[archivesoftheself]

the nature between

sun-burn striped ocean beach

sun-tan blurring late summer

heart shape scrape dive boise

soft spoken glee at knee river watching.

a rock in the wrist

an ask; answered shuffled around the tounge with the burn of a lie i hadnt committed. shame of a scar to sit in my skin. shame to learn pain in gods house.

"turn my years into something worth living"

the forest will listen

and the river will carry a prayer;

"may my body continue to move through space and time. may i allow itself to heal. may i inhabit it once again. may i come back to me as steadily as i can."

amen.

josephine o'connor; september 2022

[bnmxfld]

“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting for the rest of our lives.”

— Lemony Snicket

[quotemadness]

“Please don’t expect me to always be good and kind and loving. There are times when I will be cold and thoughtless and hard to understand.”

— Sylvia Plath

[archivesoftheself]

YALE-BROWN OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE SCALE

my rot is decaying in this humid studio apartment cooking and pulsing flies evidence of my unraveling as i was wiping away an everything bagel out of the folds of my bed (my stomach lining) i saw a piece of it on my thigh i squealed, seeing a leech there are bugs in my apartment spiders, dead things, alive things, neglected things, my things, her things, sophie's sacred spaces, my bed, my mind, my sense of reality my unraveling has become more aparent as of lately.

-- josephine ps. the ocd specialist and i went over some common fears and obsessions i want to cry just thinking about it

july 20th 2022