Father tell me, we get what we deserve,
Oh we get what we deserve,
And way down we go,
Way down we go.
It took no longer than one minute for Ariana to press disconnect on her phone and shove it into her jacket pocket. It took five seconds for her to make her way across the small hotel room to Raina, who was sleeping soundly, still clutching a half drank bottle of wine with a soft smile on her lips - no doubt dreaming of the drunken and very soppy heart to heart her Ariana had before she had passed out.
It took her five minutes to pry the bottle from her sisters hand, placing it on the side along with a note she had scribbled messily on a takeaway napkin. She spared a glance to her sister and took a moment to think of Nathan, she wondered how many times he had done this for her in the past. It had taken her a minute and a half to make her way out of the door, only turning once to lock it before breaking into a sprint. Ariana’s heart thudded against her chest as she ran. She silently thanked Sir Jake Hudson for his training, despite her past self’s objections to it at the time. Ariana ran until her feet went numb, slowing only slightly when she realised it was raining - only because it became uncomfortable to run in dampened clothing. Had it been raining all this time? She couldn’t tell.
In a moment of what she would later call weakness, Ariana finally came to a stop and let out a breath that she hadn’t realised she had been holding. She squinted through her hazy vision and allowed another breath to escape her swollen lips, only this was a breath of relief. The sign which she could barely see but recognised enough was confirmation for her that she was where she needed to be. Where Ariana always found herself running to when the familiar ringtone echoed around whichever empty room she found herself in at the time. Pausing for a moment, she permitted herself to catch her breath. Ariana raised one shaky hand to push her damp hair from her face, sighing softly as fresh drops of rain fell on her face.
Deciding that she had stood there for long enough, she forced her feet into motion - walking far slower than she wanted to. Her numb hands pushed against the door as she silently walked through and pursed her lips. Ariana knew where she was going and it took her feet no longer than a minute to reach the front desk. A blonde with a large smile and faded pink scrubs turned to her cheerily accompanied with a “Hey there! How can I help you?”.
Ariana tried to smile back but instead settled for a grimace, nodding her head slightly in greeting towards the receptionist. Her brown eyes scanned the woman in front of her, pausing on her name tag long enough to learn she was talking to Shirley. In return, Shirley seemed to be observing Ariana too, her lips tightening at the rigid posture, damp hair and tired eyes. “I’m looking for—” she began, only to be cut off from a voice that she hadn’t heard in over a month.
“Ari.” She turned to face her elder brother, he looked just as tired as her. Was it his idea to get the hospital to call her? No, that couldn’t be - they would have called her because she was her mother’s emergency contact and next of kin on any record they had. It was changed when Ariana turned eighteen. So that must have meant Nathan was actually there when - whatever had happened - happened. Ariana realised she had been too still and too quiet, sighing internally she lifted her head a little higher and finally addressed him. “Nate.”
It wasn’t the best as conversation starters go, especially considering the circumstances, but Ariana and Nathan had always interacted differently to most siblings. He sighed, almost irritated at the small talk and shook his head. In return, Ariana rolled her eyes, ignoring the curious look from Shirley.
“You need to follow me.” Nathan finally said, though his voice was thick with a emotion Ariana couldn’t identify at the time. Usually, there would have been questions rolling off her tongue only stopping to breath before continuing to push her brother further out of his comfort zone.
Instead, Ariana obliged silently. Nodding her head in agreement, she followed as Nathan turned and began to walk down a corridor. She couldn’t tell if the numbness in her chest was due to the previous alcohol consumption or nerves. Though, she felt stone cold sober as she paced behind Nathan. She took note of the slump in his shoulders as he guided along further until they reached a door.
Nathan stopped abruptly causing Ariana to come to a halt - had she not been paying attention to him intently, they both would have collided with the floor. Before, she would have cussed and made a fuss. Instead, she waited until he turned to face her. Flickering her gaze to the door beside him, all Ariana could see was the foot of a bed. She listened for a moment, hearing the faint rush of people in the hospital around her. When she listened closer, Ariana could almost, very barely, hear quiet sounds of machines coming from the room beside the two siblings.
“Nathan–” Ariana began, but quickly trailed off, afraid of what answer any of her questions may receive if she inquired further. For the first time in a long time she really looked at her brother. Taking note of the crease in his forehead and the scar on his lip, moving to the stains on his white shirt. For one fleeting moment, Ariana’s heart stopped and her mouth became dry. Blood stains on his shirt captured her gaze and she all but failed to look away from them. Two heavy hands rested on her shoulders, somehow giving her strength to pull her gaze and look up at her brother.
“Relapse.” Nathan muttered coldly, although the emotion his tone conveyed did not meet his eyes. Ariana would have sighed, allowing her darkest thoughts and doubts regarding her mother and her habits to leave her mouth freely and without conviction. However, if there was anyone who somewhat scraped the surface when it came to knowing Nathan, it was Ariana. And she knew all too well that the look in her brothers eyes was never good. In fact, it was the same look her gave her when she threw his pet rock out of the window. Or the first time she found her mother in a comatose state. She remembered that moment so clearly because sadly soon after it became a common occurrence, despite Nathan’s best efforts.
Ariana never put the blame on him though, for it wasn’t his weight to carry on his shoulders, but he did so anyway. She had always been a burden - on her mother, her brother, especially her brother. Though Nathan never expressed as much, it became apparent very early on in her life. Whether it would be selling drugs to make ends meet at sixteen or peeling his mother from the floor at 4am so Ariana wouldn’t see her at 6am when she would awake for school.
Ariana could feel the darker thoughts creeping up her throat at the memories - neither one of them deserved the hands they was dealt, and they both know who the dealer was. Mom. Ariana broke from her thoughts as the words echoed throughout her brain.
Mom. Relapse. Burden.
“Is she dead?” She asked, almost too quickly, disturbing the comfortable silence the siblings found themselves in. Nathan jolted, breaking from his own trail of thoughts, dropping his hands from her shoulders in what seemed to be minor shock. “No,” Nathan replied, looking into the room before looking back at Ariana. He almost seemed fearful of her response, as he continued to speak. “Not yet.”
Ariana thought of Raina, who was no doubt still very much sleeping soundly in the room she had left her in, unaware of what was occurring. Maybe it was for the best. Nathan seemed to have been on the same trail of thoughts as Ariana because he looked at her and dug his hands on his pockets almost sheepishly. “Raina doesn’t need to be here - as much as I don’t want to deny her right to say goodbye,” Nathan paused, gritting his teeth in what seemed to be frustration. “There isn’t much to say goodbye too.” He finished, observing Ariana closely before raising his hand and pushing the door open slowly. Ariana understood, she needed to see for herself, she wasn’t the burden anymore. Instead, they both shared this one, carrying it in sync on both of their shoulders.
Mom.
All it took was four steps for her to reach the foot of the bed and look at her mom - or at least a shadow of her mother. Ariana heard a gasp and it took her a moment to realise it was her own. Her hand found her mouth and wavered slightly. Ariana had seen her mother in more than one kind of state - but her mother always seemed very much alive in each one. The woman Ariana was looking at was frail, aged far too much for her years and skin paler than a sheet of paper.
Ariana wondered for a moment if this was how others felt when they saw her in a coma - again, she thought of Nathan. She felt such a shame be placed upon herself that she almost fell to her knees at what she had put him through. Ariana was almost overcome with the need to apologise to him, countless of times until she lost her voice. Ariana understood now, what that emotion was that Nathan had portrayed earlier. It was fear.
Ariana was scared because she had never been in this position before. She was scared because that was her mom. She was scared because if this was her mother alive, Ariana didn’t want to see her lifeless. Ariana Meyer, for the few times in her life, was afraid. So much so that she closed her eyes unintentionally and absentmindedly reached out for her brother, again burdening him when he obliged and clutched on to her, allowing her to rest her weight on him.
Countless of thoughts scrambled through her mind at such a speed that it made her wince, though she fought internally to keep her face as composed as possible. She would process this later - alone, somewhere. For now, Ariana needed to keep a firm grasp on her emotions despite the lump forming in her throat. Her eyes chanced a glance at her mom, the lump feeling much thicker than before. Try as she might, no words managed to fall from her lips. Ariana didn’t know what to say or do, instead she turned to her brother. ‘’Are you alright?’’
She regretted the words as soon as they left her mouth and cringed internally. What a dumb question, Ariana - she thought. Nathan must have thought so too because, in true Nathan fashion, he laughed. It wasn’t bitter or mocking - a genuine laugh, as if he found Ariana’s question hilarious. She raised her eyebrow questionably, attempting to understand the joke.
‘‘I’m fine, Ari. Just peachy - really.’‘ He replied after composing himself, though a small quirk remained on his lips. Ariana should have expected this, every one had their breaking point. ‘‘Came to check on you and Raina. Found her laying in a pool of her own blood.’‘ Nathan explained, not bothering to look at Ariana to see her reaction as he continued. ‘‘Injection gone wrong, I s’pose.’‘
He was trying to get a reaction out of her. Ariana wasn’t stupid, she knew her brother. He needed to vent, to let out fifteen years or more of frustration. So instead of biting back and retorting, she let out a long sigh and folded her arms. ‘’If it counts for anything, I’m sorry.’’ Ariana spoke in a whisper, daring to look at her brother in the eye.
‘‘Why didn’t you tell me you two had left to go - what did the postcard say?’‘ Nathan asked, pretending to scratch his head in thought. ‘‘Travelling. Yeah, that was it.’‘ He questioned, jaw clenching as he stared at Ariana, refusing to waver. ‘‘She was bad, Nathan. Worse than before. She was never home and when she was, well - she wasn’t ever alone.’‘ Ariana snapped back before folding her arms. ‘‘We never received nor expected a post card from you when you wasn’t there.’‘ She added, thought she scolded herself for being so cruel. ‘‘What, seventeen years wasn’t enough?‘’ Nathan retorted coldly, shrugging his shoulders when Ariana turned to look at him.
It was strange to look at him like this, as she had always remembered fourteen year old Nathan who helped her climb trees, taught her how to fight and ride a bike. Ariana knew there was more to Nathan than just her and his sacrifices yet she didn’t know much about what he went through when she wasn’t concerned. That hurt her, though she was more angry at herself than anything else. Of course, they respected each others spaces but Nathan did more so than Ariana. Only involving himself when he deemed necessary. And how does she return the favour? By continuing to act like his kid sister. Only she wasn’t a child anymore, it was time to put those childish notions to sleep.
‘‘You’re right. I’m sorry.’‘ Ariana finally spoke, once again breaking the silence. ‘‘I don’t want to argue with you Nathan, I agree - you deserved, deserve, better. And I’m sorry.’’ She finished, though curious to see his reaction, she turned, allowing him privacy to process her words. Or maybe it was because she was afraid of his reaction. She heard footsteps begin to move closer to her before Nathan came into view, standing in front of her. They were both now at the foot of bed, standing opposite eachother.
Nathan sighed and ran his hand through his messy hair before looking down at her again. ‘’I didn’t mean that –’’ He began, but she raised a hand to cut him off. ‘’Yes, you did. I know you didn’t mean it like that, but it’s the truth, regardless. And it’s okay. I agree.’’ Ariana finished, looking at him as she shrugged her shoulders lightly - as if she had merely proven a fact regarding a minor issue.
After a few moments of silence between the two, Nathan pursed his lips as his brow furrowed. The sound of machines and breathing was all to be heard as they both found themselves falling back into the silence they had become accustomed to. True to her nature, Ariana began to become impatient with the quiet atmosphere that surrounded them.
‘‘What now?’‘ She asked, seeing him turn alongside her in the corner of her eye. ‘‘They said it’s the machines that are, uh, keeping her – alive.’‘ Nathan replied, the thickness returning in his voice. Before any of them could say another word the door swung open, crashing loudly as someone rushed into the room.
‘‘Raina.’‘ Nathan spoke with a inaudible gasp, moving forward towards her. Her sister turned to face the both of them, with eyes shining with tears that threatened to fall. ‘‘You should have called me - or woke me - or at least had the decency to leave more than a lousy napkin!’‘ Raina spoke abruptly through gritted teeth, pulling the crunched up napkin from her pocket and throwing it in Ariana’s direction. It fell softly open on the floor at her feet, faint scribbles showing the words –
‘‘It’s mom - be back soon x
Ari.’’
Hurt mixed with fury flashed through her sisters eyes as she glared at her, Raina’s lips were trembling and Ariana could see that she was fighting back the words that wanted to leave her mouth. Tension clouded the air as the three siblings stared back and forth at one another, neither of them wanting to break the silence.
Finally, Nathan sighed and shifted his weight as he looked at both of his sisters. ‘’She’s dying, Raina.’’ He stated simply, somehow forgetting to sugar coat the situation. ‘’Natha—’’ Ariana began to scold, but was cut off by Raina shaking her head in her direction before turning to Nathan. ‘’I thought she was getting better?’’ Her sister questioned, lowering her head as her brother sighed to himself. ‘’We all did, apparently.’’ Nathan spoke, his gaze shifting to their mother.
‘‘What do we do? How do we —’‘ Raina began, looking at the both of them desperately, as if she was willing for one of them to come up with a solution to save her. Whilst Raina was aware of her mother’s habits, she was naive and was sheltered from majority of it. Out of the three, Raina held the most hope for their mother’s recovery. It made it all the more heartbreaking to see her convince herself that her mom could be saved, only to crumble when realisation dawned on her at the look of her siblings faces.
‘‘We can’t save her.’‘ Ariana replied, jutting her jaw at the thought of what was to come. The numbness in her chest had grown since she first stepped into the building, it now felt like a heavy rock had replaced the space where her heart should have occupied. ‘‘You need to say goodbye.’‘ She heard Nathan speak, turning to him only to realise he was looking at Raina, who now how had tears falling down her cheeks.
As if the universe had been listening to their conversation, the machines which held her mothers life started to beep loudly, causing all three of them to jolt in alarm. Ariana, in a moment of panic, continued to look at Nathan - who was now reaching for Raina. Rushing forward, she felt her sisters weight fall on to her own. Nathan paused, his arms in the air hovering cautiously in front of his sisters, as if to prepare himself to catch them if they happened to fall forward.
Raina’s weight shifted forward in Ariana’s arms as she moved towards the bed, her hand clasping her mothers. A sharp pain hit her chest, breaking through the numbness as she noticed the limpness of her mothers body. Her mouth was open in shock as numerous people flooded through the room, somehow shifting Raina from the bed without Ariana noticing until she had heard Nathan shout out in resistance.
Before she could process it, she found herself outside the room, still holding a sobbing Raina in her arms. Rushed voices and loud noises were heard from the room, causing Ariana to look up as Nathan was finally being moved from the room, his eyes wild with fury and realisation. The ringing of the machine still rang through her ears as she clasped her sister closer to her.
All in one moment, it stopped. The ringing, Raina’s sobbing, Nathan’s cursing. As soon as the machine went silent, so did the three standing outside of the room. The only sound to be heard was the doctor inside of the room, his voice somehow having the ability to pause time itself so all was to be heard for the three siblings was his voice —
‘‘Time of death – 6:09 am.’‘
As Raina dropped to her knees, Ariana followed involuntarily as she was still cradling her sister in her arms. Nathan followed, his arms locking them all in a tight embrace. They all shook with the vibrations of Raina sobbing who had her face buried in Nathan’s shoulder. The trio continued to embrace each other for longer than they cared to admit, only separating to receive confirmation from the doctor that their assumptions were true. Their mother was dead. They had always been orphan’s really but it hurt nevertheless. They all knew, in that moment, from them on they would only ever have each other. And none of them have taken that for granted since.
Stephen? Like are all my siblings so caring then? It’s okay, as much as I dislike her I don’t really want to have her head ripped off. Thanks for the offer though.
Stephen is.. Stephen’s like me. But a male. And sometimes, only sometimes, scarier. Family is family, he sees it how I see it. Well, if you insist. I’m here if you need anything.
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