found standing in silence instead. daphne observed declan and the way he stood there, looking nearly defeated in a sense. “i’m sorry.” daphne managed to get out, but her voice was so small it sounded as if the words themselves were afraid to emerge. once again a flash of gold showered over daphne as the sun was beginning to set, making the woman look as if she was glowing, as if she was an angel. “i’d like to think that those who die that we love continue to live inside of us, all around us, wishing the best for us. that’s how i feel when the sun sets like this.” her eyes moved from declan and towards the window, orbs lighting up like fire, reflecting light. “she makes me feel warm, and like i’m meant to do great even without her physical embrace.” daphne wasn’t too sure why she was saying these things, but in her head it made sense; it made sense as to why declan was acting in such a way - so cold, so distant. it’s hard to get close to someone knowing they could be taken away so quickly. daphne tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and looked at him once again, that soft smile reappearing. “she’s very beautiful. looked like just the woman for you.” maybe there was an underlining of insecurity and comparison to daphne’s statement, but she didn’t mean it that way intentionally - she had found herself all too fond of declan, all too soft for him.

the weight of a thousand lost memories began pressing down on declan’s chest making it hard for him to draw a single breath. his feet were glued to the floor, his gaze unfocused as it shifted from her face to the window and back again several times in a row. he could hear her throaty laugh tickling his ears, smell the rich scents of vanilla and seduction that always clung to her soft, olive skin, could practically feel the touch of her hand as it laced with his-- the loss was all too fresh in his mind. he knew that only time would heal the wounds that were so deeply embedded within him, but there was not enough time in the world to dull the ache of her absence in his life. he would always yearn for what could have been, and he hoped that one day remembering the way her eyes twinkled when she smiled wouldn’t hold the same sting. he had lost the light of his life on that fateful december morning, and as he stood across the room from daphne, willingly giving her a glimpse into the life he once lived, he couldn’t help the strong waves of guilt that always seemed to follow him around like a dark cloud. “don’t be sorry,” he mumbled hoarsely, pushing a trembling hand through his messy hair before stroking his jaw in contemplation. this was a dangerous line they were walking along and he wasn’t sure how much longer he could withstand the rare bout of vulnerability before his walls shot back up, guarding his heart from any and every last human connection. his chest slowly rose and fell with each deep breath his took, and declan was perfectly content to wallow in the silence that blanketed the room. however, the words she uttered reverberated in the air between them, catching his attention with ease. she always spoke so openly-- so carefree and lighthearted in nature. the sunlight streaming through the window set her small frame aglow, and the warmth her aura radiated filled every last nook and cranny of his living room. it was this same warmth that had been slowly melting away the ice that had taken up residence in his veins-- undoubtedly the cause of his cold personality and demeanor. knowing she was never one to speak anything but niceties towards other people, he was not surprised when she said such pleasant things about violet. “she was an amazing woman,” he agreed quietly, unrooting his feet from the floor to take a tentative step in her direction. “i’ll tell you about her someday-- just,” he paused, rubbing a hand over his chest as the thought caused his heart to ache, “not today. it’s still too soon and i’m not--,” his head shook back and forth as he dropped down on the edge of the couch, “i’m not ready for that yet.” he knotted his fingers together as they dangled between his parted knees, “i’m really sorry, daphne. this wasn’t exactly how i envisioned you finding out about my dead wife.” 

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jesving:

persephone had often kept to herself before she met kayden. there weren’t many people that she took a liking to, or trusted enough to keep herself around. she had always been kind of a cynical girl, an angry girl. she was a tough cookie, but the only person who she allowed to see that softer, warmer side was the man who had just gotten a private show. “thanks, love.” her english accent shone through, something she made sure always was present, especially on stage. she found out that men loved exotic women, even if persephone didn’t deem herself such a thing. persephone grabbed the remote for the stage lights and gave it a quick click, making the room entirely dark besides the colored lights behind and around the bar. the woman grabbed her long coat, putting it around her and tying it shut, making sure she was covered since she didn’t believe in free shows unless they were for kayden. “i know you’re closing up shop, but would you mind pouring me a whiskey sour before we get out of here? please?” her voice was sweet as she pleaded with him, smile present. she had made her way back over to where he stood, leaning herself against the counter, elbows resting on the wood. persephone had always had a little crush on kayden - since the day she met him. however, it wasn’t something that she just threw out in the open. she had never advanced on him, more so because she didn’t want him to see her as easy and lustful as she was sure he thought of other women who just threw themselves at him. persephone was patient, and she would wait to get what she wanted, observe and learn so it would blossom into something natural down the road. “apparently we’re being reserved for a bachelor party tomorrow night. they asked for me specifically.” persephone laughed lightly, shaking her head. “it’s flattering, i think - one of those men remembered me and just had to have me.” persephone did enjoy the attention, but such shallow attention became tiring and empty - she was a show, but she was also human.

it took kayden several long seconds to shake off the paralysis that had settled over his body, no doubt a result of intently watching her new, sultry routine unfold before his eyes. persephone was practically every man’s wet fantasy-- which was why he wasn’t at all surprised at how quickly she had built up a steady stream of clientele who frequented the club just to watch her perform. he couldn’t blame them, but some their greedy gazes and whispered words brought out a feeling of protectiveness in him and that was uncharted territory he wasn’t willing to explore. kayden was never one to be rendered speechless, but as she draped a jacket over her shoulders and headed in his direction, he momentarily forgot how to focus on anything other than the way her hips swayed when she walked and the lilting tone of her voice as she spoke in his direction. he finally managed to snap out of his stupor at her request for a drink, but his mind was still preoccupied with sick visions of her body writhing beneath him as he fucked her absolutely senseless. the thoughts were unwarranted and unwelcome, but he couldn’t stop them from completely consuming his brain as he poured the amber liquid into one of the tumblers. sliding it across the wooden bar top, he braced his tattooed arms against it, the corded muscles of his scarred forearms flexing as he gripped the on to the edge. “you’re the best dancer we have,” he spoke the words aimlessly, his shoulders rising and falling in a shrug of nonchalance, “i’ll make sure one of the security guards is close by when you’re performing. i know how rowdy the bachelor parties can get once the booze starts flowing.” his knuckles tingled in anticipation just thinking about the last guy he’d had the pleasure of dealing with. the poor fella had gotten a little too hands on with one of the dancers after she blatantly denied his advances and he wasn’t about to let the guy off the hook. despite the fact he’d almost lost his job that night, it had been worth it sending the guy out of the club with a bloody nose and black eye. blinking his eyes a few times to dispel the memory, he chuckled to himself, “give me like ten more minutes and we’ll head out of here, yeah?” he said, flicking his eyes to the clock behind the bar. it was inching towards four in the morning, but he knew sleep was not on the agenda for him-- damn insomnia. “you hungry? we can hit that diner around the corner on our way out if you’re down.” he offered, flipping a few clean glasses onto the drying mat as he eyed her across the bar. 

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

brooks was far beyond annoyed in the moment, and he felt like his breaking point was nearing. it had less to do with how lydia was acting and more so with how she was reacting. lydia, or rather any human being, didn’t ask to be treated in such a manner. brooks would have never left lydia hanging, would never treat her so poorly - but maybe that just had to do with the fact that he wasn’t total garbage - and he loved her. brooks did as she requested and came to her aid with the helmet, unhooking it and placing it in its designated spot on the bike. “come on.” brooks offered his hand out, but his hand ended up sliding behind her back so he could wrap an arm around her waist. he led her to their apartment, finding his way inside easily, and allowing the door to close behind them. his arm detached from around her, and he went ahead to toss his keys on the counter, staying silent for a moment. he had no idea what to say to her, and frankly there wasn’t much he could do with the girl so out of her mind. “lydia-” he began, running his fingers through his dark hair and turning around to face her. in that moment, he looked at this girl so torn apart and he felt at fault. he felt like there was so much he could have done, so much love he could have showed her, yet he always felt like someone could do better. now as much as he wanted to kiss her, he had morals and he wouldn’t lay a hand on her unless she was sober and he was confident she would remember this in the morning. the hand that was clutching his hair fell to his side, and with another exasperated sigh, he said, “let’s get you to bed.”

lydia begrudgingly allowed herself to be led into the apartment with her head bowed, slender arms crossed tightly over her chest in a silent attempt to ward off the shivers that subtly shook her tiny body. she was grateful for the lace sleeves that covered down to her wrists, but the cool breeze in the air was doing nothing to help her current state-- even despite the fact her skin was burning hot beneath the thin layer of fabric where his hand rested on her waist. she concluded that these were, in fact, not real feelings swirling around in her mind causing her heart to thump wildly against her ribs, and was quick to assume they were lingering emotions from the deeply rooted hurt she’d been experiencing over the last few months. the constant rollercoaster of emotions had finally taken a toll on her and for just one night, she wanted to feel nothing-- to numb the repeating swell of hope that plagued her brain every time she put herself out there in hopes of finding love. well, at least one mission was accomplished considering she couldn’t feel her toes. lydia didn’t bother to utter a single word as she watched him slide the key into the lock and push open the door to their apartment, her rampant thoughts coming slowly, no doubt due to the alcohol induced haze settling deep in her bones. suddenly, she was exhausted. the warmth and familiarity of their home was welcoming, and a deep inhale expanded her chest once they were standing in the center of the kitchen. she didn’t want to talk about what had happened, but when he spoke her name, she turned around to face him, dropping her hands to hang limply by her side. the thick silence that followed rang loudly in her ears. she didn’t have the energy to explain herself-- wasn’t coherent enough to make him understand what was currently running on repeat through her brain. not good enough, never good enough was a mantra she had actively fought to silence throughout the years, but it was blaring loud and clear like a broken record in that moment. “don’t,” she murmured softly, licking her dry lips and shaking her head in defeat. tendrils of her soft brown curls were in a disarray around her face, and she let them fall like a curtain over her features. bracing a hand on the countertop to steady herself, she reached down and fumbled with the latch on her heels, mumbling curses under her breath when she failed to successfully get them off. with a groan, she dropped down to the floor in a heap, pulling her knees to her chest as tears began to well in her deep blue eyes. “just leave me alone,” she sniffled, adverting her gaze to look anywhere but at him as she swiped at her cheeks with the back of her hand, “go back to the bar with your boys, brooks. i’m fine.” 

[aphrcditesx-blog]

RULES: tag seven followers you want to get to know better. repost, don’t reblog.

TAGGED BY: @jesving, @ofbruiises, & @clairewrites1x1

NAME/NICKNAME: emily/em/ems  GENDER: cis female HEIGHT: 5′10 ok i’m ur neighborhood giant  HOGWARTS HOUSE: ravenclaw FAVORITE COLOR: red FICTIONAL CHARACTER I’D LIKE AS A SIBLING: lexa from the 100  NUMBER OF BLANKETS I SLEEP WITH: 1-2 ish  DREAM VACATION:  take me to the islands where i never have to wear pants pls WHAT I’M CURRENTLY WEARING: an oversized t-shirt and fuzzy socks  WHAT I POST: garbage rp replies and muse things   DO YOU GET ASKS ON A REGULAR BASIS?: negative  AESTHETIC: my aesthetic changes approximately once a month but today i’d say it’s something like comfy sweaters, ripped jeans, messy hair and glossy lips, warm blankets, and the smell of vanilla  STAR SIGN: aries LAST THING GOOGLED: cary elwes (thx @ofbruiises) FAVORITE MUSIC ARTISTS: stevie nicks & fleetwood mac, harry styles, the 1975, wet, arctic monkeys, sleeping at last, selena gomez, lana del rey, niykee heaton DO YOU HAVE ANY OTHER BLOGS: yes, a personal blog @emsessence WHY DID YOU CHOOSE YOUR URL: honestly it took me 3 hours to come up with this url, it’s very average  AVERAGE HOURS OF SLEEP: i usually need like 10 hours to function properly but i get about 6-7 LUCKY NUMBER: 5 FAVORITE CHARACTER(S): lexi and izzie from grey’s anatomy, lexa from the 100 (swoon), damon salvatore from tvd, eleven and nancy wheeler from stranger things, bobby flay (not a character, still my man) DREAM JOB:  neonatal intensive care nurse ???  FOLLOWING: 39

i’m tagging: @lostcontrcl & @khcleesis 

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

@aphrcditesx

persephone had often found herself coming in before all of the other girls, or staying in after for the sole purpose of bettering herself. it was clear that persephone wasn’t the thinnest, rather the thickest, curviest, fullest woman on the team. the men appreciated it which is what helped persephone’s case, and she had lost her insecurities over the years along with losing her youth. “kayden, look.” persephone was clad in a red bodysuit, black fishnets hugging her legs, and black open-toed stilettos set on her feet. her long hair had fell down her back in loose waves, kissing her lower back as she sashayed this way and that. she held the remote to the speakers in her hand since everyone had left for the night, leaving just the two of them. “i made my own little mix, and i’m gonna dance to it, but i want your opinion first.” the stage lights had been left on, causing the sequins in her outfit to dazzle whenever it caught light at a certain angle. persephone didn’t trust many people, but she trusted kayden, and that was what made him lucky enough to get a private show. the woman pressed the play button and tossed the remote, a soulful beat with accents beginning to play. persephone took her time as she usually did, the contours of her body ever-present as she moved smoothly, a serpent of a woman. there were moments where her hands wandered, and moments where her body was working the floor, and when the timing felt right, persephone had crawled her way to the edge of the stage. her legs had swung over the edge, and she hopped to the floor with a little thud, approaching kayden as she waltzed towards him to the beat. persephone had no ill intentions, no motives, but maybe that was unclear when she had her hands on his chest, her body sliding down his body, her knees gently pressing against his toes - only for her to make her way back up, petite body no match for his towering one. the song was slowly coming to an end, and persephone turned on her heel to dance away, slithering her way back onto the stage to end with whatever sexy pose came to mind, incorporating the pole at the center of the stage into it. the music ended, and persephone finally caught her breath, her body now glistening from the sweat. when all was silent, persephone smiled and let out a laugh, asking breathily, “how was it?”

when the last lingering customers finally wandered their drunk asses out the front doors and into blackened air of the night, kayden felt the first tendrils of relief begin to snake up his spine. it had been yet another long night behind the bar, the arrogant assholes there to spend their paychecks on the finest dancers in town demanding drinks without so much as glancing in his direction. while he knew he wasn’t the main attraction, not by any means, common curtesy should have been an unspoken rule-- or so he thought, at least. it wasn’t uncommon for men to simply throw dollar bills his way as if he were up on the stage himself, but he had learned over the years never to take it personally. as soon as the lights lifted and the managers headed back into their respective offices to do whatever it was they did at the end of another successful day, he began his nightly procedure of cleaning up his station. the other bartender who usually came in to work the other half of the bar with him had called out sick for the evening, so he had been on his own throughout the entirety of the night. however, the solidarity was a nice change and he enjoyed the monotonous closing routine that always signaled an end his nights. he had just begun drying off a few of the freshly cleaned glasses when persephone came sauntering out from back behind the curtain, dressed in what he assumed to be her a look for a new routine since he had yet to see it before. his pale green eyes slowly roamed her body from head to toe, taking in every last inch of exposed skin she had on display. he knew a money-maker when he saw one and the men didn’t stand a chance against this new getup. a low whistle of appreciation left his pursed lips, and he couldn’t help the smirk that lit up his features as he continued to look her up and down. “damn girl. you’re really trying to kill all these men out here, aren’t you?” he teased lightly, tossing the damp white towel over his shoulder to give her his undivided attention. from the very first night when he started working at the club, persephone had become somewhat of a good friend, and while that didn’t really mean much from his end, he felt comfortable around her-- and that was not a feeling he often had the pleasure of partaking in. he watched with rapt interest as she moved towards the stage, sultry music echoing around the empty club as she began to dance. he was always mesmerized by her performances, but this one seemed to ensnare him within the first few seconds. he couldn’t look away. had she always radiated this much sex appeal? he really wasn’t sure the answer to that question, and in that moment, he really didn’t care to think about it. the only thought he could process was that she was a temptress and he had so easily fallen victim to her charm. he could have watched her dance forever, but all too soon the music came to an end, and he was frozen in place, wide eyes blinking to clear the haze that had settled over his brain. “i don’t think i’ve ever seen you move that like, p,” he replied, pushing a hand through his dark hair and adverting his gaze down to his fingers with a chuckle, “that was incredible. you’re gonna knock ‘em dead, babygirl.” 

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

carmen had a tendency to be harsh, but it was never towards jackson. this time her spitfire attitude had little charms of jealousy dangling from the line, and it was hard to rid of. jackson may not have always been hers in an intimate manner, but he was hers nonetheless. jackson knew her, and carmen knew him, and everyone at work wouldn’t dare to approach the other with R rated intentions while they were at each others side. it was always them, and a temporary everybody else. carmen waited for jackson to finish speaking before her head was turning, icy eyes landing on his rugged features. she couldn’t help the little smile that crept up at her lips upon hearing that news. was she being selfish? “shame.” she said with a shrug, tone slick. she wrapped her lips around the straw once more, the sound of bubbles running up the straw indicating that she was done with that serving. the bartender had quickly returned to carmen, another drink ready for her. he shot her a quick wink, and carmen tossed one right back before the cool glass was between her fingers. carmen turned the stool so that she could fully face jackson, her eyes now looking directly into his, a usual challenge. she wanted to tell him something - something about how good he looked at work today, or how he smelled nice, or- her train of thought came to a halt as yet another girl nestled herself at jackson’s side, as if carmen wasn’t sat right beside him. her body became tense, manicured nails tapping at the side of her glass as her patience began to wear thin. carmen didn’t exactly fight, nor did she care when another woman went for one of carmen’s targets, but jackson wasn’t a target; jackson was more of an end goal. in an attempt to calm herself, carmen went and drank some more, steadying her breath and looking yet again at the tv screen ahead. let it go.

jackson was certain the volts of electricity currently igniting between their bodies was strong enough to be felt by any of the patrons currently loitering in various places all around the bar. it was as if he could feel the blinding sparks jumping from her skin and latching onto his, ensuring his attention was focused solely on the raven haired beauty facing him head on with her tight ass perched on the stool adjacent to his own. this feeling was foreign-- new-- and once again he felt as though they were venturing into uncharted territory yet to be discovered by another. they were supposed to be best friends, but as he looked at her, all he could see were kiss swollen lips and bedroom eyes. never before had they taken on a night at the bar together with even the slightest possibility of taking each other home at the end of the night, and he could already tell this was going to be a long night. she was supposed to be his wingwoman and he was supposed to be her wingman, constantly helping each other out in search of quick hookups and meaningless sex, but the fact that they could now find that-- and something more-- within each other was nothing short of terrifying. from the bitter jealousy snaking up his spine, to the heady anticipation settling in his bones, he knew he needed to take a step back and breathe before he said or did something they would both regret the next day. when the bartender rushed over, jackson had to resist the strong urge to shoot daggers at the male, whose dark gaze was lingering on carmen’s face for just a minute too long. instead, he offered a contrite smile, tossing back the remnants of his drink and requesting another with a flick of his wrist. he knew needed to keep his thoughts occupied or this night would end before it really got started, which was why he didn’t protest when a fiery redhead he’d failed to notice when he walked through the doors sidled up to him at the bar. come to think of it, he’d only had eyes for one woman when he entered, but that was irrelevant in that moment. he decided to lightly chat her up for a short second, but he wished he would have refrained almost immediately. it became painfully clear the poor girl had about three brain cells, and there was nothing he could do to look past the ditzy comments-- no matter how big her tits were. he shut down her advances quickly and sent her on her way, only to mirror carmen’s position with his attention focused on the muted television behind the bar. “i was comparing her to you the entire time,” he spoke blandly, the honest words coming out as an aimless statement. an afterthought.. “did you really have to go and ruin me like that?” he teased playfully, finally turning his attention back to her profile as he attempted to lighten the mood with a subtle joke, despite the fact it held more truth than he would ever be willing to admit. 

[virghoe-sun]

For a study I’m doing: Tag your zodiac sign, your hogwarts house, and whether you’re a cat person or a dog person

[cwote]

In case nobody’s told you today, you’re worthy. You’re valid. I’m glad you exist

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

daphne allowed herself to stand there for a moment, rather to calm down then to stare at the photograph any longer. while his voice startled her, daphne was in such a shocked state that she didn’t even jump. okay, his words made sense, and he was using words in the past tense to describe her. “was.” daphne repeated, more so under her breath than directly to him. she chose to set the photograph back down in its place, immediately feeling guilty for snooping, even if she didn’t mean to. “i’m sorry.” daphne cleared her throat, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. she forced herself to look up at him, but instead of her big brown eyes being full of warmth they were now dull, confused. daphne didn’t see how someone could divorce a man like declan, seeing as though he was everything daphne could dream of - but then again, not everyone was daphne. she crossed her her small arms over her small chest, everything about her being small in the moment, not just physically. she had her questions, but daphne learned that declan was a man who took his time with his answers, and there weren’t really exceptions with that. “i- i didn’t know you’ve been divorced.” of course it was simply an assumption - death hadn’t come to mind. quickly wanting to change the subject, daphne looked back down to her feet, but she nudged her head towards the door. “i’ll be out there, okay? i’m sorry i’ve come into your room.” her heels turned her in the direction of the exit, and she found them carrying her outside of the bedroom. she had found herself constantly apologizing to declan, constantly afraid to upset him, but that’s just the way she was in general. 

declan’s deep blue gaze never once strayed from her face as the words began to fall heavy from his lips. his eyes were constantly on the move, desperately trying to read each and every emotion quickly flashing across her delicate features as the long seconds ticked on. he was far beyond curious to know what was running through her mind once his words trailed off, but he was having a hard time catching her eyes and uttering the questions aloud. one of the things he had grown so accustomed to when it came to daphne was the fact that she was always such an open book, so honest and real about her thoughts and feelings no matter what the situation was. it was an admirable trait she carried, and moments like these reminded him why he enjoyed her presence so much. as he stood across the room from her, he could feel the waves of confusion rolling off her shoulders, and he wanted so desperately to elaborate on his cryptic statements, but the words were hung in his throat. “was,” the single syllable slid past his lips and his head nodded in agreement without so much as a second thought. talking about violet was not something he did, nor was it something he enjoyed. it wasn’t a subject he had delved into in almost a year, and the cobwebs that littered that hollow part of his subconscious began to fall away and disintegrate with each passing second. the wounds were still fresh, the pain still strong enough to rip through his entire body just like it had on the day he lost her. there were so many things he wanted to say, so many words that needed to be said to clear the air as it thickened between them, but as he stood there, feet rooted to the floor, nothing coherent seemed to formulate in his mind. his lips merely opened and closed in quick succession as he tried to find a way to explain himself, but he merely succeeded in looking like a pitiful fish out of water. he was finally able to collect his thoughts when she began to move from the room, and he was hot on her heels, following her back into the living room to plead his case. “i’m not divorced,” declan spoke, clearing his throat as the words came out rough and scratchy, “i’m not divorced,” he tried again, swallowing heavily. “i’m widowed.” 

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

if there was anything brooks hated, it was definitely seeing lydia upset enough to poison her body, even if for a night. he wasn’t exactly sure what happened tonight, whether she had only had a terrible experience, or whether she was stood up, or maybe they both fit into one. his dark eyes scanned her face, going over her body worriedly. however, his worry could have easily been mistaken with anger. “lydia-” brooks began, clearly not wanting to play any type of games with her, especially not then. his attention went to the bartender upon his return, and brooks lifted his hand, eyes burning holes into the man’s forehead. “enough.” he practically barked. everyone knew brooks to be the protective type, especially when it came to those he loved dearly - his crew, his mother, his sisters, lydia. brooks wasted no time, arm wrapping around her waist and pulling her little body up and over his shoulder. everyone was quick to be out of his way, and he bid his friends goodbye with a single nod before he was out of the door. brooks set lydia down next to his motorcycle when he reached it. “just hold on to me tight, keep the helmet on, and please, for the love of god, don’t let go of me.” brooks grabbed onto his helmet and placed it onto her head for her, basically doing all of her mechanical duties for her, not giving her the choice. he lifted her and helped her mount the bike, only to take his place in front of her, taking a hold of her hands behind him and resting them on his stomach. brooks gave her small hands a squeeze, a silent reminder for her to hang on. this entire time he couldn’t really hear her if she spoke or protested, mostly because his mind was in a frenzy, on a mission. “please hold on.” his voice was almost a whisper, and a gush of air flew past them when he rode on.

the overprotective tone of his voice was enough to send lydia’s bloodshot blue eyes searching for the ceiling in what had to be the world’s most dramatic eye roll. in any other circumstance, she would have been incredibly appreciative of the fact that he was coming to her rescue yet again, but the liquid courage currently coursing through her veins was enough to bring out the anger she had been suppressing all night long. brooks was always treating her like some fragile little girl-- but in reality, she was the complete opposite. if anything, she felt as though she had quickly become a jaded skeptic about actually finding love, especially since she had been put through the emotional wringer over the course of the last few months. tonight was the first time in what felt like forever that she was numb to the heavy weight of self-pity that was constantly baring down on her scrawny little shoulders. taking a deep breath and tossing back the remaining contents of her glass, she wrinkled up her nose and shot him a pointed look. “brooks,” she repeated lowly, clearly mocking the tone of his voice as she spoke, unsteadily sliding from the barstool to stand in front of him. “hey! you’re not the boss--,” her words were suddenly caught in her throat as he so easily tossed her body over his shoulder, the entire world spinning on its axis as he carried her away from the bar. she hastily tugged down on the back of her dress, hoping she wasn’t giving the whole bar a show as they made their less than subtle exit. “dammit, brooks, put me down!” she drunkenly shouted, pounding a tiny fist against his back as they burst through the doors, the cool air kissing her exposed skin and causing the pure masculine scent radiating from his body to fill her senses. she couldn’t help but take note of how good he smelled, and she had to fight the urge to bury her nose in his leather jacket when he finally set her back down on her feet. “was that really-- necessary?” she stammered, pushing her soft curls away from her face and swatting at his hands as he began to, once again, take care of her. “you’re worse than my mother,” she grumbled when the helmet was firmly in place, not offering any help whatsoever when he set her on the back of the motorcycle. on instinct, her hands locked tightly around his abdomen, a soft squeal escaping her lips when they took off into the night. somewhere along the way, her fingers gripped onto his soft t-shirt, the cold wind whipping against her skin and coloring it bright pink. she could feel every rigid muscle in his body when she was pressed up against him like this, and she tried hard to ignore how strong her felt compared to her dainty frame. she credited all these rampant thoughts to the alcohol currently soaking in her brain, and when they made it safely back at their apartment, the empty feeling from being stood up earlier had returned. wordlessly, she dismounted the bike and began fumbling with all the latches on the helmet. unable to make any sort of progress, she gave up with a sigh. “help, please,” she mumbled quietly, dropping her hands down by her side as her spine slowly began to slouch in defeat. 

[aphrcditesx-blog]

jesving:

@aphrcditesx

ever since the night they had slept together, which had only been about two days ago, carmen just couldn’t seem to shake the feeling of his fingers on her skin. she had never thought a person to be so intoxicating, yet there jackson was, completely consuming her thoughts and her seemingly owning every god damn nerve in her body. carmen was perched on a bar stool then, waiting for jackson’s arrival. they had their usual spot after work where they went to drink a little, and went on to find their body for the night. whether it would be different or not now, carmen wasn’t sure. her blue eyes wandered the premises, men and women herded together in packs just trying to impress one another, take each other home. every man that attempted approaching her got the cold shoulder, her straw perched between her lips, the cool drink sliding down her throat every seconds passing in her wait for her - her best friend? it wasn’t hard to spot him when he arrived, and her whole body became electrified as soon as he had. carmen decided to turn away and act as if she hadn’t been looking, but what should have taken him about five seconds seemed to last over a minute, and carmen looked back in his direction out of curiosity; he was speaking to a woman, and she was lightly touching his arm and she was laughing and carmen’s face went red. so what? the woman huffed and turned in her seat once again, facing forward. she waited, whether patiently or not didn’t matter, but she waited regardless. it was when she felt his presence next to her that she spoke, but she didn’t speak kindly. “she looked like a fun time.” carmen stated, voice flat as she looked ahead of her and at the tv that displayed an image without a sound. she wasn’t planning on giving him the satisfaction of looking at him, but it was hard not to. however, the woman didn’t budge, only focused on the screen ahead and her drink.

it was completely and utterly repulsive just how strongly jackson was anticipating another routine evening at the bar with carmen. to any outsider, it seemed as though they were both back on the prowl after their night together, and even though he would never willingly admit it aloud, the thought of going home with anyone that wasn’t her left a bitter taste lingering in his mouth. sure he talked shit with the other residents about the flirty nurses who flashed their best bedroom eyes every time he walked by, but they were empty promises. carmen was the only woman occupying his thoughts, and her words ‘i’ll be your new drug of choice’ kept playing on repeat inside his brain. he had originally deemed the statement as a joke, but it was scary just how accurate they were proving to be. he craved her like a druggie craved another fix, and he was resisting the urge to with every fiber of his being. he assumed he just needed to get laid, needed a new pair of long legs wrapped around his hips while he forgot his own name in a state of postcoital euphoria-- at least, that was the line he kept feeding himself. he had been working a few long shifts at the hospital the last few days, and he was thankful that managed to keep his thoughts occupied considering he had yet to really analyze what had happened between the two of them. was he was purposefully avoiding that line of thought? it incredibly likely. he knew that if he stopped and dwelled on that night for long enough, vivid memories of how it felt to have her on her back writhing beneath him, or the way her skin felt against his own would flash unwelcome to the forefront of his mind, successfully distracting him from whatever it was he was occupied with in that moment. those unwarranted memories were also dangerous for the fact that he couldn’t possibly think of her with someone else without pure, unadulterated rage roaring like a blazing fire through his veins. he was never one to consider himself the jealous type, but a certain green-eyed monster was rearing it’s ugly head every time he envisioned carmen with anyone but himself. the desire to stake his claim was strong, but he actively resisted, recognizing deep down that she would never agree to something monogamous-- especially with him. when his final shift for the week came to an end, he was quick to change out of his scrubs and into his street clothes, hurrying to their usual bar, and unconsciously hoping she wasn’t alone for too long without him. he could feel her aura calling out to him as soon as he set foot through the doors, and the sight of her sitting by her lonesome was enough to send a wave of relief crashing through him. the idea that she had yet to find a prey to sink her claws into for the night was silently reassuring. an involuntary smile tugged up on the corners of his lips as he took a few steps in her direction, only to be stopped by a ghost of hookups past. a blonde who he thought to be named hannah-- or maybe it was holly, or haley-- placed a poorly manicured hand against his arm, stopping him in his tracks as a slew of drunken questions slid past her lips. he easily made up some story about why he had yet to call her back before dismissing her completely, heading straight for the bar like a man on a mission. dropping down onto the stool to her left, jackson barely had time to open his mouth before she was throwing terse words his way. he tried to ignore the way she seemed so uninterested in his presence, flagging down the bartender to order a drink as he turned to face her directly, “she was horrid in bed and called me three times a day for a week after we hooked up. she was not a fun time. not even a little bit.”