Back again, and it's to vent/gush more.
--CONTENT WARNING: Talking about anxiety, personal stuffs--
So, living with anxiety sucks. And I don't mean the "Oh, I'm so nervous", type of anxiety, but actual mental unwell-ness anxiety that can affect you socially, and when it gets at its worst, physically.
I made a post here a LONG time ago talking about how I was in tears from having to deal with things having to do with family issues and the like, stemming from non-acceptance and bigotry coming from some of the people that should have been there fgor me by all rights, and since then, I've done everything in my power to move past all the negativity.
Sometimes, though, you just CAN'T. No matter what you do, you just CAN'T push past all the terrible thoughts telling you that you're lesser for feeling the way that you feel, and in those cases, depending on how severe it gets. no amount of introspection, no breathing techniques, or anything, are going to help you to calm down.
I'm talking those times where having someone to talk to that can and will be there for you through everything, that you can trust and confide in.
Some people have a support network of folks they can trust like that, and others keep that number low. Some only have one person they feel who they can really trust fall onto. For YEARS, I've felt like I don't really have that kind of person in my life.
And, that's not to say that I feel like I can't confide in my closest friends, but there are times where people with anxiety issues and the like are so deep in the darkest corners of their own mind that even THINKING about going to those people with whatever's ailing them is doing nothing but bothering or inconveniencing them in some way, and things can get harder on them mentally than others around them could ever imagine.
I've been in those dark places before. I was HEADED there earlier today. But my girlfriend, Aoi, came around when she got online and offered me her shoulder until I was genuinely feeling better.
I can't stress enough how much I love and adore that girl.
I've thought at various points in my life that I'd just be dealing with nonsense from people for forever, that there wouldn't ever be a person "for me", as the saying goes.
Aoi makes me feel like I may have been wrong. I'm not wrong often, and usually, when I am, it's about bad things happening. But this is one time where I hope I'm wrong, and that Aoi and I can be happy together for as long as we live.
I likewise do everything in my power to comfort her when she needs it, and I hear out her issues, and do all I can to get her smiling and happy again. I'll ALWAYS be there when I can be, no questions asked, and I want her to see that, and trust in it.
I hope it's enough, and that I can express to her how much she means to me, and how much I love her, dearly.
